02x13 - George's Alibi

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe apartment ♪

♪ In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece Of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪

♪ There ain't Nothin'
wrong with that ♪

♪ We're movin' on
up Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece Of the pie ♪♪

RADIO: which
began early yesterday

and has been coming
down steadily all day.

The latest Weather
Bureau prediction calls

for still more snow
throughout the night

with accumulations
topping 30 inches.

Wow, Jenny.
That's a lot of snow.

That's as much snow as we
had in the blizzard of 1932,

isn't it Louise?

I wouldn't know.
I'm not that old.

You could have fooled me.

RADIO: The mayor,
meanwhile, has met the crisis

by suspending alternate
side of the street parking

and garbage removal operations.

Well, that's one
way to b*at the snow.

Bury it under garbage and
hide it behind parked cars.

Mrs. Jefferson, I'm getting
worried about Lionel.

He should have been here by now.

Oh, I'm sure he's okay.

It's George I'm worried about.

He's driving
around in that mess.

Don't worry, George
loves the snow.

Why, when he was 7
years old, he earned money

shoveling snow off of stoops.

And he's been giving
people snow jobs ever since.

Shame on you, Louise.

I was only joking.

Well, George is
nothing to joke about.

You can say that again.

Oh, Lionel!

Hi. Is Pop home yet?

No, he isn't.

Good. What?

Um, I mean, goodbye.

Come on, Jenny, we're
going to the movies.

Not in this snow, we're not.

Your grandmother was saying
it's the worst storm she's seen

since the blizzard of '88.

I never said anything like
that. The blizzard of '88.

I wasn't even born then.

You could have fooled me.

Come on, Jenny, let's go.

Are you kidding? We'd be
frozen by the time we got there.

Yeah, but think of
the fun we'll have

thawing each other out.

We're not going to the movies.

Okay. Let's go to the
kitchen, I got to talk to you.

Well, all right, but you're
not going to talk me

into going to the movies.

He's going to wind
up just like his father.

Henpecked.

Jenny, we got to get out of
here before Pop gets home.

What's wrong?

You know our white panel truck?

Yeah, the brand new one

your father doesn't
want you to drive?

Mm-hm. Well, I
drove it this morning,

and it's not so
brand new anymore.

Uh-oh. How much did it age?

One front fender
and a parking light.

They sort of got bashed in.

Oh, and you're afraid your
father will sort of bash you in.

Only for openers. Then
he'll really get violent.

All right now, tell
me how it happened.

Well, I was trying to get into
this real tight parking space.

And I was having
a lot of trouble.

But then this
brother comes along,

and he takes a look and says:

"Hey man, you're
clear. Give it the gas."

So I gave it the gas, and crash!

Then he says to me,
"What'd you do that for?"

That was a dumb question.

That's what I told him.

Turns out he thought
I was trying to pull out.

I said, "No man,
I'm trying to park."

Well, what did he say to that?

He said, "You'll never make it."

And walked away!

No, it's not funny.

Yes, it is.

Well, not to me.

That fender's got a dent in
it the size of a watermelon.

How come your father
hasn't noticed that?

Because I piled some
garbage cans to hide the fender.

See, I figured I'd get my
gypsy friend Petrolingo

to fix it overnight.

That's not going to do any good,

your father's out driving
that truck right now.

He is? Well then
he's probably seen it.

I got to get out of
here. Hey, look. Listen,

you're going to have to
tell him sooner or later.

Later is a lot
better than sooner.

It'll give him a
chance to calm down.

Well, all right, I just hope
you know what you're doing.

I'm doing it for
my father's sake.

To save him from
getting that headache.

What headache?

The one he's going to get

when he hits the roof. Let's go.

Well, see you later. On
our way to the movies.

But you said you didn't
want to go out in this weather.

I know, but Lionel convinced
me it's good for his health.

Huh?

It's a fact, Ma. Staying
indoors too much can hurt you.

Bye.

Oh, and tell Pop
not to wait up for me.

He never does.

Then tell him to keep
up the good work.

Young people. You never
know what they're going to do

from one minute to the next.

The way they're
brought up nowadays!

Oh, come one.

When you was
young, didn't you do

crazy things with your husband?

No. I was afraid to.

Afraid? Of what?

My mother-in-law.

William's mother,
may she rest in peace,

was always criticizing me.

Nothing I did was right.

You don't know how lucky you are

not to have a
mother-in-law like that.

You're right.

I don't know.

Louise, were you
going to the kitchen?

No.

Oh.

Why, did you want something?

No, only if you were
going to the kitchen.

And suppose I was going?

Then I was going to ask you
to get me a nice hot cup of tea.

Oh. All right.

I don't want to put you out.

Believe me, I don't
want to put you out.

I wish I could say the same.

What did you say?

Oh, I said, "I'm glad you came."

Oh, thank you, Louise.

Weezy.

Oh, George, I'm
so glad to see you.

I was worried about you.

Something terrible
happened. Something terrible.

What? I had an accident.

An accident? What happened?

I don't know. What do
you mean you don't know?

Well, when I went back,
there was nothing there.

What are you talking about?

I think I hit somebody.

Oh, my God! How
is he? Is he hurt?

I don't know, I never saw him.

Let me get this straight.

You hit somebody
who wasn't there?

Right.

Oh, George.

But I must have hit somebody,

my parking light is busted.

And there's a dent in my fender

the size of a watermelon.

Maybe that's what
you hit. A watermelon.

Look, this ain't no time
for your corny jokes.

Why don't you
get George a drink,

and while she's doing
that, you can tell Mama

how you hit the watermelon.

It wasn't no watermelon,
I tell you I hit somebody.

That's all right,
whatever you say.

Will you stop that? I
just ran over somebody.

Somebody you didn't see.

You can't see nothing
in that storm out there.

Driving tonight was m*rder.

Why'd I pick that word?

Now, George...

It was terrible driving out
there, Weezy! I'm telling you.

It was like going one-on-one

against Kareem Jabbar.

Cars were slipping
and sliding and skidding,

and my van was doing more moves

than a hula dancer.

Some place, I think it
was Columbus Avenue,

I felt this bump, you know,

but I didn't pay no
mind, I just kept driving,

then I start thinking,
maybe I hit somebody.

So I made a right turn and
went back where I felt the bump

and there was nothing there.

Well, there you are.

No, there I ain't. I ain't sure
I went back to the right spot.

Whoever it was
could've been laying

a block away, bleeding to death!

Okay, George, you've
got a dent in your fender.

Why are you so sure
you hit somebody?

Maybe it was some thing.

Huh?

Well, it could have been

a garbage can covered with snow,

one of those Con
Edison barriers,

you know, the kind that reads,

"We're digging another
hole for New York."

Yeah, it could have been.

George, you listen to Louise.

She knows what
she's talking about.

You know, George always
did let his imagination

run away with him.

You know, I remember
when he was just 7 years old,

he scared us half to death.

How?

Well, my Aunt Mildred
was visiting with us,

and she had to get up
in the middle of the night

to go to the bathroom.

Well we were living
in a railroad flat

and she had to go
through George's bedroom

to get there.

Well, sir, he woke
up in the dark,

and all he could see
was that white nightgown

and he started screaming,

"The Klan is here!

The Klan is here!"

And then Papa came
running into the room

with a baseball bat
saying, "Where? Where?"

When he found out the
Klan was Aunt Mildred,

I thought he was going to
rock me to sleep with the bat.

And your imagination is
still going strong, George.

Yeah, I guess
maybe you're right.

Maybe I didn't
even hit anything.

Maybe somebody backed into me.

Oh, come on, George.
Don't get carried away.

That's what I'm going to
tell the insurance company.

I got to make some
money out of this deal.

What?

Look, just let me
handle it, okay?

Get me another drink.

You'd better come with me
and drink some hot coffee

before you talk to
that insurance man.

And I'll get your tea,
Mother Jefferson.

Oh, never mind,
I'll get it myself.

You ain't got to do that, Mama.

Weezy loves
doing things for you.

Oh, I want to do my share.

Since I'm going to be
here for the duration.

Well, in that case,
we'd better find out

how long the
duration is going to be.

RADIO: with the weather
bureau figures now revised

upward to 36 inches.

And here's a
late-breaking story.

One of gangland's
reputed top chieftains,

Louie "the a*" Arnold,

was the victim of
a hit-and-run driver

on Columbus Avenue tonight.

Mr. Arnold suffered a
broken leg and is reported

in satisfactory condition
at Roosevelt Hospital.

Police are looking for
a late model white van

which lost a parking light
at the scene of the accident.

I'm telling you, Mama,

I'm the driver
that hit that guy.

No, you're not. Yes, I am.

No, you're not. How do you know?

You're my son aren't you?

What's that got to do with it?

That proves it wasn't
you. No son of mine

would ever do a thing like that.

Oh, George, I'm sorry. You
really did have an accident.

No he didn't. Did
the man on the radio

say George was the driver?

No, but...

See? He knows
you didn't do it too.

But it sounds
like it was George.

That could be how he
got the dent in his fender.

You've got to call
the police, George.

Yeah. You're right, Weezy.

No, George. I'm an old
lady, and if you go to jail,

I'll never see you again.

You're right, Mama.

George, they won't
send you to jail.

You're right, Weezy.
It was an accident.

Remember who it happened
to, George. Louie "the a*."

George, why aren't you calling?

You heard Mama,
Louie "the a*" Arnold.

Well, what's the difference
between him and anybody else?

The a*.

So he's a criminal.

No. Not just a criminal.
Didn't you hear the radio?

He's a g*ng boss.

Mafia. You were right
about me not going to jail.

I won't live long
enough to go to jail.

Oh, come on, George.
Even people like that

understand that
accidents happen.

Sure they do. Because
they make them happen.

To other people.

George, you've got to
forget who this man is

and call the police.

That man is a gangster, Louise.

George is a good, honest man.

Why should he suffer
because of someone like that?

Yeah, and it ain't
just for me, Weezy.

I'm thinking of
you and Lionel too.

Then really think of Lionel.
How's he going to feel

when he knows his
father hit and ran?

He's going to feel fine, because
he ain't going to know nothing.

Nobody's going to know
nothing, especially Louie "the a*."

You heard what the radio
said, he's only injured.

Only injured?

Yeah! That'll make him madder

than if he was dead.

All right. All right.

But suppose the police
trace the van to you anyway.

Then you'll really be a
criminal for not reporting it.

Yeah. You're right.

I never thought of
that. Thanks, Weezy.

Well, I'm glad you...
Hey, wait a minute.

Where are you going?

I'm going to do what would
Louie "the a*" would've done

if he'd have hit me. Huh?

Get an alibi.

I hope he's not going
to do something stupid.

Of course not, he's going to
do what they do on Columbo.

The crooks always have
an alibi to fool Peter Falk.

That's true. But Peter Falk
always catches them in the end.

I never watch the end.

Bentley, is that you?
Oh! Yeah, that's you.

Mr. Jefferson, do
you mind if we talk

out here in the corridor?

Sure, you going out?

No, I'm staying in.

That's why I'm wearing
all these clothes.

It is freezing in my apartment.

Something's gone
wrong with the heating.

Oh, it's much warmer out here.

Well, you can come in
my apartment if you want.

Oh, no thank you, I'm waiting
for the maintenance man

to come and take a
look at the heating.

It only goes on when
the weather is hot.

Do you think they could have
put the system in backwards?

Maybe you're
facing the wrong way

when you turn your thermostat.

I never thought of that.

You know, all of this cold
has affected your hearing.

What? See?

No, no, I heard you perfectly
I just didn't understand you.

Oh, well, you didn't
answer your door

when I rang your bell
earlier this afternoon.

You rang my bell?

At 4:30, at 5:30 and
at 6:30 on the dot.

Really. And I never answered?

No. You didn't answer
when I rang at 4:30,

you didn't answer when
I rang again at 5:30,

And you didn't
answer when I rang at...

At 6:30. You're right. Good,
I'm glad you remember too.

I say, I'm frightfully
sorry. What did you want?

Huh?

Oh, yeah, uh. Oh, you
know Ralph the doorman?

Well, he needs this big job
done on his teeth, you know.

He doesn't have any dough.

So I been taking up
a collection for him.

Oh, what a splendid idea!

Yeah. There's nothing
worse than a gummy doorman.

Let me give you $10
towards the collection.

No. I don't need it now,
I've collected enough money.

In fact, that's what I was doing
all afternoon. I collected $200.

But I insist. It's
the least I can do

after not answering
the door when you rang.

Oh, you mean at
4:30, at 5:30 and 6:30?

You know, I believe
I did hear bells.

But I thought it was the icicles

breaking in the shower.

Here. Take this
$10 bill, I insist.

There's a good fellow, huh?

Well, if you insist.

And people say that
New Yorkers don't care

about their fellow man.

I'll never forget
your good deed.

And don't forget
the time I did it.

BOTH: 4:30, 5:30 and 6:30.

Where have you been?

Nowhere. Which is
where I was all afternoon,

if the police should ask you.

Remember that
Weezy. I was nowhere.

Right here.

That's right, Louise.
He was here helping me

with the crossword
puzzle all the time.

Thank you, Momsy!

In fact, he did the whole thing.

Don't overdo it, Ma.

This is crazy. George,
you've got to go to...

Lionel and Jenny!
Where you been?

Well, we were going
to go to the movies,

but it's too much of a hassle.

I'm telling you the
storm is getting worse.

We'd be giant snowballs by
the time we reached the theater.

Well, I'm glad you
decide to come home

because I got something
to see you about, Lionel.

That's what I was afraid of.

Face up to it.

Don't worry. Ain't
no big deal. It's not?

Look I just want you to
do a little something for me.

You know that
gypsy friend of yours?

Petrolingo? Yeah that
sounds close enough.

I want you to go over
to his place and tell him

I got a special job for
him. What kind of a job?

A confidential job. I want
him to bang out a dent

I got in the fender of the van.

You got a dent in the fender?

Yeah, and I also want
him to fix the parking light.

George... Hush up, Weezy.

Um, let me get this straight
Pop. You're telling me

to get the fender fixed and
you're going to pay for it.

That's right.

Lionel... Hush up, Jenny.

Oh yeah, and if Petrolingo
asks you how it happened,

would you mind
telling him you did it?

You can't make Lionel
take the blame, George.

Hey, that's okay,
Mom. I don't mind.

You're a good son,
Lionel. A good son.

Oh. Here's $150 for the gypsy.

Tell him if he does a good job,

I'll buy him an empty store.

You got it.

Lionel, you can't
have your father...

Don't ask questions!

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Hi, Ralph. Bye, Ralph.

Hi, Mr. Jefferson.
Goodbye, Mr. Jefferson.

Hello, Mr. Jefferson, sir.

What is it Ralph? I'm
kind of busy right now.

Yes, I know that sir,
I said that to myself.

Mr. Jefferson's a busy
man. Yet he can still find time

to do a thing like this.

A thing like what?

Your husband's a remarkable
man, Mrs. Jefferson, ma'am.

He's one of a kind, all right.

What's the matter, Ralph?

Oh, nothing, sir. I
just want you to know

how much I appreciate that $200.

$200? What $200?

The $200 Mr. Bentley
told me you'd collected

towards my dental bill, sir?

Oh, that $200. Yes, sir.

And I thank you from
the bottom of my heart.

Oh, you don't have
to thank me, Ralph.

Oh, but I do, sir. It means
a whole new life for me.

As soon as I can get that money.

And I suppose you
want the check right now.

Well if you don't mind sir.

Then I can make the appointment.

You're a Good Samaritan, sir.

How come you never told me
you were collecting for Ralph?

You know me, Weezy. I
don't like people knowing

how generous I am.

Here you go Ralph. Good chewing.

Oh, yes sir. Thank you, sir.

Oh, and Mr. Bentley
mentioned something

about the $10 he
gave you, too, sir?

Ten doll...? Oh, yeah.

God bless you, sir.

Just think. From now
on, when I smile at you,

it'll be with your teeth.

George, you're just
digging a hole for yourself

with all these silly alibis.

I think they're
very good alibis.

I know that man in the
hospital is a gangster,

but what you're doing
doesn't make it right.

It's bad to cover things up.

He's doing it for you, Louise,

and his poor, old mother.

George, you've
got to tell the police.

I know. I guess I've
known it all along.

I got to turn myself in.

It's the only way,
Mother Jefferson.

Hello, police?

Give me the
hit-and-run department.

Pop, I've got to talk to you.

Hold it, Lionel,
I'm on the phone.

Yeah, I'm hanging on.

Did you go to the
gypsies already?

No, not yet. Lionel has
something important

he has to tell you
first, Mr. Jefferson.

You haven't been
yet? No, you see, Pop...

Good. Don't go. Huh?

Listen, Pop. I've got
a confession to make.

You didn't dent the
fender on the van.

I did.

Say what?

Well, Lionel did it,

but it wasn't his
fault, it was this guy

who was trying to help him park.

You put a dent in
the fender? Yeah.

And you smashed
the parking light?

Yeah. I'm sorry...

What?! Is this Radio
City Music Hall?

What's playing today?

It ain't? Then why'd
you answer the phone?

That's wonderful, Lionel!
You smashed up my van!

That's terrific! Ain't
that the nicest thing

you heard all day,
Weezy? Lionel did it!

Thank you, son!

Oh, that's wonderful,
Lionel. Wonderful!

Oh, You've got a
good boy there, Jenny.

I'm real glad you're
taking it this way.

Yeah, I mean, I wish my folks
were always this understanding.

What happened was this
dude was trying to pull out.

Yeah, but he thought
Lionel was trying to park.

See George, it's always
best to admit things.

If Lionel hadn't owned
up to smashing the van,

you might have
been in big trouble.

Yeah, you're right.
You smashed the van.

You admitted it.

Hold it!

You smashed up my van?

What were you doing in my van?

I thought I told you
not to use the van.

But Pop... Don't "but Pop" me.

This is coming out
of your allowance.

I told you so.

Every red cent!

That'll teach you
to cover things up.

All right.

I'll let the insurance
company pay for it. This time.

Thanks, Pop.

But from now on, no more lies.

You're right. As
a matter of fact,

I'm going to call the
insurance company

myself and tell them
it was all my fault.

Oh, no you ain't. You don't
know how to go about it.

I'll tell them.

I'll tell them a snow truck

backed into my van.

Hey! Maybe I'll sue the city.

You can't do that!

Yeah, you're right. The
way New York is now,

I'll probably never collect.

I probably got more
money than the city.

Was your mother
talking yesterday,

or did you really shovel snow
off stoops when you were a kid?

Sure I did.

I got a lot of jobs from people

just because I
was small and cute.

I used to go home and
pray that I'd stay small.

Too bad you didn't
pray to stay cute.

How much did they
give you for doing that?

Oh, I got a dime a stoop.

A dime? Is that all?

Is that all? Do you
know what I could get

for a dime in those days? What?

For a dime I could get me
some jellybeans, licorice sticks,

jawbreakers, sugar daddies,

and a big kid to do all
the shoveling for me.

ANNOUNCER: The
Jeffersons was recorded on tape

in front of a studio audience.