[Footsteps Pounding]
[Creaking]
Eddie's flunked science.
What? I can't believe it.
Eddie's always had it up here.
Well, it's about time we
gave it to him down here.
I was just in his room,
and I found these
letters from his school
principal, Mr. Balding.
Three of them! Obviously,
he's been hiding them.
I can't understand it.
We've never given him any reason
to be afraid of us. That's true, Lily.
I tell ya. I'm very concerned.
I haven't been so shocked since
the last time I sat in Grandpa's chair.
What are we gonna do?
Well, I think we'll
have to go right down
to that school and find
out what's going on.
There's nothing better at a time
like this than meeting face-to-face.
Oh, Taggert, don't you think you're
being a trifle too harsh on the boy?
In my professional opinion,
Eddie Munster should be expelled.
I think you're going
too far, Taggert.
After all, this is a grammar school.
You're not a prison guard anymore.
If you'd use a few more
of my methods, you'd
have less trouble with
some of your inmates.
I mean, pupils.
Look, Taggert. I don't
care if your brother-in-law
is a member of the
Board of Education.
I am running this
school, not you!
Now, there could be a
perfectly good reason
why the Munsters haven't
answered my letters.
Hmph. That's exactly what
Dillinger's principal said.
All right. What do you
suggest we should do about it?
You leave it to me.
I'm going out to their house and
throw a good scare into those Munsters.
Eddie, why didn't you show us
these notes from your teacher?
I guess I didn't want you to
know I was failing science, sir.
I can't understand it. Don't you
want to follow in your father's tracks?
Young man, I think we're just gonna
have to suspend some of your privileges.
No more standing in the closet,
no more sleeping in Spot's cage,
and from now on every night, you're gonna
have to go to bed while it's still dark.
Isn't that a little severe, Herman?
Why, you're-you're positively inhuman.
Grandpa, please. Young
man, I'm laying down the law.
You're supposed to have a
project ready for the science fair.
Where is it? Well,
you see, it's...
No excuses! I want you to
start right away on that project,
and I mean right now!
[Laughing]
[Laughing Continues]
What's so funny?
It's-It's this joke book.
Listen to this
one, Lily. It'll k*ll ya.
Well, it's a little late
for that but go ahead.
"I just invented something to
keep the inside of my car quiet.
It fits right over her mouth."
[Laughing]
And if you think that
one's funny, listen to this.
"Two men are walking..." Why do
you like to read that silly joke book?
It's not silly.
Besides, it's very important
nowadays to have a sense of humor.
Now, I even noticed
it down at the parlor.
During lunch, the guys are always
sitting around laughing and joking.
As soon as I walk
over, they stop.
Speaking of work, you'd better
get going. You'll be late again.
I guess you're right. They're starting
to call me "the late Herman Munster."
[Chuckles] Besides, I've
gotta take two hours off today...
to go down and
visit Eddie's principal.
Uh, by the way, where
is Eddie anyway?
He's still down in the laboratory
working on his science project.
Okay, Eddie, get the
head, and we'll put it on.
♪♪ [Humming] You know, Eddie,
this is turning out to be the
finest robot we've ever made.
Boy, I sure hope it brings my marks up when
I enter it in the science fair at school.
I'm certain it will. You've
worked hard enough on it.
Grandpa helped me. No, no,
I didn't. I merely supervised.
You know, Marilyn, this boy
has a naturally mechanical mind.
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
I've been trying to get away
from the shop all morning.
But it looks as though I won't be
able to make it. We're just too busy.
People are dying to get in here.
I think it's because of
our new layaway plan.
Do you want me to cancel the
appointment, Uncle Herman?
No. No, no, no, no. The school
would think we're not reliable.
- Ask your Aunt Lily to go.
- Aunt Lily's not here.
She's gone to the dentist
to have her teeth filed.
How about Grandpa going instead?
Now, you know Grandpa
never goes out in the daytime.
- How would it be if I went?
- Oh, would you, dear?
Oh, that would be very
nice of you. ♪♪ [Organ]
I'm sorry, Marilyn. I have to go
now. They're-They're starting.
That's all right, Uncle Herman.
We all have to go sometime.
Bye.
[Bell Rings]
Oh, you run along to class, Eddie.
I'm going in to talk to your principal.
Okay, but I don't
think it'll do any good.
Well, it doesn't hurt to
try. Oh, see you later.
And don't be afraid.
He's kind of scary.
[Balding] Come in, please.
[Creaking]
Good afternoon. Are you
Eddie Munster's father?
No, I'm his grandfather.
At your service.
Well, I'm Taggert,
juvenile investigator for
the Board of Education.
Came here to check
up on Eddie Munster...
[Exhales Slowly]
environment-wise, that is.
Well, you see, Eddie's
parents are not here,
but I would be glad to
show you around. [Chuckles]
In all my life, I never saw
a house in this condition.
Thank you. Yes, it
is hard to believe...
that my daughter
does this all by herself.
Just follow me, Mr. Taggert.
This is the living
room. [Chuckles]
Cozy, isn't it?
- You call this cozy.
- Oh, yeah! Chow time!
Excuse me. I have to
go and feed the clock.
♪♪ [Humming]
More? Nevermore.
[Bubbling]
Don't worry, cutie pie.
I haven't forgotten you.
Excuse me. ♪♪
[Singing, Indistinct]
♪♪ [Humming]
[Chuckling] Come and get it!
He has an amazing
appetite for a goldfish.
Eddie was just too ashamed
to show us your letters.
I was beginning to think no
one in your family cared. Oh, no.
We were all especially disappointed
to hear he was failing science.
"Especially"? You see, my whole
family is very interested in science.
My grandfather even has a
laboratory in the basement.
Then I can't understand why his
science work in school should be so poor.
Well, I guess Eddie was
just spending too much
time working on his
project for the science fair.
It's a robot.
A robot?
[Whirring]
Eh? Well, what do you
think? This is my laboratory,
where I, uh, work on
some of my experiments.
What are these
restraining straps for?
Well, some of my
experiments don't like it.
Wait'll you see this!
♪♪ [Humming]
- What is that?
- That's Eddie's robot.
- He made it all by himself.
- It's nothing but a pile of tin cans...
Succotash, baked
beans, Harvard beets.
It's amazing what you
can do with leftovers.
You wanna see how
it works? Never mind!
I... I don't care
whether it works or not.
Any boy who comes from an environment like
this has no place in our school system.
After meeting me and visiting Eddie's
home, you're throwing him out of school?
That is my recommendation.
[Buttons Clicking] [Robot
Whirring, Bell Rings]
Sic 'im!
Oh, yeah? [Clangs]
Keep that thing away
from me! Help! Help!
Good boy! [Cackling]
[Grunting, Cursing]
After talking with you, I feel
Mr. Taggert may have been a little hasty.
My aunt and uncle will be so glad to
hear you're giving Eddie a second chance.
Well, any boy interested enough in science
to build a robot deserves a second chance.
Thanks again, Mr. Balding.
Oh, uh, the youngsters are bringing
their projects to the science fair tonight.
Be sure Eddie
has his robot there.
My family and I will
see you then. Good.
I'll be looking forward to
seeing them... face-to-face.
[Mouths Words]
Good grief, Taggert!
Don't tell me you've
become a beatnik at your age.
I have just come from
the Munsters' house,
and I was lucky to
escape with my life.
Any boy who comes from that
background has got to be a delinquent.
You should see the
boy's grandfather.
He looks like a
fat Jack the Ripper!
Taggert, this is
not a reform school.
We can't expel every
student you don't like.
There wouldn't be
anyone here but the janitor.
Eddie Munster
is really different.
Oh, nonsense. His cousin
was right here in my office,
and she's a charming,
lovely person.
And she convinced me to
give the boy a second chance.
[Chuckling]
[Laughing]
Say, "Ah." [Chuckling Continues]
Come on! Say, "Ah." Ahhh.
Oh! I'm sorry, Grandpa. I
didn't know you had company.
E-Excuse me. That's not
company. That's Eddie's robot!
[Arm Clicks] How do you do?
That's amazing.
If the top of his head was a little
flatter, he'd look positively human.
[Chuckles]
I've seen that robot. It's not only a
piece of junk, it's a menace to society.
It's got a flat head. Now, that
is a sure sign of a criminal type.
I'll see it for myself tonight.
And, Taggert,
if you're lying, it's your job.
You're forgetting my brother-in-law's
a member of the Board of Education.
I don't care if your
father's the governor.
The only job security I have left is
to make sure that robot don't work.
Sometimes I wish I'd stayed a prison
guard. You meet a better class of people.
Oh, dear, they've already
started. I knew we'd be late.
Herman, if you hadn't
spent so much time reading
that joke book, we could've
been here an hour ago.
Sorry, dear. But you know how hard it is
to put a book down in the middle of a joke.
Herman, we'll take the robot
backstage. You go and park the car.
[Tires Squealing]
Aha! So we meet again!
Sic 'im! Oh, no. Wait a minute!
I-I want to
apologize. [Rattling]
- I was a bit hasty today.
- That's different.
After seeing the robot, I realized that
Eddie must come from a very unusual family.
Thank you. [Chuckles]
Yes, this is, uh, certainly
a very handsome,
uh, piece of work.
Uh, Mr. Taggert, are you
attending the science fair?
No, I want to go
over Eddie's records.
I want to make sure he gets, uh,
exactly what's coming to him. Thank you.
Start her up, Eddie.
Let's give it a trial run.
[Bangs, Grinds]
[Whistling]
What happened? That's the first time
I've ever seen a robot with indigestion.
♪♪ [Piano]
That was little Andrea Sue Blum,
Class Two, B- ,
reading her composition,
"What Einstein's Theory
of Relativity Means to Me."
Something wrong? It's the robot,
Uncle Herman. It's not working.
- Eddie, try it again.
- [Robot Grinds, Bangs, Whistles]
I think it's the carburetor.
The only answer is an
emergency carburetorectomy.
Help me get this into
the dressing room.
Next is Master Jules
Daly, Class Four, A- ,
with his own invention,
electric chopsticks.
♪♪ [Piano Fanfare]
Grandpa, you think
you'll be finished on time?
They'll be calling
for Eddie soon.
- Why don't you just take the robot...
- Herman, please.
I didn't interfere when you
were being put together.
Ready? Ready. Ready.
Can opener. Can opener.
Can opener. [Ratcheting]
[Parts Rattling]
[Grandpa] Pliers.
Pliers. Pliers.
[Metal Rattling]
[Swoons]
[Grandpa] What's
the matter with him?
You know how squeamish Herman
is. He always faints at the sight of oil.
Rivet. Rivet. [Applause] Rivet.
[Balding] Thank you. Thank you.
The last exhibit on our science
fair tonight will be a robot...
built by young Eddie
Munster! [Applause]
Oh, Grandpa! They're
introducing the robot right now.
What'll we do? Lily, please! I
mean, these things take time.
After all, I'm only
flesh and blood.
Somebody will just have to go out
there and stall them until we're ready,
like they do in those old
Don Ameche movies on TV.
[Aunt Lily] But
who? Is it over yet?
I... I have no idea what's
holding things up, but...
I'm sure he'll be right out.
The robot, please!
Stall them? Yes!
How? Just talk to them.
Talk to them? Oh, I couldn't.
I'd-I'd be scared to death.
I'd-I'd get stage fright.
What could I say?
Why don't you tell them some of those
jokes you've been reading in that book?
That ought to keep them amused.
Now, Herman, this
could be your big break.
Go out there and give
them everything you've got!
Why, just think, Herman.
This could mean Hollywood...
The Palace!
- Come on, dear.
- All right.
[Rhythmic Clapping]
I'll go out there.
But I'm not doing this for fame
or fortune... [Clapping Continues]
or to be the life of the party.
I'm doing this for Eddie.
[Clapping Continues]
And here it is now!
[Applause Continues]
[Collective Gasp, Muttering]
[Muttering Continues]
Uh.
I've been asked
to come out here...
and, uh, entertain you.
[Laughing]
[Applause Continues]
[Mouths Words]
Amazing! It looks almost alive.
Alice, why can't our Sydney
build something like that?
He's years old, and he can
barely wave bye-bye. Oh, George!
Uh... Uh, ladies and gentlemen.
Um, uh-uh, this is my
first public appearance.
So, you'll have to...
bear with me if I
don't function too well.
As a matter of fact, this
situation reminds me of a story.
One time, Abraham
Lincoln was asked...
if he found appearing at
public ceremonies annoying.
He said, "Yes.
"In fact, I feel like the man who
was ridden out of town on a rail...
who said, 'If it wasn't for the
honor of the thing, I'd rather walk.'"
[Audience Laughs]
[Rattling]
I think I've found the trouble.
Someone has thrown
a wrench in the works.
Who would do a thing like
that? [Herman Continues]
[In Unison] Taggert!
And they even have an invention
for keeping the inside of the car quiet.
It fits right over her
mouth. [Laughs] [Laughter]
[Cheering, Applause]
I'll be right back.
♪♪ [Piano]
Whew! [Herman] "Did you take
a bath?" And the kid said, "No."
Well, that's as much
as I can do. [Laughter]
Now it's all up to that
big mechanic in the sky.
Who wears the biggest hat in the
world? The man with the biggest head.
[Herman Laughs]
♪♪ [Piano] [Applause]
♪♪ [Continues]
Ca-Can we bring it
out now? Of course!
All we have to do is get
Herman off the stage.
Come on. Careful, Grandpa.
Feet. Careful.
♪♪ [Continues]
[Cheering, Whistling]
[Whistling] [Man Shouting] More!
[Cheers, Applause Continue]
That was great work,
Herman. But you can stop now.
- The robot's fixed.
- Stop now? Are you kidding?
You hear 'em out
there? I'm a smash.
I tell you. They're my kind
of people. They love me
out there. I got 'em right
in the palm of my hand.
Herman Munster! You ought
to be ashamed of yourself!
Aren't you forgetting something? This is
supposed to be Eddie's night, not yours.
But, Lily, I... [Crowd
Shouting For More]
Lily, I guess you're right.
I'm just a big ham.
It was the lights
and the applause. I...
I just got carried away.
Eddie, do you hear that
out there? More! More! More!
That's for you.
Now, take your robot and
go on out there and k*ll 'em!
- Herman!
- Lily, that's just
a show business expression.
Okay, Eddie. Start her
up now. [Bell Ringing]
[Bell Clanging]
I'm sorry, Eddie. I've let
you down. It's all my fault.
What am I going to do?
There's nothing to do.
I'll... just go out and explain.
No, Dad, that's my job.
[Sighs]
No!
Eddie just informed me his
robot exploded backstage.
[Disappointed Groans]
However-However, I think I speak
for everyone here when I say...
the special prize should
still go to Eddie Munster.
Yeah!
[Indistinct] Really?
Eddie tells me he
doesn't deserve to win.
He was helped
by his grandfather.
You know, I think such
honesty should be rewarded.
Eddie, my young friend, you're the kind
of a boy we're proud to have in our school.
[Man] I agree!
[Applause Continues] I think
our Eddie has just become a man!
And the hard way,
not like you, Herman.
That's our boy. [Chuckles]
Where's Eddie? And
where's my joke book?
I haven't seen it. And
Eddie's down in the lab.
He and Grandpa are
working on a new project.
Another invention? It's got
something to do with the robot.
Hmph. It's remarkable how
that boy's marks have improved.
He's liable to turn out just like me if
he keeps his head to the grindstone.
I'm so glad to hear they sent that
awful Mr. Taggert back to prison service.
It's men like him who
give prisons a bad name.
"Why does a chicken
cross the road?"
[Robotic Monotone]
To get on the other side.
[Laughing] That was
good, Eddie. Good.
Try another one. "Why do
firemen wear red suspenders?"
To keep their pants up.
Eddie, we'll make a fortune.
They say vaudeville is dead, but you
and I, we're gonna bring it back to life.
Yuk, yuk, yuk. [Bell Rings]