04x19 - Alex the Puppetmaster

[bunniefuu]

Mom, Dad, great news.

Since Harper and I graduated High School,

we decided that we're ready to get
our own apartment and move out!

What do you think?

I think they love it.

Oh, my goodness, let's
start packing now. Yeah!

Wait a second!
Did I hear you correctly?

You graduated High School?

Nice parenting!

Listen, Alex...
You want to move out?

I don't think you guys
have thought this through.

Doesn't matter.
Because I have.

I've actually been waiting
for this moment for years.

Here, check it out.

Here's a blueprint of the house
without Alex in it.

Well, where's my room?

Gone. I'm going to build
my laboratory in it.

Bonus, you can never move back in or visit.

Alex, honey, moving out is a very big deal.

For one thing, you're gonna need money,

for things like food, rent...

Oh, come on, Alex and I agreed years ago

that when we had enough
money saved, we'd move out.

Right, Alex?
Yeah.

What about utilities?

Where are you gonna get the money for that?

Oh, I just figured I'd take some from here.

Those are utensils.

Well, then I don't know
what utilities are...

so I probably don't need 'em.

Oh, really? So you don't need
gas, heat, water, phone?

You know, usually roommates
share the cost of those things.

Did you know about all that?

Yes, Alex, I knew we'd need water.

If you two can earn
enough money to move out,

that will prove how serious
you are, and we'd be supportive.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thank you, thank you!

♪ Everything... ♪

♪ is not... ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

♪ Seems ♪

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ And the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

Mom, Dad, Talia just told me her
parents want to meet you guys

so they can get a sense of my family.

I can't even make sense of this family,

how are they gonna do it?

You know what's worse than meeting parents?

Meeting the kind of parents
that want to meet other parents.

Yeah, you should just
put 'em off for a little while.

All right, I'll put 'em off for two hours.

They're coming over for lunch.

Oh, I hate meeting new people.

But I do like lunch.
It's... There's...

I'm torn!

Justin, I just heard
your sister's moving out.

Now we can take over her room.

"Operation: Sister's Moving Out
So We Can Take Over Her Room" is in high gear.

We're gonna have enough room to build
a plexi-dome moonscape biosphere!

I'm Harper's latest craft
project, Venus Paloma.

Harper, please stop playing with puppets.

I'm trying to figure out
a way to make money.

All right, what do we have
that people would pay for?

That's a cute puppet.
Are you doing a show?

Hey, quiet, little girl!

We're trying to think
of a way we can make money.

Sorry, but I just wanted to know

where I can buy a ticket
for the puppet show.

Kid, please!
Don't make me tell you again.

Wait a minute! That puppet lovin'
little girl just gave me an idea.

We could make money by
putting on a puppet show!

That's a terrific idea!
I'm ready to be a rock star!

OK, then it's settled.

You make another marionette,
and I'll write a script

about two oddball friends
making their way in the world.

OK, and we'll build the puppet
stage to make sure you move out.

All right, guys, Talia's
parents are on their way up.

So let me give you a tip, so
you have plenty to talk about.

OK. They love the Mets and they
like going to the movie theater.

Perfect. Your father
and I love that stuff.

That's why we get along so well.

On Saturday afternoons,
I go to a ball game,

and your mom goes
to a movie about feelings.

All right, that's them.

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Robinson,
welcome to our home.

These are my parents, Theresa and Jerry.

And these are my parents, Rob and Meg.

Oh, so nice to meet you.
Lovely to meet you.

Oh, come on in.
Hi.

How you doing?
Hi.

Did you prep your parents?
This is really important.

Yeah, I told them your parents
love the movies and the Mets.

No! No, I said they like
going to the Met.

Short for "Metropolitan
Opera House."

And going to the theater for plays.

Oh, OK.

Uh, they're not prepped at all, then.

So, Rob, Meg...

We love the Mets so much.
How about you guys?

We were just there on Saturday.

Just a splendid production.

Oh, when they b*at the Phillies?

What? Someone got beaten
at the Metropolitan Opera House?

No, no, I'm talking about
the baseball team, the Mets.

But if someone got beaten
at the opera house...

Ha-ha! I actually might go.

Uh... To save them!

My dad would go anywhere
to save an opera lover.

We go to the opera all the time.

We place a ridiculously high value
on education and cultural awareness.

Yes, our family motto is,
"The more you know...

it's still
not enough."

Obviously, the
Russos care about learning, too.

I mean, look how many books they have on...

reality show celebrities.

See, the thing is, we really don't
get to go to the opera often,

'cause, you know, we're
too busy going to the movies.

I have a feeling you can relate to that.

Actually, no, we don't go to the movies.

We prefer live theater.

Well, we went to the theater once,

But, you know, the show seemed to end,
like, right in the middle of the story.

I didn't get it.

That was the intermission.

You see Jerry, I told you there was more.

You know?

We don't think this is an intellectually
stimulating environment for Talia.

I don't even have to confer
with my wife on this.

Perhaps it's best that Max and Talia
don't see each other anymore.

Well... hold on.

You're saying we can't see each
other anymore because...

what, my parents don't go to the opera
house and they like the wrong kind of Mets?

We also don't like your books.

Talia, let's go.

Mom, Dad, please...
Talia, let's go.

Talia, I tried.

Goodbye, Max.

All right, sorry I'm late.

I overslept and didn't have
a chance to write the script.

But I am well-rested
so that... is good.

Excuse me? You didn't
write the script?

Don't worry, Harper, we'll just wing it.

Oh yeah, we'll just wing it.

Yeah, you know, I made puppets,
they made a stage.

We all did what we said we were
going to do, except for you.

Don't you care about us moving out?

Of course I do, Harper.

They're just kids.
They love anything you put in front of them.

Look, we'll just be, like,

"Hello, puppet.
How are you?"

You'll be, like, "Hello, puppet.
I'm good, how are you?"

Right? Not bad,
huh, kids? Yeah?

Sorry, kids. Show's canceled
due to laziness.

Aww...

Wait a minute!
There's no show?

Zeke, you need to do something, or we can kiss
our plexi-dome moonscape biosphere goodbye.

Hey, kids!

Puppet shows are great,
but you know what's better?

Mimes! Whoa!

Look, I can pull a rope!

It goes on forever!

Wow, how about a donation, folks, huh?

Come on, put some
money in the hat. Come on.

Put your hat back on, mister.

I'm not a "mister," I am in my late teens!

Way to go, Alex.

Once again, you've earned
no money for our apartment.

What are you so mad about, Harper?

We'll just figure out another
way to make money and move out.

You don't get it, do you?

If I can't rely on you
for a simple puppet show,

how could I ever rely on you for something
more important, like sharing an apartment?

I'm not moving out with you, Alex.

I'm moving out on my own.

Max, you all right?

I'm just writing Talia's
name on my arm in mustard.

I really miss her.

I'm sorry, man.

Maybe I can help.

OK, there's only one "L" and
you need an "A" at the end.

Thanks, man, but there's no point in
me learning to spell her name now.

Mom and Dad didn't make a good first
impression when they met her parents.

Yeah, of course they didn't.
They don't im-press people,

they de-press people.
I just...

I just wish there was a way that they
could meet all over again, you know?

Hold on...

There is!

You could use the "clean slate" spell,

so Talia's parents don't
remember meeting our parents.

Really?
Yes.

Wow, you're usually not the one telling
me to use magic to fix my problems.

I know. But, I do know
what it's like

to have loved and lost a girl.

Twice.

And then another girl.

And I don't want that to happen to you.

Does the spell work through the phone?

All spells work through the phone now.

It's not .

All right, I'm calling the Robinsons.

Rob Robinson speaking.

Hi, um... Is your wife in the
room with you by any chance?

Yes, she's in the middle
of practicing her violin...

but I'd be happy to interrupt her.

OK, do it now!

Robinsons and Russos, clean the slate,

meet again and change your fate!

All right. Now I guess I just call
back and invite the Robinsons over.

Meg Robinson speaking.

Hello, Meg. This is
Theresa Russo, Max's mother.

Ooh, hi, Mrs. Russo.

Do you have a cold?
You sound like a teenage boy.

Thank you.

Listen, why don't you guys
come over around six tonight?

Jerry and I think it's
about time we met you guys.

Ooh, I'd have to cancel my violin lesson...

Oh, I'll make sure that happens.
We'll be there.

Hello, Annie. I'm home.

I bought us groceries
for our new apartment.

Cool. Just put 'em
in the cooking room.

These bags are heavy.

Can you help?
Sure, I'll help you.

Whew, I'm exhausted!

I'm gonna lay down and take a nap.

But you didn't even help me.

Well, you know how unreliable I am.

I can't even carry my own weight.

Yeah, that's why I'm a hero
for just being friends with you.

The end!

Oh, thank you, guys.
Thanks for coming to the show.

Oh, I see it's allowance week,
Jimmy. Thank you.

That Annie didn't lift a finger.

Right?

Hey, guys.
Harper, great show!

Where did you come up with all
these characters out of thin air?

Annie really reminded me
of somebody. Just...

Really, you couldn't tell that that
was a thinly-veiled att*ck on Alex?

I could tell.

She reminded me of Alex!

So you want us to meet
the Robinsons all over?

Wait, weren't we humiliated
enough the first time?

Dad, Talia is my first real
girlfriend, all right?

And you guys ruined it.

You gave us terrible information.

And you listened to me.

Which some people would say is worse.

Look, Justin did a spell so her
parents don't remember any of it.

What do you say?
Come on, Ma, Jerry...

Wanna give this another sh*t?

I don't think so, Max.

Great, that's them.
Let's do this!

OK, fine.

Hi.
Hello.

Oh, hello. Hi, I'm Meg Robinson.
My husband, Rob.

It's so nice to finally meet Max's parents.

Yes, so nice to meet you, too.

You know, we've talked about it so much,

I feel like we've already met you.

Come on in.
Hello.

Hi, Rob, I'm Jerry.

Those calluses on my hands are
not from me playing baseball,

but they're from me...

rubbing my chin while thinking.

Yes, um, my dad does a lot of thinking.

He was on the thinking team
back in college.

You know what I'm thinking about right now?

A book I'm reading about the Met.

Not the baseball team, the Mets.

I bet there's some culturally unaware
people that might confuse the two.

Sometimes I have to force Jerry
to stop reading about the Met

before we go to the Met.

We like the opera so much
more than the movies.

That's nice.
What's your favorite opera?

Her favorite opera is Winfrey.

What? Opera Winfrey, Ma.
You watch it every day.

He's kidding.

Ha-ha-ha!

I have an idea.

Let's all go see
Wagner's The Ring.

It's playing at the Met tonight.

Oh, that would be wonderful!

Pardon me for interrupting this great time,

but is it OK if I still see your daughter?

Absolutely.

This is obviously a culturally
stimulating environment for Talia.

We haven't found anyone else's parents

to be sophisticated enough to sit
through hours of The Ring.

What?

Sixteen hours?

Yes. Ah, I wish
it were longer, too.

Oh... this is gonna be
a great evening!

So fun!

In hours, I am so gonna get you.

Harper is still out there making
tons of money making fun of me.

But I will say that that Annie
has an undeniable charm.

Alex, You need to make things
right with Harper,

so I can fulfill my dream and building a
plexi-dome moonscape biosphere in your room.

All right, where should I put
the dual power generator?

This is gonna be how we generate
electricity in the biosphere.

Hit it!

See Alex, Zeke and I can work together.

Why can't you and Harper?
I can't breathe.

Well, Harper and I don't
need to work together.

I'm going to do my own show
and move out by myself.

But you don't know how to make marionettes.

Oh, yes I do.

Turn this clever spell-caster
into Alex, the puppet master.

Oh, no! That sounds
like a spell!

Hey, I did not agree
to be turned into a puppet!

Oh, these lederhosen
are way nicer than mine.

It's showtime.

Annie, it's time to get out of bed.

I only get up on weekends!

I'm gonna need a stage.

Build a puppet stage to earn a hefty wage.

Hey, everybody! Come check out
this marionette show.

You're gonna like it so much better.

Lady, please help me.

I'm being forced to do this
against my will.

Zeke! Just do
the show, man.

Do it for us.

Do it for the plexi-dome
moonscape biosphere.

Now, come on, let's dance.

The people love it.

Come on. Dance, Zeke!

Stop! Must...
resist... the strings.

Everybody stop!
Don't go!

There's more!

Heather is about to accuse
Annie of being selfish,

irresponsible, and
of stealing her audience.

All right, we get it.

Annie's the cool one.

Justin, Zeke is resisting.

Just... Just turn him around
and I'll kick him into helping.

Oh, stop it! Stop!

I am not stopping until you do the show!

Stop, stop! Please stop! I'll do it.
All right, I'll do it!

I'm out of here.
Zeke!

I'm not your puppet!

Zeke!

What about our biosphere?

Remote control marionettes.
How 'bout that?

Now that's a show!
Pay her, Mom.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Congratulations, Alex.

It looks like you're the one
who gets to move out.

It's the Annie
and Heather Show. Yay!

When we last left them, they were
in the middle of an ugly argument

about irresponsible Annie
with a heart of gold.

Look, Heather, I made tons of dough,

so we can get an apartment.

I'm not gonna move out without you.

Aw, Annie, you're not perfect,

but you usually come through
after a bad situation.

We're best friends forever.

Seriously, we are.

I know!

But I can't wait for bad things to happen

for you decide to do the right thing.

I have to be able to count on you.

That sounds like a warning,

like we're gonna be living together.

Promise you'll pull your own weight?

I promise.
And respect the chore chart?

And... Chore chart?

Only if you respect my
sleeping chart. No.

All right, I didn't want to go through
the trouble of making a chart anyway.

It's a deal.

They didn't see us, did they?

No No. We've got our plan.

What kind of language is that
and how can anybody follow it?

Hey! What's going on?

You guys are supposed to be at
the opera with Talia's parents.

We snuck out!

Yeah! We're gonna go upstairs, take a nap,

and get something to eat then sneak back in.

They'll never know.

Don't you think that they'll notice when
the light comes up for intermission?

That's right. There's an intermission.

Oh Jerry, we have to go back.

Come on.

I'm still gonna get you in hours.

Hi Talia. Oh this is cute.

Clean that up.