03x16 - George's Guilt

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We've finally got
A piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪

♪ There ain't nothin'
Wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We've finally got
A piece of the pie ♪♪

♪ Oh, that's the way
Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ That's the way
Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

Now, your friend Willie was
the one with the red sports coat,

am I right?

No, that was Zippy. Willie's
the one with the two chicks.

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ That's the way
Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ That's the way ♪

Florence.

♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

Florence!

♪ That's the way
Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

Hey! Damn it.

♪ That's the way... ♪

What you do that
for, Mr. Jefferson?

Because that's the way
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh!

Is he in one of his moods again?

If you'd just come from a
funeral, wouldn't you feel low?

Uh-uh, not me.

Any funeral I can walk away
from makes me feel good.

How was your friend's funeral?

Terrible. It wasn't
fit for an enemy.

You should have seen the casket
they buried my man Steamy in.

Looked like some kids
made it in wood shop.

I know all the pallbearers
got splinters in their hands.

Oh, don't worry, Mr. Jefferson.

The good Lord don't keep
the boxes, just the people.

I wish I had known
how bad off Steamy was.

I could've helped him. Given
him some money, found him a job.

How could you have known?

You haven't seen
each other for years.

I should've kept
in touch to know.

I mean, we grew up together.
We were the best of friends.

It seems like just yesterday

me and him and the
rest of the Seven Saints

was running all around
Harlem having a good time.

The Seven Saints?

That was the name
of George's g*ng.

Why'd you all
call yourself that?

Jo Jo thought up the
name. He was our leader.

It was me, Jo Jo, Willie, Fats,
Steamy, Zippy and Gabby.

Sounds more like
the Seven Dwarfs!

I was just trying
to cheer you up.

Well, if you want to cheer
me up, try some magic.

What kind of magic?

Disappear!

I don't need no magic to
know which dwarf you was...

Grumpy!

See, now, her funeral
ain't gonna be cheap,

because she gonna
need two caskets.

One for her and
one for her mouth.

I'll fix you a drink, George.
It'll make you feel better.

Yeah, make it a double, Weezy.

I want something to stop
me from feeling so guilty.

What have you got
to feel guilty about?

Because I should've kept
in touch with those guys.

After all, we grew up together,

we played together,
we fought together,

we got in trouble together.

I mean, even in school,

we used to drive all the
teachers crazy together.

When one of us went to the
bathroom, we all had to go.

You shouldn't
take all the blame.

Why didn't they get
in touch with you?

Well, they was busy
scratching up bucks just like me.

Thanks. Hmm.

Now they probably
think I'm snubbing them.

They think because I'm
rich it's going to my head.

You know something,
Weezy? Maybe they're right.

Now, George,
you are talking silly.

[DOORBELL RINGS] Florence!

Yeah?

You want to get the door?

No, that's all right,
Mr. Jefferson. You can get it.

She got more nerve
than a bad tooth.

Hello, Mr. J.

Who is it, George?

Some Eskimo that
talks like Bentley.

Hi, Mr. J. May I trouble
you for a moment?

Why stop now? You've
been troubling me for years.

Don't mind him,
Mr. Bentley. Come in.

Thank you. What
can we do for you?

I was wondering if you
would watch my apartment.

Why, what's it gonna do?

I say, that's crisp.

Actually, I'm going
camping for a week,

and I was hoping you'd take
in my newspapers and my mail.

Oh, we'll be very glad to.

Thank you.

You going camping
dressed like that?

You're gonna get arrested
for scaring all the wild animals.

It's going to be very
cold this time of the year.

Yes, I know,

so I'm taking something
with me to keep me warm.

What are you taking,
plenty of booze?

No, plenty of Cynthia.

Oh. Is that your new girlfriend?

Oh, Cynthia's much more
than a girlfriend, Mrs. J.

She's a sport!

We're going to have
a marvelous time

roughing it in the
great outdoors.

It'll be just like the
old Boy Scout days.

Cynthia was a Boy Scout?

Oh, no, she's all girl,

but I'll teach her
some of the old tricks.

Oh! You a sly old dog, Bentley!

Oh, no, I mean things like
rubbing sticks together...

Sure!

And boiling up the
snow for shaving water.

Uh-huh.

Cynthia is gonna love that.

Yes, she will, won't she?

I didn't know you had
Boy Scouts in England.

Oh, that's where they
came from in the first place.

That's where all
the nuts come from.

No, I think that's Brazil.

England is more leather
goods and Boy Scouts.

As a matter of fact,

the Boy Scouts were
founded by Lord Baden-Powell.

What a man he was.
A magnificent leader.

Were you ever a
Boy Scout, Mr. J?

What? Are you kidding?

In my neighborhood you
couldn't survive walking two blocks

with that funny-looking uniform.

What a shame you
missed out on all of that.

If you're talking about leaders,

I bet your Baden-Powell

didn't have nothing
on our Jo Jo Johnson.

What did Jo Jo Johnson lead?

Us! The Saints.

I remember the time old Gabby

ripped a phone right off the
drugstore wall. Whoomph!

What for?

'Cause the phone gypped
Jo Jo out of a nickel.

So why did Gabby rip it off?

'Cause Jo Jo told him
to. He was the leader.

Yeah, he kept leading
you into trouble.

I still think you'd have had
more fun as a Boy Scout.

Do you know to this very day
I've got the merit badges I won

for camping,
first aid, survival?

I got a merit badge
for survival too, Bentley.

Oh, you have?

That's right. Right there.
I got it when I was a kid.

Oh, I say, that's
quite a pimple.

Not the pimple!

The scar next to it.

What, that little scratch mark?

Yeah, well, it was a lot
bigger when I was smaller.

You used to be smaller?

He wasn't really smaller.

He just looked that way

because he was always
ducking his daddy's punches.

I got this scar one day

when me and Jo Jo and Steamy
was walking down the street

and these three dudes jumped us.

We gave them a hard way to go,
even though we was outnumbered.

Outnumbered? It was
three against three.

No, Weezy, it was
two against three

because Jo Jo ran to get help.

If Jo Jo was such
a great leader,

why didn't you follow him?

Because he told us to stay.

Where was I? Oh, yeah.

So one of these dudes
hit me from behind

and knocked me out
cold, so when I come to,

I see my man Steamy
laying right there beside me.

So I threw him
across my shoulder

and carried him on home.

He can thank his lucky
stars he had you for a friend.

No, he can't. He's dead.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We just came back
from his funeral.

Poor chap. Had he been
in a coma all these years?

Steamy was hit by a car.

While you were
carrying him home?

Bentley, why don't
you go pitch your tent?

By Jove, you're
right. Tempus fugit.

I've still got to pick
up some supplies.

Let's see, I need batteries
for my portable hi-fi,

and some disposable
cups for the champagne.

I thought you was
going to be roughing it.

Oh, I am, but you know the old
Boy Scout motto: "Be prepared."

Woof!

If you don't mind,
Mrs. Jefferson,

I'm going to be
calling it a day.

It's only 2:00! I
call it a half a day.

Florence is going to
her high school reunion.

I gave her permission
to take off early.

Florence! You're a genius!

What?

What are you talking about?

Don't you get it,
Weezy? A reunion!

She's going to a reunion.

That's what I'll have.
A reunion of the Saints.

I'll invite them all up here

so that they can see that I
am still the same old Squeaky.

Squeaky?

That was my club name.

Why did they call you that?

Well, when I was a kid,
my voice was changing.

When I talked, funny
things came out.

They still do.

[SQUEAKS] Bye, Squeaky.

♪ Oh, when the
saints Go marching in ♪

♪ Oh, when the saints
Go marching i-i-in ♪

Hey, Weezy, do you think there's
gonna be enough sandwiches?

More than enough. Are you sure?

George, you're only feeding
five guys, not Pharaoh's army.

Three guys.

Fats has been dead for
years, and Zippy can't make it.

Oh, that's too bad.

No, it's still going to
be a great party, though.

Too bad you'll miss it.

What do you mean?
I'm not going anyplace.

Oh, yes, you are.

I'm gonna introduce
you to the guys,

then I want you to
say you got a headache

and then you'll just
get rid of yourself.

Why?

Because it's gonna
be stag, Weezy.

You don't want to sit around
listening to man-talk all night.

You're right.

I'd rather do something
interesting instead.

Oh, man, I can't wait to
see my man Jo Jo again.

Why him especially?

Like I told you,
he was our leader.

When Jo Jo said,
"Jump," we jumped.

George, that was
a long time ago.

You were just a bunch of kids.

Yeah, I know. Ain't
life strange, though?

I mean, like, Jo Jo
was always on the top,

and I was always on the bottom.

Now he's got some jive-time
little job, and I'm way up here.

Now I give the orders.

Is that why you want
to see him again?

No, Weezy, of course not.

I just want to show
him I'm a real friend,

pass on some of my know-how,

teach him how to
make it in business.

Here's some hors d'oeuvres.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That's them. You
get it. I'll take that.

Anything you say, Squeaky.

And you be more respectful
in front of my friends!

Yes, sir... Squeaky!

Hi.

Wow! Am I glad to see you!

Why? I ain't Mr. Jefferson.

That's exactly what
I mean. Oh! Mmm!

Hey! Gabby! Hey!

Hey!

Gabby, still hitting hard?

Yeah.

Gabby, you old turkey, man,
you ain't changed in 25 years.

Oh, look, this is
my wife, Louise.

Louise, this is Gabby,

one of the nicest dudes
you'd ever want to meet.

Hi, Gabby. Nice to meet you.

George has told me
so much about you.

Hi.

And this is Willie.

Willie? Willie?

Yeah. I want you
to meet my wife.

Later. I'm still
meeting your maid.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Um, tell me, why did
they call you Gabby?

Because.

Jo Jo! Squeaky!

BOTH: Hep!

Good to see you, man!

Hey, Louise, this is Jo Jo.

He used to be our leader.

How do you do? Pleased
to meet you, Louise.

How'd you get stuck with
somebody ugly like Squeaky?

Oh, just lucky, I guess.

Well, if you'll excuse me,
I have some things to do.

Oh, don't go, Louise. Stay.

Oh, thank you, but
George told me he didn't...

Hey, Weezy, didn't
you hear Jo Jo?

If he says, "Stay," you stay.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, take a look at
this picture, Weez.

George! What
happened to your hair?

Oh, that was the year
we all shaved our heads.

Why?

Because I told them to.

Yeah! Jo Jo said it would
make our faces look meaner.

Well, I don't know about that.

But it sure makes
your ears look bigger.

Well, here's some more eats.

You better cut that out, boy.

Boy? Boy?

I don't see no boy
in this room, mama.

That's because you
ain't looking in no mirror.

All I see is a woman
who needs a... man.

Then why don't you
go out and find me one?

Oh, come on, girl.

You touch me, boy, you
going to draw back a nub.

Hey! How about a toast?

I'll buy that.

Here's to the Saints...
Hold it, Squeaky.

Ain't you forgetting something?

No. What?

I do the toasting
for the Saints.

Yeah, well, I
thought that, uh...

And I do the
thinking too, right?

Right.

Okay.

Here's to the Saints.

ALL: Yay!

Who under my leadership

were some of the baddest dudes

that ever hit the
streets of Harlem.

All right!

Hey!

And to show you how
much those days mean to me

and that I ain't forgotten
none of my old buddies,

from here on in,

we are going to
meet here in my place

every first Sunday of the month.

Right on, Squeaky.

What do you think
of my idea, Gabby?

Fine.

Jo Jo?

It's a great idea, Squeaky.

Thank you, Jo Jo.

But I got a better one.

Instead of meeting Sundays,
we meet the first Saturday.

That way, we don't
have to get up early

the next morning, right?

But sometimes George
works on Saturdays.

Well, he's his own boss.

He can give himself a day off.

[LAUGHS]

Look, don't try to argue
with Jo Jo, Weezy.

He's got a mind
like a steel trap.

And I think he's
caught himself a mouse.

But you know what I think
we could do at these meetings?

How'd you guys like to make
some extra dough for yourselves?

Hey! I'd like that. Oh,
George, I'd like that very much.

I'd like to make a
whole lot of money.

[GABBLES]

He ain't said that
many words in 25 years.

Well, as you can see, I have
done pretty good for myself.

So I thought I
could give you guys

the benefit of my
business know-how.

Like for instance, if
you wanna make...

Squeaky, we didn't
come here for no lectures.

Huh?

We are the Saints, and we
came here to have a good time.

You know what I mean?

Like the time when Fats hit you

in the stomach
with a pool stick.

And broke it half in two.

George, why did Fats hit you
in the stomach with a pool stick?

Because Jo Jo told him to.

You told him to?

It didn't hurt him.

He had the hardest
stomach in the neighborhood.

You still got a hard
stomach, Squeak?

Well...

Let's see if that belly
is still as hard as a rock.

I don't know, Jo Jo...

You ain't scared, are you?

Me? No. Shh!

All right, Gabby.
Take your best sh*t.

Just wait a minute!

George, I want to
see you in the kitchen.

That is, if it's all
right with Jo Jo.

Sure. Just don't take too long.

Thank you.

Look, I'll be right
back in a minute.

Just help yourselves
to anything you want.

Uh, what I want is
coming straight at me.

What's gotten into you?

Nothing.

Were you actually going to let
that man hit you in the stomach?

He wouldn't have hit me hard.

George, you're a grown man
now, not some kid in a g*ng.

Don't you feel silly

letting somebody push
you around like that?

Look, I don't need you telling
me that I'm a grown man.

I don't let nobody
push me around.

Nobody!

JO JO: Hey, Squeaky!
We need more champagne.

Coming, Jo Jo!

Will you cut it out!

You're worse than a
wasp at a weenie roast.

Come on, mama,
don't fight your feelings.

You and me got
to get it together.

In a minute, my fist is going
to get together with your nose.

Look here, mama.

I got two tickets

for the basketball
game tomorrow night.

You like basketball?

No. I like baseball.

Baseball? Pfft! What
you know about baseball?

A lot!

I went to see my friend
play a game yesterday.

And my friend hit a
grand-slam home run.

Hmm! Three men on base, huh?

Wasn't no men on
base. No men on base?

I thought you said your friend
hit a grand-slam home run.

I did.

Well, you don't know
much about baseball, then,

because you can't hit
no grand-slam home run

unless there's
three men on base.

You want to make a bet on that?

A bet? Ah-ha-ha-ha.

Sure, mama, I'll
make a bet on that.

Look here, I tell you what.

I got $20 here.

If you right, it's yours.

But if you wrong,

it's me and you...
♪ Tomorrow night ♪

Deal?

Deal.

Look here, Jo Jo.

This fine, foxy lady
here says she got a friend

who hit a grand-slam home run

and wasn't nobody on base.

Now, is that possible?

No way.

You see what I
mean, pretty mama?

There wasn't no men on base

because it was a
women's baseball game.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Hey, Squeaky.

This is really great, Squeaky,

having the Saints
back together again.

Yeah, man.

Too bad Zippy
couldn't make it, though.

Yeah, but Zippy's changed.

Changed how?

Oh, Zippy ain't no real Saint
no more. Gabby will tell you.

He ain't no real Saint
no more, is he, Gabby?

No.

No, he's not.

No, he thinks he's too important

now that he's working
for the gas company.

[SCOFFS]

I saw him a couple of
weeks back and I said,

"Hey, Zippy.

Have you read any
good meters lately?"

I thought it was funny.

Ain't it funny, Gabby?

Yeah.

Zippy didn't think it was funny.

You know what? He didn't even
remember our secret handshake.

You jivin'?

No! And when I tried to
teach him, he said it was silly.

I mean, silly!

Poor Steamy.

Too bad he had
to kick the bucket.

Yeah, but he would have
got a bigger kick out of this.

Wait a minute! I
just got a great idea.

Since old Steamy can't come
here and join us, we'll join him.

You mean k*ll ourselves?

No. That's not what
I mean, Squeaky.

Do I have to explain
everything to you?

No, man, no. Okay, what
do you want us to do?

Well, the same thing
we did when Fats d*ed.

Remember what we did
when Fats d*ed, Gabby?

Cry?

No!

We went and had a
beer on Fats' grave.

Now we're going to go
down to the cemetery

and have a drink
with old Steamy.

What about my party?

Now we moving the
party to the cemetery.

Let's go before
it gets too dark,

because I don't want
you guys to get scared!

[CHUCKLES]

You don't think Steamy will mind

us dropping in without calling?

Are you kidding?
Are you kidding, man?

We're going to raise
every ghost in the place.

Nobody sleeps when the Saints...

ALL: Go marching in.

Oh, what's going
on? Is the party over?

No, it's only beginning, mama.

We're going to visit old Steamy

and pour some
wine on his shrine.

What?

It's okay, Weez.

We're just going
down to the cemetery.

Why?

No, let me guess:

because Jo Jo told you to.

Look, Weezy, it's all in fun.

Fun?

You hate cemeteries.

Come on, Squeaky, let's go.

Well, while you're out,

I just hope Jo Jo don't tell you

to jump in front
of a subway train.

Weezy.

Hey, Jo Jo.

Maybe it would be better
if we just stayed here.

No! You want to cheat
old Steamy out of his party?

Old Steamy is dead!

Don't make no difference.

He was always the first
one to pass out, anyway.

Look, Jo Jo.

I don't want to go,
man. I hate cemeteries.

That ain't the real
reason, is it, Squeaky?

You don't want to go because
your wife don't want you to.

No, no, no, no. No, it ain't...

Squeaky, ain't it about time

you stopped letting
people order you around?

Yeah. You right.

Now, that's my Squeaky.

Nobody tells me
what to do no more.

Now, that's my Squeaky.

Hey, Gabby, can
you believe this?

Squeaky don't want to
go down to the graveyard

because his dumb old
lady thinks it's a dumb idea.

Can you believe that?

Yeah!

Shut up, Gabby. You
talk too much, anyway.

Did you call my old lady dumb?

Yeah. She's all wet, man.

So are you, man.

[TEARFULLY] Just for
that, you out of the g*ng.

Don't let it get
you down, George.

Yeah, but I just wanted
it to be like old times.

It was like old times.

That's why Zippy didn't show up.

Say what?

I talked to him on the phone.

Zippy said, "Man, the
best way to stay friends

was to stay away
from each other."

Zippy sounds pretty
smart... for a Saint.

You got to understand
old Jo Jo, that's all.

JO JO: Come on, Willie!

Coming, Jo Jo.

Louise, nice seeing you.

George, be cool.

Hey, Jo Jo!

Yeah! See you at
the next reunion!

[CHUCKLES]

"At the next reunion"?

Sure.

You're still going to
keep up those reunions

as a regular thing?

Yeah, regular.

Once every 50 years.

[LAUGHS]

Oh!

Oh!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

ANNOUNCER: The Jeffersons was
videotaped in front of a studio audience.

♪ Movin', movin' on up... ♪♪