01x13 - Wizard School (Part 1)

[bunniefuu]

- How's your last day of school, Alex?
- Oh, tough.

So many people were signing
my yearbook, I ran out of room.

I had to get a second yearbook.

How'd you get a second yearbook?
They're all gone.

Where's my yearbook, Alex?

Come on, Justin.
Hardly anybody signed it.

And one of them was you.

Maybe I was saving room for friends.

Like who?

Vice Principal Clements,
Earl the crossing guard,

my biology teacher
and all the ladies in the front office.

So basically all your friends are adults.

Yeah, well, I fit in best with adults.
I'm very mature.

Will Justin Russo report
to Lost and Found?

We have your cape and lightsaber.

I can't believe they found
where I hid those.

You know how regular wizard mail
can sometimes take up to an hour?

Well, we now have WIPS.

Wizard Instant Parcel Service.

You can send mail instantly.

You mean like e-mail?

No, no, no. Let me show you.

You do it with this.

An old key, wow.

Okay, make fun, you clowns,
but watch this.

Here, Alex, take this key
and go over there.

Now, open a portal mail slot in midair.

Really? Okay.

If you say "mailus-spontaneous"
followed by a name or a place,

the envelope will go there.

Here, send this to Justin.

Mailus-spontaneous Justin Russo.

It worked. Hey, that was fast.

It's a messenger pigeon
from Wiz Tech.

You know, in my day, these were real.

They've accepted me
for summer boarding school.

Well, of course they accepted you.
Who else would wanna go?

Lots of people.

If you get into Wiz Tech,
you're a shoo-in for Transylvania State.

You mean it gets better?

And you know the best part
about Wiz Tech?

I get a whole summer away
from you-know-who.

I know you mean me.
And that's totally unfair.

Awesome.
Hey, let's scare Justin again.

Okay, I think you have everything
you need for Wiz Tech.

Oh, and I packed
your new school uniform.

A brand-new wizard robe.

Oh, no, Mom.
They switched to black bathrobes.

The old robes are too formal
for these modern casual times.

Okay, then we'll just run out
and get you a bathrobe.

And we should get him
some turkey jerky for the long trip.

Jerry, Justin doesn't like turkey jerky.
You do.

Would it hurt us
to get a little turkey jerky?

Hey, Alex, you missed
a little spot right there.

What do you mean?

It's the only spot in this house
that doesn't have your junk all over it.

We're taking your brother shopping,
and by the time we get back,

I expect you to have all your stuff
back up in your room.

Okay. Come on, Max,
you got a lot of cleaning up to do.

No, no, no.

Your mess, your responsibility.

Man, getting all this stuff back in my room
is gonna take forever.

Or not.

This will be easy.

I'll just send all my stuff
back to my room.

Mailus-spontaneous
Alex Russo's bedroom.

Hey, that thing's
kind of like a big vacuum.

Yeah.
Let me see if I can move it around.

Awesome.
I'll be done in like five minutes.

Mom and Dad will never...

That's a little cleaner
than I was going for.

I'd run away right now,
but I don't know where to go.

Dad's gonna have a cow.

And a sheep and a pig and a goat
when he sees all this.

Hide.

Oh, never mind.

Boy, I really love this turkey jerky.

It sure makes me thirsty, though.

Theresa, why can't I open the fridge?

Because it's not there.

- What did you do?
- I...

Daddy, let me just cut to it.

This portal...

Okay, this is the last of it.

What are we gonna do with you?

You have to learn to stop using magic
as a shortcut to everything.

You are so undisciplined.

That's why I can't wait
to get to Wiz Tech,

where everyone is so much more
serious about magic.

All summer long, I'll be in classes
that focus on the craft of magic

and using it respectfully,
the way it's meant to be.

Right, Dad?

Why are you guys looking at me
like I just gave you an idea?

Please don't tell me
he just gave you an idea.

Can someone tell me what the idea is?

This is a terrible idea,
bringing Alex here to Wiz Tech.

I know you had your heart set
on getting away from your sister,

but this could really be good for her.

And good for all of us.

Don't worry, Justin.
Look at this, this is a big place.

I'm sure you and Alex
will hardly see each other.

Justin and Alex Russo?

I'm Dr. Evilini.
You will both be in my class.

Here are your spectacles.

Oh, sweet.

You know, with those glasses and that
robe on, you remind me of someone.

Is it Terry something?
Barry something?

Larry something? Oh, never mind.

What kind of powers
do these glasses give you?

None.

They just look wonderful
with the black bathrobes.

Great. We're accessorizing ugly.

Mom, Dad, please don't make me stay.

Yeah, please don't make her stay.

Come on, guys. The time will fly.

Oh, and, Justin, here is the portal key.

If you get homesick,
just send us a note.

What about me? Can I use the portal key
to send you a note?

We've seen enough of you
and the portal key.

Don't worry, honey.
Our kids will be fine.

I'm not worried about our kids.
I'm worried about the other kids.

Alex is there.

Max, what's all this?

Well, now that I'm an only child,

we can do all that stuff
that we've been too busy to do.

Dad, what do you wanna start with?

Nap.

- Bike riding around Central Park?
- A nap.

- Well, how about...?
- A nap.

- Jerry.
- What?

Okay. Okay.

Max, let's start with
what you wanna do most.

- Camping.
- Camping?

That's a good one.

Give me that.

Oh, come on. You're city guys.

Your idea of roughing it

is when they deliver Chinese food
without the fortune cookies.

Dad, do you smell that?

It smells like a challenge.

With a hint
of questioning our manhood.

You know, we could rough it
if we wanted to.

It's just, we don't.

Because there's no wilderness
around here.

Oh, well, we can camp on the terrace.

Terrace?

One night out there might as well be
an episode of Survivor for you two.

Oh, yeah?

- We could spend one...
- Two.

- Three nights on the terrace.
- Or even a whole week.

I think three nights will do it, buddy.

Okay, campers.
Three nights on the terrace.

You come inside, you lose.

- You are on.
- Yeah.

Fine, boys.

Enjoy everything Mother Nature
has to offer.

You there, on the terrace.

Have you seen a stocky male, late s,
running with a sack full of money?

No.

- Are you locked out?
- No.

Has your manhood
been called into question?

- Yes.
- Yes.

Hang in there, guys.

Anybody?

Anybody?

Thank you, Dr. Evilini.

That would be
the Lithuanian Lethal Lamp,

known for their anaconda-like
electrical cords.

Excellent.

So, everyone, beware.

That sounded scary.

Topnotch, Russo.

You really have a grasp
on venomous furniture.

Don't you agree, class?

- Nice one, Russo.
- Nice job.

What? Only one bar
in the wizard world?

This stinks.

- I'll take that.
- Okay.

Feel free to add your number
so we don't lose touch.

Yeah, okay.

What's with you and the tiny stuff?

Oh, I come from a family of giants,
but I'm kind of the runt of the litter.

So Mom and Dad surround me
with miniature things

so my self-esteem doesn't get bruised.

And you're okay with that?

Sure, except this tiny underwear
rides up a lot.

I'm Hugh. Hugh Normous.

Not really.

Well, that new guy, Justin,
is pretty cool, huh?

Yeah, the coolest.

- Watch this.
- Okay.

Not only is it known
for its highly venomous vapours,

it also engulfs its victims.

That would be
the Brustromian Beanbag Chair.

Impressive, Russo.

"Love, Alex."

Yeah.

Miss Russo,
I get the feeling you're too undisciplined

to appreciate
what Wiz Tech has to offer.

And I get the feeling that you people
here at Wiz Tech don't get me.

Perhaps this will get your attention.

Those J's are like fishhooks.

Summer has just begun, Russo.

Hey, Justin.
How'd you like my exploding note?

I thought it was a blast.

Well, no one else did.

Messing with me didn't turn out
like you thought, did it?

Everyone around here thinks I'm cool
and they think you're a loser.

A loser? What are you talking about?

People love hanging out with me.
Hey, who wants to have lunch with me?

- Loser.
- Loser, no.

I'll have lunch with you.

I hope you like baby corn,
baby carrots and tiny mugs of juice.

Yeah, have fun with the really tiny giant.

Oh, yeah? Well, let's see how big man
on campus fits in with this.

From your chin to your toes,
an elephant trunk grows.

Russo!

That really wasn't meant for you. Sorry.

But clearly this is meant for me.

- Got any fours?
- Go fish.

You got any twos?

Go fish.

I ain't fishing in that pond.

I've summoned Justin Russo
as you requested, Dr. Evilini.

You wanted to see me?

Yes. Pick up that Bidaddle.

Why?

What? Wha...?

Just as I thought.

It has been written that great
-ball players turn into great wizards.

And you just might be one.

What were we talking about?

Twelve ball.

What's ball? It looks like Ping-Pong.

It's nothing like Ping-Pong.

These balls are added one by one

with the objective
of being played simultaneously.

Only one student has ever reached
balls here at Wiz Tech.

- Who's that?
- Jerko Phoenix.

You'll meet him in due time, my boy.

Due time.

That sounded mysterious.

What do you say? Are you up to it?

I am. I am up to the challenge.

Gonna get some water.

What's the big deal?

He's the best I've ever seen.

You're the worst best friend ever.

Wait up, Alex.

Mr. Russo, it's time for you
to take on the very best -ball player

here at Wiz Tech
in a non-binding scrimmage.

Justin Russo, meet...

Jerko Phoenix.

Jerko?

That must be a tough name
to grow up with.

I had a cousin whose name was Kim.

Well, Kim was a guy,
so I'm sure you can imagine people...

Enough.

Better warn you that I plan on winning
the title of Mr. Ball.

What's up with your eye?

Twelve ball accident?

There's nothing wrong with my eye.

This gets me out of wearing
those stupid glasses.

It's been raining all night
and they're eating weeds again.

That's it. Game over.

Help! Max!

- Jerry, help!
- Mom, are you all right?

- What happened?
- I saw a rat.

It's under the couch. I saw a rat.

A rat?

You guys. Help, now.

But...

It's under the? Okay.

Well, the tail looks like a...

A rat, Jerry. It's a rat.

That's it. You guys can't stay
out there anymore.

You guys win.

I need you in here.

Thanks. Max, camping trip is over.

We gotta be in here
to protect our little lady.

You know how weak women can be.

- Don't push it.
- Sorry.

I gotta put this little guy back
in his natural habitat.

The subway.

Hey, Mom, that was really a potato,
wasn't it?

Yeah.

Do you have any more?
Because I'm starving.

Sure, baby. How do you want your rat?
Mashed or fried?

This door is locked too?

Yes, I am.

Alex.

What are you doing? It's bath night.

Oh, just chitchatting with the door.

Hey, Justin,
you know the portal key Dad gave you?

I need it.
I wanna send something home.

Oh, okay.

Wait. Why do you have your suitcase?

I just want Mom
to do some laundry for me.

Hey, you're trying
to send yourself home.

Okay. So, what do you care?
You love all the work at this place.

I can't stand it. I'm out of here.

- Alex, you can't leave.
- Oh, yeah? Watch me.

Mailus-spontaneous Russo home.

Alex.

Here, Hugh.

I do appreciate the help with the mail.

Oh, you're welcome.
But it's a little lonely.

I wish my new friend Alex
would drop by once in a while.

Hey, everybody. I'm hosed.

- Alex.
- Alex.

All mail goes through Dr. Evilini.

I guess you know that now.

Alex Russo.

Trying to run away instead of facing up
to the challenges of Wiz Tech?

I can see I'm going to have to pull out
the old discipline bucket.

The who?

Oh, she wasn't kidding.

There really is a discipline bucket.

I hate this place.

Keep scrubbing.

Are you sure you've got the message?

Yes.

Good.
Then take it straight to my mother.

She'll finally be proud of me.

Now go, messenger fish.

Flop like the wind.

Hey, I just scrubbed there.

Dear Mama, after the -ball tournament
reveals the best young wizard,

I will drain that wizard's powers
and take them for myself,

making me
the most powerful wizard ever.

Love, Mary Beth Evilini.

Justin's gonna get his powers drained.

This place is a freak show.

Okay, let's review.

They've accepted me
for summer school.

Please don't tell me
he just gave you an idea.

- Mom, Dad, please don't make me stay.
- Yeah, please don't make her stay.

Trying to run away instead of facing up
to the challenges of Wiz Tech?

It has been written that great
-ball players turn into great wizards.

He's the best I've ever seen.

Justin's gonna get his powers drained.

So, everyone, beware.