04x22 - Deliverance

[bunniefuu]

Man, look at her go.

Is that baby going
to be a porker or what?

At least
when her mouth's
stuffed with food,

She ain't
barking at me.

Roseanne,
where's my pie?

Pregnant women
have such a glow
about them, don't they?

It's just hormones,
Roseanne.

No, it's
way beyond hormones.
She's psycho.

She threw such a fit
at lamaze class,

We got detention.

Roseanne!

Coming, Crystal,
and so is your pie.

Would you like
some whipped cream
on that?

What does that mean,
I'm eating too much?

Come on, Roseanne,
you know what it's
like eating for two.

You do it all the time.

O.k.

No whipped cream.

Way to hold back,
Roseanne.

I hope that baby
has a gigantic head.

Well,
I got good news.

I got a promotion.

So in three weeks,
I'm afraid to say

I Will no longer
be your boss.

Go ahead.
Get it over with.

Dynamite!

All right!

Yeah, I knew you'd
be happy for me.

What'd they make you?

I am director
of human resources.

Wow. Congratulations.

So, what is that
exactly?

I have no idea,

But I'm sure there's
some literature
in the desk.

So, who's going to
manage the restaurant?

My guess would be

A director of
human resources
wannabe.

Well, Leon, let me be
the first to say that,

That although we haven't
always seen eye to eye,

You have always been fair,

And I really enjoyed
working with you.

Well, thank you,
Bonnie.

Ahem.

What?

[Telephone rings]

D.J., get the phone.

If it's Dean,
say I'm not home.

You're closer.

Get it!

Give me $ . .

A quarter.

A quarter?

And I won't pound you.
Now go.

All right.

[Ring]

Yeah?

Hi, Dean.

No. Becky said to tell you
she's not here right now.

That's what you get
for a quarter.

You're dead,
you little rodent!

Hi, Dean.

No, he didn't
understand, Dean.

He's kind of slow.

Saturday?

Jeez, I'm going out
with my friend Dana,

Who, by the way,
told me she thinks
you're really cute.

Yeah.

No. Call her.
I wouldn't mind.

Great.

O.k., bye.

Look, Dana
will be calling.

Tell her
I'm not home.

Got it.

So, how was
your trip?

, Miles
in three days.

First time I ever
hauled livestock.

Stunk like hell,

But it's nice to have
somebody to talk to.

Looks like you're
still avoiding Dean.

Yeah.

He seems like
a nice enough guy.

Well, maybe I'm shallow,

But he gets
these pit stains
you wouldn't believe.

Been there.

Have you seen Mark
at all?

Once. We ended up
yelling at each other.

It'll get better.

I don't know.
I'm lonely, I'm sad,

Like I'll never
meet another guy
I really care about.

It's got to be
the worst time
in my entire life.

No, Becky.

No, no, the worst time
in your entire life

Will be when you're
all those things

And you smell like beef.

Could you keep your paws
of me for one minute?

I was
holding your hand.

Well, I'm sick of it,
so back off, o.k.?

Oh, god. I Miss
having a boyfriend.

We walk to school together
every single day,

You're outside
all of my classes,

You put your arm
around me...

You're
my girlfriend.

I liked it better before
when you were david

And I was Darlene.

Now we're this
david-Darlene creature,

Like we were fused together
in some nuclear accident.

So I won't put my arm
around you.

That's not what I mean.

We don't need
to be together
every single moment.

O.k.

I'm going upstairs to read.

I'm doing that alone.
Can you handle it?

Fine. You can
stay up there all day.

I'm not following you.

If you want me,
you know where to find me.

You must be happy
Leon's leaving.

Well,
I don't know.

I'm mean to him
all the time
then feel guilty.

Now that he's leaving,

At least I can
stop punishing myself.

Well,
thanks for waiting.

Well, you left
to go to Crystal's
for minutes

Over an hour ago.

She's driving me
crazy.

What was it this time?

The thermostat.

You just replaced
that thermostat.

Apparently, the house
is still either

Too hot or too cold.

Because she's pregnant
and keeps on having

Hot and cold flashes.

I Suggested that,
but she said no.

Then she kicked me.

You're kidding.

Then she started crying,

And I couldn't
kick her back.

Well, when's grandpa
coming home?

Three days, at which time,
she's his problem again.

This gravy's cold.

Give it to me.
I'll nuke it.

Where's Darlene?

Oh, well...

Her and david
had a little tiff,

So she's
up in her room.

What's he doing here?

Well, I already
invited him,

And when she said it
was either her or him,

I Flipped a coin
until he won.

Here you go, david.

Oh, thanks.

This is
an incredible dinner.

Everything
is really great.

Then come back tomorrow.
We're having it again.

You know
what I was thinking?

Have they
replaced Leon yet?

No. They're
still looking.

Why don't you try
for that manager job?

I couldn't get it.

Why not? You help
manage the shop.

You run the house.

Ask Leon
for a reference.

That could never happen, Dan.

I've have to suck up
at the speed of light.

[Telephone rings]

I'm not getting it
anymore.

That's Crystal.
I've talked to her
times.

I'm not home.

If it's Crystal,
I'll talk to Crystal.

If it's Dean or Dana,
you're not home.

Hello?

Yeah.

Yeah, just a second.

David, it's your mom.

Tell her
I'm in the shower.

Good morning, Leon.

Roseanne,
what are you doing?

We were slow,
so I brought flowers

To cheer the place up.

Really?

Yeah.
You sound surprised.

Well, forgive me,
but usually when
there's nothing to do,

That's what you do.

Well, I've decided
not to do that anymore.

It's sets a bad example
for the staff.

I see.

That's good.

Yeah. And
I made the cook
wash his hands.

Well, I am impressed,
Roseanne.

Morning.

Morning, Bonnie.

Say, uh,
this sudden spurt
of efficiency,

It wouldn't have
anything to do

With my old job
being up for grabs,
would it?

Why not?
I could do it,

Although...

Not nearly
as good as you.

Ooh, that last part
had to hurt, huh?

Leon, could you give me
a reference, please?

Sure. I'm out of here.

Let the whole place
burn down.

Thanks.

Wait. You're
not giving her

The same reference
you gave me.

You applied for that job

Without telling me
about it?

Wait a minute, o.k.?

Leon, I put in
twice as many hours
as her,

And you know
I work harder.

Hey!

Come on, Leon.

I'm sorry,
but it's not right

That I get
in the middle of this,

Since I don't care.

Why are you trying
to sink me with Leon?

I'm not.

Look, Roseanne,
I could really
use this job.

I just want the people
upstairs to know

There's a difference
between you and I.

What difference?
There's no difference.

Roseanne,
I'm here full-time,

You're here part-time,

You take breaks
anytime you want,

You're always late,

And you're mean
to the customers.

I am not mean!

I'm crusty.

Well, I take this job
very seriously.

You know,
gruff, but lovable.

I Work hard, and I think
I'll be a great manager.

Oh, and I wouldn't?

No. I think you'd end up
getting a raise,

And I'd cover for you
like always.

Why haven't you
said anything before?

You never wanted
to be my boss before.

Right, but now you're
going to be my boss,

And because
I'm a lousy waitress,

I Suppose
you'll fire me.

I would not.

Oh, and you
call yourself
management material.

Hey.
Hey.

O.k. I Closed
the shop down I'm here.

What's
the big emergency?

The dryer's not working.

Is it really
not working,

Or she thinks
it's not?

No, this one's real.

You check
the circuit box?

She wouldn't let me.

She says whoever touches it
will get electrocuted.

So she called me.

Yup.

Where is she?

Putting little Ed down
for his nap.

Maybe I can handle this
before she comes back.

Take me with you.

Come on, now, Lonnie.
One more month,

And you'll have
your real mother back.

[Dryer spins]

God, I'm good.

Lonnie, did you do
your book report?

Yes.

Don't take that tone
with me.

O.k. I'll do it again.

Did you fix my dryer?

Yes, I did.

What took you so long?

Little ed's taking his nap
without his favorite shirt.

And you're
certainly welcome.
Got to go.

Fine. Go.
Just like your father.

Never around
when I need help.

That's not fair,
Crystal.

I did
close the shop

To come here
and throw a switch.

I've done
other things
just to help out.

I think
I deserve better.

Well, like what?

What should I do,
pay you?

No.

Maybe I should,
since I've been a nuisance.

I'll write you
a check.

Crystal, I really
don't appreciate this.

Will $ make it easier
to help a family member?

O.k. That's it.

I know you're pregnant
and everything,

But you're
way out of line here.

I've been
taking lots of crap--

Whoa!

I think
I'm in labor.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.

You didn't do it,
Dan.

I've been
having contractions
all morning.

I thought
it was false labor,

But this is it.

It's a month early,
Crystal.

You want me
to hold it in, Dan?

Lonnie, showtime!

I've got a bag packed
in the closet.

Lonnie,
your mom's ready.

Call Becky.
She'll bring you
and little Ed

Over to the hospital.

Have her call Mrs.. Conner
at the mall.

You o.k., mom?

Yes. Take care
of your brother,

And I promise
this is the last one.

This better be a girl.

If it's a boy,
you'll love it
just as much.

The hell I will!

What do we do now?

Cleansing breath.

O.k.

Doing good.

You, too.

How's it going?

About four minutes apart.

O.k. Here's
some ice chips.

Baby seems fine.

A little early,
but in good shape.

My first child was early.

Actually,
so was my second.

I Probably should've
mentioned that
to someone.

Oh, it's o.k.

We can handle it.

Dan, Dan...

There's a video camera
in my overnight bag.

Ed wanted pictures
of the birth.

If he doesn't get here,
could you do it?

He'll be here.

But if he's not.

Roseanne
will be here.

But if she's not.

I don't want to look,
and you can't make me.

Dad, I called home
and there was
no answer.

I called
the restaurant.
Mom already left.

Bonnie's tracking
her down.

What about
your grandfather?

We left messages
at the branch office
in seattle.

Say, Darlene, would you
like to see a miracle

Through a camera?

Gross.

[Groans]

Uh-oh. Breathe!

You breathe, Dan.

Come on. Let's go.

I don't have
to listen to you.

It'll hurt less
if you breathe.

Dan, I hate your father.

He did this to me,
and should be here!

He's the scum
of the earth!

You're right.
He shouldn't miss this.

Hold on.

O.k. Take it from
"scum of the earth."

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

Hello?

Hi, Bonnie. Are you
calling to apologize?

No? Well...

You're being
very immature
about this.

You don't understand,
Jackie.

She insulted me.

She hurt me.
I'm the one that's right,

And when you're right,

You can be as immature
as you want to be.

[Off the hook tone]

This isn't
driving you crazy.

No. I like it.

Well, I can't
take it anymore.

Get away from there.

No! What if it's
one of your kids
that's calling?

Then I really don't
want to get it.

Ow! You pinched me!

There! There!

I know. Next time,
I'll break your thumb.

Hey.

Hi.

Cool fight.

What are you
doing here, david?

I'm looking for Darlene.

She's not home yet.

O.k.

What's for dinner?

Sit down, david.
Let's talk.

All right.

You don't live here.

I know.
I Hang around
too much.

Am I, like, driving
everybody crazy?

Well, actually,
everybody thinks
you're pretty cool,

Except
for your girlfriend.

It's that space thing,
isn't it?

You are really
crowding her, david.

You better back off.

Give her time
to think.

But what if
while I'm giving her
all this space,

Another guy moves in,

And she
likes him better?

It's good that you
find that out now.

If she's
that kind of girl,

Then she's not
good enough for you.

Hey, did you see the way
I switched sides there?

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Yeah, hi, Bonnie.

I'm not talking to her.

Grow up.
What's going on?

Yeah?

Oh, my god.

No. Yeah, I will.
I'll tell her.

O.k., thanks
for calling. Bye.

What did she say?

Well, Crystal just
had a baby girl,

And we missed it
because you're
an idiot!

She called me an idiot?

Hey.

Hey, Dan.

Kids want to come in
and say hi.

In a minute, o.k.?

My little sister's
in the nursery now.

Is she o.k.?

She's in an incubator
to keep her warm,

But she's great.

You think she's pretty?

She's beautiful...

You know,
if you like bald chicks.

Dan, thanks for
hanging in there,

And for doing
all that stuff
around my house,

And for just
putting up with me.

I'm family, Crystal.
I was happy to do it.

But watching you
push the baby out,

For that,
I got to charge you.

Oh...

Hi.

Oh, hey!

Oh, Crystal,
I'm so sorry.

What happened to you?

Oh, never mind. It's
a really long story,

And I come off bad
in it.

So, how are you doing?

Oh, I'm tired,
and I'm happy.

Since we couldn't
get a hold of you,

Dan was the birth coach,
and he was great.

I couldn't
have done it
without you.

You got
your little baby girl.

You're happy?

I just know
raising a daughter

Is going to be a wonderful
experience of my life.

She must have lost
a lot of blood.

Can I come in?

Hi, honey. Where's
your baby brother?

In the waiting room
with D.J.

I'd like a moment
to apologize
to my wonderful son

For being so patient
while I was a crazy lady.

Sure.
Let's go make faces
at the babies.

Listen, she's
feeling really guilty

And vulnerable
right now,

So you can definitely
get a moped out of this.

Hey, way to go.

Breathe, push,
breathe, push--
no big deal.

But you always
looked so cute
in these scrubs.

You guys
ever think about
having another one?

What do you say, Dan?

It might be fun
to have one on purpose.

Am I interrupting?

Yes, please.

I had to close
the restaurant.
How's Crystal?

Everybody's fine.

Lonnie's talking
to Crystal.

Give them
a couple minutes.

Uh, Dan, let's go.

Where are we going?

Well, these two had a fight and
now they're going to make up.

What happened?

You know your wife,

How she could be
a big baby sometimes.

So, don't let that
stop you from apologizing.

Well, I admit,
maybe some things I said

Might have
come out wrong.

And?

And that's it.

Apology accepted.

And?

Well, I hate
fighting with you,

'Cause after Jackie,

And now that Crystal's
back to normal,

You're like
my third best friend,

Tied with Nancy
and Anne Marie.

Apology accepted.

So, did you
get the job?

No.

Who did they
give it to?

Nobody.

They're closing down
the restaurant.

What?

Yeah, like
in three weeks,

They're going
to turn the place
into a bargain bin.

Damn.

Yeah, and it
ain't like there's
a whole lot out there

For a couple of
career gals like us.

I got, like, two mortgages
on my house.

Well...

Let's go look
at the new baby.

Captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.

Public performances of captions
prohibited without permission of
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So, you want to come in?

No. You need your space.

If I came in,
I'd just be crowding you.

Oh, okay.

I need my space, too.

Monday after school,
I'll hang out
with my friends.

Oh, that's great.

You have to admit,
making out's better

After a couple days
break.

Definitely.

Our lips healed.