03x24 - Carry On, Nurse Fred

[bunniefuu]

Stop! You got my baby!

[siren wailing]

All right, buster. Pull over.

Officer, you got to help me. It's my baby.

Oh, it's you again.

Don't tell me. Let me guess.

You've got to get the baby to the hospital, right?

Wrong.

I got to get her from the laundry.

Hey, you, come back here!

Help! Police!

[screeches]

Yabba-dabba-doo!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern Stone Age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Let's ride with the family down the street Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones ♪

♪ Have a yabba-dabba-doo time, A dabba-doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

[cooing]

Oh, you precious darling.

Isn't she pretty, Betty?

Beautiful, Wilma.

She sure takes after her mommy.

She takes after her daddy a little too. Listen.

[snoring]

Fred's waiting outside, Wilma.

You ready to go home?

Can't wait. Let's go.

And speaking of Big Daddy, Betty, was Fred home when the nurse got there?

No. He was out buying cigars. So I let her in.

What did you think of her?

Well, she seems fine and looks very capable.

But you should've seen Barney's reaction.

All she said was four words to him, and he clicked his heels, threw her a military salute, and marched out in a huff.

Oh, dear. What were the four words?

"Wash your hands immediately." Uh-oh.

Those sound like fighting words for Fred.

Not anymore, Wilma.

Since Fred became a father, he's a new man.

Relaxed, calm, perfectly under control.

It's amazing. You'd hardly know him, Wilma.

[Wilma] I'd know him.

Wilma.

What took so long? I've been worried sick. Are you okay, sweetheart?

Is everything all right? How is Pebbles? What did the doctor say?

Fred, take it easy.

Well, bye, Wilma. I've got some shopping to do.

Yeah. Thanks, Betty.

Bye, Fred. Bet, byebie. Bye, Betty.

So I've been reading this childcare book, and you know what Dr. Rock says, Wilma?

[honks] Um, excuse me, Fred.

But I think that car behind us wants us to go a little faster.

That is his problem.

Dr. Rock says speed causes tension and tension causes a nervous child.

[honking continues]

I am going to remain calm.

And if that guy thinks he can make my child nervous, he's cuckoo.

[horns honking]

Quiet back there! You'll wake my baby!

Fred, please don't get mad.

Tension causes...

Anyway, Wilma, Dr. Rock says that parents of today worry too much.

They are overprotective.

Well, we are not going to be like that.

[horn honking]

Don't you think we should drive a little faster?

Now, calm down, calm down, sweetheart.

This is your first baby. Naturally, you're nervous. Just relax.

Oh, brother.

[cooing and fussing]

What did you say, Wilma?

Nothing, Fred. I'm just sitting here relaxed.

[crying]

I didn't hear you, dear.

I didn't say anything. It was...

[Pebbles crying]

Wilma, that wasn't you. That was the baby.

I know, Fred. [crying continues]

Fred, what are you doing?

I'm going back to the hospital, Wilma. Something's wrong with the baby.

Hold on, Pebbles. Daddy will get help.

Let's hope so. Daddy's the one who needs it.

[siren wailing]

Fred, there's an... Yeah, yeah, I know.

[officer] All right, Speedy.

Say, that was a pretty neat 70 you were doing there.

How'd you like to try for 90 in jail?

Please, officer, you don't understand. It's my baby. I'm rushing her to the hospital.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Say, you know, I got six of my own.

[crying continues] Hm. Say, cute little monkey.

Oh, thank you, officer.

She just looks hungry to me.

Will you two stop gabbing and let's get to the hospital.

Can't you hear her crying? Don't you understand? She's...

She's...

She's not crying.

What's wrong? Why did she stop?

Because she's having her dinner, Fred. She was hungry.

All that noise because she was hungry?

[Wilma] Ever hear yourself when your dinner's 10 minutes late, Fred?

Well, your first baby, huh?

His too.

[crying]

Come on. Follow me, folks. I'll get you home safe.

Thank you, officer.

Gee, it takes a while getting used to the first one, doesn't it?

Don't give it a thought, ma'am.

You'll find out that kids raise themselves.

But if I were you, I'd keep a close eye on his father.

Easy now, sweetheart. Take one step at a time.

Honestly, Fred, I'm not gonna break.

Welcome home, proud parents.

Why, Betty and Barney. What a nice surprise.

We know you have to rest, Wilma. So we won't stay long.

[Barney] Oh, we just wanted to bring Pebbles a little welcome-home present.

Just a few posies to Pebbles from her Uncle Barney.

Oh, Barn, you didn't have to do that.

Thank you, pal. Gee, they're really swell.

Here, here. Have a cigar.

Barney played poker with the florist last night.

And he won that thing?

Well, he had a choice.

It was either that one, "rest in peace" or "bon voyage, Sam and Stella."

[both laugh]

Yes, sir. Fred, you sure must be a happy man.

I sure am, Barney. A happy man and a lucky man.

A beautiful wife, a beautiful little daughter, and beautiful friends.

Life can be beautiful. Right, Fred?

Right. Peace and contentment.

That's what I got, perfect peace and contentment.

Okay, Smokey the Bear, let's have those cigars.

Huh?

Rule number one: No smoking in the same house with the baby.

Do I make myself clear?

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Rule number two: No flowers.

Anything that might come in contact with this baby must be sterilized.

Hey, now wait a minute. I stayed up all night winning those flowers.

This thing is crawling with germs. It's dirty.

Yuck! [Barney] I resent that.

Wilma, where did she come from?

She's the nurse, Fred. Mother sent her to take care of the baby and us.

Your mother sent her?

But, Wilma, she threw out Pebbles' flowers that Barney brought her.

She can't start taking over and insulting our friends.

Well, I'm here to do a job.

And that means we stick to the rules.

Oh, is that so?

Well, if those flowers have to go, I go.

Which brings us to Rule number three: No visitors.

Wilma, did you hear that? [Betty] Oh, that's all right, Fred.

It's time for us to go, anyway.

[Fred] Wilma, say something!

Bon voyage, Sam and Stella.

Good morning, sweetheart.

Good morning, Fred. Come in, dear.

And good morning to you, my beautiful, precious, little...

Mr. Flintstone, what have you got on that baby?

What? What? I don't know.

[nurse] Your germy hands, that's what.

You, Mr. Flintstone, are not antiseptic.

Oh, boy.

Put her down till I say different.

And that's rule number four.

Yes, nurse.

Look, Wilma, I don't wanna get you upset, but that woman is a nut.

Fred, it's just for a week. We have to have someone.

So we've got me, don't we? I'll get a week off from work.

But, Fred... I know what you're gonna say.

I don't know anything about all of this, right?

Right.

Has that ever stopped me from being an expert before?

No, Fred. And that's what I'm afraid of.

Now then, Mr. Flintstone, we'll just fix it so you can have a nice visit with your daughter.

Now listen, Miss whatever-your-name-is. I'll visit my daughter anytime I...

Hey, what's the big idea?

Now you're ready for your visit, Mr. Flintstone.

Wilma!

Go ahead, Fred.

Oh, all right.

Hello, sweetheart. Your daddy's come to play with you.

[wailing]

That's enough, Mr. Flintstone. You went and frightened her.

Out!

Aw, did big bad man frighten Pebbles?

That does it. I'm getting out of here.

How do you get this thing off?

I'm gonna go over and get Barney to help me.

Hiya, Dino-boy. Come on, let's take a walk over to Barney's.

[yelps] Dino, don't you know me either?

I'd better get this thing off fast.

Goodbye, Barney. I'll be home before lunch.

[screams] It's me, Betty. Fred.

Honestly, Fred, aren't you a little late for Halloween jokes?

Ha, ha.

Barney, you've got a little friend out here playing trick or treat.

Why, it's Dr. Ben Masey.

Hey, I've seen you on TV.

Hey, listen, doc, I got this sh**ting pain in my shoulder, see?

[laughing] Ha-ha-ha.

Look, I'll give you a sh**ting pain in your head if you don't cut the comedy.

Now get me out of this thing. Sure, Fred.

Hey, what's up? What's up?

Any more interference from that domineering, loudmouth female brontosaurus, and she'll be what's up. Blam. Right into space.

Oh, Wilma's mother's back? Of course not.

I'm talking about that antiseptic refugee from the psycho ward.

The nurse, Miss Frightenshale.

Is that nurse still there? You haven't fired her yet?

Not yet. No, I got some homework to do first.

Huh?

Did I leave that Dr. Rock baby book over here, Barney?

Yeah, Fred. Here it is.

Ah, yeah. "Chapter 1: Feeding the Infant."

Okay, buddy-boy, let's get to work.

Well, I don't get it, Fred. You will. Come here.

But, Fred, suppose someone walks in?

Shut up and drink, Barney.

I got to see if I'm doing this right.

Now, let's see. "Head elevated, back supported, bottle tipped so milk flows freely."

Is the milk flowing freely, Barney?

I'll say.

"Relaxed attitude important."

Okay.

"Good time for affectionate play."

[cooing]

Come on, Fred. Cut it out.

Quit it.

Let's see now.

We covered feeding, formula, and bottle sterilizing, which brings us to Chapter 4.

Well, if it's what I think it is, Fred, you'd better get yourself another boy.

Barney, you can't run out on me now.

Friendship is one thing, Fred, but when it comes to changing diapers, I draw the line.

Okay, okay. Just read me the instructions.

Here, Dino. Here, Dino. Come on, boy.

[whistling] [yapping]

All right, Dino-boy. Be a good dog and act like a baby, will you, please?

[crying]

Good boy, Dino.

All right, Barney, what does the book say now?

It says, "Fold one-third of one end over."

Huh? One-third of which end over what?

Oh, I'm sorry, Fred. I did not write this book.

All right, never mind. Go on. I got it.

Oh, I can't, Fred. The next page is missing.

Looks like you're on your own. [laughs]

[yapping]

Go ahead, Fred. You'll never have a better opportunity.

Yeah.

Hold it, Dino. Hold still.

Congratulations, Fred, old buddy. You did it.

That's just the way it looks in the book.

[humming]

[Wilma] Fred.

Oh, good morning, sweetheart. Did little mother sleep well last night?

Fred, Miss Frightenshale just told me that you...

Excuse me a moment, sweetheart.

Fred. According to Dr. Rock, overlong delay in a baby's feeding schedule may cause great feelings of anxiety.

[Pebbles crying]

Dada's coming, Pebbles.

Dada Flintstone, just a minute. Now, you listen to me.

No, baby, mommy's not mad at dada.

Care to place a small wager?

Mommy just talks funny like that sometimes, but we always count to 20 before we lose our temper.

Don't we, Mommy?

One, two, four, eight, sixteen...

Rule number five: I never stay where I'm not wanted.

Goodbye.

Miss Frightenshale, I wish you would reconsider this.

Too late. Been fired. Goodbye.

Good luck. You'll need it.

Wave bye-bye to the nice old battle-ax.

Nice lady, Pebbles.

All right, Fred. Let's get one thing straight. You fired the nurse.

Therefore, you have assumed complete responsibility around here. Right?

Of course, Wilma. Sheesh.

So, what's the big deal?

The big deal is you do everything. I'm going back to bed.

Go right ahead, sweetheart. Everything is under control.

Don't forget to make the new formula.

Don't worry, Wilma. I got a daily schedule all figured out.

Listen. "Seven a.m., wake up, 7:30, Wilma's breakfast.

Eight o'clock, feed Pebbles, 8:30, wash the dishes.

Nine o'clock, make new formula, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera."

That, my dear, is called organization.

Amazing.

Uh, check the time, Wilma. You will discover it is now 9:00.

And as per schedule, I'm about to make the new formula.

Better recheck your schedule, Fred.

Huh? You will discover that it is now 9:00.

And as per schedule, you're a half-hour late doing the dishes.

Have a nice day, dear.

Now, how did I get off my schedule?

I'd better get busy with those dishes.

Hello, Betty? Wilma.

I'm fine, but stand by for an emergency, will you?

Oh, sure, Wilma. What's wrong?

[Wilma yelling indistinctly] Fred fired the nurse?

[Wilma speaking indistinctly] He's taking her place?

Oh, no.

[humming]

Yeah. [Betty] How's he doing?

[dishes clattering]

[Pebbles crying]

Hold on, Pebbles. Dada's coming.

Emergency squad just went into action, Betty.

I'll keep you posted from time to time.

♪ Rock-a-bye, baby, in the treetop ♪

♪ When the wind blows, the cradle will rock ♪

♪ When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall ♪

♪ And down will come baby... ♪

[snoring]

[wailing]

Fred! [stammering] Huh?

Oh. Oh, yeah.

♪ Rock-a-bye, baby, on the tree top ♪

♪ When the wind blows, the cradle will rock When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall ♪

♪ And down will come baby, and cradle and all ♪

[Fred snoring]

[Pebbles crying]

[groans] Call Miss Frightenshale. Pebbles is crying.

She's gone, Fred.

No, she's not gone. I can hear her crying.

Call the nurse, Wilma. I wanna sleep.

You fired the nurse, Fred.

Okay. All right.

You go back to sleep, Wilma. I'll take care of Pebbles.

Okay, you're the doctor. I mean, nurse.

Wilma, does this crying go on every night?

Of course.

Didn't you put a 2:00 feeding on your schedule?

Why, no, I...

Two o'clock, every night?

[crying continues] Every night, Fred.

For weeks and weeks and weeks.

Oh, boy.

Good morning, Fred. Hope you slept well.

Good morning, Wilma.

Here's your breakfast.

Goodness. What luxury. You're spoiling me.

Yeah. Well, you just stay in here now.

And don't go in the kitchen. I got a lot of things to do.

Oh? Something wrong, Fred?

Are you off your schedule already?

I gotta make another one.

Surely you couldn't have made a mistake? What's the matter?

When I made out the daily schedule, I forgot about the night.

So I included time for sleeping, that's what.

Yes, Betty, today may be the day.

Poor Fred is definitely cracking up.

What happened?

In the first place, he was up half the night walking the baby.

And this morning's breakfast menu features fruit juice, fried eggs, burned toast, and a stack of diapers.

I better get this formula started.

What's next?

Oh! "Put the laundry out for pickup at 10:00."

The laundry truck will be here pretty soon.

Let's see, now.

Oh, forgot to wash the dishes.

They sure pile up fast.

[Pebbles crying]

Pebbles, I'm coming. I'm coming.

Just a second, Betty.

The emergency squad again. Hold the phone, Betty.

Forgot Pebbles' bottle.

Yeah, Betty, I'll keep the line open. [crying continues]

Be right there, sweetheart.

Here's dada.

It'll be a miracle if he keeps up that schedule.

It already is a miracle that he's still on his feet. [laughs]

Now, where was I?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. "Hang out the wash."

Oh! Forgot the dishes again.

I'll do these later. I better hang out the washing now.

I'll put you down here for a minute, Pebbles. Don't go away. I'll be right back.

Diapering, feeding, sterilizing.

Oh, boy, am I beat.

I could sleep for a week.

I don't know, Betty, I better take a look.

It got so quiet. I'll call you back.

Look at this place. What a mess.

I better find Fred.

Fred? Where are you?

[cooing]

Pebbles, what are you doing here?

[groans] That man of mine.

Oh, well, come on, precious.

Let's go take a nap with mommy.

[humming]

[snoring] Anything else, Mr. Flintstone?

Huh? What? Any more laundry?

Oh, no, no, no. No more laundry.

I thought with the new baby, you might have more.

Now, so long.

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. So long, so long.

Laundry?

Pebbles! My baby!

Hey, wait! Stop! My baby's in that laundry!

I better get the car.

Stop! You got my baby!

[siren wailing]

All right, buster. Pull over.

Officer, you got to help me. It's my baby.

Oh, it's you again.

Don't tell me. Let me guess.

You've got to get the baby to the hospital, right?

Wrong.

I got to get her from the laundry.

Hey, you, come back here!

Help! Police!

Here's another load, Mr. Rockenheimer.

Good, good. You're just in time.

Dump the load in machine number three. Yes, Mr. Rockenheimer.

Now, Mr. Rockenheimer?

Yes, now. [thuds]

Hey, what's that?

My baby. She's in the basket.

A baby in what basket?

I dumped it all in.

She's being washed now. Hold on, baby. Dada's coming.

Pebbles, where are you?

I'm terribly sorry about this, officer.

Fred didn't mean to steal your motorcycle.

What did you say he was chasing?

[officer] A laundry truck.

A laundry truck?

I hate to say this, but he is a sick man.

A laundry truck. Hm.

Oh, of course.

He left Pebbles on top of the laundry basket and thought the driver took her.

Oh, poor Fred.

It must be tough being a new father.

Lots of men are new fathers, but they don't go around stealing my motorcycle.

I know where Mr. Flintstone is, officer. I'll call him right away.

I've had six kids of my own, and I never stole anyone's motorcycle.

Besides, it doesn't look good on my report, losing my motorcycle.

I'm telling you, you kook. You won't find no baby in this laundry.

She's just got to be here somewhere.

Gee. What a head full of bugs.

[phone ringing] Hello? Yeah?

Oh, yeah, Mrs. Flintstone.

You got the baby? Oh, that's good.

Yeah, I'll tell him.

Hey, nut, your name Flintstone?

Yes.

Your wife called, and she told me to tell you the baby is home.

You've certainly been nice about this whole misunderstanding.

In fact, you've been so sweet, that if we ever have another baby, we're gonna call him Officer, after you.

Oh, thanks, lady, but if he ever has another baby, I'm getting transferred.

Good day, madam.

Okay, Wilma, let's have it.

Say I'm a bumbler. Tell me what you think of me.

All right, Fred.

I think Pebbles is entitled to hear the truth about her father.

Oh, hold it. Don't get carried away.

After all, Pebbles is a little young for that kind of language.

Fred, I think you are the... dearest, most considerate, wonderful, sweet bumbler in the whole world.

Oh, Wilma. You're the most...

I... I...

[sneezes]

Germ spreader.

[Fred] She's back. You're right. And you have a cold.

Rule number six: The baby will be quarantined from all contagious adults.

You're right. No argument. Anything for peace and quiet.

You and Pebbles go in your room, and I'll just lie down out here and...

Hey, wait a minute!

We'll just fix you up a nice corner in the garage where you and your germs can be alone.

Put me down!

I don't have any germs, and I don't wanna be alone!

Wilma!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern Stone Age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight Then that cat will stay out for the night ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones ♪

♪ Have a yabba-dabba-doo time, A dabba-doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪ Wilma!