02x34 - Martha Mason, Movie Star

[bunniefuu]

Good evening.

I've been on Mars,
where I went for the opening
of a new television station.

It's all part of a scheme

to take the best
of our cultural advances
to the Martians.

Or Martinis,
as they prefer
to be called.

They are highly intelligent

and my attempts
to educate them
were quite successful.

Within a matter of minutes,
they were able to spell out,

"Earthman, go home"

using my two companions
to form the letters.

It was very gratifying.

As you have doubtless
already guessed,

tonight's play is entitled

"Martha Mason, Movie Star."

Henry!

Coming right up.

Sorry, my dear. I'm afraid
I overslept this morning.

The lodge lasted
till all hours.

Reading of
the treasurer's report.

It was very interesting
though.

Well, that may be interesting
to you, but I don't
want to hear about it.

You'll feel more like talking
when you've had your coffee.

I wonder how people faced life
every morning before coffee
was invented.

Silently.

That's pretty good.
"Silently."

I must remember that one.

How was your evening?
I hope you didn't get
too lonesome, my dear.

Oh, I managed.

You know I don't like
going away and leaving you
alone like that,

but it's only once a week
and the lodge is important.

Why don't you join
another one then?

Oh, no. No, no.
I wouldn't want to do that.

Belonging to a lodge
is every man's civic duty,

but joining two
would be selfishness.

I'm not the type of man
who'd neglect his wife
and his home.

Well, what's for breakfast?

I don't know.
Why don't you see
what's down there?

Couldn't you fix something
for yourself this morning?

Now, you wouldn't want me
to go to the office
with indigestion.

Making coffee
is the extent of my skill.

But I don't feel well, really.

I really should sleep in.

But you said you were
going to get up early
this morning, remember?

There's a new movie
with that actress. That...

Oh, what's her name?

You know, the...

one you look like?

You think you're so smart.

I'll bet you keep the lodge
in stitches.

Martha Mason, of course.

I don't know why
I have so much trouble
remembering her name.

No, sir. I just don't see
any resemblance.

Oh, get out of here.

All right, my dear.

You call me
when breakfast is ready.

I'll be down
puttering around in my garden.

Hey!

You almost ran over me.

Well, why don't you look
where you're going?

I will, if you're
gonna drive that way.

How was the movie?

It was all right.

And your favorite actress?

Oh, well,
she is always wonderful.

There was one part...
I wanted to scream.

The police came
to give her the bad news

and she just stands there
for the longest time
without saying anything.

And then...

She faints.

Cut!

What?

Cut! Isn't that what they say
in the film studios
when they finish a scene?

Oh, well, if you're going
to be so smart...

I'll have you know
that when I was coming out
of the movie,

everybody was turning
to stare at me.

Why?
You look all right to me.

Oh!

Oh, you mean they thought
you were Martha Mason?

What's that?

This is fertilizer
for the garden.
It's a new kind.

They say it'll make
anything grow
in any type of soil.

Why do you waste your time
in that silly old garden?

I'm not wasting my time.
This is a new system.

You see, you dig down
several feet.

Then you put this
underneath the plants.

You've never been able to make
anything grow out there yet
and you never will.

This is guaranteed.

And I'm making
some frames too.
Come on, I'll show you.

Oh! I can't stand
the smell of that stuff!

Henry!

Will you please stop
that pounding?

It's not good
for my nerves!

All finished!
Come on out and see it!

I don't want to see it.

Come on out and take a look!
I've really got something
this time.

lt'll only take a moment!
Please come out!

Oh, shut up
and leave me alone.

Mabel.
Did you hear me?

Yes, I heard you!
I don't want to see
your silly old garden.

I've got something special
to show you!

Mabel!

All right, I'm here.

Well, what do you think
of it?

All I can see
is a hole in the ground.

I built these frames.

Now I can cover the plants
with glass
in the cold weather.

What plants?
Nothing's going
to grow here.

You just don't take
much interest
in anything I do.

But you don't do
anything interesting.

Henry, I suppose
it just never occurs to you

that being married to you
is pretty dull.

Too late now
to do much about it.

We could get a divorce.

No.

No, Mabel,
I don't approve of divorce.

And you know
you don't mean it.

You've got a nice house,
a new car,
all the clothes you need.

You're much better off
than you realize.

I could sue for divorce
and there isn't anything
you could do about it.

And what would you live on?

You wouldn't get
any alimony, I'm afraid.
You have no grounds.

And my friend Judge Dubbins
doesn't approve of divorce
any more than I do.

Well, maybe
I could change his mind.

After all, I know a few tricks
for the witness stand.

Oh, now I get it.

That movie today.
Martha Mason must've been
on the witness stand.

Well, my dear,
life isn't like the movies
and I'm afraid

you don't look
any more like Martha Mason

than I do.

He drove me to it.

I begged him to release me,

to give me my freedom.

He refused. He taunted me.

He was cruel and inhuman.

I couldn't stand any more.

I did what any woman
would have done.

I k*lled him,

and now I'm free.

Free!

Free!

Free!

Henry!

Hello?

Mabel? This is Mr. Abernathy.
Where's Henry?

Henry? Well, he's not here.

Well, he's not in his office,
and he should be. It's...

It's : .
Now, where is he?

I don't know.

What? What do you mean?

What's wrong? Is he sick?

He's gone. He's left me.

What? What are you
talking about?

It's true, Mr. Abernathy.

Henry's left me
for another woman.

He's run off with her.

And after all
I've done for him.

All right, Mabel. All right.
Now, calm down.

Now, you and Henry
had a fight.
That happens in every family.

But that doesn't mean
he's walked out on you.

But he has. He's gone.

He left a note. He said
he was never coming back.

A note? What's he say?
Have you got it there?

Yes. It's right here.

Well, read it to me.

He said...

He said he was running away
with her.

Mabel, you told me that.
Read me what he says.

Never mind. Never mind.
Just sit tight.
I'll be right out.

Oh, Mr. Abernathy.

Now, don't go
to pieces, Mabel.
We've got to keep our heads.

Now, where's the note?

Over there.

On the desk.

"Dear Mabel, I have
never been worthy of you
and I know it,

"so I am taking
the coward's way
out of everything.

"I am running away
with another woman..."

"...another woman
who I am not worthy of.

"She is not as beautiful
or as charming,

"and she doesn't look
like a movie star."

Movie star?
What the devil's
he talking about?

He means...

He always said

that I resembled
Martha Mason, the movie star.

"Since I am unworthy of you,

"I want to let you be free
to lead your own life.

"I shall always
love you. Henry."

Oh, rubbish! That isn't Henry.

But he signed it.
That's his signature.

Well, I know that.
But that isn't the real Henry.

Why, there's no one in town
as steady and as responsible
as Henry.

A responsible man
doesn't desert his wife.

Well, Henry's just
at that dangerous age.

What is he, ?
Mmm-hmm.

He's having a fling.
Well, you know
what I mean, Mabel.

He's going through
that restless period.

Now, in a week or so,
he'll come sneaking back home,

mighty ashamed of himself.

Oh, I don't think
he'll ever come back.

Oh, of course he will.

But the best thing to do
is not talk about it.

Now, if anybody asks,
just tell them that...

Well, that I sent Henry
to Chicago on a business trip.

Now, Mabel. You've got to act
like nothing's happened.

Keep your spirits up.
Go shopping.

Nothing like a new hat
to cheer a woman up,
they tell me.

You take my word for it.

In a week or two,

Henry will be
puttering in that garden
as big as life.

You just watch and see.

Mr. Abernathy!

Oh, hello, Mabel.
Here, let me help you
with that.

Oh, well,
thank you very much.

Mabel, come over here
a minute.

I've just been admiring
Henry's garden. These lilies.

That fertilizer he put on
must have been good stuff.

Well, he tried everything.

Finally found something
that worked.

Yeah, that proves
he'll be back.

A man doesn't work this hard
and then just walk out
and leave it.

Don't you want
to come into the house,
Mr. Abernathy?

Yes, I would.
I want to have a talk
with you, Mabel.

Oh, well, yes.

Thank you, Mr. Abernathy.

Uh, Mabel, I...

I might as well
be blunt about this.

You're in
for a bad time.

What?

Well, I don't know
how it happened,

but word leaked out
somehow.

People all over town
are whispering

about Henry running off
with the other woman.

Oh.

Yes, I know.

Oh, you've already
heard about it, have you?

I'm sorry.

I've done the best I could
to talk it down.

I've been telling people
I sent Henry to Chicago
on business,

but it doesn't seem
to do any good.

Well, everybody knows
what he's done.

There just isn't any use
in lying to people.

Well, it makes it
all the harder for Henry
when he comes back.

Now, we've got
to do something about it.

Well, I am doing something.

I'm carrying on
the best I can.

It hasn't been easy,
I can tell you.

Well, I appreciate
that, Mabel,

but we've got to think
of Henry.

Well, Henry didn't
think of me.

He's made his bed, now he...

Well, I mean,
he can get out of it
the best he...

I mean, why should it
fall on my shoulders?

Well, now, Mabel,
there are two sides
to everything, you know.

A husband doesn't run away
from a happy home.

Now, maybe you haven't
been the wife
you should be, hmm?

Why, that's
a terrible thing to say.

Why, you don't know
what I've had to put up with.

You're on his side
because he's a lodge brother,

but I'm his wife,
and he ran off
and deserted me.

Why, I could bring charges
against him...
Now, simmer down, Mabel.

...for desertion
and non-support.
I could have him arrested.

All I have to do
is to pick up
that telephone.

Well, you do that
and you'll never
see him again.

That's just fine with me!
I wouldn't have him back
on a bet.

Mabel, put down that phone.

Mabel, I'm warning you.

If you go through with this,
I'll wash my hands of
the entire affair.

Oh, you don't care
about me anyway.

It's that priceless lodge
that you're worried about.

That is not true, Mabel.
Hello?

This is Mrs. Henry McKay.
My husband ran off
and left me and...

I want him arrested.
Mabel.
I'm warning you, Mabel.

Yes.

Oh, well,

could you send an officer over
to my house?

I'm just not well enough
to go out.

Yes, thank you.
What?

Oh, oh, yes.
Landing Street.

I had no warning at all.

I just woke up one morning
and found this note.

Thank you.

When was this?

About ten days ago.

If you'd reported it
at the time, Mrs. McKay...

He's probably
out of the state by now.

Well, I...

I had to be sure
that it wasn't just a...

A fling, you know?

You see, he's a great deal
older than I am.

The restless age.

I thought that if it was just

something he had
to get out of his system...

Yes, ma'am, I understand.

Not many wives
would look at it that way.

It's a lot more
than he deserves.

No decent man
runs away with another woman
when he's already married.

Thank you, Officer.

Now, if you've got something
with his signature on it.

Well, it's on the note.

Yes, ma'am,
but I'm supposed to check,

just in case he was kidnapped
or something like that.

Oh.

Oh, well, yes, I...

I think I saw something
with his signature on it
this morning.

Yes.

Here it is.

Yep, no question
about it.

That's his signature,
all right.

We'll sure do everything
we can.

And don't you worry,
Mrs. McKay.

I've heard talk in town
and everybody's on your side.

Everyone has been so kind.

I try not to let it
get me down.

Yeah,
not many women could do it.

Thank you, Officer.

Officer,

do you ever see
Martha Mason,
the movie star?

Sure. My wife drags me
to all her pictures.

Why do you ask?

Well, no reason.
I just wondered.

Mrs. McKay? Excuse me.

Good afternoon, Mrs. McKay.

I'm sorry
to bring you down here.

I'm more than happy
to do anything I can.

Well, I have the forms
right here.

If you'll just fill these out,
it'll make everything
official.

Thank you very much.

Mrs. McKay.

Mrs. McKay.

Would you step over here
a minute, please?

I haven't finished
filling out these forms.

Well, that's all right, ma'am.
It isn't necessary.

Oh. Oh.

We think we've found
your husband.

Oh, well,
it couldn't be Henry.

I mean, he's run off
with some girl off the street.

No, ma'am.

Henry didn't run anywhere.

How can you say that?
Why, you haven't even
looked for him.

Well, who says
he didn't run away?

I told them he didn't.

Well, what do you
know about it?

I know Henry didn't run off
with another woman because...

I'm the other woman.

When we found out about her,
we figured maybe Henry
was still at home.

So some of the boys
went out to your place

and as soon as you left
the house,

they started to look around.

You're not going to listen
to this woman, are you? Why...

She doesn't even know
my husband.

Oh, yes, I do.

Every Thursday night
when he was supposed
to be at his lodge,

Henry was visiting me.

And he wouldn't go off
anywhere without
taking me along.

Why, she's lying!

No, ma'am.

The boys saw how well
those lilies were doing,

so they dug them up
to see why.

And there was Henry.

Hold her for m*rder.

Poor Mabel.

I'm afraid she just
didn't have a green thumb.

That concludes
tonight's entertainment.

Next time we shall be back
with another story.

Meanwhile, I'm off
to another planet.

I've always been curious
about Venus.

Good night.