02x12 - I'm Scheming of a White Christmas

[bunniefuu]

- When do we get to the cheese?
- Soon.

This can't be right.

It's so small.

I had no idea when I ordered this
that it was actuaI size.

Come on, come on.
Hurry up. Let's go.

It's about time for the officiaI lighting of
the Christmas extravaganza. Brad, Randy!

- They're not here.
- Where'd they go?

They're still out collecting money
for the schooI Christmas drive.

Oh, I can't wait. They can see it later.
Come on, come on, come on...

Honey, I hope you didn't get back
into this whole competition thing

- with Doc Johnson again this year.
- Please. I'm past it, OK?

I've nothing to prove. This year,
I'm going for, like, a low-key approach.

All right. When I flick the switch,
it's gonna be kinda bright,

- so you're gonna need these sunglasses.
- Oh, Tim.

Don't look directly at the snowman.

Mom? Dad?

- Where'd you go?
- We're still here.

Well, what do you think?
Can we put the kids in the middle?

- Hi.
- Hey, guys.

- Pretty awesome lights out there, huh?
- It's really hot out there.

I don't know if all that straw around
the baby Jesus is such a great idea.

Randy, he's the Son of God.
He'll be fine.

Dad, everyone in the neighborhood's
standing outside of our house,

and they don't look too happy.

Oh, everyone
in the whole neighborhood's out there?

The whole neighborhood's
stood out there?

Is Mrs. Swanson out there
with those stupid drop earrings?

Open the door, she's right here?

You know, maybe I should put a dimmer
on that. Wouldn't that be a good idea?

So, how did you guys do
on that Christmas drive?

Yeah, you were gone a long time.
You must have been working really hard.

Yeah, we walked, like, miles
around the whole neighborhood.

You're doing a good thing.
Now, why don't you go wash up for dinner?

Tim!

Honey.

Can we just turn down the Christmas lights
till after dinner's cooked?

- Maybe that would be a good idea.
- Yeah.

.. , ,

,

, .

$ . .

- Yeah. That's a major amount of money.
- We made bucks.

If we made bucks a day,
and we worked for seven days,

we'd make, like, bucks!

Brad, your math tutor must be proud.

This is more money
than we've ever had on our bed before.

Yeah. If the money was ours, we could
buy Rooster Man comic books.

Yeah, and we could get
Barbarian for Game Boy.

Yeah.

Too bad you don't get paid
collecting for charity.

If we were working at regular jobs,

we'd get paid salary.

How much do you think Dad makes?

I don't know. Three bucks an hour.

Yeah.

And Al does most of the work.

I mean, we worked hard,
and I'm wearing out my shoes.

So?

So...

charity... charity...

two for us.

I don't know.
This is all supposed to go to charity.

It will. I'm just taking
a little bit out for business expenses.

Besides, Mom always says,
"Charity begins at home. "

Oh, Tim, there you are.

Are you ready
to sh**t our Christmas promo?

You should try
to cheer up a little bit, Maureen.

Look, it's a telephone repairman
from the North Pole.

And what would you like
for Christmas, little boy?

A new assistant.

All righty, it's your turn.

Here we go.

Couldn't you just eat him?

Tim "The Elf Man" Taylor.

Oh, now, don't be such a grinch.
You looked adorable.

I've got a wonderfuI surprise.

You joined a convent
and took a vow of silence.

No, silly. I have booked some very speciaI
musicaI guests for our Christmas show.

Guess who?
Time's up! Manhattan Transfer!

Manhattan Transfer?
Didn't you think about checking with me?

Tim, are you forgetting? Producer!
Besides, who did you want me to book?

Those musicaI barking dogs
that sing "Jingle Bells"?

Yes! We were trying
to get them for three years.

They won't do a cable show.

OK, now. Come on. Come on.

Think big-time Christmas speciaI.
Manhattan Transfer.

All the Tool Time g*ng sitting
around the fireplace all cuddly and cozy,

sipping cider with cinnamon sticks.

Put a naiI g*n
to my temple and k*ll me right now.

OK. Time to get the promo rolling.
The sled is set. Let's make magic.

Tim, Tim, Tim. Come on.

Let's be good, for goodness' sake.

All right. All right.

- But I'm driving.
- Oh, now, wait a minute, Tim.

Tim. Tim!

You know, it's against union rules
to let an elf drive a sleigh.

- What?
- Besides, your legs.

- What about 'em?
- Well, they're just a little too short.

Just remember,
it's not over till it's over, fat boy.

Oh, now, wait a minute, Tim.

Let's be professionaI about this.
This is for charity. It's for the children.

The least you can do
is wear your little elf hat.

Remember. Tim.
to make the snow machine work

you just hit that button
on the back of the sled.

Yes, Maureen, I remember.
I'm the one that designed it. Do you recall?

- Huh?
- In . . . ...

- Look out for that mountain, Al!
- Tim.

Tim!

Ho-ho-ho. Merry Christmas!

Join me, Santa, and Tim "The... "
"The Elf Man" Taylor

for a very speciaI Christmas Tool Time.

We'll be kicking off our...

We'll be kicking off
our annuaI "Tools for Tots" drive

to raise money
to build playgrounds in the Detroit area.

Helping us out is our very speciaI guest,
The Manhattan Transfer.

So, untiI then, on Donner,

on Blitzen, on Comet...

What's the matter, Santa?
Have you never flown in a blizzard before?

Tim?

Where are you two going?

I thought you were gonna help me
put these ornaments on the tree.

- We're going back out collecting.
- Wow.

You guys are troupers. You did this
all day yesterday, and this morning.

Yeah, well, we only made $ this morning.

Well, that is $ that the charity
didn't have before you started.

You're making a contribution.
You should be really proud of yourselves.

Yeah, well, we are. Thanks a lot, Mom.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

Honey, why did you
turn the light off of Frosty?

There was a plane
headed for our house, Tim.

"Rooster Man. " "Rooster Man. "

- There's a whole stack of these.
- It's a great comic.

Barbarian II. Game Boy.
Did you buy 'em this? I didn't buy 'em this.

- No, but I wanted it.
- Did you buy 'em those comics?

Uh-uh. But I bet Nana gave 'em
some Christmas money last weekend.

I don't believe it!
This is the coolest watch in the world.

- Time Commander Chronograph.
- What is that doing in Brad's backpack?

They're my boys. They love me.
It's probably my Christmas present.

- How could they afford that?
- Saving their allowance or something.

You know, this has three time zones,
its own built-in alarm,

it's good to m underwater.

You could be drowning and still know
exactly what time it is in Guam. This is...

Ow! Ornaments, ornaments, ornaments!

You...

You...

- You sat on a glass reindeer.
- Pull it. Go.

- You got an antler up your butt.
- Pull it out of there!

Hey, OK. Just stop dancing around.
You're gonna get glass all over the floor.

- Well, thanks for your concern.
- Go outside. Outside.

Come here. Pull this one.
You got it outta there?

Well, I think so.
You'll find out when you sit down.

- Hi-ho-ho-ho, good neighbors.
- Merry Christmas, Wilson.

Jill, I wanna thank you
for that very lovely Smokey Farms gift box.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that
those little cheese logs were actuaI size.

Well, don't be sorry.

They went perfectly with the little
bottle of rum I got from the airlines.

And this is for you, good neighbors.
Fresh from the oven.

- Oh, thank you. What is it?
- That is a plum cake.

On Christmas Eve, the people
of Hertfordshire, England, take the cake,

stick it on a cow's horn,
then they throw cider in her face.

The malls close early over there.

No, no, no, Tim.
If the cow flips the cake forward,

it means
it's going to be a very good harvest.

Oh. Well, that's very
thoughtfuI of you, Wilson.

Well, Jill, it's all part of
the spirit of Christmas giving,

which you seem to have
instilled in Randy and Brad.

The look of joy on their little faces
when I gave them that $ contribution

for charity this morning,
I was really quite moved.

- Wait a minute. Did you say $ ?
- All the cash I had, Jill.

They wouldn't take a check.

Well, Feliz Navidad, good neighbors.

Off I go a-wassailing, a-wassailing...

- Did you hear that?
- Sure did. He can't carry a tune at all.

No. He said that he gave them $ .

Tim, they told me that they
only collected $ the whole morning.

The watch,
the video game, the comic books...

They're stealing from the charity, or...
or from your dresser drawer or something.

I don't leave money in my dresser drawer.
You take it.

Well, then, they're stealing
from the charity.

I found this in Bugsy's drawer.

These were in Baby Face's dresser.
Wait till I get I get my hands on those...

And I found this is Brad's little book bag.

A locket.
Maybe your Christmas present.

How nice.
I can put their little mug sh*ts in it.

- What are we gonna say to them?
- I tell you what I'm gonna say.

"The locket goes back.
Thanks for the watch. "

- Mom, we're home.
- Well, well, well. Look who's home.

How did it go?

Oh, OK.

How much money
do you think you brought in today?

Around $ .

So, with the five that you brought in
this morning, that would make ?

Yeah. That's a lot, huh?

Yeah.
Plus the money from the rest of the week.

Who wants to go first?

I will.

- Uh... it was Randy's idea.
- Thanks a lot, Brad!

- It was.
- Sit down on the couch, right now.

Sit down. Both of you, sit down.

Tell me where you came up
with a stupid idea like this.

Well, we were gonna get you
really neat Christmas presents.

- Don't give me that.
- Yeah, I can't live without Rooster Man.

- Well, the watch is for you, Dad.
- And the locket's for Mom?

Well, no. That's for Jennifer.

You just don't get it, do you?

That money was supposed to go
to the Oak Lane Children's Center.

You stole money out of the hands of kids
who have next to nothing for Christmas.

We weren't gonna take all of it,
just some of it.

Some of it or all of it,
it was still stealing.

We'll do extra chores
to work off the money.

You're darn right you'll do extra chores
to work off the money.

Then you can go back to the stores, take
this stuff back and get the money for it.

And then you're gonna go back to the
shelter, you're gonna take in the money,

and you're gonna tell
them that you stole it.

But, Mom,
they're gonna think we're thieves.

Good, Brad.

I think you should just go up to your
room and think about what you did.

You can just stay up there
for the rest of the night.

Thank you very much.
Oh, it's gonna be a lot of fun today.

We're gonna have
a lot of Tim Taylor holiday hints,

like putting up outdoor lighting
to get your whole neighborhood together.

Don Ho?
I don't think so.

St. Nick. And I wouldn't be
a bit surprised if old St. Nick

slid out of this chimney a little later
to hand out gifts to the studio audience.

Not yet. Not yet!

What I'd like to do first
is introduce our musicaI guests.

- No, we couldn't get the barking dogs.
- Aw.

But we got a group
that sounds a lot like 'em.

Just kidding. I'd like to introduce the
Manhattan Transfer, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, it's good to have you here.
I gotta admit, I'm a big fan.

I always wanted to know,
who's Manhattan and who's Transfer?

Yeah, right. Right.

No, that's the name of the group, Tim.
Come on. We have our own names.

Oh, yeah,
just like the rest of us would have.

- I'm Janis.
- I'm CheryI.

- I'm Tim.
- I'm Alan.

But you know,
sometimes people call me Al.

- Tim and Al. Do you assist him?
- I don't think so, Tim.

Hey, Santa.

Shut up!

Now, Manhattan Transfer
will not be using a backup band today

because they'll be singing Acapulco.

- Tim, actually, it's "a cappella. "
- That's warm there too. I love it there.

Ladies and gentlemen,
The Manhattan Transfer.

One, two. One, two.

You better watch out,
you better not cry

You better not pout,
I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

He's making a list,
checking it twice

Gonna find out
who's naughty or nice

Santa Claus is coming to town

- He sees you when you're sleeping
- Tim!

He knows when you're awake

He knows if you've been bad or good

So be good for goodness' sake

- You better watch out, you better not cry
- Tim!

- You better not pout, I'm telling you why
- No, not my shoe.

- Santa Claus is coming to town
- Don't... don't pull.

- To town
- Keep going. Keep going.

- All the boys and girls...
- Tim! Where are you going?

The snowman soon will play
and they're sure to get their wishes met

When they hear the words we say

You better not shout,
you better not cry

You better not pout,
I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is coming

- Santa Claus is coming
- Tim!

Santa Claus is coming to town

- To town
- Tim.

To town

- Tim, would you get me outta here?
- Look out, old Santa is back

Yeah

Don't use a chain saw.
Just pull me out.

No! Tim! Tim!
Don't cut through this!

Boy, I'm glad that's over.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Can you believe
all those kids down at the shelter?

Yeah. They didn't have anything.
We were stealing money from them.

We have lots of stuff.

I guess we got it pretty good, huh?

Come on. Let's clean up our room.

It was kinda weird
the way those kids were staring at us.

They were staring at you. You just
stood there making monkey sounds.

That was 'cause Mom
was poking me in the ribs.

She wanted you to say something.
I had to apologize for the both of us.

So? I had to give 'em the money.

You don't ever play with this,
do you, Randy?

No, not really.

Me neither.

- We can give it to the shelter.
- Hey, great idea.

We don't play with this either.

And this is Mark's.

Dump it.

Randy.

Do you really think Dad's gonna
hang our pictures up in the post office?

I hope you're kidding.

- Oh, we can give 'em these.
- OK. And there's a lot of stuff in here.

- Oh, there is?
- Yeah.

It came upon

The midnight clear

- That glorious song
- Poor Al.

Al looks mad.
What was he saying?

He was...

He was saying, "Merry Christmas
and have a happy New Year, Tim. "

So, did you...
did you clean up your room?

- Almost, but we wanted to bring this down.
- What?

Well, we were just going through
some of our toys and we thought

that maybe the kids at the shelter
could use some of them.

That's a really sweet idea.

Well, they're just some toys that we don't
play with that much anymore, like this.

- Or this.
- Wait a minute.

That's tournament football.
I still play with that thing.

Dad.

All right. It's Christmas. But remember,
I'm still high scorer on that thing.

I think this is a really good idea. We'll
take you back to the shelter tomorrow.

OK.
We have some more stuff in the basement.

OK. Well, just gather everything up
that you don't play with.

- OK. Mark, jump in.
- Shut up.

- I'm gonna get some toys.
- OK.

- It came upon the midnight clear
- Gosh, they're so good.

Yeah.

But they're no barking dogs.

Tim, I thought you said
you were gonna return that watch.

I'm going to.
Look, my blood pressure. It's rising.

Honey, have you seen the front yard?
Frosty's missing.

I know.

Oh, it's not enough
that Doc Johnson wins the contest.

- Now he's gonna hijack my snowman?
- Doc Johnson didn't take it.

I suppose a -foot plastic snowman
is hiding from me?

Does this look familiar?

Frosty?

He had a power surge
and suffered a meltdown.

Frosty is feet of pulsating light,

generated by volts of luminous flux

and , lumens per second

of uninterrupted power.

This is low-key?

I see spots.

Isn't this awesome?

Yeah. It would be perfect

if we had an airstrip on the front lawn.