[Car Horn Honks] Ooh, my
goodness! There's your carpool.
You'd really better
hurry. Yes, dear.
[Laughing] Just
like the Old Country.
Does my heart good to
see a man wolf his food.
Well, good-bye,
everybody. [Together] Bye.
Good-bye, Lily.
Will you be home from
the parlor early, dear?
Oh. Well, today we're
having our annual office party.
Oh. Well, then be careful.
Uh, those office parties
can get a little wild.
Oh, y-you don't have
to worry about me, dear.
I'm no water cooler Casanova.
As a matter of
fact, I'm so square,
I understand some of the
secretaries are starting to refer to me...
as "Herman the Cube."
Well, come home
as soon as you can.
Eh, I'll be home
at least by : .
Uh, good-bye,
all. [Together] Bye.
You think Munster's wife will let
him stay for the office party tonight?
We told him it would
be over by : ...
That way she'll let him go.
Yeah, but it won't
really get going till : .
Old Herman will be lucky if
he gets home by midnight.
Shh. Here he comes.
Hey, Mom, when's Dad
coming home from work?
He wasn't here for
supper or anything.
Well, you see, Eddie,
there are times...
when the social
requirements of his job,
and the morale of
his fellow employees,
require your father's
presence after closing time.
Hmm. Another office party, huh?
Well, something like that. Now, don't
you think you'd better run along to bed?
Okay. Have you done everything?
Have you put away your
toys and brushed your fangs?
Mm-hmm. All right.
That's fine, Eddie.
Good night. Don't
forget Woof-Woof.
Oh, of course.
Good night, Grandpa.
Hmm. Good night, Eddie.
Good night, Woof-Woof.
Good night.
Hey, Mom, can Spot
sleep in my room tonight?
All right, Eddie,
but be careful.
He has a slight cold,
and I don't want him
to start sneezing and
set fire to the drapes.
Good night. Good night.
Come on, Spot! You get
to sleep with me tonight.
[Growls]
Good boy, Spot.
Ah, there's nothing more touching than
a boy and his pet. [Footsteps Thudding]
[Squawks] : and all's well.
[Squawks] Correction.
The bum ain't home yet.
Smart aleck.
Oh, I had no
idea it was so late.
Now I'm really
angry with Herman.
I'm going to call him
up again and tell him off.
[Phone Ringing] [Crowd] ♪
Camptown ladies sing this song ♪
♪ Doo-dah ♪
Hello?
This is Lily.
What do you mean, "Lily
who"? This is your wife!
Oh, Lily! I'm, uh, I'm glad you
called, dear. ♪ Oh, doo-dah day ♪
Do you know the lyrics to the
second chorus of "Shortenin' Bread"?
♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
Herman Munster! I
have had enough of this!
You come right home this...
♪ Oh, doo-dah day ♪
Now what was that, Lily? [Woman]
Come on back, Hermie baby!
Eh, coming, Miss Haversham.
- Oh, what was that, dear?
- [Grunts]
Lily? ♪♪ [Continues]
Lily!
Guess we were cut off. ♪♪ [Ends]
Say, do you fellas know
"Moonlight on the Ganges"?
Grandpa, I'm not gonna
wait around here any longer.
If that cornball
Caruso calls back,
you tell him I've gone to bed!
Oh, I'm so mad I
could chew nails!
Eh, Lily, be my guest.
Thank you.
[Crunching]
[Herman] ♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
[Chuckling]
♪ Camptown races doo-dah-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo
doo-dah, doo ♪♪
Grandpa?
Grandpa?
Grandpa! Oh, Herman, it's you.
Hi, Grandpa. I guess I
must have dozed off...
while I was hanging
around waiting for you.
Where's Lily? Oh, she's
upstairs waiting for you.
Oh, good. I had such a
good time at the party.
I'm gonna go upstairs
and tell her all about it.
[Chuckles] You know,
let her in on the fun.
[Chuckles] Whoopee!
[Laughing]
Well, there he goes.
In the mood she's in,
she's liable to tear him apart.
Well, lucky I'm good
at jigsaw puzzles.
I'd better get upstairs and hit
the slab before the trouble starts.
♪♪ [Humming "Camptown Races"]
Hmm. That's funny.
The door must be stuck.
Lily? ♪ Herman's come
back home to stay ♪
♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
[Laughs]
Lily?
I guess she's not in there.
She's in there, all right.
Lily?
Baby.
I-It's Hermie.
Now... O-O-Open the
door like a good little wifey.
Lily. No more teasing.
Pussycat wanna go sleepy-bye.
Well, pussycat can
just go sleepy-bye...
on the living room couch!
[Snoring]
[Grunting]
[Laughing]
E-Eh, Lily, stop it. N-No matter
what you do, I'm not coming upstairs.
Lily! Lily! [Growls]
Oh. [Growling]
Cute kitty.
[Soft Tapping]
What's that?
It's that leaky faucet
in the kitchen. Hmm.
I'll just ignore it.
[Tapping Continues]
[Groaning]
I'll shut it off.
[Crashes]
What?
I'd better light a match.
John Wayne never
has that trouble.
[Tapping Continues]
[Creaks]
[Groans]
[Creaking]
[Gasps, Screams] [Squeaking]
[Yelling] Help! Help! Help!
Help! Oh, good
heavens! Help! Help!
Help! Help! Help!
Help! Help!
Pop, what happened? Help!
H-Herman, Herman,
wh-what's the matter? A mouse!
There was a big, mean-looking
mouse, and he was after me.
Herman, will you come
down from there? Come down!
He made a face at me... and he
showed his teeth and everything.
Herman, look, he's all gone.
Will you please go to sleep
and don't worry about anything?
Don't be scared, Pop. Me and
Grandpa will be right upstairs.
That's right, son. Now-Now,
get along. Get along to bed.
[Groans] Come on, Eddie.
[Screams] [Grandpa] Good night.
Oh, good night.
Oh, where is everybody?
Everybody's had breakfast
and gone off to school.
Oh.
Grandpa, would
you mind telling me...
why this person is
sitting at my table?
I'm waiting for breakfast.
Would you tell this person that
everybody who was going to get breakfast...
already had breakfast.
Lily, I'm hungry!
Eh, as husband, father...
and head of the household,
I demand breakfast!
What's this?
Prune pits. Three of them.
One for the father,
one for the husband...
and one for the
head of the house.
Eh...
Grandpa, what am I going to do?
I can't spend the rest of my
married life sleeping on the couch...
and eating prune pits.
Herman, if you give in now, she'll
have the upper hand forever. [Cackles]
But, if you hold out,
she'll come around.
That's the way to
handle women! Mmm.
[Crunching] What are you doing?
Well, just in case she
doesn't come around,
I'm gonna get used
to eating prune pits.
Grandpa,
this is the fourth night in
a row I've slept down here!
When is Lily gonna give in?
Herman, I hate to say it, but I
think we're licked. [Chuckles]
I'm afraid you just don't have the
personality and warmth you used to have.
In other words, my boy,
in that great furnace
known as romance,
your pilot light has gone out.
Grandpa, you certainly have
a way with words. Thank you.
But how am I gonna
turn up the burner?
Wait. I think I have the answer.
Here.
Read this.
"Is your marriage shaky?
"Headed for the rocks?
"See Dr. Harvey Baxter,
M.C., Marriage Counselor.
Broken hearts made whole."
Ah, Grandpa. Me go to a
marriage counselor? [Chuckles]
Marilyn, me go to a
marriage counselor?
Yes. Well, you and Uncle Herman
are getting farther apart every day.
And neither of you
are going to give in.
I think it's the only solution.
[Scoffs] I wouldn't know who to go to.
Well, Aunt Lily, I read an
ad in the paper this morning,
and so I called and I made an
appointment for you for tomorrow.
The man's name
is Dr. Harvey Baxter.
All right, I'll try...
on one condition...
That your Uncle
Herman never knows.
Now, as I was saying, my name
is Mrs. Mu... No names, please.
I find that people are less
inhibited if they remain anonymous.
Now then, what is your problem?
Well, to begin with,
Doctor, I'm married.
Don't be ashamed of it.
Virtually every person who's
walked through that door...
has made the same mistake.
Now, tell me something
about your background.
- For instance, where were you born?
- Transylvania.
My father is a count.
And your husband? No count.
Uh, bitterness
is not the answer.
I meant, where was he born?
Oh, my husband was
made, Doctor, not born.
Oh, oh, yes, of course.
That's, that's fine.
Every woman should think
her husband is a self-made man.
Oh, he had help.
Now, madam, tell me,
is there another woman?
No, the doctor
quit after Herman.
Well, e-exactly what is the
cause of your domestic trouble?
Well, it all started down
at his place of employment.
Ah, that is a
familiar complaint.
The wife neglected for the job.
I suppose he just
buries himself in his work.
Oh, no, no. Not Herman.
Although there have
been a few close calls.
You see, Doctor,
the trouble started...
when they had this
party down at the office.
He didn't get home
until after : .
Aha! This is an old story to me.
Ah, the gay playboy husband.
But, fortunately, there
is an easy solution.
You must go home and
apologize immediately.
Me, apologize?
I'm not the one who
came home in the middle
of the night and sang
"doo-dah, doo-dah"...
through the keyhole.
If you take the first step, it will put
the burden squarely on his shoulders,
and he will realize what a
loving, forgiving wife you are.
Well, I'll try it.
But, remember, you must
assume the role of peacemaker...
and be the first to
forgive and forget.
Uh, Doctor, I think your
secretary's taking a sunbath.
Uh, she jumped out the window
and ran up the fire escape to the roof.
Good heavens, man,
what happened to you?
Well, you see, my wife
and I have had a fight.
You... You should have
defended yourself, man.
No one should stand still and take
a b*ating like that. Nobody hit me.
You mean there's been
no physical v*olence?
No, Doctor. My problems
are purely emotional.
Yes. Yes, that's obvious.
Sit down. Oh, thank you.
Now, uh, let's begin
at the beginning.
Well, my wife has locked
me out of the bedroom...
and won't let me in.
Naturally. But has she
done anything unusual?
U-Uh, no, you don't
understand, Doctor.
She's not only locked me out of
the bedroom, she won't feed me.
Eh, she won't even speak to me.
What was the
cause of the quarrel?
Oh. Well, a few evenings ago...
I stayed out rather late...
for business reasons.
Uh, when I got home,
my wife was disturbed.
She rejected me...
and made me sleep
downstairs on the couch.
And, Doctor,
for the last four days, the only
thing I've had my arms around...
is a Woof-Woof.
My advice to you is this... that
you go home at once and apologize.
- Apologize?
- Exactly.
At any cost you must be the one to
take the first step toward reconciliation.
Do not allow your wife...
to assume the
role of peacemaker.
Lily, I want to talk to you.
And I want to talk
to you too, darling.
There's something I
want to tell you, dear.
Oh, I'll be glad to listen, but I
want to tell you something first.
Uh, Lily, dear,
if you don't mind,
could I tell you what
I want to tell you
before you tell me
what you want to tell me?
Eh-Eh, no, dear.
You let me go first,
because what I have to
say will save our marriage.
Uh, Lily, if anyone's
gonna save our marriage,
I'm gonna save our marriage.
Oh, no you're not. Lily,
all I'm trying to do is say
I'm sorry and apologize.
You apologize? B-But
you can't apologize to me...
before I have a chance
to apologize to you.
Lily, all I want to be
is the peacemaker.
You the peacemaker?
Oh, you big dummy!
I'm going to be the peacemaker,
so get that through your thick head!
Lily, will you pipe down while I'm
trying to be sweet and apologize?
Ooh. That does it!
I'm not gonna sit around
here a-and be apologized to...
by a poor insensitive oaf!
Lily! Lily!
Lily!
Lily!
I-I'm sleeping in
our bed tonight.
I am! I am! I am!
I am! I am! I am!
[Whimpers] Fiddlesticks!
Oh.
Thank you, son.
Oh, Grandpa, why do you
keep fooling around with that...
when we have such a
serious problem on our hands?
[Chuckles] Because, my dear,
this is going to solve the problem.
This is a formula
for instant measles.
Wait a minute. Who's
gonna have the measles?
You are. But they're synthetic.
No fever. No scratching.
Just two happy parents reunited.
♪ Dee-da, da-da, la-da ♪♪
Okay, Eddie, there you go. You
mean I have to drink this stuff?
Drink it? [Chuckles] What
do you mean, drink it?
♪♪ [Humming]
- Do you think that'll work?
- Certainly.
When Herman and Lily
think their little boy is sick,
they'll be so worried it'll
bring them back together.
[Chuckles] Oh, Grandpa,
you're a psychologist.
No, I'm not. It's a trick I learned from
watching old Shirley Temple movies.
Herman! Herman, come quickly!
It's Eddie!
[Footsteps Approaching]
Coming, dear! Coming!
Lily! Lily! Lily!
Lily, what is it!? Oh, I
brought him in here, Herman.
Look! Now, Lily, dear,
don't panic. Herman's here.
We'll think of something...
together. Oh, but look at his face.
[Crashes]
Ooh. Oh, Herman.
Oh, you're so kind and sweet
and precious and adorable.
And-And sometimes you're
a goofball, but I love you.
Oh, Lily, say that again.
U-Uh, um, but this time,
dear, leave out "goofball."
It is wonderful... one
minute alone with Grandpa...
and his measles disappeared.
Not one single mark
on that sweet little face.
Oh, it's miraculous.
No, Lily, I
understand it perfectly.
Eddie's measles
were psychosomatic...
The result of worrying
about us quarreling.
[Chuckles] Well, he'll never
have to worry about that again,
will he, pussycat?
Never! No more
office parties for me.
From now on, I'm having
all my fun right here at home!
[Laughs]
♪♪ [Organ]
♪ Camptown ladies
sing this song ♪
♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
♪ Camptown racetrack
five miles long ♪
♪ Oh, doo-dah day ♪
♪ Gwine to run all night ♪
♪ Gwine to run all day ♪
♪ Bet my money
on a bobtail nag ♪
♪ Somebody bet on the bay ♪♪