03x08 - Alex Charms a Boy

[bunniefuu]

Sorry, I think
you dropped this.

No. That's not mine.

Yeah, I know.

I needed an excuse
to come and talk to you.

It's quite lovely...

What you're
working on there.

So, new British guy,

How close are the countries
British and England?

They're the same country.

Kind of. And it's
"Britain", not "British".

I know. I just
think it's hilarious

When people explain
ridiculous things.

Speaking of
ridiculous things...

Ok, holster your
brushes, hombres.

I trust you brought something
new to compete in the art off.

Finkle. Macgruder.

It's time to art off.

Art off is stupid. Just because Mr. Laritate
picks a painting doesn't mean it's good.

I mean, look at him.
He picks out those clothes.

He doesn't pick those.
His mum lays them out for him.

Oh, I like you,
new British guy.

You're on my team.

My name is
Mason Greybeck.

Mason Greybeck... That sounds like
the name of a game show host.

Like, Mason Greybeck, I'll take
"Bridges" for a thousand, please.

Your question is,

"I think you're cute.
What do you think of me?"

We're out of time.

Ready. Set. Art off!

Well, sailboat plus
moon, plus owl

equals mystery.

But...

kittens beats mystery.
The kittens have it!

Sailboat plus moon
equals loser.

You know, since I got
here last Thursday,

I've noticed that he talks like
a cowboy. And he likes cats.

In America, we call
them kitty cats.

Ok, kitty cats.

I made you
say "kitty cats".

How would you feel about
maybe going for some tea later?

Then you can make me say all
kinds of things that make you laugh.

Ok, but if "go for tea"
doesn't mean a date,

then I'm going to be
really embarrassed.

And that whole accent thing...
Girls see right through it.

No, they don't.

Oh, kittens never lose.

Next time I'm gonna paint
Macgruder being eaten by a kitten.

He's gonna
drop this class.

Justin, hey, look!
The recliner's fixed.

Now, I am one step closer

to having a place to sleep
in every room in the house.

Dad, I've looked for the mummy
everywhere and I can't find him.

- I'm never gonna get Juliet back.
- Out looking for the mummy?

You can't do that by yourself.
It's dangerous.

You need special training.

Now, mummies are slow
but they're sneaky,

like your mother in heels.

Dad! Where am I going
to get special training?

All the monster huve
been destroyed.

Justin, I think you've
reached an age

when a father can
proudly train his own son,

so that that father never
again has to risk his own life.

All right. Ok.
Thanks, dad.

I mean, I know you haven't always
been ok with me dating a vampire,

but I'm glad you're gonna
help me train to find her.

Well, when you're
raising wizards,

you've to deal with your son dating monsters
and a whole your kids turns out normal.

I mean... That's me, right?

Dad, my dable wand isn't
collapsing. See it? Just...

Now don't work.

Yeah, you're still the normal.

So that's why afternoon
tea is a British tradition.

See, I can tell this is fancy,
because my drink isn't fizzing.

Okay, now it's my turn to show
you an American tradition.

These are water balloons.

So you've heard of them.

Here's how Americans.

All right. Victim in sight.

And... Bombs away.
Hide!

Ok. Your turn.

I'd love to,
but it seems rude.

No. That's the part
that makes it American.

Here. I'll show you
how to do it.

Now what do I do?

Just drop it.

Hey! I see you two!

We should run.

No...

We should have
a romantic montage.

All right, that should get
our relationship started.

Max, I need your help.

When Justin comes
down, att*ck him.

Done. Don't know why,
don't care. Going with it.

We're helping him to
train to fight a mummy.

Dad, I honestly
don't care why.

Dad!

Dad, I'm ready
to start my training.

Good. Ok.
We'll...

...Start with a little...
Now!

I'm the mummy!
I'm the mummy!

- What? Stop!
- I got him!

That's enough!

- Calm down. Ok...
- Why?!

I'm sorry, Justin. I just
wanted you to see,

how difficult this is
gonna be. But don't worry.

'Cause I got something
that's really gonna help.

New no-slip shoes!

Thanks, dad.
You're good. You are good.

No, no, no. They're magical
rear-view goggles.

When you put 'em on you can
see everything behind you.

You can fight the mummy,
look him in the eye,

And not get turned into
one of his minions.

Wow. I can see
everything behind me.

Max, wherever you are,
you'd better stay there.

'Cause I'm a-come getcha,
and I'm gonna att*ck you.

Why are you moving?

Maybe you'll be the
normal one after all.

Dad, come on!
I lost that race years ago.

We have so much in common.

I mean, we both like painting,
and drawing, and sculpting.

- We're the perfect art couple.
- Oh, my gosh!

You guys are the couple other
couples come to for advice.

We're gonna be
together forever.

Oh, wow! Check out this
train wreck on canvas.

We'll give you ten bucks for
your stupid yankee poodle dandy.

- Alex!
- Oh, sorry.

Twenty bucks.

Why are you buying that
if you don't like it?

Because I know Mason,

and he's gonna think
it's hilarious.

Buying art to make each other
laugh is what art couples do, Harper.

Hey, Mason.
Check it out.

I just bought the most horrible,
ridiculous painting ever

and I'm gonna volunteer
it in the art off.

I think it's gonna be something
we both find hilarious.

Well, I've got something
to show you, too.

I was up all night
working on this,

and I think it's
one of my best.

Oh, my gosh!

An unveiling in front of the
whole class will be so romantic.

Or Mason and I can
just show each other now.

Don't rob me of my part
of this romance.

Who's ready to face off
in today's... Art off?

Ah, a Russo

versus our friend
from across the pond.

Or as I like to call it:

"The revolutionary w*r
part deux?"

Ready... Set...

Art off!

Somebody flush the toilet.

We got a stinker over here.

Calamity Jane!

We have identical themes.

The revolutionary
w*r and dogs.

Oh, my gosh!

You bought the worst painting
you could find, too?

We are the best
art couple ever.

No, Alex, you're making
fun of my painting,

and I worked on it all night.

Then that means I just called your
painting horrible and ridiculous.

You also said it
belongs in the toilet.

Ok, I know that my
laughing seems rude,

but, you see,
in America,

laughter is how we
show our appreciation.

Like, "Mr. Laritate
is a great teacher".

Or, or, "Harper, that's
a great outfit".

Alex, I know you,

and I know you don't believe
either of those things are true.

I think she believes one
of those things is true.

Sorry, Mr. Laritate.

You know why
you don't like it?

Because you don't
understand it.

There's your shovel.
Start digging your way out.

Yeah, I,
I don't get it.

Can you explain it to me?
Any part of it?

It's not "Betsy Ross,"
it's "Barksy Ross".

You see,
that's what I do.

I take famous moments
in American history

and I imagine what they would be like
from the point of view of canines,

because I'm in love
with America. And dogs.

Oh! Now I get it.

Yeah. What an
amazing painting.

I'm so glad you like it.

See, now you get it. You just
had to look a little deeper.

This is so great,

because I had an idea
for my next piece.

I'm going to paint
a portrait of you.

It will be your face as
a cute teacup chihuahua.

Sewing the stars and stripes,
as if you were Betsy Ross.

No, no...

You, you don't
have to do that.

Nobody needs to see
me as a dog, really.

Dogs are my muse, Alex.

And I've already got
the image in my head.

I've got to get
going on this.

Well, this is just great.

My new boyfriend is gonna
paint me as a dog.

Not only that. Mr. Laritate
gives all the art off winners

a special page
in the yearbook.

Maybe we could have
back-to-back pages.

Me with my kitten paintings
and you with your dog face.

Ok, then.

- Hey, Justin!
- Hey, dad. Check me out.

I am really getting the hang
of this thing. I'm making tea!

- Terrific, son.
- Yep.

- You must be feeling pretty proud
of yourself. - Yeah, I actually...

Dad, what is with the...
The hat?

It's kind of distracting.

Oh, really?

I'm not trying to
distract you at all.

Not trying to
distract you at all.

- Sneak att*ck!
- Judo trick!

- Give up? Give up?
- No!

The question is,
do you give up?

I'm on top of you!

Yes. I beg to
differ, though.

Because in some countries,
I'm on top of you!

That was awesome, son!

As soon as the goggles became
a hindrance, I ripped them off.

Yeah, because some people think
because they have them on,

they have to keep them on.
But they don't.

Good hunting, son.

Thanks, dad.

Hey, man, can I borrow
those goggles you have?

They're for biology class.

I'm gonna use them to
cheat on the kid behind me.

You know they'll be
kind of obvious.

I know. That's why
I'm gonna wear the hat.

Goggles.

Hey, Harper!

I figured out a way to stop Mason
from painting that picture of me.

A magic shell.

I blow through this shell and I become
the artistic muse for whoever hears it.

He'll want to paint me as me,
instead of a chihuahua.

But chihuahuas are so cute.

Well, I hope I'm cuter than
a dog that lives in a purse.

For once, I'm gonna fix a
problem before it is a problem.

Look, you barely got out of
trouble with him yesterday.

Don't make it worse
by adding magic.

Just take it on the chin, let him
paint you as a pooch, and move on.

Hello, brown eyes. Ready
to be my doggie model?

Just one second.
My allergies are acting up.

I just had a
most splendid idea.

I was pretty
sure you might.

Don't you see what you've done? You
used magic to make your relationship ok.

I don't think that's right.

Harper, doing what's right
has never really been my goal.

Come in!

There you are, my love!

I've finished!

All of these are of you.

I don't know which
one's my favorite,

but they're all good.

They're beautiful.

And the moment I
started I couldn't stop.

When I paint you, something
just comes over me.

It feels... It feels...

Magical?

Yes! Magical.

Did you hear that? I'm sure
there's not just these,

probably hundreds
and hundreds of...

And there they are.

Hey, it's you again!

Is it Martin or Jason?

It's Mason.

Wasn't that one
of the choices?

Oh wow, these are great.

You can hardly
see the numbers.

Alex is my muse.
My inspiration.

All I want to do
is paint her.

Yep. It's like he's
under her spell.

Yes!

I only wish
I could paint Alex

on a bigger canvas.

And I think
I've got an idea.

Excuse me.

I think I've got
an idea, too.

- You stole my muse shell.
- That's exactly what she did.

Oh, big deal. I like him,
and he likes painting me.

I'll tell you what
the big deal is.

Pretty soon he's not going
to be able to eat or sleep.

All he's gonna want
to do is paint you.

Sounds like it wasn't
the right thing to do.

Dad, I had to do it.

He paints dogs in
American history.

Those are terrible.

Well, I hate those paintings
too, that's why I did it.

- Listen, honey, if you really
like Jason... - Mason.

I said that.

Then it shouldn't matter
what kind of an artist he is.

It should only matter
what kind of person he is.

As a great poet once said,

"Don't go changin'
to try to please me."

Mr. Russo, are you
quoting Billy Joel?

I've never heard
of that person.

What are you looking at?
Oh! This is trouble.

That shell's already
turned him wacky.

Wacky? Come on!
It's beautiful.

It just... Oh, fine!

What do you think?
Do you like it?

It's, it's great.
It's really great.

That's so good because
I really want you to like it.

You are beautiful, and I'm
going to keep painting you.

Well, why don't you take a break
and we can go get a sandwich?

No time for eating!

Right there. The light
is hitting you perfectly.

I want to do a bigger chalk
drawing of you over here,

in profile. Excuse me.
Move! Thank you.

So, is this what you're just
gonna be doing from now on?

I hope so.

We're the ultimate
art couple.

We need to get inside.

No, I have to redraw
this as it washes away.

The more it washes away,
the faster I have to draw.

Ok, that is just wacky.

Are you ok?

Sounds like you've got
a bit of a chest cold.

We need to get you out
of this rain and inside.

Well... Wait!

So you're done
drawing me?

Yeah, I feel like
painting some dogs.

Good. Good!
You should do that.

But kiss me first.

But you have a cold.

Just kiss me.

Hey, monster guy!

You may have
noticed that lately

I've been acting like I totally
don't know what's going on.

- Lately?
- So you noticed.

Great! Yeah, like,

like remember when I let all
those monsters out of that book?

Yeah. They all escaped,

and destroyed the rest of
the monster hunters but me.

Yeah, that's not
the worst part.

One of those monsters was the
mummy who stole your girlfriend.

So, I mean, I guess,
technically,

You can be mad at me.

You know...

- That reminds me of
something. - Yeah?

- Something I have to do.
- Okay.

And I need your help.

Yes, great, because I here
for you. Whatever you need!

- Good.
- Yeah.

Snake att*ck!