04x16 - Misfortune at the Beach

[bunniefuu]

Here it comes...
Ahhh!

It's almost my turn.
My turn.

Ahhh!

Now, me! Ahhh!

Who are we kidding? This is
just blowing hot air around.

When is this heat gonna end?

Jerry, honey, we need an air conditioner.

We don't need air conditioning.
We've got armpit ice.

See, it cools... Oh!

And deodorizes.

This is the hottest summer ever.

I was just standing in front
of the air conditioning display

at the hardware store
until Old Man Greenwald

yelled at me for not buying anything.

So I bought you a screwdriver.
Happy Mother's Day.

Oh, thanks, honey, I...

I can use it to pry open
your father's wallet

and buy us an air conditioner.

Dad, can we please close up
and go to the beach?

No. We are gonna
take advantage of this heat.

We can cook the pastrami without
even turning the oven on.

Justin, you're hogging the fan.

Harper, you know what this heat
and humidity does to my sinuses.

OK? I have to keep them properly
ventilated or I start to snort.

There it is.

Hey, guys. If anyone's looking for
me, I'll be outside at the beach.

Oh no, he's delirious.

He must've eaten one of those pastrami
sandwiches you're cooking on the roof.

From street scene to beach scene!

Ah, paradise.

Oh, hey, welcome to my own private beach.

It's, uh... nice,
but it's missing something.

The ocean?

Good point.

Oceans and seas, waves and tides...

Fine. We'll close up the shop
and go to the beach.

Babies.

♪ Everything... ♪

♪ is not... ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

♪ Seems ♪

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ And the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

Come on, Jerry. Hurry up.

I want to get a good spot at the beach.

I hope I didn't forget anything from home.

I know what you forgot, Dad.

The shirt that matches those shorts.

Oh, those college boys.

They're being so obvious.

I'm married!
To me.

This is gonna be so great.

I can't wait to just sit
on the beach and read my book.

Alex, feel free to elbow me
if any cute guys walk by.

Ow! He wasn't that cute.

I'll be down by the water,
convincing Boogie boarders

they should wear helmets
and protective eye-wear.

Hey. Hey, man, check it out.
It's a fortune teller machine.

Max, no!

Never get a fortune from one of these.

For humans, it's a harmless arcade game,

but for wizards,
the fortunes are very real.

Really? Why?

Because Zelzar is actually
from the wizard world.

If a wizard requests a fortune from him,

he's required to give them a real one.

Aw! Now I want one even more.

You really need to work
on your warning speeches.

Listen, you might get a bad one and then,

there's nothing you can do to stop it.

Stay away from Zelzar.
Do you hear me?

Fine.
OK, I got it.

Well, for once a human can
do something a wizard can't.

Yeah.

Uh... Zelzar,

one fake fortune for a human, please.

Zelzar!

"You are admired by many."

Oh, I don't get it.
This one's true.

Isn't it?

Attention, Boogie boarders!

You are in a rip tide!

Swim parallel!
It's your only chance!

Shut up, old lady!

Mom, you were wrong.
This hat does not look cool.

Harper, yeah, I'd like
to put the barbecue there

so the smoke doesn't blow back on us.

Oh, OK, I'll move. I just need
a comfy spot to read my book.

Sorry, Harper, but I need
that spot for my umbrella.

I'm gonna tan just my legs.

OK, I'll just find another comfy spot.

♪ Together forever! ♪

♪ You broke up with me
over text message ♪

♪ Yeah, you want me back
I know you do ♪

Alex.
♪ You said my sister wouldn't know... ♪

Alex!

What?

You're singing too loud.
I can't read my book.

Sorry.

♪ Together forever! ♪

♪ Baby, baby!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Ohhh... ♪

Zelzar!
Max, what are you doing?

Dad told us not to get a fortune.

Come on, Justin, he's just worried
about us getting bad fortunes.

This one's gonna be
a good one. Watch.

"You will receive
a sweet surprise."

Oh, that does sound like a good one.

Free ice cream?
Thank you!

And it's called
"Sweet Surprise."

These fortunes are
extremely well-detailed.

Yeah, you should get a fortune.

No, no, no, just because you got a good one
doesn't mean I'll get a good one, too.

OK, suit yourself.

I mean, I'd like to get a
fortune, but Dad warned us.

But then again, you did get a good one,
and I'd probably get a good one, too.

Probably.

OK, fine, stop hounding me.
I'm doing it.

Zelzar!

"You will attract
the attention of a stranger."

Hey, stranger.

Did you see that?
She gave me the flirty fingers!

This is awesome!
I know.

What are the odds of you
meeting a girl named Stranger?

OK...

Harper, honey, stop playing
with the smoke. It's dangerous.

Oh, the fire's going out.
Harper, give me some pages from your book.

I'm still reading this.

I'm talking about
the pages you already read.

I haven't read anything yet!

All right, that's it. I'm gonna go
read somewhere else. Come on, Alex.

OK. Oh, hey, don't
bring that book, though.

People will think we're nerds.

Alex! The Zelzar
machine really works.

Max and I got great fortunes.

Yeah. It told me I was
gonna get a sweet surprise,

and I got a free ice cream bar.

Oh my gosh! That's
a totally lame coincidence!

Yeah, but my fortune said I would
attract the attention of a stranger,

and this really pretty girl waved at me.
And I even got her number.

That machine didn't give you a
fortune, it gave you a miracle.

Alex, you gotta try it.
All right, give me a quarter.

No, your dad said wizards shouldn't use it.

Yeah, and if he knew it could lead to
free ice cream, he'd change his tune.

All right, Alex, now whatever
good stuff you get,

you have to share with us
because we got you to do it.

Zelzar!

"Say goodbye to your life."

You don't have to share that one with us.

"Say goodbye to your life."

This is not good.
This is really not good.

Now, wait a minute.
Let's not jump to conclusions.

"Say goodbye to your life"
could mean a lot of things.

It could mean...

your life is ending.

Or your days are numbered.

You're definitely not
getting a sweet surprise.

Sorry, Alex. There's
just no way to spin this

in a positive manner.
What are we gonna do?

Look, I'll handle it like
I handle all of life's problems.

Ignore it until it goes away.

OK? Now, let's get back
to our day on the beach.

Well, that's a little hard to ignore.

Please, Zelzar. We know
you're from the wizard world.

You have to take back my fortune.

I don't think he's gonna talk to us.

Here, let me try.

Hey, hey! Stop that.

Look, young lady wizard,

I'm sorry you got
a fortune you didn't like,

but you know the deal, so, move along.

There are some tour buses
coming through, and...

I love out-of-town quarters.

OK, I made a mistake. I know
you're just doing your job,

but I can't say goodbye to my life
forever like the fortune says,

I'm only !

"Boo hoo."

Alex, we'd better tell your dad.

No, no, Zelzar just
needs a little convincing.

Max, show him the sword.

Hey, Zelzar, I got
a sweet surprise for you.

Alex, Max, you can't scare
a fortune-telling wizard.

No?

All right, all right, I'll help you!

Scaredy-cat.

Take back my fortune.

I'm not supposed to, but maybe
we could work something out.

You see, for years I've been
watching people come to the beach,

laugh, eat all sorts of
delicious fried goodies,

meet girls...

while I sit in this box.

If you let me have some fun on the beach...

I'll take back your fortune.

Well, I hope sitting quietly
on the beach and reading a book

isn't on your list,
'cause that's not gonna happen.

OK, you've got a deal.

Why don't you grab your sun block
and loosen up your genie pants,

because you're about to have
the best day of your life.

One tiny problem.

I'm not allowed to leave this
machine unattended. No problem.

One of my brothers will take your place
in the machine while we're gone.

Well, it's not gonna be me,
because I get claustrophobic.

It's actuall..
Quite roomy in here.

I'll do it. I love roomy
claustrophobic places.

All right. Hello, beach.

Here comes Zelzar!

Vise versa.
Max and Zelzar Reverse-a.

Oh, yeah!
Feels good to stretch my legs!

Check it out! I have legs!

Sweet! I have
a mustache and a beard!

And they're itchy, just like
I always dreamed they would be!

Uh, I better stay here with Max.

I have a feeling his fortunes might
come out a little... Max-ish.

This is so exciting. I...
I don't know what to do first.

Watch out!

Oh my gosh, Alex. That giant
mallet almost took your head off.

Are you all right?
Yeah, for now.

Let's just give this guy
a couple hours on the beach,

so that he can take back my fortune.

OK, Zelzar, what do you want to do first?

Use one of these disposable cameras,
so that I can remember all of this!

Maxar!

Uh, excuse me, sir.
One second.

I'm the fortune teller machine quality control...
inspector guy.

Uh, I have to ask you to stand right there.

"Mustache and beard. Jealous?"

This is actually why I've been
inspecting these machines.

Vague fortunes.

What Zelzar is actually trying to say,

is that "Jealousy is
a very hairy subject."

So yeah, why don't you go take
b walk and think about that.

"Ouch."

Guys, the beach is so much fun!

Yeah, maybe for you.
She's almost been taken out

by a mallet, a corn dog, and a seagull.

Yeah, and if we didn't have all those
pictures, no one would believe it.

OK, Zelzar, you've had
a great time at the beach.

Let's take back my bad fortune.

Not so fast.

I haven't talked to any beach beauties yet.

What? No. You're not...

Oh, my gosh.
Thank you, Harper.

That was close.
A little too close.

One of these near misses
is not going to be a near miss.

Great, where did Zelzar go?

Let's just spread out and find him.

Nice try, Harper.
You're sticking with me.

Maxar!

Sir, excuse me!
I'm with the machine.

"How do you like my mustache?"

It's quite comical, actually.

What he's trying to say is that...

Maxar!

"My mustache can b*at up
your mustache."

Don't know why I keep
reading these out loud.

Well, sir, why don't
you enjoy. Move right along.

There's a pack of seagulls!
There are several of them!

What is your obsession with facial hair?

When you become a man...
you'll know.

First time at the beach?

Whoo! It's my first time,
and I am enjoying the view.

I'm... married.

You must have seen my husband over there
barbecuing and thought he was my personal chef.

I look a lot richer than I am.

Great, we have to get him away from
her before my dad realizes who he is.

Zelzar, OK, come on. You've
had your time at the beach

and even flirted with a beach
beauty, who is my mom. So gross.

It's time for you to take back my fortune.

Alex...
You've gotta be kidding me!

Come on Zelzar, it's time
to take back my fortune.

Sorry!

You want to tell your dad now?

Daddy!

I need your help. I got
a fortune from Zelzar,

and he won't take it back
no matter what I do.

I'm sorry, I should have listened to you.

Here's what the fortune says.
"Say goodbye to your life."

Oh, mija.

Yeah, you might not want
to stand so close to her.

Dad, Zelzar said that he
would take back my fortune

if I gave him have a day at the
beach, but he keeps putting it off.

Look, Zelzar.
My daughter's in danger.

And it sounds like you made a promise.

And you ate two of my burgers!

'Cause they are delicious!

Oh, thanks.

The secret is the onion soup mix
is mixed into the meat...

Daddy!

Right! Zelzar,
take her fortune back.

Yeah, about that...

I'm having too much fun on the beach.

I think I might wait a while before I...

get back in that box.

But... that wasn't the deal!

Everyone just needs
to calm down, OK? Calm down!

There's no need to get upset
over a few silly fortunes.

You call this a fortune?

"Grow a beard
and join my beard club."

What does that even mean?
Who knows?

Look, if you want to destroy the thing,
fine, destroy it. I'm not gonna stop you.

Those two are ruining
the fortune-telling business

that I've built up over the last century.
I gotta get back in there.

OK, I'll put you back in there,

but you know what you promised to do.

All right, all right.
I can't erase your fortune,

but I can transfer it
to the next paying customer.

I'm good with that. You?

Yeah. I hope it's
that flying rat.

All right, deal.
Get him back in the box.

I can't do the spell,
there's too many people!

Hey, look, everyone!

That unattended barbecue just
set the lifeguard tower on fire!

Good thinking, Harper.

Actually, I'm not lying.
Your dad's grill tipped over.

My burgers!
My book!

My floppy hat!

Wow, that was a blast!

Wait, where's my beard and mustache?

Here come the firemen.

Guys, I'm married!

You know what?
Let's just go home.

Wait...

Oh, no, that little girl's gonna get
my old fortune. This is horrible.

Zelzar!

Poor girl.

Hang on there, little girl.

I'm Hal Art, host of
Random Prize Giveaway.

Say goodbye to your life, because
we're randomly giving you...

one million dollars!

What? That's my money!
That's my money!

That's my money!
It's mine!

OK here it comes... Ahhh!

OK, my turn.
Ohhh!

Who needs air conditioning?

Ah... my mustache would've
really enjoyed this.

This is so much better
than a day at the beach.

I'm gonna finish this book, no matter what.

Oh... It broke. It broke. How do we fix it?

Wait. I'll fix it. I'll fix it.

Fix the fan, make it right.
Make it blow with all its might.

Great. Thanks, Alex.

Ah! Oh!
All right...

Whoa!
Wait!

Too much might!
Too much might!

Turn it off!