03x05 - The Reunion

[bunniefuu]

Make us a cup of tea, will you,
Mary? I'd do it myself,

but the Bolsheviks are just about
to kick off.

What's happened here? Starting a
healthy eating plan, Gerry. What?!

No sugar, no dairy,
no carbs, no meat.

That's not a healthy eating plan,
That's a NO eating plan!

Don't be so dramatic, Gerry.
We can have oranges. Oranges?

We can have as many oranges
as we like.

We can't survive on oranges alone,
girls! We've no choice, Gerry.

We both need to drop a dress size
before this school reunion.

The school reunion is tonight,
isn't it? That's right.

And the orange diet started when?
About minutes ago.

, maybe.

Oh, sure, you're laughing, then.

Do I want to know why you're reading
a book on the Russian Revolution?

Ach, it's just one of
my wee interests. Really?

I've always been into Russia,
Gerry, you know that.

I know you had a furry hat once.

It's been years since
I've seen some of these girls.

Back then,
everybody thought I was a bimbo.

No! But tonight they'll realise
how wrong they were.

Or they'll wonder why you're
harping on about Rasputin.

We got it! Brilliant, let's hear it.

So, if you were to jump up and down
on the spot for an hour straight

you'd burn calories.

How much weight is that?

So, there is six hours
until the reunion starts,

you'll need an hour or so
to get ready...

An hour? That wean's not well.

..which leaves...five hours?

So, calories by five hours...

Is how much weight?
times five...

What are we doing, Erin?
Cut to the chase, girls!

How many pounds can we lose?
Almost one.

Almost one?!
Is that it? Are you sure?

The numbers never lie, Aunt Mary.

Is there another way we can shift
half a stone before eight o'clock?

Cut off a leg?

Have you decided
what you're wearing yet?

I've narrowed it down to two.

Dresses? Rails.

Tonight's bound to be a bit sad,
though, Mammy,

all the old friends
that didn't make it.

Most of the girls are going.
Yeah, the ones that are still alive,

but I'm sure a few have,
you know, d*ed from old age.

We're in our thirties!
Barely. I heard that, you!

I'd have loved to have lived
in olden times.

We didn't live in olden times!

Imagine going to school
on a horse and a cart.

Nobody went to school
on horse and cart!

Eileen O'Kane did, Mary.

God, aye, so she did.

Well, girls, you weighed in yet?

Why can't I have normal food?
I'm not trying to drop a dress size!

Oh, that's a lovely attitude,
isn't it? Very bloody supportive!

Orange, Daddy?
Nah, you're grand, love.

Jim across the road is doing me
a fry-up. Interesting.

I got you a new suit. I've laid it
on the bed, you need to try it on.

A new suit?
Dunnes were having a sale.

Even so, it's a lot of fuss
for a school reunion, isn't it?

I mean, new suits,
the Battle of Stalingrad,

who are you trying to impress?

Nobody.
Janette Joyce, formerly O'Shea.

I am not trying to impress
Janette Joyce formerly O'Shea!

I couldn't give a sh*t about her!
Who's Janette Joyce formerly O'Shea?

I don't wanna talk about
Janette Joyce formerly O'Shea.

Janette Joyce formerly O'Shea
knocked about with us.

Until she bagged her
medical student boyfriend.

We weren't good enough for
the likes of Janette, then. Oh, no.

He's a surgeon now.
He took out Orla's tonsils.

And is point-blank refusing
to give them back.

Jenny Joyce's mammy?

You were friends
with Jenny's mammy?

But sure she lost the run
of herself then, didn't she?

Started using fancy words and all.

What kind of fancy words?

Like, you know, "brunch".

What even is brunch?

It's a sort of half breakfast,
half lunch.

Like a cornflake sandwich.
Sounds good.

She's all high and mighty now,

but I could tell you a thing or two
about Janette Joyce formerly O'Shea.

Careful, Mary.

I know what happened on
leavers' night, Janette.

I remember.

I was there.

What? What?
What are you talking about?

Nothing. Nothing.

Eat your satsuma.

Welcome to the class of ' .

Jesus, but I cannot tear myself
away from them vol-au-vents.

I think it's because we were
restricting ourselves so much, Mary.

Yeah, I'd say it was
a tough afternoon, all right.

Any sign of Janette?

I haven't been looking for Janette.
I'm not interested in Janette.

What? Is it her?
Is it Janette? Is she here?

Oh.

Nice suit, Ciaran. Dunnes, was it?

Yeah, they had a sale on.
So I believe.

This is great.
Thanks for inviting me.

Well, John Travolta
wasn't available.

I mean, I assume he wasn't.

His management never
bothered writing back.

Good evening, ladies.
Good evening, Sister.

I didn't know you were
coming, Sister.

No, I mean, we're not really
expected to attend the reunions,

but I couldn't help myself tonight.

The past pupils here are just so...
Well, that's...

..untrustworthy.

I see.

And there's a lot of
valuable items in the building,

paintings and the like,

so, I think it's wise
to keep an eye.

I'll be carrying out random searches
throughout the night.

Enjoy yourselves, ladies.

We'll try.

Oh, there's Geraldine. Geraldine!

Does every bastard in Derry
own this thing?! It would seem so.

Language, you!

Jesus, girls,
I'm ready to drop here.

I haven't had a bite since .
Any sign of Janette?

Janette who?

Oh, Janette Joyce, formerly O'Shea?

Jesus, there is a
blast from the past,

I completely forgot about her!

So you did, Mary.

Oh, here's Deidre.

Oh, who's the big fella?

Is that not her husband? Not at all.

Maybe it's her bit of stuff.

All right, girls.
Martin not with you?

He's working nights,
so I thought I'd bring Rob instead.

Great. Fair play to you, Deidre,
that's what I say.

Sure, if you were a man,
nobody would bat an eyelid.

What's she on about?
Who's the fella, Deidre?

I told you. Rob. You remember Rob?
My cousin from America.

Canada.

Oh, my God. American cousin Rob!

Canadian cousin Rob.
Christ, that must be...

years ago.
Yeah, this is my first time back.

Things got a bit too bomby.

Aye, because America is so safe!

No, no, it's not.
Canada, on the other hand, is.

Why does he keep
banging on about Canada?

Hold on. You were there!

Leavers' night. The school disco.

What a night that was.

Really? Do tell us more, Rob.

Look, it's the prat pack.
Where the hell did you come from?!

Never you mind.
That's some spread over there.

Sandwiches like doorsteps.
Who are you?

It's my cousin Rob.
Very pleased to meet you.

What part of America are you from?
Montreal.

Can't say I'm familiar with it,

though there is a Montreal
in Canada, you know?

Is that right?

Oh, I love this one! Me too!
Would you like to dance?

I actually would, Ciaran.

Would you hold this for me?

Mary, come on.

My God, Sarah. Rob!

Who? The Yank! What about him?

He was there, the night of
the school leavers' disco.

So? So, he knows!

He knows!

Somebody once said that
the trouble with the English

is that they never remember,

and the trouble with the Irish
is that they never forget.

Thanks for the lift, Daddy.
No drinking tonight, you hear me?

Aye, Daddy. Or smoking.
No, Daddy. And no dr*gs.

Course not, Daddy.
And no dancing with boys.

No dancing with boys?
But it's a disco, Daddy!

Oh, you're right. Scratch that.
No talking to boys.

What?! Actually,
don't even look at the boys.

Which reminds me,
if one of the wee bastards

won't take no for an answer,
use this.

Thanks, Daddy.

All right, then, off you go.
Are you not heading home now?

No, no, no. I'd better stay put
in case there's any bother.

You'll stay here till ten o'clock?

Aye, that's madness, Daddy. You
should come to the disco with us.

Do you have concussion?!

Don't you worry about me, girls.
Just go and enjoy yourselves.

We'll try.

I suppose he's right to be nervous.

About the boys' school
being here, I mean.

Why, Mary?

Tonight's gonna be wild, Sarah!

Girls to the right,
boys to the left.

You're not serious?!
I don't make the rules.

You do make the rules,
you're the headmistress!

That's true. I do make the rules.
Here's another one for you.

Backchat me
and it's disco detention.

Disco detention?
I'm thinking that's not great.

How very astute of you, Miss McCool.
Now move!

Would you know my frock's on
inside-out?

Why is it on inside-out,
Geraldine?

There was a Ribena incident.
Jesus, I'm mortified!

Everybody is looking at me.

Nobody is looking at you.

This is a nightmare!

I should go home. I'm gonna go home.

You wouldn't even know, Geraldine.

You promise? I swear.

How goes it, ladies?

You know your frock's on
inside-out, right? Oh, Jesus!

Who's the fella, Deidre?
My cousin Rob. Say hello, Rob.

Hello, Rob.

Rob thinks he's funny.
It's f*cking exhausting.

Should he not be on the boys' side?

He has to stick with me.
I have a note.

His family are visiting from America
and they're sh1tting themselves

about him maybe getting,
I dunno, k*lled or something.

Not sure what the f*ck I could do
to prevent that, exactly, but...

Canada.
My family are visiting from Canada.

Christ, but these Americans
are so argumentative.

Have you brought sandwiches?

Yes, Deidre. Yes, I have,
and you'll be glad of them later.

Where's Janette? Not here yet.

Because I got the gear.

How?! Don't ask.

I mean that.
It's better if you don't ask.

Can't believe we're actually
gonna do this! Yeah, me either.

Do what?
Remember what we talked about?

Not usually, Deidre, no.

Girls, I've been thinking about it

and I'm not actually sure this
is such a good idea any more.

You're doing it, Geraldine.

We all are.

But first...we dance.

Ah, she's here!

Janette's here!

The neck of it!

Jesus, if she was chocolate
she'd eat herself.

Have you ever seen anybody
more delighted with themselves?

Well, she is married to a surgeon,
Mary. I'd be delighted, too.

Grand, so.

What's so great about being married
to a surgeon? The money.

Plus that particular surgeon
doesn't talk.

A man that doesn't talk.
She is living the dream, girls.

What do you mean, doesn't talk?

years I've been nursing in that
hospital, not a peep out of him.

CAN he talk?

He used to talk,
back when they started going out.

Then he just stopped.

Jesus, but that's odd.

You're telling me. Now don't get
me wrong, he's a great surgeon,

he's handled more b*ll*ts
than the IRA,

but you wouldn't wanna be
stuck in a lift with him.

Why does someone just stop talking?

Well, maybe he just ran out
of things to say, Gerry.

Wait till you hear this!
You won't believe this!

Tell them what you are, son.
Go on. This is great.

I'm a photographer.
No, not that!

What's so great about that?
The other thing!

Uh...

He's a gay.

Oh, right. Yes, I'm a raging
h*m*. This is correct.

He is.

Seriously? Our daughter's a gay!

That's what I said!
That's what I told him.

I mean, what are the chances, eh?

How is she finding it?
All right, I think.

I mean, she's ,
so, she's just starting out.

She's not as established
as someone like yourself.

Aye, she's not fully qualified yet,
so to speak.

How are you finding it?
Oh, we're learning a lot.

We are. Good.
I mean, we worry. We do.

We all worry. Aye, but life's that
bit harder when you're different.

Maybe. Then again, the chances of
an accidental teenage pregnancy

are lowered quite significantly
with a lesbian daughter.

I'll drink to that!

Nice suit, lads. Dunnes, was it?

Unbelievable.
God, she's shameless, so she is.

I'm not letting her away with it.

Ach, Mary, don't give her the
satisfaction. Yeah, she's a d*ck.

Who the hell does she think she is?!
Janette!

Janette!

Janette! Janette!

Janette!

Janette, Janette, Janette!

Oh, my God! Hi, guys!

I didn't even realise
you were here!

Really? Cos you looked straight
at us there, Janette.

Janette Joyce, formerly O'Shea.

I dunno if you know my husband,
Richard. He's a surgeon.

Hello, Richard.

Very pleased to meet you.

I see.

So, eh, this is Sarah, Deidre,

Geraldine and Marie.

Mary. Mary, of course.

You've probably never heard me
talk about them

because, well, why would I, really?

Touching.

You know, Janette,
I actually think it was

the continuation
of the First World w*r

which led to growing unrest
and support for the Soviets,

which in turn allowed Lenin
to seize power in .

Right.

Are you enjoying yourself, Richard?

Ah, that's a great suit.

How much did you pay for it,
if you don't mind me asking?

A lot.

Tell us this, Richard.
What's your star sign?

Fair enough.
I wouldn't answer that either.

This is great, isn't it?

Richard doesn't get much time off,
because he's a surgeon.

Don't know if any of you guys are
surgeons, but it's really full-on.

Yeah, that's why I packed it in
eventually.

I just thought, no, I'll retrain
as a delivery van driver,

then I'll have more time for myself.

So are you still in
your little shop, Mary?

Woolworths is actually
quite a big shop,

but, yes, I am,

although I'm starting university
next year.

I'm going to study English.

Oh, my God, that's so funny!

That's such a funny joke!

Hilarious!

That is hilarious!

Well, look, we are gonna go
and work the room.

We probably won't stay super late,

because Richard has
an early start in the morning,

because he's a surgeon.

Before you head off, son,
I have a question for you.

When you take someone's tonsils out,
do you hang on to them?

Do you whack them in a jar

and put them in a storage cupboard,
or whatever?

What, you chuck them away?!

Ah. I'll pass that on.

OK, then.
It was so lovely catching up.

We should all do brunch sometime.

Hilarious? I'm hilarious?!

How am I hilarious?
Cos you're chickening out.

I'm not!
I'm definitely chickening out.

Geraldine, we made a pact.
Yeah, thing is, I don't care.

What's going on?
I have no idea, Brad.

Rob. Sorry? My name's Rob!

Are you sure? Pretty sure, yeah.
You look like a Brad to me.

Then again, that could be
the American thing.

The Canadian thing. I'm Canadian!
If you say so, Brad.

Janette, tell them. Yeah, the thing
is, I'm not gonna do it now either.

It was your idea!
I know, I get that, it's just, well,

when I said it
I never thought any of you

would actually go for it,
because, well, it's mad.

I'm just glad sense
has finally prevailed.

This is so bloody typical!
We never do anything spontaneous.

Speak for yourself. I'm a
very spontaneous person, actually.

Sandwich? Oh, lovely.
I've a flask of tea here somewhere.

It's leavers' night! We should
make it a night to remember.

But it's sort of illegal, Deidre.

It's punk! The only religion
worth fighting for.

Ach, don't start banging on
about punk, Deidre.

We're not doing it, end of.

Now have a sandwich
and enjoy the disco.

The disco is sh*t!

But things are just warming up!

The real talent
will be arriving soon.

Trust me, any second now
those doors are gonna burst open

and a lot of absolute rides
are gonna storm in here

and snog the faces off us.

Quiet. Settle down.

OK, I've just been informed that
the IRA have mounted a roadblock

on the Craigavon Bridge,

which means nobody can enter the
school grounds and nobody can leave.

BUT it's not all bad news.

Sister Matthew has very kindly
offered to lead us in the rosary.

So, I think it's best if we wrap
the disco up now and get cracking.

We'll pray our way out of here,
folks.

You were saying?

What is so hilarious about me
going to university?

What's she ever done? She married
a surgeon, Mary! How many times?

Imagine if he found out.

Careful now, Mary.

The summer of ' .

The leavers' disco.

That's enough now.
It wasn't me. It was Janette's idea.

All this time,
and we haven't said a word.

And that's the way
it needs to stay!

People wouldn't understand, girls.
They wouldn't understand.

I think we should
let sleeping dogs cry.

We should let sleeping dogs LIE.

Ach, we should let sleeping dogs
do whatever they want, Deidre.

I think it's time to pull some
skeletons out of the closet.

No, Mary!
They're grand where they are.

Leave the skeletons be,
for the love of God.

I have carried this around with me
for over years!

We all have!

Well, no more.

No more.

Sweet and gentle Jesus.

Here we go!

The rosary! The bastarding rosary!

OK, well,
that's definitely blasphemy, so...

School's over, girls.
It's reality now.

Jobs, husbands, kids.

- Not for me. I have another year.
- Yeah, why are you even here?!

My da made me bring her.
It's so depressing.

Is this how we're wringing
out our youth?

f*cking rosary! Can we have
less of the blasphemy, please?

What even is a rosary?
Is it like a dance?

Americans are such
f*cking heathens!

Canadians! Canadians are heathens!

That's a bit harsh, Brad. Oh, sh*t!

This is leavers' night.

No kissing, no dancing,
nothing to look back on!

We deserve better than this, girls.

You're right. We do.

Our whole lives we've been told
what we can do,

what we can wear,
where we can go, who we can talk to.

We're told who we are
and what we believe in.

It's all curfews and barricades
and roadblocks and rosaries.

For once, let's do something
purely because we want to do it.

This is our rebellion!

What are you saying?

Suddenly...I'm feeling punky.

Yes!

I mean, it's incredible.
Not a squeak.

Slapping him might work.
You're not slapping him, Joe.

I don't wanna slap him.
I want you to slap him.

Then he might slap you back,
which I would enjoy.

I was just wondering if we could
scare the shite out of him,

jump out suddenly
from behind something,

that might get a rise
out of him maybe.

I dunno, Sean... Yeah, fella
might have a heart condition!

One second.

Excuse me.

Well?

I see.

Impossible.

Janette? We would like a word.

Mary, please,
stop now before it's too late.

About what? About the summer of ' .
About the leavers' disco.

I don't know what you're
talking about!

Oh, I think you do. Will I tell him?

Go away, Mary!

Or will I show him the photographs?

You do remember the photographs?

Oh, sweet Jesus. The Polaroids.
What Polaroids?

Brad photographed it.

Who the feck is Brad?! Me, I think.

Evidence, Janette!
Photographic evidence!

Girls, you have to back up here!

Well? Ignore her. She's mad.
Oh, like that, is it?!

Come on, girls.

To the fairy tree.

What the blazes is going on
here exactly?

Ladies and gentlemen,

please be upstanding
for our national anthem.

One, two, ready, go!

Where'd you pull that from?
Your arse.

OK, Joe,
the insults need a bit of work.

Don't do this, Mary.
You have as much to lose as I do.

Aye, but the difference is
I don't give a sh*t.

Where are we going?!
Slow down, I'm out of puff here!

Will you see sense, Mary?

For God's sake!
She's right, Geraldine.

I'm sick of the lies,
I'm sick of the shame.

Let's dig it up!

Christ, girls,
you didn't k*ll someone, did you?!

This is the place.

Help me!

For the love of Jesus,
what's going on, girls?

Well, I don't know about
anybody else,

but I'm having a wonderful time.

I think I feel something!

Stop it!

Stop it!

You wanna tell him what we did?

No.

I'll show him.

Richard, I am so, so sorry.

Every time we look at them
we'll remember this night,

and know we did something once.

I hope in , , years' time

that another group of girls
find this box,

look at these photographs and say,

"Jesus but they must have been
a bunch of bad b*tches!"

Is that a tattoo?

Have you had a tattoo since
and I've never seen it?

There's lots you haven't seen,
Gerry.

We're very good at hiding them,
Gerry.

We're out a fortune in concealer.

What choice did we have?

If the truth came out our lives
would be over!

That's not true, love!

Imagine if our girls found out
we had these.

They'd do whatever they wanted,
we wouldn't have a leg to stand on!

We broke so many laws!

We were underage, nobody
was a qualified practitioner,

they should have locked us up
and thrown away the key! OK!

I'm so sorry, Daddy.

Ach, I'm not bothered with that,
love. Your mother had a tattoo.

What?! Where?

Richard? Richard?

Yeah, he can't even look at me!

Why did you have to do it, Mary?
Why couldn't you have kept quiet?!

Because you think you're better
than us, and this proves you aren't.

I don't think I'm better than you! I
never thought I was better than you!

You stopped speaking to us once
you met your fancy boyfriend!

You didn't even come to my th.

Because you told Richard
we definitely weren't invited!

I told Richard you
definitely WERE invited!

Richard?

Yeah, uh, so, Richard's
great at the surgery...

..not so good at the passing on
of the messages.

See, this is why I don't talk.

Ah! Very astute.

Oh, I wish
I'd thought of that.

Ah, look at these.

Sure we haven't changed a bit.

. Jesus, girls,
where did that time go?

Christ, look at those smiles.

We had no idea how bad things
were gonna get.

Yeah, but we got through it.

We did all right, didn't we, girls?

We did all right.

That's not us.

What?!

That's not us.

Oh, for God's sake!

This must be the wrong tree.

Dear Jesus!