04x20 - Therapy

[bunniefuu]

You guys can't write off
some of this stuff
you have down here.

Those are
% legitimate
business expenses.

$ , For
"a boob job"?

It's not a boob job.

It's a breast
reduction.

We're taking it
as a loss.

I Buy it.

I, Uh...I don't think
the irs will,

But it is medical,

So you can write it off
as a personal deduction.

Dy-no-mite!

Now, um...

Is this your
monthly balance?

Because you seem to be
a little short on cash.

That must be
the wrong page.

We're not
short on cash.

We actually
have none.

Uh, what happened
to all that snowmobile
repair work, Dan?

Did it.

Spent it.

Uh, well, look,

I'll, uh, I'll
run all this stuff
through my computer,

And when I have
your returns ready,

I'll give you a call.

Thanks, art. Listen,

What do we owe you?

I could write you
a check.

You k*ll me, Dan.

Hey, Darlene,
heard that joke

You made up
about trudy burke.

It's really funny.

Thanks.
The beauty part is,

It doesn't just
have to be about trudy.

It works for any girl
with a mustache.

Did you know that
trudy heard it, too?

Good. Maybe she'll pull
a comb through that thing.

Another good one.

You can tell her
that tomorrow

When she's beating
the crap out of you.

What are you
talking about?

For your next joke,

Make fun of how big
and mean she is.

She doesn't know
that joke was mine.

Did I forget to tell you

Your friend stacy
ratted you out?

Why'd she do that?

So trudy would let her
out of her locker.

All right,
so trudy knows.

But I mouth off
to everybody.

People love that
about me.

Look on
the bright side.

You may really like
your new face.

And, man,
he is so smart.

He knows so much stuff
about taxes and everything.

I swear,
it's fascinating.

Taxes are fascinating,
Roseanne?

Well, not normally,
you know,

But when art's
talking about it,

I swear,
you laugh, you cry.

Not my type.

Oh, you don't
know that.

You're telling me
I don't know my type?

Well, he's cute,
and he's funny.

He looks like
the lucky charms guy.

Well, it's what's inside
that counts, Jackie.

And inside, this guy
has a time-share condo
in florida.

Can we drop it,
please?

I'm trying to
tell you something.

Can I say one more
thing about it?

Why can't you
date him?

Roseanne!

What do you want
to tell me?

I'm thinking about...

Going into therapy.

You mean
like a shrink?

Yeah.

Why?

There's a lot
of reasons.

Like what?

Oh, I just haven't
been happy lately,

And with mom and dad
breaking up,

It makes me
think how crazy
our childhood was,

And there's
a lot of stuff I've
got to deal with.

When would you start?

Two months ago.

What?

I can't believe it.
That stinks.

I'm your sister and you go
and do something that major

Without even
talking to me first?

Calm down.

I'm really
upset about this.

How come you can
talk to some stranger

And you can't
talk to me?

Because when I
tell her my problems,

We don't spend
the next hour

Talking about how
that makes her feel.

O.k. I'm sorry.

I guess it is
a good idea, then.

I'm glad you told me.

Finally.

You're welcome.

You know,
art goes to therapy.

Hey!

Hey.

I had an idea
about the shop.

I'm not sure
if it's crazy.

Let's run it by Jackie
and find out.

Roseanne!

Does everybody
have to know
about this?

I was only going
to tell Dan.

It's a very
personal thing.

He's family.

I'm asking you
to keep it
to yourself.

O.k., I won't
tell Dan.

All righty.

Fine.

I'm going to take off now.
I'll call you later.

What's the idea
with the shop?

Arnie came by
this afternoon
with a tattoo artist.

He wants to rent
part of the shop--

A month,
and he could bring by
a lot of bikers.

A tattoo guy?
I don't know.

Don't worry.
I didn't commit
to anything.

I'll have art
check out the deal.

Well, what's
this guy like?

I didn't talk
to him much,

But I think he's
a very talented artist

Who's paid his debt
to society.

Gil here, he's
the absolute best.

People come to him
from all over.

Damn it, you're
hitting bone!

Don't pay
attention to me.

It's easier
than it seems.

Actually, it's kind
of a macho thing.

Oh, mommy!

Excuse us
one moment.

What do you
think, art?

Uh, I don't know,
Dan.

Financially,
it's a good idea,

But personally,
I got to wonder
about a guy

Who's covered
his entire body
with tattoos.

Yeah.

Think he's got one
on mr. Winkie?

I don't really
want to know, Dan.

Danny,
check it out.

Nice work.

Thanks. Want one?
On the house.

Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!

Pretty tempting there, gil.
Maybe some other time.

Get Roseanne's name
on the old bicep there.

The babes dig that.

I got a chicken pox
scar on my arm

Looks just like her.

Hi. What's
going on?

Hey, honey.
Say hello to gil.

How you doing?

Hi, gil.

He's the tattoo guy.

No kidding?

So, uh, art.
Jackie say hi
to art.

How you doing, art?

Hi, Jackie.

Anybody going to
say hi to me?

Well, we've got to go.

I got to try
to get some money
out of Dan first.

This might
take a minute.

I better be going.

O.k. Take
it easy, art.

Uh, Jackie,
I was wondering

If I could
talk to you
for a second?

Sure.

So, uh...
How's it going?

Great. You?

Great, great, uh...

Tax season.
Busy, busy.

Oh, I bet.

Um...

I hear you're
a trucker.

That must be
really interesting.

Well, that
keeps me busy.

As a matter of fact,

I Get so busy
sometimes,

I have very
little time left
for a social life.

It sounds kind of lonely.

Well, I figure
if you're o.k.
With yourself,

Then you're o.k.
With being alone.

Yeah. I--I...

I'm alone
a lot, too.

You seem to be
dealing really well
with that.

Um...

Sometimes. Sometimes.

But, um...

I was thinking
maybe...some night

When you're in town,

We could go out
to dinner.

Uh-huh.

Well...

Uh, that
would be nice.

I Tell you what.

When things do start
to slow down for me,

Then why don't I
give you a call?

Got it.

Well, um...

I better be going.

Uh, give, uh...

Well, say goodbye
for me.

O.k.

It was nice
running into you.

Ohh.

Damn.

So what did
art want?

You know,
I don't think

That I've ever been
as angry with you

As I am right now.

Sure, you have.

That was a nice guy,

And you forced me
to hurt him.

You didn't even
give him a chance.

I said I didn't want
to go out with him,

But you wouldn't
leave it at that.

Well, just one dinner.

I don't believe it.
I'm standing right here,

And you're not listening
to a single word I'm saying!

Oh, yeah. Your therapy's
working out real good.

What?

You still getting
beat up today?

Shut up.

You're eating
too much.

You'll barf.

Just 'cause you
followed us home
from the circus

Doesn't mean
you can talk to us.

Hey, you should
listen to him, Darlene.

He gets creamed
like every other week.

Fall down early
and stay down.

I can handle this.

You can't take her,
Darlene.

I'm not going to try.

I'll talk my way
out of it.

O.k. Just stay down.

You don't believe me?

Dad, can I talk to you
about something?

Coming.

Watch.

Yeah, Darlene.

I'm really sorry
I called you
wide load yesterday.

I mean, I meant it
to be funny,

And I really thought
you'd laugh.

I've been
thinking about it.

Now I realize it was
really insensitive.

Darlene...tie
your hair back
real tight

So she can't
swing you around
with it.

You're dead,
Darlene.

Oh, man.

Keep your arms
in front of your face.

Eventually
she'll wear herself out.

[Roseanne]
are they gone yet?

Yeah, honey.

Good. I love them
and everything,

But I ain't
in the mood.

How's your headache?

It's gone.

[Jackie]
hey!

It's back.

Roseanne,
we need to talk.

We certainly do.

Oh, boy,
when's Dan going
to get out of here?

See you later.

Play nice.

Well...

I Assume you're here
to apologize.

I have spoken
to my therapist.

She thinks it would
be a good idea

If you came down
to talk to her.

Why? You're the nut.

She thinks one reason
I may be a nut

Is because of you.

What's that
supposed to mean?

Whenever I talk to her,
your name keeps coming up.

You're a very big
influence on me, Roseanne,

And she thinks
she can help
sort it out.

We had a fight.
That's all.

So you're not
going to come down.

Is she
going to ask us

All kind of
personal questions
and stuff?

That is sort of
the point.

O.k. Well...

Let's get
our story straight

Before we
go down there.

Roseanne, we're all
on the same side,

So please
don't feel defensive.

O.k.

I'm not a judge
or a referee.

We're both here
for one reason--
to help Jackie.

Get her, doc.

Nobody's here
to get anybody,

Nor will we solve
the problem in one session.

Hey, I have
no problem, o.k.?

I'm just here to help out
eleanor rigby there.

Hey!

Now, Roseanne--

Here's where I
get yelled at.

I'd just like
to set up boundaries.

In fact, let's work on
listening without judging.

Roseanne, I'm going to
ask Jackie how she feels.

Some of this may hurt,

But I don't want you
to answer back.

Instead, I want you
to repeat what she said

In your own words.

O.k.

O.k. Now, Jackie,
last session

We talked about how choices
are difficult for you.

Yeah. Well...

It's just...
Everything I do.

I'm always wondering
what she's
going to say

Because she's
so judgmental.

Can you be specific?

Well, it's
just everything.

It's...if I'm going
to be a cop,

What's she
going to say?

If I cut my hair,
will she laugh?

If I go out
with this guy

Or if I move

Or see a movie
or buy a book.

It's everything.

O.k.

Now, Roseanne,
what did you just hear?

In your own words.

Why would you want

To move out
of your apartment?

I mean, you pay
really low rent.

It's a great place.
You should see it.

O.k., o.k.
Let's start over.

Uh...

And remember, Roseanne,

I'm asking you
not to judge her,

Just to listen to her.

O.k.,
but she doesn't have
to pay utilities.

Even if it is a
horrible mistake

To move out
of my apartment,

It's my mistake.

I'm not one of
your children.

Then you go
make a mistake,

And you come to me
to clean it up.

Of course.
You're my sister.

Oh. Oh. So I see.

I can't say anything
to stop the mistake,

But I mop it up
after.

If you loved me,
I'd think you'd want to.

You better call for backup.

All right.
Uh, all right.

Let's try
something different.

Let's try
a little exercise.

Jackie, you go first.

I want you
to turn to Roseanne

And say "you're my sister,
and I love you because..."

And fill in the rest.

O.k.

What's taking you
so long?

Well, o.k.

I got it.

Uh...

You're my sister,

And I love you
because
you're strong.

That's it?

Well,
it's not that easy.
You do it.

O.k. I Will.

You're my sister,

And I love you

Because you're warm
and caring and giving

And nurturing and kind,

But you know,
your problem is--

Hold up. Hold up.

Try it without the but.

O.k.

O.k. You're my sister,
and I love you

Because we've shared
so many things, although--

Uh, that's another but.

I don't like this game.

Let's go back
to the listening deal.

O.k. We'll come back
to this later.

Jackie,
your turn to listen.

Roseanne, tell me,
how do you feel

When you think Jackie's
making a mistake?

Well, I worry
about her.

Why?

'Cause I don't want her
to get hurt,

And if I can see some way
of preventing that,

I'll say something.

Jackie?
In your own words?

I mean, I know this art
isn't gorgeous or anything,

But he'd be nice to her,
and he'd protect her.

It wouldn't be so awful
to marry such a guy.

Do you want her
married to such a guy

So he could
take over for you,

Then you wouldn't
have to look out
for Jackie anymore?

Are you kidding?

What does she know
about being married?

The thing is, see,

I didn't realize
I was treating you
like a kid.

Oh, please.

O.k. I did realize it.

I just--I just
didn't think you knew.

Well, at least
you went with me,

And we learned
how we can talk
this stuff out.

Well, I want you to know

That it is, uh,
really hard for me

To, uh, dialogue with you

With a, uh,
without a, uh...

Confrontational agenda.

I hear that,

But you've got to learn

How to let go
of your control issues

Without that triggering
your whole abandonment
issue.

I hear that.

Now...

There's one thing
I want to say to you

In a totally, um...

Non-manipulative
and non-judgmental...

Context.

I'm hearing that.

Um...

O.k. The responsibility
that I feel towards you

Is all your fault.

How?

[Telephone rings]

Oh. I'm sorry.
Our time is up.

Jeez.

Hello.

Oh, yeah. Just a minute.

Dan! Phone!

I want you to know

It's art on the phone,

And I'm not
saying a thing.

Good.

And I'll try
to ease up on you,

Although it's very hard.

And I'll
try and remember
that you mean well.

So...

You want to go
to therapy anymore?

You want to?

Yeah, if you do.

Yeah. Thanks.

Who is it?

Mr. Right.

Hey, art.

Oh! Boundaries!
We had boundaries!

It was just a joke.

You're busting
the boundaries!

I hear you,
and I'm sorry.

No, no.
That's it. No.

I'm out of here.

Will you be back
in time for dinner?

O.k.

All right, art.
Yeah. Thanks.

Well, we might have
to lose the tattoo guy.

Why for?

Our insurance company
won't cover him

Unless we pay more.

It's a shame.
He does such nice work.

Wow!

It's permanent.

Just for you because
you are permanent
in my life.

Yeah, well,
my name's Roseanne.

I Call you rose.

You never do.

He stopped
in the middle.

Why?

It hurt.

God, Dan.

Well,
how about rosey?

I'll make it rosey.

I could handle
a "y."

O.k. Again, remember,
we're here for Jackie.

Now who wants to start?

I guess
I'll go first.

Um...

If you're married
to the same woman
for years,

Isn't that
proof enough
that you love her?

You know, arlene, he has
some other woman's name

Tattooed on his arm.

It's your name!

It is not my name!

It is Mrs.. Kennedy's name!

I'll never get this off.

I'm stuck
for the rest of my life.

Now you know
what it's like

To be married to you.

Jeez. Cut it out.

I mean, did you
forget why we came?

Thank you, Becky.

O.k. I want to talk
about me and Mark.

When will you
get over him?

I can't believe this!

You guys aren't here
for me at all.

You're here to work out
all your own family crap!

[Darlene]
excuse me.

Captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.

I don't mean
to interrupt,

But it's time
for my medication.