01x04 - New Employee

[bunniefuu]

Justin, way to score
on the World History exam.

Oh, thanks, Brian.

You know, this might sound kind of lame,
but I didn't think you knew my name.

Oh, I didn't.

You left your sweater in class.
It has your name in it.

Look, I didn't do so good on this test.

I just got one right: My name.

Look, I was wondering if you could
help me out. You know, tutor me.

I don't know, I'm kind of busy.

I'll give you tickets
to the Tears of Blood concert.

T.O. B? Their new tour is awesome.
You got a deal.

- Come by the Sub Station after school.
- Awesome.

Oh, if any of my friends ask you,

I was all over you
for talking to my girlfriend.

And if any of my friends ask you,
your girlfriend actually talked to me.

Oh, my gosh, did you hear?

The 'Gurt Barn's handing out
free frozen yogurt samples.

- Oh, how do you know that?
- On my cell. I got a 'Gurt alert.

Well, you're gonna have to try it
without me. I have to work.

You always have to work.

A beanie?

What's that? A hat?

Crazy, funky, junky hat

Overslept? Hair unsightly?
Trying to look like Keira Knightley?

We've been there, we've done that
We see right through your funky hat

You were saying?

It's just really hard to have a friend
who's always busy.

I know. Why don't I get my parents
to give you a job at the sandwich shop?

We can hang out all the time
and even get paid for it.

Really? That'd be great.
I've never had a job before.

Well, except for the dollar Grandma
gives me for rubbing lotion on her feet.

Yeah, well, we'll just make sure
that you're wearing gloves

when you make the sandwich.

Good afternoon, Mr. And Mrs. Russo.

I happened to be passing by
when I noticed this "help wanted" sign.

I'd like to apply for the position.

Oh, wow, I didn't know we were hiring.
What a good idea, Mom and Dad.

Harper, we didn't put that sign
in the window.

Well, someone must have.

We're not hiring
any sandwich associates.

Or people wearing a sandwich.

Harper, there's no job available.

But if you can turn that sandwich
into a taco,

I think Raul's is hiring down the street.

But we're swamped.
We totally need more help with...

All of our phone orders.

Girls, I know you think it'd be fun
to work together,

but it's really hard to work
with friends, or family.

The one time you forget to wipe off
the tip of the mustard squeeze bottle

and it's suddenly three hours
of silent salami slicing.

It dries at the end and gets crusty.
It's unsightly.

But, Mom, Dad, think about it.

If Harper works here, you could
spend more time with each other.

Yeah, Jerry, we could even go
to one of those dollar movies

you're always talking about.

It's a movie for a dollar.
How could you not talk about that?

Let me show you.

Alex, it is a big responsibility
training a new employee.

Does that mean yes?

You can't shirk your responsibilities
while you're training her.

- Does that mean yes?
- And remember,

business comes before friendship.

I'm taking this all as a yes.
Harper, you're hired.

I mean,
welcome to our family's business.

- This would look great on you.
- No, it'd look better on you.

- You're more of a summer.
- Speaking of Summer,

did you hear what happened to her
in gym today?

Speaking of Jim, I heard
he and Summer are going out now.

That's what I was gonna say.

Regis, Kelly, can I interrupt the talk show
to interest you in some actual work?

Oh, yeah. Sorry, Dad.

We were just taking a little break,
but we're getting back to work.

Okay. Well, there's a customer.
Why don't you go take his order?

A cowboy hat?

What's that? A hat?

Crazy, funky, junky hat

Overslept? Hair unsightly?
Trying to look like Keira Knightley?

We've been there, we've done that
We see right through your funky hat

Wow, I was one away from all boys.

Hi, welcome to Waverly Sub Station.
I'm Alex, I'll be your server today.

And this is Harper,
she's our new trainee.

Well, I'm thrilled.

Tell you what, just give me
the Bronx-strami, a large root beer

and a slice of that coffee cake
over there, huh?

Really? Here's what I'd do.

I'd get the half order.
It's just as filling and half the price...

- Harper.
- What? That's what I do.

Oh, and get the small soda,
because it's free refills.

Harper, when I said, "Harper,"
I meant stop talking.

Yeah, I'll have what the trainee said.

How'd I do?

Well, you just turned a $ order
into us owing him.

Table , sandwich up.

Look, why don't you just run sandwiches
while I take the orders?

I'm sorry.

Look, why don't you just clean tables
and I'll take orders

and run the sandwiches?

So how's Harper working out?

Great.
She's really getting the hang of it.

How much coffee do I pour
on the coffee cake?

That's just a joke between me and her.

None, Harper, none.

Alex, can I talk to you in the kitchen?

Are you sure you don't wanna
change your shirt first? It's gross.

No. Because I'm sure
she's gonna do it again.

Look, before you talk about
whatever you wanna talk about,

I have something to say.
Harper's not working out.

Oh, good.
Then we're on the same page.

I'm not sure where this is going,
but continue.

Right. I think we should let Harper go.

Okay. This is a lot easier
than I thought it was gonna be.

- Yeah, let me know how she takes it.
- Okay.

Now we're not on the same page.
It was your idea to hire Harper.

And we told you,
business before friendship.

So you're gonna have to fire her.

Well, now I have a problem with that.

You two come with me. Go.

What are we doing in here?

Okay, if we stay in here long enough,
Harper won't be able to find anyone

and she'll just leave.

And you expect that to work?

Well, it's how I got out
of Harper's sewing club.

Look, if Harper's not better
by the end of the day,

you're going to have to fire her.

And I don't know how you're gonna do it,
but I agree with your mother.

Fine, but this could have worked.

Waitress spell, waitress spell.

No waitress spell.

"Serving wrench."

Oh, serving wench.

Hey, what's a serving wench?

Serving wench. A young woman
usually related to an innkeeper,

who, during mediaeval time, would
serve grog and food to guests of the inn.

So like a waitress, right?

Well, not technically, because...

But like a waitress, right?

I guess. Why?

Did Dad say there was a pop quiz
on the mediaeval food-service industry?

Yep. Better study up.

- I had a diet.
- Are you sure that's not a diet?

You're right. That's not the diet.
This is the diet.

There. All better?

Take this girl with the skills of a bench
And turn her into a serving wench

You know, you need all new drinks.
I'll get those right away.

- So how are you doing?
- Suddenly, a lot better.

Boy, Harper improved quickly.

Yeah, well, sometimes it just takes a while
for your skills to kick in.

You probably know that from coaching
since you're such a good coach.

I am a pretty good coach.

Okay, Greg,
it's great that you heart Cindy,

but that's not gonna help you
in algebra class.

Anthony,
you're gonna have to start all over.

Just saying that the Empire State Building
is tall and pointy is not an essay.

It's barely a sentence.

And, Natalie.

This is H O.

Now it's H O, and I have a treat.

Oh, what can I help you with,
young man?

First of all, it's what I can help you with.

This is a great tutoring business
you got here.

It'd be a shame
to see something happen to it.

What?

Looks like your world's
come tumbling down.

You owe me a new globe.

No, you owe me percent
of your tutoring action.

I'm the tutor in this neighbourhood,
and I don't like competition.

I bet you also
don't like amusement parks,

because you're not tall enough
to ride the rides.

Witty comeback.

You know what I think
of witty comebacks?

Pick up those sticks. Get it? It's a game.

Look it up.

Good day.

You get them.
You're closer to the ground.

Because he's...

Tuna wrap Brooklyn style, burn them.

I need a roast beef.
Knock the wind out of it and let it walk.

Where did all these people come from?

Oh, Harper gave everyone
that was here earlier a coupon

to come for dinner and get a free soda
with every sandwich.

- But we already give free soda at dinner.
- I know. She's brilliant.

Harper is doing great.

I know. You know what you should do?

You should leave her in charge tomorrow
so that you and Dad could do something.

For as long as we've lived in New York,
we've never been to the Statue of Liberty.

I know.

And it's the one pencil sharpener
missing from my monument collection.

Let's go.

Order's up.

Oh, my gosh. Did you hear that?

I just talked my mom and dad
into leaving you in charge.

So when they leave, we can lock up
and we can do whatever we want.

Except go to the Statue of Liberty.

I don't think so.
We're gonna be pretty busy here.

I just e-mailed out a breakfast special,
so you should be in about a.m.

- I'm not coming in at a.m.
- Yeah, I think you are.

I need two bow-wows painted red.

And who do I have to kick in the can
to get some nachos?

- I can come in whenever I want.
- No, you can't.

You heard your parents.
They're leaving me in charge.

Because I told them to.

You're not my boss.
I checked with my boss.

And since I'm the boss of me,
I'm giving myself the day off.

I hate to do this,

but if you don't come in tomorrow,
you're fired.

You can't fire me.
It's my family's restaurant.

- You're fired.
- I'm in charge. You can't fire me.

My family owns the restaurant.

And since I'm in the family,
that makes me part-owner.

Owners can fire employees.
Do the math.

Well, fine.

If you fire me from the restaurant,
I'm f*ring you from being my friend.

I'm removing this apron
from the restaurant

and the metaphorical apron
of our friendship.

There's no apron of our friendship.

Not anymore there isn't.

So did she quit or did you fire her?
Which is it?

It was complicated. I guess both.

Well, make sure she quit.

That way I don't have to pay her
for the rest of the week.

- Jerry.
- Oh, I mean, I'm sorry.

It's hard to work with friends.

So you think you and Harper
are gonna be okay?

I don't know. I tried to fire her from the job,
but she fired me from being her friend.

What's that? A hat?

Crazy, funky, junky...

Oh, forget it. It's not the same.

Oh, honey, you want me to do
that crazy hat dance with you?

No, it'd be weird,

and it's kind of me and Harper's thing,
and sometimes it's about you.

And for our next experiment,

Chris is gonna drop a water balloon
and a Ping-Pong ball

from upstairs at the same time.

Which one do you think
is gonna hit the ground first?

Chris, you were supposed
to wait for me to say "go."

That guy...

Okay.

Kind of deserved that one.

Let's take a five and regroup.

Looks like Galileo's all wet.

Where's my cut?
The Answer Man's getting tired of waiting.

You're tired? Sounds like
it's nap time for the Answer Man.

Nap time. Good one.

Maybe it's nap time for you.
Enforcers, assemble.

So you got a lot of really tiny friends,
and anyone can drop down a rope and:

These two guys have black belts
in tae kwon do.

That guy brought a rope.

Chris, let them all go!

Retreat, retreat.

Justin.

It's you.

Hey, you haven't seen like four or five
tiny little ninjas running around, have you?

No. Have you seen
really tall flowers that talk?

Wait, I'm not sure
what game we're playing.

There's this kid Frankie.
Him and his little thugs are after me.

They're trying to muscle in
on my Brain Train action.

Oh, this isn't as fun a game
as I thought.

Hey, are you on your way
to see Harper?

No, why?
Where have you seen Harper?

When Frankie chased me,
I hid in the 'Gurt Barn.

She works there now.

She wouldn't let me hide in the bathroom
unless I bought something.

- So she got a job at 'Gurt Barn.
- Yeah, and she's amazing.

She had like ten waffle cones
and a couple of 'Gurt Shakes in one hand.

I did that.
I put a spell on her to make her good.

Wait a minute.

You used the serving wench spell
on her.

Wait another minute.

There's no pop quiz
on the mediaeval food-service industry.

I crammed for that.

Are you done?
Because I gotta go apologise to Harper.

Yes, I'm done. Yeah.

Justin Russo.

You, you thought you could hide,
but you can't.

Enforcers, assemble.

Any last words, Russo,
besides "Mommy"?

Yeah, I got something to say.
Underachievers, assemble.

Guys, over here.

I'd like you to meet my friends.

This is Brian.

He's currently failing geometry,
but being recruited by Canadian football.

This is Doug, going into his third year
of th grade.

All-state wrestler.

And this guy? He's got a record.

You're smart enough to see
where this is going, right, Answer Man?

This is just a little back-and-forth.

You know, something tutors do.

What do you say? Friends?

I don't think so.

Enforcers, run.

Get them, they're getting away. Go.

I know you've only been working here
four hours,

but congratulations,
you're employee of the month.

As soon as I get some photo paper,
go home, hook it up to my printer,

print it, bring it back here,

I'll pin it up.

- Gee, thanks.
- It's a real honour.

I almost won it four times, but I didn't,
because I take too many breaks.

That reminds me,
it's time for my break.

Hi, welcome to the 'Gurt Barn.
How can l...?

What do you want?

For us to be friends again.
I'm not leaving here until we are.

Well, I don't need your friendship,
because I'm employee of the month.

And I have a new friend.

- Who?
- My manager.

Oh, yeah? What's her name?

Well, I can't tell you.
She told me not to wear it out.

Look, Harper, we're best friends.

And because you got really bossy
at the restaurant

doesn't mean I don't miss you
being my friend.

I wasn't bossy.

You weren't respecting me
as your boss.

Because you're not my boss.
Why don't you just accept my apology?

Because "you got really bossy"
is not an apology.

Now, just go away.
I have to refill the machine.

- Can I hide in your bathroom?
- Not unless you buy something.

I'll pay on the way out.

- I thought he ran in here.
- Where is he?

I don't know,
but I gotta go to the bathroom.

Hey, Alex, how'd things go
with you and Harper?

- Not good.
- What are you gonna do?

I'm doing it.

Take this girl who's a great serving wench
And give her back her skills of a bench

Oh, I'm so sorry.
I don't usually do this sort of thing.

I'm employee of the month.

Well, this is still good.
We can scoop it up.

Let me just get you
some all-new yogurt.

So that was your solution?
Make her look bad in front of everybody?

I don't know. I'm mad.
I just want her to be my friend.

Well, if you want her to be your friend,
you gotta be a friend to her.

I hate it when you're right.

- But you kind of wanna thank me.
- No.

Here, let me help you.

- Why do you wanna help me?
- Because I'm your friend.

You can fire me from being your friend,
but can't fire me from acting like a friend.

Here, go get cups.
We need cups, cups.

I just can't get this cow to turn off.

Okay. No, no.

We're gonna need something bigger.

Okay,
we're gonna need something bigger.

Brain freeze.

- It must have run out.
- Yeah.

Nope. Now it did.

I'm so sorry.

Why are you sorry? It's like a funky hat.

What's that? A hat?

Crazy, funky, junky hat

Overslept? Hair unsightly?
Trying to look like Keira Knightley?

We've been there, we've done that
We see right through your funky hat

I'm sorry. We had a bit of an accident.

We should get our stories straight
before the owner comes in.

- No, no.
- Hey, wait up.

We'll blame him.

Perfect.
I've been blaming him my whole life.

We see right through your funky hat

Mom, don't add your own moves.

This isn't the ' s.
This isn't Footgrease music.

It's Footloose or Grease.
And those movies were great.

Come on, take it from the top.

What's that? A hat?

Crazy, funky, junky hat

Overslept? Hair unsightly?
Trying to look like Keira Knightley?

And pull the cord,
pull the cord, pull the cord.