03x06 - Reward to Finder

[bunniefuu]

I'll be with you in a moment.

I suppose you're as surprised
as I was to see a money tree like this.

The ones I've seen
have always been much taller.

I smudged that one.
The ink wasn't dry yet.

Last year, my entire crop was
wiped out by grasshoppers.

I finally tried insect spray.

But by that time,
the grasshoppers were so rich,

they could afford gas masks.

Actually, I have
no regard for money.

Aside from
its purchasing power,

it's completely useless
as far as I'm concerned.

Unfortunately, the leading characters
in tonight's play

do not share my detachment.

You shall see what befell them
in a moment.

You home already?

I was washing.
I didn't know it was so late.

I'll dish your supper
right up.

Don't get mad.

Tonight I won't get
mad at nothing, Anna.

One of the tenants give
you a nice tip, Carl?

The tips I get from them
cheapskate tenants, we could starve.

The tenants think a janitor's
a dog or something,

good enough to throw
him a bone.

If them cheapskates
only knew.

Knew what?

Don't a man
get his supper?

Yeah, right away.

It's all ready.
I just have to dish it up.

They had a sale
on stew meat today.

I think
you're gonna like it.

Tonight I like anything.

Something good must
have happened to you.

Well, them beer bottles,
that's four cents right there.

Four cents!

What's the matter?

I look funny or something?

Sure you look funny, but
that ain't why I'm laughing.

You stop off at Otto's bar?

I get drunk tonight,

I ain't going to no
cheap place like Otto's.

Eat your stew.

Maybe I'll eat my stew and
maybe I'll go out and eat steak.

What happened to you,
anyway?

I never heard you
talk like this before.

The boss give you a raise?

The boss.

He's a cheapskate
just like the tenants.

Fat chance I get a raise.

What are you
so happy about then?

Shut up with the questions.
Eat.

The cheapskate tenants,
the boss.

With his tie and his stickpin.

"There goes Carl Gaminsky,
taking out the garbage."

They hold their noses.

If they only knew.

Knew what, Carl?
Come on, tell me.

Yeah.

"Gaminsky, the janitor,
the dog. Throw him a bone."

That's what you think.

You, the boss, the tenants,
all of them.

Don't you?

You must have had
a beer or something.

Yeah.
You're like all the rest.

When Gaminsky goes by,
you hold your nose.

Well, hold your nose at this.

A wallet!

Don't go grabbing.

Where did you find it?

Under a paper I picked up.

That's swell leather,
ain't it?

You think
the leather's swell?

Look at this.

$ bill!

They're all $ bills.
All of them.

?

$ ! My gosh.

Do you think them
cheapskate tenants

would hold their noses
if I walked by now?

$ !
Gee, I wonder who lost it.

There's no name, no
driver's license, no nothing.

Just $ .

Imagine what a person could
buy with money like that.

I was downtown shopping
today and I was just thinking...

Did you buy anything?

You know I never buy anything.
I was just looking.

Gee, they have the most
beautiful things in those stores.

I can't help it
I don't make no money.

I know you can't, Carl.

But I can't help liking
beautiful things, either.

I seen a manicure set there
today I'd give anything for.

A manicure set?

Yeah.

I used to have very pretty
hands and nails.

Everybody said they
was my best feature.

Look at them now.

Yeah, you ought to handle
garbage and ash-cans all day

and see how your hands
would look!

Carl,

how much of a reward
do you think you might get, huh?

Whoever you turn that money into
is sure gonna give you a big reward.

My gosh, $ !

I bet they might even give you
$ maybe or more.

How do you think I'm gonna
return it, no name, no nothing.

Yeah.

Maybe you could ask
at the police station?

I bet they could tell you
how to find the man.

The police. Oh, sure.

Or we could read the papers.
Hey, that's a good idea.

We could read
the ads in the papers.

Gee, anybody who lost that much
money is sure gonna put an ad in the paper.

Oh, eat, I said.

I can't. I'm so excited,
my stomach's all nervous.

I gotta take some of that
medicine of mine.

Spending money on medicine?

We can't afford this.
Get that into your head.

I don't take
very much of it.

Anyway, I didn't buy this.

My sister gave it to me.
You know that.

Hey, listen, Carl.

You wasn't thinking of
keeping that money, was you?

Who said I was gonna keep it?

No, that wouldn't be right.

Maybe that's the life savings
of some poor old lady

or maybe some young couple got it
together to buy a new house with it.

Wouldn't be right to keep it.

I ain't gonna keep it!

Besides, you're gonna get
a big reward. I know that.

I'll bet it will be
even more than $ .

Maybe it will be $ even,
or $ .

Carl,

if you get that reward,

you think maybe I could
buy that manicure set?

It's only $ . .

Here we ain't got a reward,
we ain't got anything,

and you want to spend $ . !

I only said, "maybe."

Answer it, Anna.
Me?

Well, I ain't going to the door with
all this money in my pocket,

when I don't know who it is.

Who do you suppose
it is at suppertime?

Answer it.

I'm coming.

Yes?

Does Carl Gaminsky live here?

Yes. I'm Mrs. Gaminsky.

Is your husband home?

Well...
You want to see me?

You're Carl Gaminsky?
Yeah.

What do you want?

Money, Mr. Gaminsky.
Money.

All right, copper,
you'll get it.

How'd you get my name?

From the people next door.

I always do that
when we raise money

for the
Police Benevolent Fund.

You collect money for the
Policeman's Fund, you say?

That's right.
For a minute

I didn't know
where I'd kept my money.

This okay?

Oh, yes, sir!

The Fund thanks you very much.
Good night.

Officer.

Yes, lady?

Just before you come,
my husband and I

was wondering what would you
do if you found something

that was lost.

You return it to the owner,
lady.

What if you don't know
who the owner is?

If there is no identification,

you can do one
of three things.

You can advertise
or you can check the ads

or you can turn the article over to the
Police Lost and Found Department.

If at the end of six months,
the owner hasn't claimed the article,

you can claim it for yourself.

Why? What was it you found?

Oh, it wasn't me, it was...

The elevator man
in the building where I work.

Well, you tell him he's
got to make a sincere effort

to find the owner or he's got
to turn it over to the police.

If he doesn't, he's breaking
the law. He can go to jail!

I'll tell him.

I'm looking for the ad.

What ad?

For the wallet, naturally.

Where's my breakfast?

"Lost, Siamese cat.

"Locket with baby picture.

"Pair of glasses."
Oh, here's another cat.

Where's my breakfast?

Here's your coffee.
I'll get your oatmeal right away.

How's a man supposed
to work if he don't eat?

Here it is! Look!

"Lost. Vicinity of
th Street yesterday,

"billfold with initials
G.E. stamped.

"Generous reward to finder.

"Call WA -

"or apply St. James Road."

If he's so generous, why doesn't
he pay for an ad people can see?

"Call WA -
or apply ..."

Come on,
why don't you call him?

Let me drink my coffee.

Oh, come on,
don't you want to find out

how much the reward's
gonna be?

Ain't you interested?
Yeah, sure.

But I think it's better I
go there, instead of phoning.

Why?

Suppose that cop last night
had called up

and said he was coming to
collect for the Police Fund.

You think I'd given him $

if I'd had the chance
to think it over?

Get my oatmeal.

It'd be the same
with this fellow.

I call him.
I say I got his money.

Boy, is he happy.

He's willing
to give me $ .

$ ! My gosh.

When he first hears about it,
he's so happy.

But then he's got an hour or two to think
things over and he says to himself,

"$ , that's a lot of money
to give somebody

"for bending over and picking
a wallet up off the street.

"$ ought to be
plenty or maybe $ ."

By the time I give him the money,
I'll be lucky if I get $ .

Why don't you call him up
and ask him on the telephone first

how much it's gonna be?

What's there to keep him
from changing his mind

between now and when
I give him the money?

Gee, I can't hardly wait to find out
how much that reward's gonna be, Carl.

I'll go there after work.

I could take it over.
I could go over this afternoon.

I found it. I'll take it.

One thing
I'll say about you, Anna,

you make a good cup
of coffee.

How much was it?

How much was what?
The reward.

Remember I told you
about the taxi driver

who found $
and got only $ reward?

He didn't give you just $ ?

No, he didn't give me $ .
He give me nothing.

Nothing?

He said thanks.

Nothing at all?

You got tonight's paper here?

Why?

I'm gonna find
the number of that

so-and-so and I'm gonna call him up
and tell him what I think of him!

No, Anna.

Why not? We could
have kept the money!

You didn't wanna.

You said it might belong to some
old lady or some young couple

saving for a house.

I bet it wasn't nobody
like that, was it?

Well, no.
I'm gonna call him!

I'm gonna call him!
You ain't, Anna.

You do and you gonna be sorry.
Why?

This is a rich,
important fellow.

How do I know he don't know the guy
who owns the building where I work?

How do I know
he can't get me fired?

You call him,
you gonna be sorry, see!

Get me my supper.

Hello.

What's the matter, Anna,
you dumb?

No.

I'm still mad
about that reward.

Forget about it, that
was over two weeks ago.

What does that matter?

Look at this house!
It's like a pigpen.

That stove's all fallen apart.
I can't get it clean.

Whole house is a mess.

If I just had a little money,
I could make everything so pretty.

I could have
some curtains...

Look at my hands.
Look at my hands.

Well, never mind.
I'll fix your lunch.

First I got to get
these papers in the attic.

Give me a piece
off of them papers

so I can try to get
the grease off of this stove.

These papers
are worth money.

Well, give me one page.
It's not going to k*ll you.

Anything so you shut up.

"Owner of billfold,

"stamped with letters G.E.,

"lost in vicinity of th Street
two weeks ago,

"extremely anxious
for its return.

"Generous reward.
Call..."

Call WA - ...

Carl, open the door.

What do you want?
Go away.

You don't want me to go away.

Or I might go to that man's
house on St. James Road.

What man?

Don't try to
fool me no more, Carl.

You want to keep the money.
It's all right with me.

But I want my share.

And don't try to hide it
from me neither.

I may have to ask the police
to come and help me find it.

Ain't they pretty?

It's called Nasturtium Red.

You like the color?

$ . !

So you can
look like a cheap...

You don't have to
worry about the money.

They said you don't have to
pay till the first of the month.

They was very nice about
opening a charge account.

As soon as I told them how you
worked in the same place for so long,

we owned this house
and everything, they was fine.

I ought to whip you good.

Why?

Just because I want to
look nice?

Just because I want
the house to look nice?

Wait till you see
the pretty curtains I ordered!

I couldn't hardly
wait for you to come home.

You are gonna
be so surprised.

Come on now,
close your eyes.

Don't look
till I tell you to.

Now, keep your eyes closed.
Okay.

Isn't that the most beautiful
furniture you ever saw?

Isn't that a pretty
coffee table?

Anna...

See, and these chairs,
they both match to the sofa.

Anna! You gotta
stop this buying things.

Why?
We got plenty of money.

You think
it's gonna last forever?

I got the two pillows
for $ . .

Is this a new dress?

Yeah. I got it in the basement.
$ . .

And I got me some hand lotion, too.
It was only cents.

It was on sale.
Makes my hand so smooth.

Feel...

You slapped my hand.

So what?

You're all upset, Carl.

You ought to take
some of that nerve medicine.

I'm going out.

Supper is almost ready.

I'm going out, I said.

What's that?

It's a fur coat.

Ain't it beautiful?

A fur coat!
You're a janitor's wife!

What you want
with a fur coat?

There ain't a woman in the
world don't want a fur coat.

And I've finally got mine.

You got it now but you ain't
gonna have it long.

Because right now you're gonna
get on the telephone

and phone that store and tell
them to come and get that coat!

All right. I'll call them if you want,
if you say so.

I say so.

But I'll also call WA - .

Go ahead!

Or maybe I might even call
the Police Lost and Found.

I think they'd be
very interested

to know how long
you kept that money.

You remember that the policeman
said that there was a law against it.

You're in this
just as much as I am!

You found the money.
I didn't.

I found the money and
I'm going to keep it, see?

Not unless I get my share,
you ain't!

Your share!
You want everything!

I don't.

But I'm sick of this stingy,
penny-pinching life with you.

You and your newspapers and
your bottles, you old junkman.

You're nothing
but a rotten miser.

Now we got
a little bit of money,

I'm gonna have a few of the things
that other women have.

I'm gonna bust you
real good!

No. You wouldn't have the nerve.
You wouldn't dare.

The worst you ever did
was slap my hand.

You wouldn't have the nerve
to slap me real hard.

Like this.

Go ahead, call the police.
Do anything.

But understand one thing.

That fur coat is going back.
So is everything else you bought.

Including that stuff
for manicures!

Your best feature!
I'll say they are!

You certainly ain't got
nothing else worth looking at!

I'm gonna call the police.
Call them! Call them!

I'm gonna call the police.
Yeah.

$ . for a stupid statuette!
Operator!

Operator, give me the police.
What's it good for?

Call them, call them!

Is it the police?
Tell them I'll be upstairs.

Who do I talk to
about Lost and Found?

Yes, I'll wait.

Hello. Is this
the Lost and Found...

Never mind.

I thought I lost something.

But I just
this minute found it.

Thank you very much.

Carl.

I brought you
a cup of coffee.

I suppose you brought
the police for me, too.

No, I changed my mind.
I decided not to call them.

And I'm gonna send the fur coat and
the furniture back just like you said.

Here's your coffee.

So, we ain't gonna
buy no more stuff?

No, not unless you say so.
Here, drink your coffee.

Just a second.
Why did you change your mind?

Well, I deci...

I decided that it wasn't fair.
After all, you found the money.

I didn't.

So you ain't gonna buy
nothing unless I say so.

No, never. Drink your coffee
before it gets cold.

How come you still
got that fur coat on, hmm?

I decided to wear it
a little longer.

It looks pretty on me,
don't it?

Get up. I'd like to
see the back of that coat.

How dumb do you think I am?

One thing I got to
say about you, Anna,

you sure make a
good cup of coffee!

Naturally, no one was the winner
in that little merry-go-round.

No one except
the local art store owner.

The demand for statuettes shot up
to astronomical heights.

It was surpassed only by the amount
of coffee that was sold.

By the way, I thought my money tree
was a bad influence on me.

So I sold it.

However, I had the foresight
to strip it completely.

"Void if detached."

Good night.