05x22 - The Longest Day

[bunniefuu]

Oh-oh-oh.

Lemon meringue.

All right.

Don't touch that pie!

- That's for after dinner.
- l won't touch it.

- What are you doin' with a fork?
- l had a little itch.

Stop. Boys, come on, we gotta go!

- Why go to the doctor if we're not sick?
- For check-ups.

- What's in the bag?
- Something to shorten my appointment.

What?

You know how the doctor
makes you pee in the cup?

That's my favorite part.

Except the cup is too small.
l'll go with a salad bowl for me, huh?

Whew. Yeah, well, my problem is,
l can't go under pressure.

So you went in that bag?

Of course not.
l put it in a yogurt container.

l think he just found
a flavor that'll never catch on.

- We'll be back around : .
- All right. Watch those speed bumps.

Bye-bye.

(Jill) Stay away from that pie!

(boys yell and argue)

(Jill) Mark...
All right! All right!

- We're back.
- What kept you guys?

The doctor found
boysenberry yogurt in Brad's urine.

So l had to give him another sample
without any fruit in it.

Randy had to go to another doctor
and get a second blood test.

- Why?
- lt's Mom's fault.

She told Dr. Medwick
l been kinda tired lately.

You have been. l caught you on
the couch the other day asleep at : .

Dad, l was watching Tool Time

Go do your homework.
We'll call you when dinner's ready, OK?

OK.

- Tool Time's not that bad, is it?
- Tim, we have to talk.

- What's the matter?
- lt's about the doctor.

Dr. Medwick wanted the extra blood test

because he was concerned about
something that he felt in Randy's neck.

- What did he feel?
- Some swelling.

- Swelling?
- Yeah.

So he sent us across the hall
to this endocrinologist, Dr. Kaufman,

and she thought she felt a lump.

- What kind of a lump?
- A lump on his thyroid gland.

- She said they're usually benign.
- Oh, God.

- No, benign is the good one.
- Oh, good.

But there is a chance, a very slight chance
that it could be malignant.

(exhales)

She said that it's usually very treatable.

lt also could be something
they call hypothyroidism.

- Hypo what?
- lt's an underactive thyroid.

He'd have to take a pill
every day for the rest of his life,

but other than that, he'd be normal.

Ahem, boy...

So it's either a lump or hypothymaster?

Hypothyroidism.

Now, there's a third possibility,

and that is that it could
just be a simple goiter.

- A goiter?
- That's nothing.

- So we want a goiter?
- Yes, we want a goiter.

You know, a goiter is just a swelling,

but it means that the thyroid
is functioning normally.

- Why didn't you call me?
- l couldn't do that.

l didn't want Randy to know what's going
on until we know what we're dealing with.

- So he doesn't know anything about this?
- No, none of the kids do.

The whole way home, l kept just telling
Randy that nothing was wrong,

he was probably just rundown,
needs some vitamins.

Meanwhile, l'm going out of my mind.
l thought it was just a check-up.

Next thing l know, l'm talking
to a specialist about lumps.

- Hey, come on.
- This is my worst nightmare.

No, no. lt's my worst nightmare, too, OK?
lt's all right.

When do we hear
something back from them?

Dr. Kaufman said that she'd call by
: tomorrow.

- And we want a goiter?
- Yes, we want a goiter.

So, how do we get through
the next hours?

Think real positive, just hope
those tests come out proving that...

Um, the laundry detergent does get
our brights brighter and our whites whiter.

Yeah. l think it's gonna make
the sheets much softer and more luxurious.

Yes, and l like that because it
makes me feel pampered.

- What are you doing?
- l need sugar.

You won't find much in there.

Ah, smells good.
Where am l?

l'm making a big family breakfast -
eggs, bacon and silver-dollar pancakes.

- That's Randy's favorite.
- You're gonna tip him off, honey.

- What do you mean?
- You make him something edible,

he's gonna know there's something wrong.

- Where are you going?
- To work. Call me if you hear anything.

How could you possibly
go to work today?

lf l wait for the doctor to call,
l'll go crazy.

l gotta keep busy,
which is something you do.

l'm gonna be plenty busy
going over and over this in my mind.

Honey, come on.
lt'll be all right.

l can't believe it.
Yesterday, everything's fine.

- Today, it's about something as serious...
- As fabric softeners.

Yeah, there's nothing worse than static
cling. That's why we need fabric softener.

- What's going on here?
- Nothin'.

Mom, if you're cooking food like this,
something's up.

We usually get burnt toast
and mushy bananas.

- lt's our anniversary.
- Your anniversary was two months ago.

This is the anniversary
of the first time we had eggs.

- Well, then, happy anniversary.
- Thanks.

You're right. lt's gonna tip 'em off.
We have to get rid of all this.

Don't throw it out. Honey!

Hey! Why are you throwing those out?
l love silver-dollar pancakes.

- There's a good reason for that.
- What?

'Cause l'm gonna take you to breakfast.

- You are?
- Yeah. Grab your coat.

Let's go out for breakfast, stop by
the arcade, play a little Mortal m*ssacre.

- l'll be late for history.
- Son, how many times have l told you?

You can't live in the past.

- Mom?
- Oh, it's fine with me. That's great.

- Let's go.
- Great.

Man, this is awesome, skipping school,
going out to breakfast, Mortal m*ssacre.

You're treatin' me so good.
lf l didn't know better, l'd think l was dyin'.

(dish drops)

That was a joke, guys.

That was a joke. l didn't get it at first,
but l just got it. l got it.

Tell your mom.
Make sure she got it.

What's goin' on?

This have anything to do
with that blood test l took yesterday?

OK, yeah, but there's
nothing for you to worry about.

Do you remember when the doctor was
feeling your neck yesterday?

Yeah.

Well, um, she felt some swelling
which might be a goiter.

Which is nothing.

Then why don't they call it nothing
instead of a goiter?

They're not exactly the same thing.

You couldn't say,
''Tigers - , Yankees - goiter.''

So if it's not a goiter,
then what is it?

lt also could be hypothyroidism,

which is an underactive thyroid,
and you'd take a pill every day.

- A very small one.
- Yeah.

So you're treating me like this
all because l might have to take a pill?

l don't buy it.

Honey, we didn't wanna worry you
until the test results came back,

- but there's also a small chance...
- A very small chance.

...that you might have
a lump on your thyroid

that eventually
would have to be removed.

- So l'd need an operation?
- A very small one.

- Would l have a scar?
- A very small one.

Dr. Kaufman is going to call
by : tonight.

She's a very small doctor.

Well, l better get to school.

You can stay home if you want today,
honey. We could just talk.

- There's nothing to talk about.
- What about the arcade?

l really shouldn't miss history.

Well, OK.

- Well, bye.
- Bye.

You're right, l tipped him off.
What kind of mother am l?

l had to go and fix him
a decent breakfast.

Heidi, did anybody call?
Jill or anybody?

No. That's the third time you asked.
ls everything OK?

- Everything's fine.
- You sure?

- Yeah.
- OK. Good show, Al.

You know, Tim, far be it from me
to criticize a colleague,

but your performance out there
today was... was a little dull.

Who would know better
than the human yawn?

(yawns)

- What was the matter with you out there?
- Didn't get enough sleep last night.

- Polish food again?
- No.

Mexican? That makes my mother
go back and forth, back...

Al... thanks for wrecking my appetite
for the rest of my life.

This has nothing to do with what l ate.

- Then why couldn't you sleep?
- l had something on my mind.

- ls there something wrong with the family?
- No.

Well, is it... is it me?
Have l let you down in any way?

Al, you've let me down in every way.
lt's not about you and me. May l?

- Then what is it?
- Nothing.

Tim, l am a friend, and l sense
that there is something wrong,

and l'm going to keep reaching out
until you reach back.

Oh, God.

- Share with me, Tim.
- Promise you won't tell anybody?

- l promise.
- Came home last night,

and Jill told me that she was having
an affair with the milkman.

No, l cannot believe that.

You have a milkman?

Not anymore.

Maybe l should try the doctor again.

When was the last time l called?

Well, right before
you asked me that question.

l don't understand why this stuff
keeps happening to Randy.

He's always been the one with
health problems. He had allergies, asthma.

- Even as a baby, he had awful colic.
- Oh-oh, Randy's colic.

l remember when Tim used to walk him
back and forth in the yard,

trying to get him to sleep.

As a matter of fact,
that's when Tim and l first met.

(baby crying)

# ln my GTO
you're really looking good

# Three deuces and a four-speed

Oh, come on, Randy. This song
used to put Brad right out.

Buddy, come on. Huh?

- Hi-di-ho, new neighbor.
- Huh? Hi-di what?

- Just a little expression of mine.
- Oh, yeah, sure. Just a little - ho-ho-ho.

What in the world
was that strange noise?

That's just an expression of mine.

Um, hope my kid's crying
didn't wake you up, sir.

No. l was already up
feeding my pet octopus.

So, l've been meaning to come over
and introduce myself. l'm Wilson Wilson.

l'm Tim-Tim Taylor.
How are you?

And the little one with the supercharged
lungs is my youngest son Randy.

- Got a little colic.
- l've heard for the past few nights.

- Sorry about that.
- l took the liberty to mix you up a batch

of ginger-root juice for your son's colic.

And l'm supposed to put
that in his bottle?

- No. You just rub a little bit on his belly.
- All right.

l'll try anything.
You sure it's all right?

Easy, easy, easy.
Easy, boy. Oh, oh.

Why are you looking at me like that?
Stop crying.

Just a little bit. Won't hurt.

- Right here.
- Mm-hm.

(stops crying)

- Huh?
- lt worked.

So that's what you look like
when you're not crying, huh?

Oh, ho-ho-ho.
He is a handsome little fella.

Hey. Thanks very much.

When l first got married,
didn't think l ever wanted kids.

Now that it happened, l like 'em.
l like 'em better than cars.

- You got kids?
- l don't even have a car.

Um, thanks for the belly rub.
l'll put him to bed now.

Feel free to stop by anytime and chat.

Well, thanks, but l'm a pretty private guy.

l don't like sharing my problems
with other guys, OK?

- Good night.
- Good night.

That was the first time since Randy was
born we got more than two hours of sleep.

That's two hours more
than l got last night.

Kept thinking about how nothing bad has
ever happened to this family.

Been so lucky.

Do you realize that Tim has survived
over accidents?

Really? l would've thought
that number was much higher.

Oh, God.

l feel so helpless just waiting for
the phone to ring.

lt is so frightening
to think how one phone call

can change your life forever.

lt's like our family's been living in
a big bubble all these years,

protecting us from anything bad
that could happen.

Just one phone call,
one split second,

the bubble could burst.

l wondered if you have
Randy's test results back yet.

lt might be three or four more hours?
l'll hold.

Yeah, l know. l'm sorry.
l understand. Bye.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.

- Where's Randy?
- l don't know.

He said he'd meet me after school,
but he never showed up.

- Tim, we have a problem.
- Did you talk to the doctor?

No, not yet.
Randy didn't come home from school.

Ooh, boy.

- So what do we do?
- Don't worry about it.

You call around. l'll drive around.
l know where he might be, OK?

- Don't worry, please?
- OK.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Oh, Al.

What?

We don't have a milkman.
l don't know what you're talking about.

Al, l can't talk right now, OK?
l'll see ya later. Bye.

Hey, Randy.

- What are you doing here?
- Lookin' for you.

Your mom and l were worried. You know
better than to take off without telling us.

- Then we're even.
- What do you mean?

Couple little things you didn't tell me,
either, Dad.

What are you talking about?

Like, l might have cancer.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where did you get that information?

Off the computer at school.

Said that sometimes these kind of
lumps can be malignant.

Randy, look, the chances of this lump
being malignant are next to nothing.

- How could you not tell me about this?
- We didn't want you freakin' out.

So l read it on a computer sitting in
the school library all by myself?

That's the last thing we wanted you to do.
l'm sorry about that, and she will be, too.

Why does this bad stuff
always have to happen to me?

Bad stuff happens to everybody.
Bad stuff happens to me all the time.

Yeah, but you cause it.

l know you're scared.
l know how you feel.

(crying) No, you don't.

- l don't wanna die, Dad.
- Come on, man, you're not gonna die.

Even if you had cancer, which you don't,
you do not have that.

lt's a treatable kind, OK?

Huh?

Hmm? Hey, come on, come on.

We'll beat it, no matter what it is.
l'm not lettin' anything happen to you.

Man, it's : .
When are they gonna call?

l'm sure that they're gonna call
any minute.

- Oh, honey, come on. Just play. Play.
- All right.

- Come on.
- Um, let's see.

''Thrill.'' T-h-r...

- This is double.
- ...i-l-l.

- .
- ?

Good. OK, all right, l got one.

''Lacks.'' L-a-c-k-s.

Lacks. , , . .

That's .

You gave me an opening, honey.
Read it and weep.

''Ex-lacks.''

What?

- Dad, first of all, that's a brand name.
- And you didn't spell it correctly.

You're telling me there's no ''x''?

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Oh, Al.

Look, Al, Tim and l are fine.

Please don't call here ever again.

What is wrong with him?

Where did he get this insane idea
about me and a milkman?

Spends too much time at the state fair.

(phone ringing)

- Al...
- Tell him he's fired.

...please don't...

Oh, hi, Dr. Kaufman.

Yeah, uh-huh.

lt isn't?
Oh, God, that's such a relief.

There's no cancer, no operation.

Yes.

Oh. OK, OK.

Yeah, we will, we will.
Thank you so much. All right, bye.

Hey!

- So that's it? l'm OK?
- Yeah.

Yeah, but you have hypothyroidism,
which is why you've been so tired.

Hypothyroidism.
ls that the pill or the goiter?

The pill.

- Well, OK, it's just a pill every day.
- That's it.

- Let's go eat. l'm starvin'.
- OK.

OK. l'll be up in a minute.

- l'll put the game away, OK?
- l was kinda hopin' for a goiter.

Goiter's a funny word, you know.

- Goiter boy.
- My young son, the goiter.

And then l could buy you a goiter belt.

(# ''What a Wondeul World''
by Louis Armstrong)

# I see trees of green

# Red roses. too

# I see them bloom

(baby crying)

Hey.

Hey, it works. Look at that.

Oh, he is a handsome little fella.

Thanks for that.
lt seems to make him worse.

- l'll take him back in the house.
- Feel free to come by and chat.

No, thanks. l'm kind of a private guy.

l don't like sharing my problems
with people.

l'll wash it off. We'll get Mom.