02x02 - Claudia and the New Girl

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Baby-Sitters Club" Aired: July 3, 2020 - October 11, 2021.*
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Five middle-school friends decide to launch their very own babysitting business.
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02x02 - Claudia and the New Girl

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[upbeat music playing]

♪ One, two, three, go! ♪

[Claudia] "Art is an art,
but hospitality is a science."


That's a direct quote
from me, Claudia Kishi.


So when it was time to host

the first official BSC sleepover
of the school year,


I left nothing to chance.

I provided the yummiest
and most clearly labeled junk food.


I put out the snuggliest pillows.

And I generously opened my closet to those
who could use some fashion inspiration.


But one thing
I didn't account for was Kristy Thomas,


our beloved president and founder,
showing up with an agenda of her own.


♪ That's just the way we roll ♪

So, we have two new members,

and we need to integrate them properly

according to our individual
weaknesses and strengths

to harness our corporate synergy.

[sarcastically] Another corporation,
just what America needs.

These personality tests
will help maximize our growth potential

by helping us understand
what we can each bring to the table.

Watson uses them in his company.
He's "the Cheerleader."

"Do you pay quarterly taxes

or prefer to leave finalized numbers
until the end of the fiscal year?"

Should the club be paying taxes?
Do I need to look into this?

Not if we're a corporation.
We could hoard our profits

until we're bailed out
by the disappearing middle class.

[Kristy] Think about it this way.

Do you finish your homework right away
or wait till the last minute?

Oh, right away.

Done.

I know myself.

I don't.

I don't know how to answer
any of these questions.

I mean, would I tell a harmless lie
if I'd help land a client?

Would I return a stapler
if I accidentally took it home?

- Mallory, just be yourself.
- That's easy to say when you're you.

Done!

I need water. Does anyone want anything?

Hm. Interesting.

[Kristy] Ah.

I see.

What do you see? What is it? Tell us!

OMG. Claudia, did you know
you have a celebrity in your kitchen?

- What? Who?
- Ashley Wyeth!

Only the coolest girl
in all of Stoneybrook High.

No way! Doesn't she have,
like, five million followers?

Uh-huh.

And designers send her
free clothes to wear.

And her speech
at the New Haven March For Our Lives

went viral.

What's she doing at your house?

Who's Ashley Wyeth?

[Claudia] It's really her.

The coolest girl in Stoneybrook
eating strawberries out of my fridge.


Oh, hi!

You're Janine's sister, right?

[Claudia] Even her pajamas
are fashion-forward.


Ashley. We still have
chemical equations to balance

and three chapters to memorize
before Monday's test.

We're pulling an all-nighter.
AP classes are no joke. [chuckles]

Bye, it was nice meeting you.

[Claudia] So Miss Mensa
is helping her study.


Figures.

Now, how do I get her life?

The results are in.

First among equals, me.

"The Captain.
A born leader. Brave. Determined."

"Will never willingly leave her post."

Next up, Claudia.

My beloved veep.

"The Individualist.
Marches to the b*at of her own drum."

"Goes her own way,
and never follows the crowd."

Yep. Sounds about right.

Stacey is the Overachiever.

"Good at everything she sets her mind to.
Precise in actions and decisions."

She'll always solve any problem.

Yeah, that's me.

Mary Anne is the Philosopher.

"Contemplative, wise,
and at peace when deep in thought."

Namaste.

[giggles]

Dawn, you're the Revolutionary.

"Fearless and always looking to
make change for the better."

"Undeterred by conflict."

- You got that right!
- [giggling]

Jessi is the Warrior.

"Stoic, goal-oriented,

and always fueled
to put more wood behind the arrow."

Cool synergy!

We're unstoppable!

[giggling]

What's Mallory?

[Kristy] Right.

Mallory isn't anything.

Her results were inconclusive
because she left so many questions blank.

I didn't know what the right answers were.

There's no right or wrong.
That's the point.

Maybe you can try again later,
when there's more time.

Sorry. I wish I was an individualist,
like Claudia.

[Claudia] "If you want to be
an individualist,


you're probably not one,"
is what I almost said.


But then I remembered
Ashley Wyeth next door


and the essay she published in Teen Vogue
about the politics of radical empathy.

So I kept my mouth shut.

- But Mallory didn't.
-
Everything looks so pretty.

Almost too pretty to eat. What is it all?

- Waffles.
- [laughing]

Yeah, I... I know that,
but what is the other stuff?

Lychee,

passion fruit,

dragon fruit.

Dragon fruit.

That sounds so fancy.

Is that like a Japanese thing?

Actually, dragon fruit and passion fruit
are both indigenous to the Americas,

and lychees were first cultivated
in Guangdong Province

in Southeastern China in the th century.

[Claudia] Janine. Always able
to diffuse an awkward moment


with even more awkwardness.

And Ashley Wyeth, of course.

Hi, I'm Claudia. I saw you last night.

Sure. Uh, did you guys
have a fun night last night?

- [all] Yeah.
- [giggling]

Are you staying for the waffles?

Ah, I'm sorry. My ride is outside.

And I need to continue preparing
for our organic chemistry examination.

Goodbye.

- It was nice meeting you all. See ya!
- [all] Bye!

- She is so nice.
- Of course she is.

This isn't like an ' s movie.

Coolness and cruelty
are no longer synonymous.

[beeping]

This is app?

It's my new pump.

I just gave myself insulin,
so now I can have a little syrup.

Modern medicine.

Wonderful.

If could fix my brain to mouth.

Here, Mimi, have some berries.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

It's delicious. You're amazing, Mimi.
All the Kishis are amazing.

You guys are awesome. We're all awesome.
[giggles]

Take a deep breath. She means well.

Good morning, sleepyhead...

Oh, are you feeling okay?
You don't look too good.

There's no way I'm sick.

It's just allergies.

[sighs]

I'm fine!

I'm the Captain, remember?

[beeping]

[Liz] Kristy, you just have strep throat.

It's not the end of the world.
Watson's out getting you a bunch of stuff.

I just need you to sleep and rest
and get better, and I'm gonna take this.

I don't care about getting better.

I care about missing
a whole week of my life!

That's what the doctor said. A whole week?

Yeah. No school,
no softball, and no babysitting.

- [Kristy groans]
- You're gonna rest and get better.

[Claudia] Of course, Kristy didn't want
to get anyone else sick
, in theory,

but she wasn't about to let
the germs rob her of her power.


Mom, we are training new members.

As president...

As president,
you can delegate your duties.

Establish a chain of command.

I need my phone back.

- You can do that for five minutes.
- [Kristy] Yes!

Then you're taking a nap.

I have to make calls for...

[Liz] I'm gonna come back
and check on you.

I have the patient's medication.

They're just Tic Tacs.

Okay, okay.

Kristy... take this.

It's very serious.

And please take a nap.

- Fine.
- Okay?

Come on, Karen. She needs to rest.

[Claudia] One of the many things
I don't get about Kristy.


I'd do anything
for a reason to miss school,


do my own thing,

hang out with Mimi watching daytime TV,
and experimenting with papier-mâché.


But I guess that's why Kristy's
the Captain and I'm the Individualist.


[cell phone chimes]

Oh. Hey, Claudia.

Ooh.

I love your jacket.

[Claudia] OMG! Did Ashley Wyeth
just give me a compliment?


Thanks! Um, I actually
sewed the patches on myself.

A bunch of them are vintage.

I got them at this flea market
with my friend Dawn.

She's really into sustainable fashion.

Do you know Dawn? She was here
the other day with the waffles,

but I don't know why you would know that.

Yeah. DIY outerwear is the best.

Are you here
to study with my sister again?

No. That examination is complete.

Yeah. Now we just get to hang.

It was nice seeing you, Claud.

[Claudia] She called me Claud,
like we're friends!


But wait, now she can
just hang with my sister?


Are they friends? How?

All Janine talks about
are standardized tests, cryptocurrency,


and streamers on Twitch.

But confusing as this was,
I didn't have time to ponder,


because I was about to start
my first meeting as acting president


while Kristy is sick.

Okay, um...

Welcome, everyone.
Let's call today's meeting to order.

[Claudia] What is this? A coup?

Uh, Dawn, I was just about to do that.

Oh, well, as alternate officer,
it's literally my job description

to take over the duties
of any club officer who is absent,

so I'm acting president.

Well, I'm the vice president.

The vice president takes over

when the president
is unable to perform her duties.

It's in the Constitution. The actual one.

Um, Kristy called me and asked me
to take over until she gets back.

I don't think she wanted
to put pressure on you.

Yeah, totally, and thought I might be
more comfortable in a leadership role.

Oh, is that
because of the stupid personality test?

Just because I'm an individualist
doesn't mean I'm not a good leader.

Of course not, and we can
absolutely dialogue about that,

but for now, since I know
my time as president is limited,

I want to use this week wisely
and truly make a difference.

- Like Lady Jane Grey.
- Who?

We just learned about her
in social studies.

She was the Queen of England in  .

She was only
and used her nine-day reign

to usher in major reforms.

Then she was beheaded.

[phone ringing]

Hold that thought.

Baby-Sitters Club. This is Dawn.

Hi, Ms. Papadakis!

Okay, um...

Oh.

[Stacey] Are you okay?
You seem a little down.

It's just I...

I was really excited to be stepping up
this week and acting as president,

but no one takes me seriously.

I don't think that's true.

Your Kid Kits are the best,
and your room is our headquarters, and...

It's not the same as being the leader.

I mean, Kristy just went straight to Dawn.

Maybe Kristy just didn't know
how much this meant to you.

Maybe you need to show her
how serious you can be.

I'm listening.

What if you volunteer to take over
all of Kristy's babysitting jobs

for the rest of the week?
You can step up that way.

You really are the Overachiever,
circling back to solve problems.

And the good news is
you'll be watching Lucy Newton.

- Marshmallow!
- I love a squishy a baby.

- But what's the bad news?
- It's not bad news. It's just Mallory.

Kristy was supposed to
be training her this week.

I know how much she bugs you,

but look at it
as a chance to practice tolerance.

President Schafer would approve.

- Hey! Oh my gosh!
- [laughing, squealing]

- That's what you get. No.
- Stop it!

[Kristy] She wouldn't let me
call into the meeting. How was it?


Did people miss me?
How was Dawn? What happened?


Do you want me to answer one at a time?

Just tell the truth.

Did it all fall apart without me?

[scoffs]
No. The meeting was fine.

- I mean, Dawn has some ideas, but...
- Ideas? What ideas?

Uh, just about dues being fairer
and there would be a charity drive.

She wants charities to pay our dues?

I'm getting it mixed up.

Yeah. Whatever. Just send me the minutes.
I'll figure it out.

Aren't you supposed to be resting?
Eating Jell-O and bingeing fun TV?

Mary Anne, where are the minutes?

There are no minutes.

What do you mean, "There are no minutes"?

Dawn asked me not to take any.

Be more present in the moment.
Stand at the corner of here and now.


But you're the secretary!

[Liz] Kristy, rest. Now.

- [Kristy] Mom!
- Bye!


I'll Zoom you!

[sighs]

Okay, uh, Jamie's at soccer,

Lucy's napping.

She probably won't wake up until I'm back.

Uh, emergency contacts are on the fridge.

Claudia knows everything else.

I'm late. Bye!

I wanted to dress professional
for my first day.

I wish I dressed more like you.
Where do you get your clothes from?

Uh, different places.
Some of them I kind of make myself.

Maybe I should try that!

Although they probably
wouldn't come out as cool.

Okay. Uh, babysitting lesson number one.

You don't have to take notes.
This is supposed to be fun.

Okay, I'm sorry.

So for older kids,
you want to have activities planned.

Games, stuff in your Kid Kit.
But babies nap a lot,

so you want to plan for your downtime.

For example, I like
to take advantage of the quiet to sketch.

I'm creative too, you know.
I like to write.

I read this thing recently that said
all great literature is two stories.

A person goes on an adventure
or a person comes to town.

And I thought to myself,
"What if you did both things at once?"

But instead of a person, it's a horse,

and the horse gallops through town
to, like, the end of eternity.

Do you want to read some?

I could sit here while you do
and you could tell me what you think

or whatever.

[phone chimes]

It's a video from Mary Anne.

Greetings from the Papadakis house.

We are having the best time.

[Jessi] I love being trained by Mary Anne.

The Warrior and the Philosopher.
Like peanut butter and jelly.


Should we make a video
of us with the baby?

Well, that would be sweet,
but Lucy's sleeping.

Oh, of course.

Dumb idea.
[chuckles awkwardly]

Maybe I could do something else
to be helpful. Like the laundry.

Laundry is not really a part of our job.

I know! I'll do the dishes.

That's always a help
and you can't do them wrong.

[dishes crashing]

[baby crying]

[Claudia] So training session number one,
kind of a minor disaster.


And not the only one brewing.

[Dawn] Mm-hm.

- [woman] ...to the zoo on my birthday.
- Yeah. I hear you.

That would trigger me too.

But he's trying to push your buttons
and you need to be the strong one.

[woman] But what is being strong?

Is it telling them, "You can't go
to the zoo with your father"?


Or is it saying, "Go to the zoo,"
and just getting a massage?


[Dawn] Mm-hm.

It's been over minutes.

She's rewarding bad behavior.
It's textbook codependency.

[woman] ...been driving full time.
I'm just taking rideshare service...


Hi, Natalie.
Yeah, I need to free up the phone,

but I'll see you Thursday.

- [woman] Do you know where my keys are?
-
Okay. Bye.

[woman] Any idea where my...

Seriously?

I know. I'm sorry, but Natalie Barrett's
ex-husband took the kids

to a pumpkin patch
with his new girlfriend,

and it's hard to hang up the phone
on someone who's sobbing like that.

Dawn, I've been thinking about
your new dues idea

where we all pay a percentage
of our earnings instead of a fixed amount.

But then if I work more,
I'm covering for other people.

Oh, well, that's how
progressive taxation works.

Those who have more, give more.

And I can't work as much as you
since I can't sit as late and I ballet.

So when I pay the same amount,

it's a way bigger percentage
of my earnings.

How is that fair?

And if no one's paying dues
and we're still having meetings,

I'm paying for all the food on my own,
unless we don't want snacks.

- No, we definitely still need snacks.
- And another thing.

If we start paying a percentage
of our dues to charity,

who gets to pick the charity? You?

And will it be
the same charity every time?

- I don't think that's very fair.
- It should be different charities.

- The Trevor Project and JDRF...
- [Mary Anne] Black Lives Matter.

- Hi.
- [overlapping chatter]

Why did Kristy never Zoom in?

[Claudia] Our fearless leader,
finally getting some rest.


Meanwhile, I was still trying
to prove I was a team player,


if only to myself.

You think these work?
My mom calls them Hammer pants.

I think it's because
you could fit a hammer in them,

but I think I might look like
I have a poopy diaper.

[Lucy coos]

I brought my journal
so I can write this time.

Good thinking, but this time Lucy's awake.

[Lucy squeals]

I have this one story
that's like a post-apocalyptic adventure.

Darker than my usual stuff. Wanna read it?

Maybe later.

I could just put it in your bag.

- Can I go to the kitchen to make a snack?
- Sure.

Frozen pizza! Can I use the oven?

Can you tell me how to work it?
How do I use the timer?

Do I have to press a button twice? [gasps]

Maybe we should make cookies
after the pizza as a surprise.

Then we can play some board games
and I can show you my favorite stories.

[pitch rising] I bought this necklace kit
we can make. It's so cool.

My mom let me go to a craft store.

You can tell me how to make your favorite
outfits in the world because...

Mallory! I'm supposed to be training you,

but it feels
more like I'm babysitting you.

[sighs]

Mallory, I'm... I'm sorry.

I don't want to talk anymore.

[Claudia] And I always thought
Kristy was hard on the new girls.


At least she was being more independent.

An individualist like me.

Just like she wanted to be.

[cell phone buzzing]

Hey, girl. How's it going?

[Kristy] Mary Anne won't answer,

and she downplays everything
out of loyalty to Dawn,

so I'm calling you for the truth.

About what?

How it's going with the club?

Um, it's going great.

Really.

Oh.

So you don't need me?

I guess that's good.

I guess.

The meetings have been a complete mess.
Dawn is every parent's therapist,

she's trying to change the dues, and all
we do is argue over various nonprofits.

We're totally adrift, Kristy.
We need our captain.

[girls chattering in background]

I like your pants.

They're just normal pants.

You want some Skittles?

I hereby call this meeting to order.

Now, I've looked over the minutes
that Mary Anne was instructed not to take.

Mary Anne!

I'm sorry, okay? I had to.
They're important for record-keeping.

I tried to write
as much as I could remember.

No, and it's a good thing you did.

Because, I have to say, Dawn,

there's a lot I like
about your administration.

Really?

I mean, thanks.

I've read over your ideas,
and I would like to propose the following.

Everyone will pay a small
and manageable amount of dues

each week for club fees.

After that, dues will be
% of each individual sitter's earnings.

So, on good weeks you pay a little more
and bad weeks, you pay a little less.

- Fair.
- Mm-hm.

- [Jessi] Good idea.
- [Kristy] Charity donations.

We will donate % of our dues,

after expenses,
once a month to one charity.

And rather than debating,
we'll just take turns picking.

Stacey.

It'll loop back
around again alphabetically,

so the next person would be Mallory.

- [Dawn] Great.
- [Stacey] I choose JDRF.

The Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.

They fight for a cure for type diabetes
and have great resources for kids like me.

That's amazing.

And, Dawn,

you found flaws in the system
and brought important issues to light.

Job of a true revolutionary.
I'm proud of you.

And you made decisions that took
everyone's needs into consideration.

That's leadership.
Which is why you're the Captain.

Oh, next on the agenda.

- Training. How did it go?
- Loved it.

Even when Lenny Papadakis
put glue in my hair.

[laughter]

Jessi's a natural. My work is done.

[Kristy] That's great.

Claud?

I have to go to the bathroom.

My Claudia, sit.

You make me flutters.

I'm sorry, Mimi.

Uh, what are you trying to do?

Book club.

No one can drive,

so we discuss The Nickel Boys on computer.

Oh, here, let me help you.

Okay. The host should let you in
when the meeting starts.

Did you like the book?

Oh, yes. I like.

Mostly, I like hearing
different people thoughts, ideas.

Makes me think different.

Makes me feel young again.

[Mimi chuckles]

[woman] That's so well-put, Mimi.

[Claudia] Ashley Wyeth,

who seems to have acquired my sister's
habit of silently manifesting at odd times


like a teen wizard.

You're here again. Studying?

Just hanging out.

Janine knows
you think it's weird we're friends.

Oh, I... I didn't say that. It's just,
maybe you're really into coding.

Maybe I am.

I just know Janine
makes things more interesting

and she talks about all kinds of things
I'd never know if we weren't friends.

Yeah. And uses words
that make it so easy to understand.

[chuckles]
Yeah. Good for SATs though.

But once you look past all of that
and really start listening to her,

it's just like, she is who she is.

It's kind of the epitome of cool.

[Claudia] Janine is who she is.

And she has interesting things to say
if you actually listen to her.


That's when I realized
that I failed to lead,


because I failed to listen.

[door opening]

- Can't you knock?
- You have a VIP visitor.

Claudia Kishi.
She actually wants to see you.

Can I come in?

I'll be right outside if you need me.

I wanted to say I'm sorry.

You already said that.

I also wanted to return these.

Oh.

I read some of your stories last night.

The post-apocalyptic horse one,

and the choose your own adventure
as a horse one, and they're good.

Like, edge-of-my-seat good.

You're just saying that.

No.You're talented and imaginative
and you have a voice worth listening to.

I'm sorry I didn't hear it at first.

I thought, if it's okay with you,
I could illustrate some of your stories.

A collaboration.

We could turn them into books
and put them in our Kid Kits.

A special thing that's just ours.

I'll think about it.

Just kidding.
Of course you can illustrate my stories!

A celebrity children's book.
It's a dream come true.

[chuckles] One more thing. Club business.

I think you should take
the personality test again.

Just answer from the heart.

Don't think about what anybody else
has to say and be who you are.

[Claudia] We all have strengths.

Things to say.

"The Storyteller."

"Curious and uplifting.
A salve for those who toil in reality."

I'll take it.

[Claudia] And thanks to Ashley Wyeth,

and Mimi, of course,

I was able to see that you can't be
a captain without a crew.


And being an individualist

means respecting
what makes all of us unique.


So what I want to say is,

if there's anything
you want to say or tell me,

I'm listening.

Okay.

[Claudia] Some things never change.

♪ We go together
We go together, we go together


♪ We go together
We go together, we go together ♪


♪ We go together
We go together, we go together ♪


♪ We go together
We go together, we go together ♪


♪ Like ABC ♪

♪ It takes one and it takes two ♪

♪ It takes me and it takes you ♪

♪ We ain't got a thing to lose
And we're always hanging tight, right? ♪


♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh yeah ♪

♪ All I need, all I need, all I need now ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh yeah ♪

♪ You and me, you and me ♪

♪ We go together
We go together, we go together ♪


♪ We go together,
We go together, we go together ♪


♪ We go together,
We go together, we go together ♪


♪ We go together,
We go together, we go together ♪


♪ Like ABC ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪
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