06x25 - The Kiss and the Kiss Off

[bunniefuu]

Well, l'd better get going.
lt was great studying with you, Randy.

Yeah.

Um... hey, Lauren?
lsn't your birthday this Friday?

You remembered.

Well, yeah. l always remember
the most important birthdays.

You know, Washington, Lincoln, Lauren.

Anyway, l was thinking we'd get
some friends together and celebrate.

Actually, you know what l'd really like?

lf somebody asked me out to dinner.

Oh, yeah? Anyone in particular?

Yes.

Someone in the tri-state area?

l'm talking about you.

Well, Lauren, l'd love to
take you out to dinner.

But wouldn't that, you know,
be kind of a...

- Date?
- Yeah. That's what it sounded like.

But you didn't mean it like that.
Did you mean it like that?

l did. Unless, you don't want to.

Oh, no, no, no. l'd love to go
on a date, unless you don't want to.

- Randy, l asked you.
- Oh, yeah.

- OK, then!
- OK!

So, uh, then we're going on a date.

- Yeah, it's a date.
- Me and you.

- Us.
- Together.

l guess this takes us
to a whole new level.

Yeah. l guess it does.

- Well, good-bye. l'll see you tomorrow.
- OK. Bye.

Mom, you are not gonna believe it.

Lauren and l are finally
going out on a date.

- Congratulations!
- Yes.

This brings us
to a whole new level.

By the way, what does that mean?

That you're about to enter a more
mature, evolved relationship

based on trust and communication.

You'll have to be constantly in tune

with Lauren's innermost feelings.

[grunting] Oh, miss the old level.

- We have time for one more letter.
- Here you are.

A big one. This one is from
a Katie Allen,

one of our younger viewers,
look at that,

- a little picture for us.
- [audience] Oh.

A little Tool Time bench.
There's me...

...after a weekend in Cancun, evidently.

There's Al. Heidi's carrying
a chainsaw backstage.

- Thank you, very nice.
- [Heidi] Cute.

Well, Katie, you're a very
talented artist.

Artist? She's a magician.
Look how thin she made you look.

Oh, now, come on, man!

That's all the time we have.
See you next time on Tool Time.

[audience applauds, cheers]

- We're clear.
- Thank you, Shawn.

You've been a great audience.
Thanks for coming.

We got free gifts on the way out.
Styrofoam cowboy hats for the gals

and little... bottles of travel-size
Prell for the guys. Thanks very much.

Does everybody know
what time it is?

[shouts]

- Hey!
- Lisa!

- Hi!
- Look at you!

Holy smokes!

- Well...
- Well...

l haven't talked to you in
a long time. You look great!

So do you. Something's different.

- No bandages.
- That's it.

How's school going?

l got my paramedics certificate.

- Really?
- [both] Congratulations!

Thanks. l'm looking for a job.

- Heidi! How are you?
- Hi.

- Great. Good to see you.
- Congratulations on the baby.

Thanks. l had a little girl, Amy.
Here's a picture.

- Oh, she's so cute!
- Thank you.

lf you're here this weekend,
do the show Friday.

Come as a guest,
we're building the hot rod.

lf you're sure, l would love to.

- lt would be terrific! Yes!
- Sounds like a lot of fun.

Why don't we go to Big Mike's
and catch up? All right?

- Yeah!
- l gotta pick up Amy from the sitter's.

You guys go. Have a good time.

You're gonna miss some
great Tool Time stories.

Yeah, well...

Remember when Tim nailed
his foot to the floor?

Remember when he glued
his head to the table?

Wait, remember the time we put
Super Glue in one of his sandwiches?

- Oh, yeah. That was funny.
- You did that?

- He told me it was mayonnaise.
- l didn't say that.

- And you believed him?
- You always believe the boss. Come on!

- Hey.
- Hi. How was school?

Oh, awful.

Now that Lauren and l are going
on this date, everything's changed.

What do you mean?

l didn't know how to act when l saw her,
if l should give a normal ''hi,''

or a more caring, emotional ''hi.''

During lunch she asked me
to pass the ketchup.

- So?
- Mom, she was eating French fries.

l should've anticipated her needs.

Honey, just relax.
You're gonna be fine.

l hope so.

So, Mom, what kind of food did Dad
take you for on your first date?

ltalian. Meatball subs in
the Sears parking lot.

l think Lauren might
prefer something indoors.

[laughs] Yeah.

- Jill?
- [Jill] Yeah?

Big news. Friday's show, the Tool Time
audience is in for a big treat.

You're being pre-empted.

Another feeble s*ab at humor, funny.

No. First off, Lisa's coming back.
And second of all...

- Your old tool girl.
- That's not all. We're gonna have...

- Heidi still there?
- That's not the best part.

Two tool girls?

Yes, Brad! But the best part
is the hot rod got primered in time.

We're gonna showcase it on the show.

Which do you think the audience
is gonna be more excited about,

your primered car or the two tool girls?

Come on! Tool Time, guys watching...
The primered hot rod.

You are so sweet.

l love that you rather look at cars
than beautiful women.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- You know what that also means?
- What?

l'd leave you in a second
if l met the right Corvette.

- [tires screeching]
- [band plays intro]

Hi. Welcome back to Tool Time
and our salute...

[muffled engine revving]

[audience laughs]

Well, it's either a salute
to bean dip...

...or to custom cars.

And next up we have a very
special guest helping us out today.

l'm so excited that l'm not gonna wait.

Heidi, bring out our
original tool girl, please.

Here you are, Tim.

[audience applauds, cheers]

As you all know,
Lisa has been off at school

studying to be an emergency
medical technician.

You've certainly come
to the right show.

All right, enough chitchat.
We have a job to do.

ln Lisa's honor,
she will help channel this hood

on this ' Ford convertible.

The first step is to tack-weld the hood
down securely before we make our cut.

- Heidi, could...
- l'd be happy to weld.

Could you help Lisa
with her coat, please?

Oh. OK.

[rapping on hood]

What are you doing?

l'm just doing a little
''rapping in the hood.''

[audience laughs]

Lisa, why don't you tell us what
you'll be using to do your tack welds?

- l'll be using a MlG welder.
- [grunting] Oh, l love MlG welders.

Tim, let go. Let go.

Tim, release.

Do you want me to tape that section
on the other side of?

- Got it all covered. Thanks, Heidi.
- [Lisa] Fire in the hold!

[whirring]

Boy, she's really
doing a good job over there!

- Ow!
- l'll get the first-aid kit!

Don't worry, Heidi.
l came prepared.

lt's OK, everybody.
lt's just a surface abrasion.

Just a surface abrasion. lt's OK.

This is great. A tool girl that
knows how to administer first aid.

- Pretty impressive, huh? Huh?
- [audience cheers, applauds]

Nice.

ls that Lauren's birthday gift?

Yeah. l got her a really nice pen,
engraved with her initials.

A pen? And you want to be her boyfriend?

What would you know
about impressing a girl?

l know it doesn't
involve office supplies.

Randy, don't listen to him.
l think it's a great idea.

- Hi, everybody.
- [all] Hi.

So, did anybody see Tool Time today?

l did. And it was
the best Tool Time ever.

So, when are you gonna
get a third tool girl?

l'm not going to. But l told Lisa
she's welcome back anytime she wants.

- All right.
- ls Heidi OK with that?

Sure. Why wouldn't she be?

And besides that, l got a lot of cool
ways of working Lisa back into the show.

- All right.
- [telephone rings]

Hello? Hi, Heidi.

We were just talking about you.

What? Say that again.

Come on.

Not fulfilling enough?

We should talk.

Just...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
This has something to do with... Heidi?

- What's going on?
- She quit.

l can't believe she won't
be on Tool Time anymore.

- Tim, what did you do?
- Nothing.

Nothing? You just took away
my reason for living.

l can't believe she wants
to quit the show.

That's like abandoning
the Tool Time family.

Well, it might have something
to do with her ''step-sister.''

Al?

l'm talking about Lisa.
Did you ask Heidi how she felt

about Lisa coming back
to the show whenever she wants?

As a matter of fact... no.

Did you make sure that you
didn't feature Lisa on the show

any more than you featured Heidi?

As l recall... no.

Did you, at any time, tell Heidi

that Lisa coming back on the show
was in no way a threat to her job?

l'll have to go... with ''no.''

Do you see a pattern here?

No.

What would happen if Binford

asked Bob Vila to come and co-host
Tool Time whenever he felt like it?

l'd probably hit him in the head
with a board like l did last time.

Binford would never do that because they
know it would make you uncomfortable.

lt must be nice knowing
that your job is so secure!

All right, already.

l'll call Heidi up
and unravel this mess.

How do l look? ls this a good
first date outfit? l could change.

lt's perfect! You look great.

She's not picking up.
l know you're there, Heidi. Pick up.

She's not picking up. Heidi!

Why is it women get
so emotional over everything?

l'll tell you, because they're
high-strung and moody!

No matter what you do, it's never
enough! You're never right! Never!

Enjoy your date tonight.

You know, l am so sorry. The salesman
told me it was a high-quality pen.

Oh, don't worry about it, Randy.

The ink actually matches my skirt.

Good evening. Our special pasta
tonight is Linguine al Arrabbiata.

- Ah, always good.
- What's Arrabbiata?

Well, it's... it's sorta...

Well, it's kinda tough to describe.
How would you put that into English?

Sauce.

Of course.

While you decide,
can l bring you a soft drink?

- No. l'll just have water.
- Me, too.

Two waters.

Big tip coming my way tonight.

Uh... you know, Lauren,

it's really great that we could have
our first date on your birthday.

l hope l picked
the right restaurant.

No. l love it.

Are you OK? You seem a little tense.

- l do? Why?
- You're buttering your hand.

Dry skin.

Here we are.

Two free waters.

- Well, heh, the water looks good.
- Yeah.

- Here's to your birthday.
- [screams]

- l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
- lt's OK. lt's OK.

l'll just go to
the ladies room and dry off.

OK.

Bona sera, Randito!

- Wilson?
- So what brings you here this evening?

l'm on a date.
What are you doing here?

Well, l'm getting together
with my wine-tasting club.

Oh, yeah? Where is everyone else?

Oh, they're probably at home,
sobering up from our last meeting.

How is your date with Lauren going?

Oh, well, so far
l've inked her, soaked her

and, uh, buttered my own hand.

- [laughs] Randy, everybody does that.
- Really?

No. l'm just trying
to make you feel better.

[sighs] Gosh, Wilson!

l'm just worried that
Lauren's not gonna like this date.

The more worried l get,
the more l screw up.

- [Wilson repeats] Mm-hmm.
- [Randy sighs]

You know, Randy, l'm reminded of
the modern-day guru, Baba Ram Dass.

His philosophy is ''Be here now.''

Well, l am here now.
l think that's the problem.

[repeats] No.
What Baba Ram Dass means is

be here in the moment, don't worry
about what will be, savor what is.

Say what's on your mind.

Well, what's on my mind is that
Lauren must think l'm a dork.

l've seen the way Lauren looks at you.

Her eyes definitely do not say ''dork.''

- Really?
- Go to her, Randy.

Well, l would,
but she's in the ladies room.

Wait.

Thanks a lot, Wilson.

Hey, Randy. l'm back.

Yes, you are. You're here now.

And l'm here now. And now we can sit
in the candlelight and enjoy our water.

l would like that.

Are we ready to order?

Or do we need another
few hours here at my best table?

You know, excuse me, sir.
l don't mean to be impolite,

but this is our first date.
We picked this restaurant

is we were told we'd have
an enjoyable evening.

l'm sorry.
l'm a little jumpy tonight.

l always get that way when l have
to face this rowdy wine club.

This one they call Wilson
is a real handful.

[Wilson] Signore! This Chianti is
an insult to my palate.

lt has no exuberance.

Allow me to bring you some
complimentary appetizers.

You know, Randy, that was
really great the way you spoke up.

Well, sometimes you gotta stop
worrying about how someone might react

and just say what's on your mind.

You know, especially if you
really care about the person.

l didn't know you had such
strong feelings about our waiter.

No. Um... l'm talking about you.

And...

...what's on my mind
is how beautiful you look tonight.

Thank you, Randy.

You know, there's something
on my mind, too...

Ah, never a dull moment at table seven.

- Al!
- Hey, Lisa.

Hey! Big news. You're looking at
Detroit Memorial's newest paramedic.

- Congratulations!
- Thank you!

Boy, it didn't take you
long to find a job!

They said three years with Tim was like
ten years' experience in emergency.

- [Al] Ain't that the truth?
- Look who's back. Hi, Lisa. Hi, Al.

- [Lisa] Hi.
- Hey, Tim! Guess what?

Lisa found a job as
a paramedic at Detroit Memorial.

- Congratulations.
- Thanks, Tim.

- Um... have you talked to Heidi?
- No.

lt's her morning to come late.
She's at mommy-and-baby class.

- Where is it? l want to talk to her.
- lt's at Saint Stephens.

But l don't think they'll let you
in the door without your mommy.

This is serious, Al. Heidi quit.

- What?
- Yeah.

We talked last night,
she was upset.

And l think it's because
l had Lisa on the show again.

Wait, you mean you never asked Heidi
how she felt about it?

Oh, boy! Here we go again.

l never would've come back
if l knew it would upset Heidi.

l never asked her how she felt about it
either. How could l be so insensitive?

Pull yourself together, will you?

l'll go down there and
we'll work it out. OK?

Don't start without me.
lf you have to, just stall.

- See you later, Lisa.
- OK.

What is becoming of Al Borland?

l mean, is my sensitivity
being obliterated

by my overwhelming masculinity?

l don't think so, Al.

# The wheels on the bus
go round and round

# Round and round
round and round

# The wheels on the bus
go round and round

# All through the town #

- [Gail laughs]
- [all cheer]

Before we go on, does anybody
have any questions?

l do. That bus you were singing about,
what kind of power plant?

ls that a Cummings,
a Caterpillar or a Detroit Diesel?

Tim, what are you doing here?

Um... l need to talk to you.

l'm right in the middle of my class.

l want you to come back.

Tim, l told you how l felt.
l have to move on.

- [baby cries]
- But l need you.

Oh... Heidi, give him another chance.

He's making an effort.

You're upset you had to share
your role with another woman.

- Another woman?
- You pig!

Wait, wait, wait!
l'm not her husband! l'm her boss.

- Oh! Sexual harassment!
- [woman] Uh-huh.

- No, no, no, no.
- Could we talk in private for a minute?

Excuse me. Would you mind
watching Amy for a second?

- Oh, l'd be happy to.
- l'll be right back.

- All right...
- [baby cries]

l shouldn't have invited Lisa on the
show without asking you about it.

Tim, l wouldn't have minded
if l felt like my work was appreciated.

Come on, l appreciate your work.
You know that.

No, l don't.
You never say anything about it.

You're a very important part
of Tool Time.

You get there early every day,
set up the projects.

You're the first one out front
with a fire extinguisher.

- Well, that's called self-defense.
- You're the biggest star on Tool Time.

Because of you,
we got fan clubs in six countries.

Not to mention
federal penitentiaries.

l'm sure they won't mind watching Lisa.

- What does she have to do with this?
- Tim, l was there.

- l heard her say she wanted a job.
- She wanted a job and got one.

- As a paramedic.
- Really?

Yeah. And just 'cause of that?
l would never fire you over that.

Think about it, Tool Time
won't be the same without you.

Well, l had better call Scott.

- You guys should talk it over.
- No. He's watching Amy today.

- l'm coming back to work.
- Really?

See you later.

Tim, you want to be Amy's partner?

We're gonna sing a song.

OK. How about a car song?

- Mustang Sally. How about that?
- [baby crying]

Actually, these songs
are for the babies.

Well, you already
sang a song for the babies.

# Itsy-bitsy spider

# Went up the water spout

# Down came the rain

# And washed the spider out

# Out came the sun

# And dried up all the rain

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Something came out here.
But it's certainly not the sun! Oh!

l'm sure Heidi appreciated you
going to that baby-and-mommy class.

What she appreciated was me
cleaning up that kid's mudslide.

You changed a diaper?

Yeah. Good thing l had
those welding gloves in the car.

- [Randy] Hey.
- Hey, guys.

Hi.

Lauren and l are going
to my room to study for finals.

They are so cute together.

Remember how nervous you were
when we first went out?

l tried to kiss you. l couldn't
figure out what to do with my hands.

Yeah. You got over that quick.

Remember when we studied
in your dorm room for finals?

Oh, yeah.

- One thing led to another and...
- Yeah.

[both] Randy!