03x15 - Together

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Good evening, fellow revelers.

Tonight we are indulging
in an old city tradition.

It is the event that turns
a mild-mannered white-collar worker

into a four armed beast of prey.

The office party.

However, we had this room
designed especially for the party

by the girls in the office.

It has no corners.

I am in charge of the entertainment,
which all should enjoy.

After most of the hors d'oeuvres
have been eaten,

we're going to throw
our company director to the lions.

I realize it isn't much

but the lions are a great deal cheaper
than the string quartet we had last year.

They don't drink as much either.

And now for our party.

May I please speak
to Tony Gould...

No, no, Gould, G-O-U-L-D.

I can't hear you.

What?

Do you know where
he can be reached?

Would you have him call
the Courtney Publishing Company
immediately?

Merry Christmas,
whoever you are.

Hello! Hello.

Merry Christmas.

Well, it only happens
once a year.

Mr. Courtney,
there's so much noise in there.

Do you think
I could use your phone?

Certainly,
go right ahead, Shelley.

Anything wrong,
my dear?

Oh, I was just rehearsing
what I was going to say
to my boyfriend.

Yes, of course. Well,
it's time I was getting home.

I hope you have
a very nice Christmas, Shelley.

Thank you, same to you,
Mr. Courtney.

Goodnight.

Hello, Charlie? Shelley.

Listen, I can't get ahold of Tony.
I thought he might be with you.

Tony?

You mean good old,
fun-loving Tony Gould?

Shelley.

Why yes, I believe he is.

Hello, darling.
I've been trying to get your
apartment for the past hour.

I thought the office party
would be over long ago.

Tony, you know why I'm calling.

Have you told your wife?

Because if you haven't,
I'm going to talk to her myself.

You mustn't do that,
it won't be necessary.

I've already told her.

I promised you I would, didn't I?

Yes, but you made this promise
so many times before.

How did she take it?

Well, naturally she was a little upset.

She wasn't aware of the situation.

But she didn't get hysterical.

That's encouraging.

But she didn't really agree.
That's what it amounts to,
doesn't it?

Now, listen here, Tony,
if you don't tell her,
I'm not going to wait any longer.

I'm going to talk to her right now.

If you'll just let me finish.

She did agree.

I made her understand
it had to be this way.

Darling, it's all set.

Tony, that's wonderful.

The party's just about
to break up, darling,
so I'll be right over.

Oh, no, not here.
Charles is having a lot
of people in for drinks.

Tell you what.
Wait at the office and I'll
come over and pick you up.

All right, Tony, but please hurry.

Goodbye.

Well, now what am I going to do?

I suspect the time has come
for a clean break.

That's the trouble,
it won't be clean.

Shelley's got an idea
I should divorce Gloria
and marry her.

You know,
the one unredeeming
quality in women

is their inability
to keep their emotions
out of their love affairs.

I assume you have
no intention of doing
anything so impractical.

You know Gloria.
Any trouble, I'm out.

She just wouldn't stand for it.

Then you have no alternative
but to give up
this dreary little business

with Shelley and go back
to your loving wife

and her half million bucks.

I wish you'd tell me how.

It's all I could do tonight
to keep Shelley from going
out to the house.

Have you ever considered having
her shanghaied aboard a ship
going around the Horn?

That used to take two years.

Thanks. Call on me some times
when you need help.

Sorry, Tony.

But you seem to be caught
in a classic dilemma

for which no remedy
has yet been discovered.

If you do find an answer,
your name will go down
in history along with Galileo,

Edison and O'Shaughnessy.

Who?

O'Shaughnessy?
He was a bartender
on Third Avenue

whose immortal words were,

"When everything
appears lost..."

"Let's have a drink."

Seriously, Tony, if there's
anything I can do short
of marrying Shelley myself,

just let me know.

Sure.

Shelley?

In here, darling.

Oh, is it true?

You mean we don't
have to hide and pretend.
Oh, yes.

Who's that?

Oh, probably the cleaning woman.

Lock it.

But, darling,
we don't have to hide.

Of course we don't.
We don't want her leering at us.

You know what she'll think.
Lock it.

There.

Now, what's the schedule?

Are you going to get
the divorce or is she?

She is.

How long will it take?
'Cause I won't believe it
until we're married.

Well, these things
do take a little time, you know.

Well, of course, darling,
it really doesn't matter

because the worst is over.

Now, let's leave New York,
right away.

Don't you think it would be
a good idea to wait
until we're absolutely sure.

Gloria is going
through with it?

What do you mean, darling?
I thought it was all settled.

Well, it is.
I mean, she's agreed to it

but she's the kind of woman
who could change her mind overnight.

In hopes of getting you back?

She thinks that by making us
wait she's going to break us up?

No, no, no, of course not.

It was a shock to her.

She's always had
everything she wanted.

You just don't
say no to Gloria.

She's apt to get
on her high horse

and not grant me the divorce at all.

What are you suggesting, Tony?

Well, I really think
it would be a mistake
for us to leave now.

She would consider it
a slap in the face.

I know Gloria,
you have to humor her.

Now, if I could stay
around awhile,

I could convince her
that it was her idea,
her own idea.

She would divorce me like that.

How long will it take?

I don't know, a few weeks,
a couple of months.

It's the only way,
darling, believe me.

I don't believe you, Tony.

You're always concerned
about Gloria's feelings,

you're never concerned
about mine.

She had a chance
to make you happy
and she didn't.

But I did, didn't I?

Of course, darling.

Now, let's get out of here
and have a drink. It's Christmas.

I have to make a phone call first.

Hello.
Hello. Mrs. Gould?

This is...
Hello?

What do you think
you're doing?
I'm going to call her

and tell her we're in love
and you're not going to stop me!

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello?

What number are you calling?

Advance and be recognized.

Charles.

Tony, old comrade.

The wassail bowl overflows
and where are you
on this festive occasion?

Now, shut up
and listen to me!
I'm in a jam.

In a jam? With Shelley?

Yes, with Shelley.

What happened?

She passed out on me.

We're in her office building.
You know where that is,
don't you?

Well, we're locked in the office.

Locked in?

Yes, I broke the key off
in the lock and I've got to get out.

Well, call the janitor!

He's not here.

The building will be empty
till the day after Christmas.

Worry not, my boy.

As soon as I get rid of my company here,

old Charles will
storm the fortress.

How long will it be
before you can get here?

Well, I don't know.

Well, get rid of them.

Well, Tony, I can't just
throw them out into the snow.

Charles, this is serious.

Yes, mon général,
within the hour.

Hello?

What ho!
God rest you merry gentlemen.

Charles?

Where does the comma
come in there?

Is it, "God rest you merry"
or "Merry gentlemen"?
I can never remember.

Don't tell me
you haven't left yet?

I will ask you
not to raise your voice
to me, my good man.

There are people here.
Drunk people. I'm drunk.

Charles, don't you realize
that I'm in trouble,
serious trouble?

I've got to get out
of here. Tonight.

I have no patience
with you, Tony.

Here you are,
a man richly endowed.

You have a rich wife,
a beautiful girlfriend

and how do you
spend Christmas Eve?

Like a hermit locked up in an office.

And it's not
even your office.

Wait a minute,
there's somebody at the door.
Hold the phone.

Charles!

Don't go away.

It's God rest you merry...
Merry? Merry gentlemen.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

We're having
open house, Charles.

Come over for a drink.

Santa Claus, all righty.

You have the true Christmas spirit,
my dear.

Come on, come on.
Let's go have a drink.
Let's have a drink. Come on.

Charles! Hang up
the phone, Charles.
We're still connected.

I want to call somebody else.

Break the connection, Charles!

Good morning!

Merry Christmas!

Hey, wait! I didn't mean...

I can explain!

I'm locked in here!

Will you please call a locksmith?

I'll pay him anything he asks!

This is an emergency!

Thank you!
Thank you very much!

All right, open up.
We know you're in there.

That's just the trouble, officers.

I can't open up.

I'm John Courtney,
and I'm locked in
my own office.

Well, how'd you come
to lock yourself in?

I was working last night
and I jammed the key
in the lock

and then I turned it
and broke it off.

You can find it down there
under the lock, I think,
on the floor.

Yeah, here it is, Mr. Courtney,

but I don't think
we can make it work.

Well, try it, won't you?

Try the key, George.

Oh, this won't work.
Too short.

I'll use my key.

Any luck?

No, you must've jammed
the lock, Mr. Courtney.

Can't you break it?

Probably could
but it would wreck the door.

I don't care about the door.
I'm freezing to death and I haven't
had anything to eat in hours.

Okay, stand back.
I want to get out of here.

Thank you, thank you, gentlemen.
I certainly do feel foolish.

Well, these things happen
more often than you'd think,
Mr. Courtney.

I was beginning to think
that I was gonna be
locked in there

until my secretary
let me out in the morning.

Well, your secretary
must have the key,
why didn't you phone her?

The phone is out of order.

Well, you're gonna
catch it from you wife

being out all night
Christmas Eve.

No, no, she's in Europe.

I want to give you gentlemen
a little Christmas present...

No, it's all part of our job.
Come on, Frank.

Can we drop you anyplace?
No, thank you.
I'll take a taxi.

What ho! Better late
than never and all
that stuff.

I can see
you gentlemen have
the situation well in hand.

Come on.
So have you.

All's well that ends well.

Charles!
Where's Shelley?

Shut up, you're drunk, Charles!
Shelley!

Shelley!
Come on.

I'll get him.
Come on out.

There's nobody in there!
Come on out, wherever you are.

Charles, there's nobody in there.

Hey, Tony,
she's really passed out.

Passed out?

This woman's not drunk.
She's dead.

If you think Tony Gould is in trouble,
you should have been at our party.

My fastidious friend here

refused to eat the company director
we had prepared for him.

The other workers are furious.

Several of them
were only one heartbeat
away from a promotion.

It was all I could do
to rescue Leo from the crowd.

People can be quite vicious
once they get the smell of blood.

My friend here is taking me
home with him tonight.

However, I shall be back again
next time with another story.
Good night.