04x07 - Making Dead Things Look Nice

[bunniefuu]

- PAM: One, two...

(SCREAMS)

You don't care who you betray.
You are rotten to the core.

God sake, Eve,

we both want the same thing.
I'm just doing a much better job!

You can't just walk away.

VILLANELLE: I have my
own stuff to deal with.

HELENE: I hear Villanelle
had a lucky escape.

VILLANELLE: Surprise!

(GRUNTS AND GURGLES)

This is the life you're signing up for.

Usually people who have no
other chance or options.

Hey!

My back hurts.

- (BOTH GRUNT)
- LARS: You're not like the other women.

CAROLYN: I need a name.

- You should really lock your door.
- Eve, don't!

Well done.

- (BOTH EXCLAIM)
- CAROLYN: You've k*lled one.

Now they'll just replace him.

Over and over...

- VILLANELLE: Can I stay here?
- (BOTH LAUGH)

CAROLYN: ... and over.

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

(SHEEP SNORTS)

(MURMURS)

(PUFFS)

- (CHICKENS CLUCK SOFTLY)
- (ANIMALS GRUNT LOWLY)

Huh.

(BIRD CHIRPS)

(ROOSTER CROWS IN DISTANCE)

(CHICKENS CLUCK)

(LOW THUD)

(THUDDING CONTINUES)

Arggh!

(QUIRKY, PENSIVE MUSIC)

(GUNN GRUNTS AND STRAINS)

(GRUNTS)

(MUSIC BUILDS)

(BLADE CHINKS)

Come.

He's been k*lling my fish,

trespassing on my shores.

What are you going to do to him?

Fillet him.

(DARK ELECTRO-POP MUSIC)

Ahh!

- Huh!
- (MAN GASPS)

- (GRUNTS)
- (GURGLES)

- (GASPS)
- Ohh!

('IDK' BY PHOEBE GREEN)

♪ Cyclical occurrences ♪

- ♪ And cynical people... ♪
- (SQUELCHING)

♪ I can't tell which one of
them is making me so evil ♪

♪ I hate the way my
perspective has shifted ♪

- ♪ But feeling no remorse... ♪
- (SPLAT)

- ♪ For my actions is rather peaceful... ♪
- (BREATHES HEAVILY)

I'm going on a hunt.

I'm coming with you.

♪ Becoming increasingly reckless ♪

♪ Medication makes me drowsy ♪

♪ Your friends don't seem
to understand me ♪

♪ What are you waiting for? ♪

♪ What are you waiting for? ♪

YUSUF: Bagels!

Oh, thanks.

Hey, can I not be on personal detail?

- I'm better at logistics.
- Yeah, sorry, mate.

It's just Grace was busy and the
client asked for a woman, so...

(SIGHS)

In other news...

officially unlocked by unofficial means.

You don't need this, you know?

You completed the mission.

(EXHALES)

And now that Helene's dead, now what?

Now you have to find a new ordinary.

The old one is not gonna fit.

Hey, what was the last really fun,
but very legal thing that you did?

- Oh, I can't remember.
- Well, you're in luck

because I put the 'F' in 'fun'.

- (LAUGHS)
- That was terrible.

- Wait.
- It starts like this.

And you need rhythm and
you also need vocals.

(CLICKS) And you need to
be able to make choices

and hold microphones and be in
dark rooms with weird lights

and I need you to get changed
so I can take you to...

- Okay, I'm changing, then.
- Yes, please!

Oh, I'm gonna eat the bagel first.

Outside, , something sparkly!

All right!

(BIRDS CAW AND CHIRP)

Still warm.

How long will it take?

Maybe minutes.

Maybe hours.

('GOT TO BE REAL' BY CHERYL LYNN)

This way.

SONG: ♪ I think I love you ♪

(SINGS) ♪ What you feel now ♪

♪ I feel I need you ♪

♪ What you know, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ To be real, to be
real, to be real... ♪

♪ To be real... ♪

- Okay, I'm finished. Take over.
- What?

Okay, well, if you're gonna bow out,

if you're gonna bow out, then
you're gonna have to take a solo.

And I'm hitting you with the solo.
Three, two, one. It's you. Go.

- ('CHANDELIER' BY SIA PLAYS)
- ♪ ... don't get hurt ♪

♪ Can't feel anything... ♪
Oh, this is so hard.

- This is a very difficult song.
- You're a very good singer!

♪ Push it down... ♪

- ♪ Push it down... ♪
- Push it down.

- ♪ All the tequila... ♪
- (LAUGHS)

♪ I'm the one "For a good time call" ♪
♪ Phone's blowing up ♪

- ♪ Ringing my doorbell... ♪
- Ring it.

♪ I feel the love, feel the love... ♪

- Mmm!
- (CHUCKLES)

♪ One, two, three, one,
two, three, drink ♪

♪ One, two, three, one,
two, three, drink ♪

♪ One, two, three, one,
two, three, drink ♪

♪ Throw 'em back till I lose count ♪

♪ I'm gonna swing ♪

♪ From the chandelier ♪

BOTH: ♪ From the chandelier! ♪

♪ I'm gonna live ♪

(VOICE ECHOES) ♪ Like
tomorrow doesn't exist ♪

♪ Like it doesn't exist ♪

(DISTORTED, MUFFLED
SINGING) ♪ I'm gonna fly ♪

♪ Like a bird through the night ♪

♪ Feel my tears as they dry ♪

♪ I'm... ♪

(DARK MUSIC RISES)

(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)

(MUTED SINGING AND LAUGHTER)

(INAUDIBLE)

(VOICE ECHOES) ♪ Won't open my eyes ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm just... ♪

(DISCORDANT MUSIC)

I can't... I...

('WALK ON, YEAH' BY UNLOVED)

(EXHALES HEAVILY)

Okay, okay, calm down.

What's wrong?

I, um...

- I think, um...
- Eve?

I think I made a mistake.

Okay, about what?

All of it.

I mean, I can't stop thinking
what if... (LAUGHS WRYLY)

what if it was all a mistake?

Hey, don't t*rture yourself with that.

- It's gonna get easier.
- Oh, please.

Hey, I promise! Eve, you
gotta find a part to your life

that you can bear and just...
just live from there.

What, with three songs
and some protein shakes?

Huh...

(SCOFFS)

My last tour was hard.

Seven of us made it back.
There's three left.

What I mean is moving on,

no matter how difficult,
that is always a choice.

Well, what if I can't move on?

You can. You can!

What if I don't want to?

Well, that's a question
you need to answer.

And I can't help you.

I thought I could.

But I can't.

I've gotta get out of the way.

Whatever you do next, you can choose.

You can.

Look at that lovely, stupid face.

Take care, Eve.

- (CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS)
- (CHILDREN SHRIEK IN DISTANCE) _

(PHONE BUZZES)

I don't want life insurance,
I never had a PPI

and I'm not interested
in double glazing.

IRINA: Huh, screw you.

Irina?

I'm free.

- Your boss got me out.
- Helene?

Whatever you think...

you are not free.

What kind of dad lets his
daughter rot in hospital?

I was trying to help you.

Maybe if you had done that earlier

instead of helping shithead.

Who?

- Villanelle?
- Of course Villanelle.

But, hey, maybe if I
work for The Twelve,

you'll finally pay attention to me.

Tell me where you are.

Irina, tell me where you are!

You know I can't tell you.

You know the rules, old man.

(LINE BEEPS)

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

_

(SOFT CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYS)

(PEOPLE CHATTER LOWLY)

I hope you don't mind the intrusion,

but I bought us both an aperitif.

Sod it. I'm on holiday!

Ahh!

Beautiful creatures.

I don't know what retirement
would have looked like

had I not found birds.

You'd have worn less beige, I imagine.

(CHUCKLES) It's ghastly, isn't it?

Oh, fond of the barn swallow too?

More of a giraffe person myself.

It's an incredible feeling,

being inches from the thing
you've been looking for.

Remarkable.

WOMAN ON SPEAKERS: The next presentation

on the breeding habits
of the barn swallow...

(ANNOUNCEMENT CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

(UNEASY MUSIC)

Carolyn.

Should we order lunch?

I hear the Wiener schnitzel's good.

(UNEASY MUSIC CONTINUES)

What's wrong with you?

- I'm fine.
- You don't look fine.

You look like an angry Santa Claus.

Are you here to work or give me grief?

Hmm...

A bit of both.

I got you hot chocolate.

Thanks.

So...

what's on the schedule today?

Who do I have to k*ll to
get a smile out of you?

Look around you, Pam.

Forget training today.

You are young. Go have fun.

I call you.

(DOOR OPENS, BELL RINGS)

(DOOR SHUTS)

(SLURPS SOFTLY)

So you've come to drag the rat
back to Russia by the tail.

You've left a wake of betrayal
behind you, Carolyn.

Russia, me, even your own country.

Now you are completely alone.

Mmm.

Wasting good sherry? Not like you.

Be my guest.

On second thoughts,
I wouldn't if I were you.

It was bought for me by that
beige creature in the lobby.

I suspect he's an assassin
sent to k*ll me.

Still... I don't want to spoil your fun.

And why would that be?

In my absence, I found
out why The Twelve

is such a pain in the
posterior to unearth.

As you probably know,
The Twelve operates in cells

and those cells are kept entirely
separate from each other.

However, I found out from this

that the leadership do meet on occasion,

one of whom is Lars Meier.

Who is... ?

Someone from my past.

When I looked into everyone I had met

when The Twelve first
bleeped on my radar,

all of them are either
dead or clearly civilian.

And Lars Meier?

Recently deceased.

Aha.

So now you're stumped.

Not quite. I found this on his body.

It contains dates of what I believe
to be previous Twelve meetings.

And then...

there's this,

the barn swallow, the
national bird of Austria,

intricately drawn next to dates.

Perhaps a favoured meeting place?

As you can see from the
incessant decor of this place,

it led me here.

You always were the very best.

They must have been drunk
when they fired you.

- Carolyn...
- Damn, this may not be the place.

But surely that would be too brazen.

Carolyn, you know the weight
betrayal carries for my people.

Hold that thought, Vlad.

You've just given me some inspiration.

_

(INHALES)

My apologies, Vlad.

My suggestion is that I leave
you our anoraked friend

to take back to Russia in my place.

I'm sure he's still loitering around,
waiting to finish the job.

Meanwhile, I'll make
my way back to London

and face what needs to be faced.

(SCOFFS LIGHTLY)

(LOW, GRIM MUSIC)

(PUFFS)

(SPITS)

What can you see?

Hairy pigs.

Wild boars.

Is that what you sh*t me with?

Shh.

Shh... !

(BELLOWING IN DISTANCE)

- (BELLOWING)
- Ugh! (GAGS)

There's something better
over here. Come.

Oh!

(EVE CLEARS HER THROAT)

I might take a couple of
these, if that's okay.

Uh, yeah, go ahead.

Uh, thanks for coming.

It's fine. You helped
me in a time of need.

It felt only right to return the favour.

You said you needed help?

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yeah, uh...

What does, um, help look like to you?

Oh, I don't know.

Everything I have set out to do, I...

Do you know I used to be married?

I used to play bridge.

I used to sing karaoke.

I just watched a woman bleed
to death and k*lled a man.

- Uh, I can't...
- Don't worry.

He was awful. Like, really awful.

But, see, I, um...

I wanted to.

I wanted to k*ll him, so I did.

I wanted Villanelle gone
and now she's gone.

And, unbelievably, I survived.

- Well done?
- For what?

Hmm?

For what?

What does it matter if...

if the cells keep dividing
and it's endless?

Eve, all we can do in life

is try to find some joy
in the little things.

A glass of wine.

'The Archers' on while
you do the washing-up.

Doing a... a crossword puzzle

with the most perfect mechanical pencil.

The point, the reason why we're here,

I think, is to know ourselves,

but the most important thing
you can do right now...

('WALK ON, YEAH' BY UNLOVED)

is go to the people that love you,

who understand you, who know your soul.

Just...

I really like these in my Cheerios.

(SNIFFLES)

You're gonna need a whole lot more.

(MELANCHOLY FOLK MUSIC)

That woman cradling you in Margate,

who was she?

Nobody.

Nobody.

You know, people can rot you too.

(SLICING)

You gotta cut the rot
out before it kills you.

(SIZZLING)

(FLY BUZZES)

- (CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS)
- (CHILDREN SQUEAL)

(PHONE RINGS)

_

_

DARREN: Pam!

Hi. What's up?

- Wanna hang out?
- I can't.

Uh, I've been promoted
from waltzes to hog roast.

- Wow.
- MAN: Are you serving, mate?

Come on, come on, come on.

What can I get you, sir?

- A double hoggy, please.
- Okay.

Uh, whoa. No, no, no.

- Yeah, not like that.
- What?

Let me.

How'd you do that?

It's all about making
dead things look nice.

Worms?

- Worms?
- They're nutritious.

I'm okay.

Do you get lonely here?

I've got my animals.

Animals are good company.

Humans are dreadful.

- That's fair.
- Drink?

It's moonshine.

(GUNN SIGHS)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

- (CHUCKLES)
- Ugh!

Why didn't you k*ll Helene yourself?

I wanted to see what you would do.

No. Why did you want her dead?

When I was young,

my entire village in
France was wiped out

by a poisoned water source.

My parents d*ed, so I left.

I went to Paris.

And I longed for the country again,

animals, trees,

freedom.

Helene offered me that

and gave me this island.

- You got this island?
- Oh, yes.

(EXHALES)

But I realised not long ago

that Helene was just using me.

Mmm.

Such a bitch.

She was just holding us back.

Big bitch.

What poisoned the water in your village?

About three gallons of sodium cyanide.

- (LAUGHS)
- Wow.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Ohh!

Nice.

(DRIVING DARK ROCK MUSIC)

SONG: ♪ No-one's gonna hurt you, baby ♪

♪ No-one's gonna make you sad ♪

♪ No-one's gonna make you crazy ♪

♪ I'm the best you've ever had ♪

♪ No-one's gonna hurt you, baby ♪

- ♪ No-one's gonna make you sad... ♪
- (PHONE CHIMES)

♪ No-one's gonna make you crazy ♪

♪ I'm the best I've ever had ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ One, two! ♪

(SIGHS)

Sorry about your hand.

(EXHALES HEAVILY)

What do you want, Eve?

What is this?

- Where did you get that?
- It's Helene's.

Long story.

I swear to God, you women
will be the death of me.

- Come in.
- Thanks.

(KONSTANTIN SIGHS)

It's a picture of a bird.

From whom?

It's a postcard.

A method of communication.

The Twelve has gone digital.

(LAUGHS)

So they don't know she's dead yet.

Helene is dead?

Very.

So, um, what does it mean?

Is it, uh, a location, a person, a...

- _
- No, no, this is not job.

This looks like a meeting.

You should find Villanelle.

She can help you out with this.

Before she was sh*t in
the back with an arrow,

she came to me and I sent her
to another assassin in Scotland.

She doesn't want to see me.

Hmph.

Whatever you're gonna do,
Eve, don't do it alone.

Same to you.

(UNEASY, PENSIVE MUSIC)

(DOOR OPENS)

- Hmph.
- (DOOR CLOSES)

Food is on the way.

- Oh, thank you.
- That's all. Hey.

(BOTH LAUGH)

- MAN: There you go.
- Thanks.

Oh, thank you.

KONSTANTIN: I'll take a double hoggy,

extra pickles and a Coke.

Hi.

You got a new job.

No, just... helping out.

Oh, what a shame.

You suit the little hat.

(CHUCKLES)

(SLURPS)

- Mustard?
- Please.

And a talk,

- somewhere private.
- DARREN: Who's next?

Circumstances have changed.

But don't worry. It's all good.

- I can't.
- Keep it up, Pamster.

- Then come to the hotel later.
- (SIGHS)

Fine.

When I've finished up here, okay?

Mmm.

It's excellent, by the way.

The meat is so tender!

Oh, thanks, man.

(DARK, FUNKY MUSIC)

(DARK, FUNKY MUSIC CONTINUES)

(DISTORTED, INDISTINCT
ANNOUNCEMENT ON PA)

- _
- WOMAN ON PA: ... to Inverness.

Could passengers please
make their way to gate ?

(BOTH LAUGH)

- (BIRDS CHIRP)
- (FIRE CRACKLES)

(RUSSIAN DANCE POP MUSIC)

(RUSSIAN DANCE POP MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SINGS AND LAUGHS)

Ahh!

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

(TURNS OFF MUSIC)

Pizza! Good!

PAM: Is that my bag?

- I packed for you.
- What for?

We are leaving.

I...

We can't just leave.

I made plans to keep you safe.

I'll protect you.

Why would you do this for me?

Because The Twelve will
make you do terrible things.

You're so much better than the
life they have planned for you.

And if The Twelve find
us, they'll k*ll us.

Uh, if we are lucky,
they make us suffer first.

- Huh!
- (CHUCKLES)

A good plan, hm?

They won't find us. I promise.

Come. Let's eat.

Are you scared to leave?

(SIGHS)

I'm celebrating our adventure.

(SIGHS)

Everyone I ever worked for has been
one step away from k*lling me.

Fear is in my blood.

When I'm not scared...

then I'm scared.

I don't want to live like that.

Hmph.

I don't want you to either.

I'll always be grateful to you
for helping me start a new life.

- (BLADE RINGS)
- Ugh!

(BOTH GRUNT)

Arggh!

Oh, Jesus!

(PANTS)

Helene?

Yeah.

Oh!

She's dead, Pam.

- You didn't have to do this.
- What?

(STAMMERS)

What?

Why... why didn't you tell...

Why didn't you tell me?!
Why didn't you tell me?

Oh, God, please.

(PANTS)

I can stop the bleeding.

I can... I can stop the bleeding.
I can stop the bleeding.

(WEEPS)

Stop.

Stop.

No.

I have a letter in my bag.

Bring it to Carolyn Martens for me.

And tell her...

(GURGLES) I always loved her.

I'm so proud of you.

SONG: ♪ I've been doing
something I've done before... ♪

Thank you.

♪ When something I forgot ♪

♪ Fills my head... ♪

Ugh!

♪ Then I forget what I was doing ♪

- ♪ So I do something else... ♪
- I'm so sorry.

- (EXHALES)
- ♪ Instead ♪

♪ I keep memories like secrets ♪

♪ I never tell ♪

♪ I never forget ♪

♪ But it only feels something like ♪

♪ Regret ♪

♪ It's hard to hold you close ♪

♪ When the world keeps turning ♪

♪ I'm still learning ♪

♪ It's hard to hold you close ♪

♪ When the world keeps turning ♪

♪ I'm still learning. ♪

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(CHICKENS CLUCK)

Huh.

Is that my boat?

GUNN: Needed firewood.

(EXHALES SOFTLY)

Uh, where are my things?

In my cabin.

You sleep with me now.

This is your new home, Villanelle.

(GUNN SIGHS)

(CHATTER ON RADIO)

NEWSREADER: The area
forecasts for the next hours.

Viking, North Utsire, southwesterly
veering northwesterly .

Rain at first, later good.

Forties, Cromarty, Forth, Tyne, Dogger.

West veering north or northwest .

Occasional rain...

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(KISSES)

Ah.

So what happens to you
now that Helene's dead?

I'm working for The Twelve, not Helene.

Mmm.

- I'm leaving.
- Why?

I'm done with them.

I'm going to k*ll as many
of them as I can.

They've got you in a cage.

You just can't see it.

I value my freedom here above all else

and The Twelve grant me that.

- It comes at a price.
- (THUMPS TABLE)

- A small price.
- Okay.

I'm going to need my stuff.

(DARK MUSIC)

If you thr*aten my way
of life, Villanelle,

I will rip you apart, slowly.

Your choice.

If you can catch me.

(GRUNTS)

Ha-ha!

Oh, no, no, no, no.

(SPEAKS FRENCH) _

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(PANTS)

(SINGSONG) Villanelle!

Oh...

Villanelle!

(SIGHS) All right.

Ugh.

('DON'T TAKE THE LOVERS FROM
THE WORLD' BY SHIRLEY BASSEY)

♪ Don't take the lovers
from the world... ♪

Oh, Jesus!

♪ There must be lovers in the world ♪

♪ 'Cause there is no-one else ♪

♪ That can save us... ♪

Arggh!

(BOTH GRUNT)

Ugh!

No! Oh!

No! Please, no!

♪ It's time the lovers
had their chance... ♪

(DARK POP-ROCK MUSIC)