05x01 - Every Witch Way but Loose

[bunniefuu]

It's quite common for mortals to react

in a negative way
when they discover
that their beloved is a witch.

Eh, Sheala, why don't you share

your experience with the group?

David's madly in love with me

until he found out I was two-faced.

How about you, Sabrina?

You've spent all summer trying to get over

your break-up with Harvey?
How do you feel?

I just feel so confused!

There's like a game of emotional

ping-pong going on in my head.

Can't believe Harvey is so dumb
just to break up because I'm a witch.

He is a selfish, manipulative egomaniac.

No, he wasn't.
He was a sweet puppy dog
that would've followed you anywhere.

And he didn't shed.

You're right. I guess you call him.

Don't bother. It's over.

You're dead to him.

Nice sh*t.

You're bound to be conflicted.

Wounds of a heart take time to heal.

Tell me about it.

Harvey was my best friend, my soulmate.

Yet to him, you were nothing but a cat.

Doctor Witchfield, how am I supposed to start college and get up my life

if I can't stop thinking of Harvey?

The truth is that you made a lot of progress

over the summer
- Yeah, guess I have.

Maybe, all I need now is some closure.

Words, empty words.

All you need now is some shock therapy.

- Yeah?
- You're ready for closure.

All is left you to do
is to go throug the final screen.

See, if you can watch Harvey

without having your heart aches.

One last chance to be in his arms.

We were fine. Nothing is aching.

Although, suddenly I'm in the mood

for a barn raising.

Uh, sorry, that's the wrong video.
Ah, here. Try this one.

Oh, not as easy. He was a good kisser.

- Hey, you know what? I'm okay.
- Congratulations, Sabrina!

You passed the test.

What a relief! I made it!

I'm finally really ready to let him go.

Don't leave me, Harvey! Noo!

Somebody, catch me!

Don't go, Harvey...

Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
S E - Every Witch Way but Loose

Eight and a half feet.
Eh, eight...

Zelda, what are you doing?

- Nothing.
- You jumped.

For joy when I saw you.

You were measuring behind my back.

You were going to redecorate

Sabrina's room without me.

I didn't think you'd mind.

- Why not?
- Because you are a kind

and giving person.
And you have

no taste.
- I have empathical taste.

As the way you've decorated your bedroom:

south-western Mr. Fo chinese.

I call it "Cassadei Feng Shui".

Hilda, Sabrina is going to college now.

She needs a room

where she can do a serious study.

And what project did you have in mind?

Oh, I see. You'd like Sabrina to spent

her college years living in a mortuary.

I'm not done yet. I'm getting her

a beautiful inkwell.
- Inkwell? Uuh,

how awkward? I personally think

that Sabrina would be more comfortable living in a room

like the one I had during my academic years.

You went to a clown college.

University!

Graduated magnicum self-eter.

Back in the box, chuckles!

There's no use arguing.
Sabrina's room. We should let her decide

how she wants to decorate.
- Fine.

I'm confident that Sabrina is mature enough

to make the right choice.

I heard that.

You're all a bunch of whiny psychos!

Uhh, I could not take those nutcases anymore!

- They kicked him out?
- Yep, they

though his obsession with Harvey
was border on psychotic.
And they caught him

stealing sweet love.
- You'll thank me

at breakfast.

More importantly, how are you doing?

Okay, I think I'm finally

over Harvey.
- Really? After all he ment to you?

You two were so close

for so many... too many years

I'm exhausted.

I just wanna go lie down and take a nap

in my nice cousy room.

Okay, here is what I can use as a Plan B.

We each wanna to redecorate your room.

So, just tell us which half you like best.

Dark, taint and dreary

or the greatest room on Earth?

- Neither.
- Oh, honey, I know you love

your old room but now

you are starting college. Maybe,

it's time for a change?
- I agree.

And I've been thinking about it a lot.
And... I wanna move out.

- What?
- Where?

- I wanna live at college like a normal freshman.

Our own crib on campus?

Keg party!

Sabrina, this is very sad.

You never mentioned moving out before.

Well, I didn't know how to tell you. And I knew

you'd be upset and beg me not to go.
So, go ahead let's get it over with.

Sabrina, I'm only gonna say this once.

A younger unleashes her freedom

and I need a room for kickboxing.

How soon does the school start?

- Hilda!
- Oh, c'mon, you remember us at Sabrina's age?

Yeah, you must've been young once.

Was that before or after
they invented fire?

- I hope you're happy.
- Of course, I'm happy.

I won the last games.
King man.

I'm talking about Sabrina living on her own

in a mortal realm.
Remember how painful

that transition was.

I give you painful?
Haven't listen to you two

empty belly ackles all day.

I think this sweater is too snug.

It could be a little tigher around your neck.

Look, Sabrina is going to college across the town.

She can come and visit whenever she wants.

What if she doesn't want to?

Well, I'm sure she'll call whenever she has time.
She won't have any time.

'cause she will be in college.
All the way

across the town.
Zelda, what have you done?

Ew?

Oh, Hilda, we just have to hope that Sabrina will come

to reconciliation realized

that she will miss us as much
as we will miss her

Ain't gonna happen, sister.

She's grown up, moving out

and I'm riding shotgun on contenders.

Oh, I don't know,
it depends how Sabrina's feeling.

If she seems receptive
I will ask her or else.

You rock, coffee boy.

- Hey, Sabrina.
- Hey, Josh.

- How are you doing?
- Ah, never better.

Decided to make a life change.

Clean break and start fresh.

That's fantastic.
Exactly what I was hoping for.

So, you've got any plans for the weekend?

Yes, I do. I'm gonna pack all my stuff
and moving

to my new dorm.
- How sweet.

- Which one did you get into?
- I don't know

I haven't signed up yet.
- Sabrina, your school starts

next Tuesday.
These dorms are

filled months in advance.
- Really?

I wonder where all packages from the Housing Office I want to fetch.

Probably, you'll have to get
on a waiting list to get on a waiting list.

Or maybe they just let
the really cool people in?

I guess this doesn't
help me either.

Well, you never know,
a room could open up.

I mean, some incoming freshman
can be hit by a bus.

He won't be dead or anything.
He just starts school

next year.

Sabrina, I don't mean to sound negative,

but your chances of getting a room
are slim to none.

Less than zero.
No way, nohow.

Thank you very much, Josh.
But you know what? I came here totally jazzed

now spiralling into a
black hole.

Oh, no, no, no,
don't go there. If you are in a black hole

than you won't be in the mood
to go out on a date.

What are you talking about?
I barely over

Harvey. What kind of loser
wanna date a woman

on a rebound?

No one I know.

Where do you think you are going with that?

A college guy needs his toast.

- And how are we supposed

to get our mail from the other realm?

Can I use a
"Not my problem."?

No, but I can say,
"Not your toaster.".

Kit's been trying to steel our appliances

and take them off to college.
- No doubt

the same slug has packed my hair rollers

in his duffle bag.

I like to pet them on the floor.
For excercise.

That's my story.
And I'm sticking to it.

- Hi.
- Sabrina, what's wrong?

There is no room
at the dorm.

So, all student housing can do
is to put my name on the waiting list.

Sabrina, that's fant... terrible.

Oh, honey.
I know you must be terribly disappointed.

Her? I've got a mover coming in a minute

to pick up an ottoman.
- Well, the good news is

you still have a place to stay.

And if a room becomes available

you can move into the dorm next year.
- Or the year after that. Or the year after that.

By than you will be sucked into the tangled web.

Your precious freedom

a distant dream.
- I have a dream,

and in it you are a zippo's lining.

Sounds right.
If I wanna live on my own,

it's up to me to make it happen.

I'll just have to go out
and find an appartment.

So, what if the only appartments available

are in dangerous neighborhood?
- The only way to find out

is to get out there and look.

Discover every classified, knock on every door.

Lucky for you,
you are looking at couple of great knockers.

There's a small studio appartment

in that building over there.
Looks like a nice neighborhood.

But there is trash. All over the street.

- There's one gum wrapper.
- Don't take the wrapper

but look for inns.

They say it's a very bad luck

to take the first place's ad.

But look at it, bucks for that...

"Shmolex"?

That last place that we looked

was exactly not in the best location.

As soon as the light in here?

Light doesn't really work for me
because I'm nocturnal.

What it doesn't have is a roof around the sky light.

Hey, this is cute.
And look, there is a

tub in the kitchen.

And it is full of cockroaches!
Wait a minute.

I think their virtue is at spelling of the word "hi".

I can't believe it is as hard

to find an appartment. I mean each one is worse

than the next.
Like someone's

flatting against me.
- Who would do that?

Why would you think that?
Huh? Huh? Huh?

- Aunt Hilda!
- It was her idea!

- Aunt Zelda!
- We have the right

to remain silent.

Hey, trying to order some school supplies here.

I'll take a case of number pencils

and a bottle of perming cream.

Honey, I know you are angry.

But we acted out of love.
- You were

sneaky and dishonest.

In a loving nurturing way.

Sabrina, we just hated the part of your leaving.

Hold on,
get another call coming in.

It's Dean's Housing Office.
Will she

have to get back to you?
- Give me that.
- Hello

This is Sabrina Spellman.

Really? Something open up on campus?

Does it have four walls and a ceiling?

Nobody got hit by a bus

today?
Great, I'll take it.

Look, the house is owned by the school.

It's two blocks from campus.
You can't possibly object.

You can drop me off and have your place stuff

but I don't wanna point or pin
out of either of you.

Face it, aunties.

It's time to let us live our own lives.
- Salem,

along those lines,
most of the students

don't go to college with the talking cat.

Giving you the clear advantage?

I'm sorry. You can't come with me.

Oh, please, please, please, don't leave me
with these rigid...

Goddesses.

Okay, well, thanks for you help.
I'll cal

once I get setteled.
- You are sure

you don't want us to come in

and take a look around?

I'll take it as a "no".

Hi, you must be the new girl Sabrina.

And you must be her aunts,
Hilda and Zelda?

And you must be a clairvoyant?

No, I'm
Morgan Cavanaugh, RA.

It's my job to know

the backgrounds of the students that I look after.

- Come on in.
- She invited us.

- This is so cool!
- I live upstairs

and Sabrina will be sharing the room

down here with a wonderful girl named Roxie.
- OK,

sounds great!
OK, bye guys!

More. This is our niece's first time

living on her own.
- You have nothing to worry about.

I put in a full hours. I look after these students

as a favor of my own family.

See? No worries. She is just as serious of curfew as you are.

I make sure they get plenty of rest,

they eat right and study, study, study.

- Can I live here?
- Can she?

- Hey, bye aunt Hilda, bye aunt Zelda.

Don't you worry. I'll take good care of her.

Gotta roll.
Have a date.

- It's : in the morning.
- I know,

I'm minutes late
thank to your hawk-eye aunts.

Sweet, before you go I have a good quesiton.

Uh, I don't have time for questions.

Wait, by far you said you are here for hours.

Not on the same day!

My place, my chair, my...

alright, it's not my CD player.
But it's in my living room.

Stay right there. I'll call .

Oh, I'm sorry. This was really strange.

And I was ego psycho but it's your call.

You must be Roxie, I'm Sabrina.
Your new rommate.

Oh, I'm sorry. That was your CD player.

I was so excited so I couldn't stand still.

This place is so cool.
I never lived on my own

before and I just know college

is gonna be the best experience in my life.

Okay, maybe second place.

- Hello. Was that something I said?
- Look,

you seem very nice.
- Thanks.

I have no room in my life for people like that.

- You're kidding, right?
- I never kid,

I never giggle,
and I never dance like a bull legged chicken.

C'mon you must be kidding at least once.

Or not.

Oh, I get it. You must be a deceptively rough type you've talked of

but deep down you've got a heart of gold.

I'm taking the bedroom.
You get the coach.

And I'd appreciate that if you lose those perky things.

- Hey, cool. We're getting a cable.
- I'm not the cable guy.

I'm Miles,
I live in the bedroom across the hall.

Never go in there.
- Okay.

I'm Sabrina
I just moved in.

So, what's all the equipment for?

Oh, I work part-time for the electric company.

- Doing what?
- Ahh, electric stuff.

Unplugging things, plugging things in.

I love plugs.

Ok, I'm monitoring the Alpha Quadrant for presence of an intelligent life.

The Alpha Quadrant?
Those water breezers are many light years

behind us.
- You can make fun.

I know you never believe this.

But our Universe is inhabitted by

other forces and other beings.
- Oh, you mean like witches?

Witches?
C'mon, they are better real than Easter Bunny

in the long gumming theory.

Wait, wait.
Ah, Morgan

said I'd share room with Roxie. But Roxie said

I just sleep on a coach.
Isn't that ridiculous?

Watch out for the loose spring in the last cushion.

It's an eye-opener.

I caught you again.
What were you doing this time?

Wallowing in the misery of life without Sabrina.

Wallowing?
Without me?

It never fails to amaze me of the depth of your selfishness.

I apologize.

- You. You fall apart first.
- Thank you.

Wow, so they did saved h*tler's brain.

- What are you doing here?
- I came to party.

But I see no signs of bubbly outrageous college lads.

No offense.

You have no clue of what college life is like today.

I've come to learn.
Teach me the ways

of your animal house.
- Well, for one thing

they don't let you stay in your own bedroom.

My rommate hates me and accesses me to sleep on a coach.

I tried to talk to her but she doesn't even open the door.

Let's see what to do...

If only you were a witch...

Forget it.
I'm gonna going to school in the mortal

realm. I can't use the magic to solve every little problem.

No wonder you are miserable,

you are letting these mortals to walk all over you.

Are you saying because you care or

because you wanna party?
- Six of one.

But point is
you've got the gift of magic.

Use it or lose it.

Well, I guess there is something really annoying me.

- Salem?
- Uhm, what a flight?

No way, I'm not of stupid Salem's level.

Yet.

- Hi, what's up?
- I have a little problem.

So do I.
I'm on my way to a party

and I can't decide which shoes to wear.

- I like those red ones.
- Me too. Thanks a lot.

Now about me...
Enough about me.

Sabrina's first levitation.

- Ah, the girl had lift!
- What girl?

- Just looking the old pictures of Sabrina.
- Without me?

Do you think you're more upset about her leaving than I am?

Oh, how pathetic. I sound like you.

I just can't go to sleep until I know she's OK.

I'm sure she's fine.

But then why does Salem say that she's sleeping on a coach.

We should go over there and check on her.

If we barge in on her she will never forgive us.

You're right.
Driving over there is

not the answer.

We should calm down, make some tea.

Exactly. And perhaps a waffle.

Salem was right.
She's sleeping on the coach.

Hard floor.

It's no use.
I need help.

The machine?
Aunt Hilda, aunt Zelda!

- Where are you?
- Right where you need us, honey.

- Tea.
- Waffle.

You guys have been spying on me?

Lucky thing. You obviously needed our help.

I needed your advice on a problem,

but how can I take an advice from the people I can't trust?

Uh, you can trust us. We were just trying to help

in our own appliance-oriented way.

Salem told us what's been going on.

You said you're letting your rommate to take advantage of you.

Not true.
I was just about to go in

and tell her I'm moving in my stuff.

- Go ahead.
- I'm going.

Maybe, you just need a little push.

- Hey, sleeping in here. Too bad

I'm coming in.

I thought you were sleeping.

And I thought the door was locked.

What do you want?

What's rightfully mine one half of this room.

Oh, I thought you didn't giggle.

That wasn't a giggle.
That was a

"don't make me laugh".

I've no idea why you don't like me.

- You don't even know me.
- I know you.

You were the top of your class in the high school,
had a cute boyfriend

and actually enjoyed the extracurricular activities.

Maybe. But I bet you can't handle which ones.

Can, don't wanna.
Trust me, I know your type.

- My type?
- Perfect, well-adjusted.

You probably don't have a weird bone in your body.

That's not true. I have many weird bones.

Capitol double-joint thing going on.

Wow, you're a freak!

You don't know even half of it.
I haven't seen my mother

in years, my father lives

in the other realm, and as for well-adjusted,
well, I've got two aunts

who are total witches.

I see your ex and raise you

my clinically drainaged stepmother.

I double down my uncle...

Look, I don't have to justify myself to you, Okay?

Whether you think I'm weird or normal,

it doesn't matter.
This room is half mine

and I'm moving in.
Got it?

Okay, you don't have to get nasty about it.

I thought it would be a welcome change for "perky".

As a start, I suppose you want me

to help you with your bags?
- That'd be nice.

I'll do it anyway.

- Yes!
- We're in!

- You go, girl!
- Thanks.

You go too.

We're really should get to sleep.

If Sabrina calls, we'll hear the phone.

She's nog gonna call.
After what we did

she'll probably never talk to us

again.
- I wouldn't say that.

- Sabrina?
- I'm glad you gave that little push I needed.
I'm certain it worked things out with Roxie.

Oh, that's great, honey.

You know the only reason we drive you crazy

is because we love you.

I know. I love you guys, too.
Gotta go.

Nice to see she's finally blending.