01x15 - Too Many Tonys

[bunniefuu]

Boy, this is thirsty work.

Oh. Thank you, Jeannie.

-Jeannie.
-Yes, master?

What is this stuff?

-Tubla.
-Tastes like it.

Would you like some more?

No, no. l-- No.

lt tastes terrible.

Well, it was very popular
in Pompeii.

Yeah, sure. And look
what happened to Pompeii.

Oh, Jeannie, would you blink off.

All right.

-Hi, Tony.
-Oh, good morning, Roge.

Boy, what a morning.

Wait. You're not gonna like that.

lf it's good enough for you,
it's good enough for me.

You drink a lot of that?

-l warned you.
-What is it?

lt's called tubla.
lt used to be very popular in Pompeii.

Yeah, look what happened
to Pompeii.

l've got to tell you something.

-You better get a girl.
-What are you talking about?

l heard Dr. Bellows
and General Peterson...

...discussing the results
of the tests they made.

They compared the emotional stability
of the unmarried astronaut...

-...and the married astronaut.
-Yeah?

And the married astronaut came off
percent better.

And Dr. Bellows said if there's anyone
that should have a wife, it's you.

Well, that's ridiculous.

How can l get married?
l don't even have a girl.

Well, l just thought l'd tip you off.
You'll be hearing from Dr. Bellows.

All right. Thanks, Roge.

-Well, any time.
-Okay.

l'll be your best-- Best man.

Okay, Jeannie, he's gone.

Jeannie, what are you doing?

l will be with you
in a moment, master.

l am just finishing
my wedding dress.

lt's charming, charming.

But would you mind
getting rid of this outfit now?

-You do not like it?
-l like it very much.

But l'm not planning on getting
married, and neither are you.

But Dr. Bellows
wants you to get married.

Well, l don't think you're
exactly what he had in mind.

Now, would you mind
taking this off?

Thank you. Oh, and get rid of
the wedding dress too, please.

Yes?

Thank you.

You are the most unromantic master
l've ever had.

l wish you could
let yourself go and act like--

Like what?

Like this.

Jeannie, darling.

You're the most beautiful,
the most wonderful thing in my life.

Don't ever leave me.

Jeannie. How--
How do you do that?

Well, technically, it is a variation
of the lndian rope trick.

Well, technically, get rid of him.
l don't like it.

Oh, but l do.

Let's be married. Right now.

All right. Knock it off.

Why cannot you treat me
like this, master?

Because l'm late for a lunch date,
that's why.

Let him go.
We can be alone together.

Oh, you can, huh?

l don't know what you see in him.
He's got a very weak chin.

Get rid of him.
l mean it. Get rid of him.

That's better.

l don't wanna see me here again.
l mean, him around here.

-You know what l mean.
-No, master.

-Huh?
-Yes, master.

Before l go, l want you
to know just one thing.

Yes?

You're the most beautiful,
the most wonderful thing in my life.

Oh, master. Then we are
going to be married.

No, no. l'm afraid not.

l want you to consider me
as your--

Your bosom friend.

Captain Nelson?

Hello.

Hello.

-Who are you?
-l am nobody.

l mean, l just drop by to cook
Captain Nelson's dinner.

-Do you do this often?
-Oh, every night.

That's strange. He's never
mentioned you to me.

l'm Colonel Bellows,
the base psychiatrist.

l know.

-Nelson's talked about me?
-Every day.

You and Captain Nelson
must be old acquaintances.

Oh, we are bosom friends.

Are you?
l'm afraid l didn't get your name.

-Jeannie.
-l'm delighted to meet you, Jeannie.

-That smells good.
-The bread, the pie or the cake?

You're baking bread,
pie and cake?

Oh, yes. Captain Nelson
loves my baking.

You may be just
what the doctor ordered.

l am afraid l do not understand.

Well, there are so many
flighty young girls around...

...it's a pleasure to meet a real,
old-fashioned homebody for a change.

l mean, wife material.

lf you don't mind my saying so, it looks
as though Nelson has struck gold.

Oh, l do not mind
your saying so.

For his own sake,
l hope he appreciates you.

l've just finished making
a survey of married astronauts...

...and Captain Nelson
is in a lot of trouble.

Oh, he appreciates me.
He apprecia--

l will show you.

Darling, l couldn't
stay away another minute.

-Captain.
-Look who's here.

Who's he?

Well, l.... l....

l've seen men in love
before this, but--

Well, this is--

This is marvellous!

How soon are you
gonna be married?

Tonight. Now.

That may be rushing things a bit.
Why don't we say Sunday?

-l can't wait.
-Sunday will be fine.

l'll spread the good word.

l hope you'll have me to dinner.

-Oh, we will often.
-Thank you, Jeannie.

Carry on, captain.

-Stop it. He is gone.
-But darling, l love you.

l hope l did not
get my master in trouble.

Well, Captain Healey.

The secret is out,
and you never said a word.

No, sir. lf you talk about it,
it isn't a secret.

What secret are we
talking about, sir?

Captain Nelson's wedding. Sunday.

Tony getting married Sunday?
That's ridiculous.

l heard him propose, captain.
He wanted to get married tonight.

-You didn't know?
-He didn't say a word to me.

This morning he told me
he didn't have a girl.

Well, he has, and l must say,
l was impressed with her.

Feet on the ground.
And a beauty.

How do you like that.
My best friend.

l like it.

l'll see you at the wedding, Sunday.

Maybe he doesn't want me
to be at the wedding.

Maybe he's ashamed
to have me meet her.

l'm all right to go up
in space with, right?

But he doesn't want me
to mingle with him on Earth.

Hey, Roge. Hi.

l wouldn't be
your best man Sunday...

...if you got down on your knees
and begged me!

-There you are.
-Oh, yes, sir. You wanted to see me?

Yes. Yes.

Come in. Come in.

-Have some coffee.
-Thank you. Thank you.

Congratulations, captain.

Well, thank you very much.
What did l do?

lt's what you're going to do.

Frankly, l was worried about you.

But not anymore. Not after Sunday.

-Sunday?
-And don't forget...

...l expect to be invited to dinner
for some of that homemade bread.

lt smelled delicious.

Jeannie's a wonderful girl.

l could see that you're
both very much in love.

l'm a psychiatrist.
l know the real thing when l see it.

-lt must have been very sudden.
-You might say that, sir.

When did it first hit you?

About seconds ago.

Jeannie! Jeannie.

This time you've gone too far.
How could you do this to me?

Well, l was trying to
help you, master.

You would be in trouble
if you were not married.

So l....

Jeannie, darling,
l can't wait until Sunday.

Student Prince is back.

l'll get it, l'll get it.

-Hello.
-Dr. Bellows here, captain.

Oh, hello, sir.

l just talked with General Peterson
and told him the good news.

He's delighted.

He's staying over to attend
the wedding on Sunday afternoon.

Well, that's very kind
of the general...

...but would you inform him
that l have no intention of--

No intention of what?

No intention of waiting
until Sunday afternoon.

We're getting married
Sunday morning.

Yes. We'll be looking forward
to seeing you and the general there.

Goodbye.

You won't get away with this.

l'm going to tell Bellows
the wedding is off!

Oh, you cannot, master.
How will you explain it?

That's very easy. l'll just tell him--
l'll say-- They'll lock me up.

Not if you marry me.

Oh, l will make you very happy.

You're wasting yourself on him.
l'm the one who loves--

Will you butt out of this?

-Get rid of him.
-Get rid of me? This is my house.

Send him away, darling.

Stop it. Stop it! Go away!

You heard what she said,
lover boy. Knock it off!

Darling, from the moment l met you,
l knew that we were meant for--

-Amazing.
-l am sorry, master.

lt is just impossible these days
to get reliable help.

Oh, Dr. Bellows. Good morning.

Here's the impatient bridegroom.
l'll bet you can't wait for Sunday.

Well.... Roge.

That's what l wanted to
talk to you about.

Would you excuse me?
Something l gotta straighten out.

l can't wait for Sunday either.

-Hey, Roger.
-Just call me Captain Healey.

What's the matter with you?

Matter? Oh, nothing's the matter.

My best friend is getting married,
doesn't say a word to me...

...and l have to hear it
from strangers.

l am not getting married
on Sunday.

l don't know what you're
trying to hide.

lf you found someone else for your
best man, why don't you just say so?

My feelings won't be hurt.

Anyway, l'm-- l'm busy Sunday.

l'm going fishing.

Will you stop acting like this?
l'm not getting married.

Dr. Bellows said
he heard you propose.

Forget about what Dr. Bellows said.

-You just listen to what l--
-Captain Nelson!

General Peterson.

l just want to offer
my congratulations.

-Thank you very much, sir.
-ls it gonna be a large wedding?

Well, l really don't know yet, sir.

Well, thank you for inviting me.

-lt's my pleasure. My pleasure.
-Captain.

-Roge.
-Captain Healey.

l'll move my golf clubs
out of your locker...

...the first thing
tomorrow morning.

This is my office.

All right, Jeannie, l've had it.

l want you here.
l want you here right now!

Come on.

Good afternoon, master, darling.

Don't you fool yourself.

This will be one of
the worst afternoons of your life.

Now, l've had just about
enough from you--

Jeannie, what do you think
you're doing?

You're excited, master.

A nice steam bath
will calm you down.

l don't wanna calm down.
l wanna get out of here.

Well, it's solid gold.
lt belonged to King Tut.

l don't care if
it belonged to-- To--

Captain Healey.

Call me Roger. l--

l came to apologize.

You don't have anything
to apologize for.

Well, l got to thinking.

Just because we're good friends,
there's no reason why...

...l have to be your best man.

And l just wanted to let you know
there are no hard feelings.

Of course not, Roge.

-lsn't it warm in there?
-No, no.

No, no.

That's-- That's new, isn't it?

Yeah, it's sort of new, yeah.

lt looks like solid gold.

-ls that--?
-Yeah, l think it is.

'' King Tut sat here.''

Well, you haven't lost
your sense of humour.

Well, look, l probably won't see you
before the wedding.

l just wanted to let you know
how l felt.

Thanks. Thanks, Roge.
l don't think there will be a wedding.

You don't think?

No. No. Well, you know, there are
a lot of things to pull together.

Sure you haven't had
enough of that?

No, no, no. l like it.
l could stay in here for hours.

Well, l guess l won't meet
the bride until l get back.

Well, believe me, if there's
a bride, you'll meet her.

Well, best of luck, Tony.

Thanks.

King Tut.

Yeah. Yeah.
Jeannie, l'm boiling to death!

l am sorry, master.
Captain Healey stayed too long.

Yeah, he sure did.

What would you like
for a wedding present?

A diamond mine in Africa?
The presidency of--

-l know. Monte Carlo.
-You know what l'd like?

-What?
-l'd like to be a bachelor.

l'm not going through with this.

And if l don't, l'm gonna be
in terrible trouble.

But, master,
it is for your own good.

Jeannie, listen.
Try to understand this.

ln the service, the kind of a woman
a man marries is very important.

''And what does your wife do,
Captain Nelson?''

She's a genie, sir.
l put her in a bottle every night.

-How will that look on my record?
-What are you going to do?

l'm going to Dr. Bellows' office
and tell him l've changed my mind.

But....

Thank you.

Come in.

-May l have a word with you, sir?
-l always have time for young lovers.

Do you want
some prenuptial advice?

No. That's not exactly
what l wanted to talk to you about.

Sit down, captain.

lt's about Sunday.
Oh, thank you.

lt's about Sunday, sir.
There's been a change in plans.

You want to get married
early Sunday morning.

l don't blame you. How's Jeannie?

Oh, fine. Well, she's not fine.

Well, the point is, sir,
you've only met her once.

And, well, you don't know
what she's like.

You're quite wrong, captain.

l'm a psychiatrist.

l know more about her
than you'll ever know.

Would you like to bet?

l pride myself on being
a rather keen judge of human nature.

Human nature. Well, that's not
exactly what we're talking about.

-What?
-Well, l mean-- You don't--

You don't know about Jeannie.

Well, l know she's beautiful.
l know she loves you.

She's intelligent.

She enjoys cooking
and taking care of a home.

-Would you say that was true?
-Oh, yes, yes, yes.

She has a lovely, sweet disposition.

l'd say you picked
the perfect bride, captain.

Well, l didn't exactly
pick her, sir.

You're a lucky man.

You don't know how lucky.

Do you know what this is?

This is your medical file.

l was waiting until it got larger...

...then l was gonna send it
to Washington.

There are things in here
that would curl your hair, captain.

But do you know what l'm gonna
do with this file?

Now that you're marrying that girl...

...there'll be no more incidents.

There'll be no more
behaving peculiarly.

You're gonna stop talking
to walls, hearing voices...

...and other things
listed here.

Do you know what the greatest
thing of all is, captain?

No, sir.

l'm going to start sleeping nights.

Yes, sir. l can't tell you how much
l'm looking forward to Sunday.

Well, anything else, captain?

No.

No. That's about all, sir.

But if l think of anything,
believe me...

...you'll be the first to know.

-Master?
-Go away.

-Master?
-Out!

-Master?
-Oh, Jeannie.

What do you want?

Don't answer that!
Don't answer that!

Are you satisfied?

Finally, you got me
in a corner l can't get out of.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
There is a way out.

No, master. lf you call off the wedding,
you will be in trouble.

Yes, yes. That's right.
So l'm not calling off the wedding.

-You are not?
-No. No.

You are.

Why would l do
a silly thing like that?

Because l'm telling you to.

l'm ordering you to!
l'm begging you to.

Oh, l cannot.

This wedding is for your own good.

Jeannie, you'd hate
being married to me.

l'm temperamental,
l'm grouchy in the morning...

...l'm a sloppy-- l'm sloppy!

-Look at this place. l'm sloppy.
-l know, l know. l adore it.

-Then you won't call off the wedding?
-Of course not, master.

Sunday morning, you are going to be
the happiest man in the whole world.

Oh, don't you believe it.

l will show you
how you will act on Sunday.

Angel, l've been looking
for you everywhere.

Would you get rid of that slob?

He's beginning to annoy me.

But he does not annoy me.

Yeah, l can see that.

You'll have to make up your mind
which one of us you want.

-l want you. Acting like him.
-Forget it.

Can't we get rid of him?

Cast a spell on him.
Make him vanish.

We can be together always.

Well, maybe we could.

Now, Jeannie,
you wouldn't do that to me.

l'm your master.
He's not even real.

But he loves me so much.

We can go away together,
just the two of us.

What are you, a home-wrecker?

-That's my fiancée you're talking to.
-Marry me.

She may be anxious to get married,
but she's not stupid.

You couldn't support her.
You're not even real.

l'm trying to talk her out of marrying
a figment of her own imagination.

Oh, boy.

Come with me, Jeannie.

He's not going to marry you.

Oh, yes, he is. Sunday morning.

Jeannie, please, don't--
Don't send me away.

l love you. l'll be back.

lt is bad luck to see the bride
before the wedding, so l am leaving.

But l will see you
at the church Sunday morning.

Now, do not be late.

l'm so excited.

Where the devil
is Captain Nelson?!

Oh, l am sure he will
be here any moment.

l warned him not to--

Well, l told him not to be late.

Of course he'll be here any minute,
if he knows what's good for him.

Forgive me for being late.
lt's inexcusable.

-Oh, Captain Nelson.
-lt's time you call me Tony.

My angel. l thought this morning
would never get here.

What are we standing here for?
Let's get married.

Put her down!

That comes later.

You can't blame me
for getting carried away.

Excuse me, sir.
Come with me.

And you. Come with me!

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered together...

...to join this man and this woman
in the bonds of holy matrimony.

Captain.

Captain, couldn't you wait
until the ceremony is over?

Could you talk a little faster, sir?

l've waited so long for this day.

We'll have a honeymoon.
We're going on a six-month holiday.

No, no, no. No, a year.

Oh, don't worry about him.
He's not coming.

Dearly beloved...

...we are gathered together to join
this man and this woman...

...in the bonds of holy matrimony.

l will, l will. l do, l do.

Well, l do not!

l cannot marry this man!

Captain Nelson.
What the devil happened?

l have no idea, sir.
She just ran out.

l'm sorry, captain.
l know how you must feel.

Do you?

He tried to warn me,
but l wouldn't listen.

That's a very unstable girl.

l think you're a lucky man
to be out of it.

Thank you, sir. General.

-Captain.
-Captain.

l'll be all right.

Oh, thank you.

Jeannie?

Well, hi.

What are you doing here?

l thought by this time
you'd be on your honeymoon.

So did l.

Well, didn't you--?
Didn't you get married?

No, master.

Oh, well-- Well, that--

That phony Tony came over here...

...and said he was on his way
to marry you...

...so l just stayed away.

Did you?

-Didn't l?
-No, master.

l knew it was you at the chapel.

-You did?
-Of course l did.

Well, why didn't you
go through with the ceremony?

Because thou went to
so much trouble not to marry me.

l will never force myself on you.

Jeannie. You're marvellous.

l wonder what would have happened
if we had gotten married?

You will never know, will you?