NARRATOR:
Ah, the Krusty Krab.
Through these doors pass
all the many kinds
of undersea life.
MERMAIDMAN:
Through the double doors!
Away!
NARRATOR:
And also these guys.
I told you I'm not
hungry, Mermaidman.
Nonsense, Barnacleboy.
We've got to keep up
our strength
for the fight against evil!
What a dive.
To the register!
Away!
Can I help you?
A double Krabby Patty
and coral bits for me
and a Silly Meal
for the lad.
Uh, it's not for the toy,
l just, uh...
l gotta fit
in the tights, you know?
Whatever.
Five dollars, please.
You got it, Bucky.
( coins jingling )
Will this cover it?
No.
Listen, Big Nose.
That guy's been saving your butt
since before you were born.
Don't you got
a Living Legend
discount or something?
This is a restaurant,
not a lending library.
And who're you calling
Big Nose, Big Nose?
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
\-hHmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm. \
h-Hmm.
The next time danger threatens,
don't expect any help from us.
I'm shaking.
Hmm... Mermaidman
and Barnacleboy.
( metal groaning )
Mermaidman and Barnacleboy!
Must... get...
autograph!
Ha!
( loud rip )
Yah!
If you want to grow up
strong like me,
you gotta make room for seconds.
Here comes our waiter.
Auto... graph...!
Holy sea cow,
it's that sponge kid.
Quick, lad!
To the invisible boat mobile.
Away!
BARNACLEBOY:
Where'd we park?
( Mermaidman moans )
Can I have your autograph?
Can I have your autograph?
Can I...?
They're gone.
( gasps )
Mermaidman's belt!
Wait!
We'll find it with
the invisible boat alarm!
( alarm chirping )
There she is!
( metal clangs )
Yeow!
I told you we should've
got the a*t*matic.
SPONGEBOB:
Hey, guys, wait up!
( in slow motion ):
I've got something for you.
Floor it!
( rocket roars )
You forgot your belt!
You forgot...
Mermaidman's
secret utility belt.
The emblem
of submersible justice.
For years, this belt
has helped prevent
the fall of nations.
And pants.
I can't believe I'm actually
holding it in my hands.
Well, I guess
I should return it.
Or not.
( giggling )
I could just hold on to it
until after work.
All alone
with Mermaidman's belt.
I wonder what this button does.
( high-pitched zapping )
Whoa...
The small ray.
( giggling softly )
Here's your shake, sir.
( small ray zapping )
( ray zapping,
SpongeBob laughing )
Hmm.
SPONGEBOB:
There you go.
Come again, sir.
SQUIDWARD:
SpongeBob!
What's going on in here?
Huh?
Why is everything all tiny?
I don't know.
What have you got there?
Nothing.
No, really.
Nothing!
You've got something, all right.
Let's see it!
No, no!
( gasps )
Is that Mermaidman's belt?
Yes.
Wow!
I can't believe
he'd lend it to you.
Me, uh, either.
( giggles nervously )
( gasps )
He didn't lend it
to you, did he?
Please don't tell.
You stole it.
Please don't tell!
Oh, I'm telling.
Squidward,
if Mermaidman finds out,
he'll kick me out
of his fan club for sure!
Please don't tell!
Uh-oh!
There's the phone.
Don't!
I'm walking
towards the phone.
No!
I'm getting closer
to the phone.
( sobbing ):
Don't!
And now for the moment
we've all been waiting for.
I'm begging you!
Hello.
I'd like to speak to Mer...
( ray zapping )
What did... what...? Ow!
MERMAIDMAN:
Hello? Hello?
What did you do to me?!
I'm sorry, Squidward,
but you made me do it!
SpongeBob, if you don't return
me to normal size right now,
you are going to be
in really big trouble.
Uh... uh... okay.
Uh...
I said now!
Uh...
( belt beeping and whirring )
SPONGEBOB:
Uh... uh...
Uh...
Do you hear me?!
( ray zapping )
Holy fish paste!
Get it off me!
Get it off me!
( panting )
Don't you know
how to work that thing?
Uh, I can do it!
( ray zapping )
( screaming )
( ray zapping )
( shouting )
( ray zapping )
( shrieking )
( ray zapping )
( shrieks )
( ray zapping,
Squidward screaming )
( Squidward choking
and slurping )
( ray zapping, screaming )
Stop!
I've got an idea.
Let's call Mermaidman and...
No!
I can't let you do that!
But there must be someone else
who can help...
someone smart and wise,
with years of life experience.
Patrick!
( snoring )
Patrick, Patrick!
( gasping )
Oh, hi, SpongeBob!
Patrick, I was at work,
and Mermaidman
and Barnacleboy came,
and then I got
this belt and look!
( gasping ):
A Squidward
action figure!
Let me play with him!
No, Patrick!
Fighter pilot!
( imitating plane )
( imitating machine g*ns )
( imitating explosions )
Dive b*mb!
Patrick!
And then comes a giant fist!
Patrick, no!
That's not an action figure...
that's the real Squidward.
I shrunk him by accident.
Oh.
And then comes
a giant...
( screams )
Wait, you don't understand!
This is serious!
I don't know how
to un-shrink him.
He could be stuck like this
for the rest of his life.
Oh, don't worry about it.
He'll find love one day.
You think so?
Well, sure, but it'll be
with someone his own size.
Like this pickle!
See?
They like each other!
No, no, no, no, no.
( pickle slurping )
( Patrick imitating kissing )
Oh, if only I knew
how to work this thing.
Let me take a look at it.
Hmm...
You know what the problem is?
What?
You got it set to "M", for mini.
When it should be set
to "W", for "wumbo."
Patrick, I don't think
"wumbo" is a real word.
Come on.
You know:
I wumbo, you wumbo,
he-she-me wumbo.
Wumbo, wumboing...
I wonder if a fall
from this height
would be enough to k*ll me.
Wumbology?
The study of wumbo?
It's first grade, SpongeBob!
Patrick, I'm sorry
l doubted you.
Well, all right, then.
Let 'er rip!
( zapping )
It worked!
Oh, no!
Look!
SpongeBob's giant!
Can I be giant next?
Patrick, I'm not giant.
You've shrunk, too!
You're kidding!
Good thing I've still
got this pickle!
( kissing pickle loudly )
Hey, now will you
take us to Mermaidman?!
No!
He can never find out!
But I'll think of something.
I promise.
Until then,
you'll be safe in this jar.
You know what's funny?
My pickle started out in a jar,
and now it's in one again.
Huh, it's like
a pun or something.
( chuckles )
It's only two people.
No big deal.
Nobody else saw it.
Howdy, SpongeBob!
Sandy!
What did you...?
For cryin'...
What did y'all do to me?
I'm sorry, Sandy!
Mermaidman came in, and...
Hey, SpongeBob...
( shrieks )
Hey, SpongeBob?
( screams )
Hi, SpongeBob.
( shouting )
( screams )
Hello, SpongeBob.
Whoo!
Sponge-Dude!
( shrieks )
Hey, SpongeBob.
( small ray zapping )
SpongeBob, hi.
( small ray zapping )
Hey, SpongeBob.
( small ray zapping )
What's up, Sponge?
( small ray zapping )
( faint shouting )
Whew! I'm gonna have to get
a bigger jar.
SQUIDWARD:
SpongeBob, will you
just face facts?
You've shrunken everybody
in Bikini Bottom.
You've got to go to Mermaidman.
Oh, Squidward,
he'll be so disappointed!
Well, you can't
leave us small forever.
You don't understand!
WOMAN ( gently ):
SpongeBob...
You need to admit your mistake.
Mom?
MERMAIDMAN:
Your mother's
right, son.
Mermaidman will understand.
You're Mermaidman, you old coot!
Oh, yeah.
Mermaidman?
I'm so sorry.
It's just that
I'm such a big fan,
and your belt... and...
MERMAIDMAN:
Aw, don't worry, son.
I understand.
Why, I remember back when
I first used the belt,
the year was nineteen,
aught, eleventy-twelve.
Why, I believe
the president then was...
ALL:
Just tell him
how to un-shrink us!
Oh, yes, the un-shrink ray.
Let's see, uh... uh...
Did you set it to wumbo?
ALL:
What?
( rumbling )
( all shouting angrily )
ALL:
Get SpongeBob!
( all shouting )
Now I have to drive five miles
to go to the bathroom...
in my own home!
And I need an elevator
to climb one stair!
( shouts )
We've been shrinking
for years!
But this is ridiculous.
( body squeaking and whistling
with every hit )
MOB:
Everything's too big!
I've got it.
( saw rasping )
( small ray zapping )
Ta-da!
Since I couldn't make you big,
l made the city small.
( all cheering )
And now only
one more thing to shrink.
Cheese!
I guess this is okay.
Yeah, what's the difference?
Good idea, SpongeBob.
( all cheering )
Well, it's great to be back!
( faint cheering )
Huh?
SPONGEBOB:
Don't worry, Mrs. Puff.
This is the one,
this is the one.
Oh, SpongeBob, think, think!
( Mrs. Puff screams )
Uh, turn that way,
turn that way!
No, turn that way,
right... left!
( Mrs. Puff screaming )
Oh... no!
( crash )
Relax! Come on! Whoa!
I'm ready, I can do this,
Mrs. Puff.
I can do it, I can do it.
( crash )
The driving test is over,
SpongeBob!
Stop the boat!
Wait, I can do this, Mrs. Puff.
I can do this.
MRS. PUFF:
Oh!
The road, SpongeBob!
Get back on the road!
Got to pass the test!
Got to pass!
( Mrs. Puff screams )
Hey! What do you got
against the melons?
Look out!
This must be the night-driving
part of the test.
We're gonna straighten you out!
This'll fix you!
( both grunting )
Now let's get that one!
( Mrs. Puff screams )
Barnacles!
Did you see that?
Yeah. That guy had
no front license plate.
Let's get him!
( Mrs. Puff squealing )
( sirens blaring )
Hey, look at all those police.
I wonder if the
president's in town.
Look out!
( "Hail To the Chief" plays )
lt is with great pride
that I officially open
this unfinished bridge!
( Mrs. Puff screaming )
Where did I go wrong?
( "Pomp and Circumstance"
plays )
With the opening
of my new boating school,
l pledge that as long as
a student is willing to learn,
I shall never give up.
Hi, I'm SpongeBob SquarePants.
( screaming )
( sirens blaring )
( truck horn blowing )
Hurry up with that truckload
of fruit punch!
The seniors are getting cranky.
( Mrs. Puff screaming )
( crash )
Alive!
I'm alive!
Oh, thank Neptune, I'm still...
( crash )
( many crashes )
( sirens blaring,
truck creaking )
( juice splashes )
All right, seniors,
let's open these windows
so the world can see
your nice, white clothes.
( juice splashes )
( over radio ):
♪ Gonna be a surfin'... ♪
( juice splashes )
♪ Surfin' ♪
♪ Surfin', it's gonna... ♪
It's finally finished!
A memoir of my life,
written in red ink.
( juice splashes )
Oh, barnacles!
( siren blaring )
( groans )
SpongeBob, are you okay?
That depends.
Did I pass?
OFFICER:
Freeze!
You're under arrest.
Hold it.
You can't arrest him.
He's just a student driver.
We're not talking about him.
( door clangs )
But I don't belong here!
It's all a big mistake.
PRISONER:
Yeah, I don't belong here,
either.
PRISONER :
Me, too. I'm innocent.
PRISONER :
I belong here!
Okay, you can do this, Puff.
You can get through this
without losing your sanity.
Oh, that's a road we don't want
to go down again.
Positives!
Think of the positives.
Let's see...
I've got no more papers
to grade.
Yeah!
( laughs )
In... in fact, no more work.
No more boating school classes.
No more driving.
No more SpongeBob!
( sonar pinging )
No more phone solicitors.
No more SpongeBob.
No more company potlucks.
No more SpongeBob.
No more road rage.
No more SpongeBob.
No more insurance payments.
No more SpongeBob.
( increasingly manic ):
No more SpongeBob.
No more SpongeBob!
No more SpongeBob...!!
l think I'm going
to like this place.
SPONGEBOB:
Class just isn't the same
without Mrs. Puff.
Just the thought of her,
alone and afraid in jail...
it makes me think about her
being alone and afraid in jail.
l don't know how
she's going to survive.
( scatting cheerfully )
♪ Smelling the pretty roses. ♪
( laughing )
♪ Happiness is just
two kinds of ice cream. ♪
Oh, that poor woman.
And it's all my fault.
Maybe if I go talk to Patrick,
he can ease my guilt.
Well, it sounds like
it's all your fault.
Oh, you're right.
Mrs. Puff's in jail,
and it's all because of me.
I'm such a barnacle-head.
Poor Mrs. Puff.
I know! I got to get her out.
But to get her out of jail,
first we got to get in jail.
How we going to do that?
SPONGEBOB ( shouting ):
All right, put the money
in the bag!
Put it in!
Um, you're facing
the wrong way, sir.
( laughs )
( screaming ):
All right,
give me the money!
Will that be from your savings
or your checking account, sir?
Uh, savings.
May I please see
some identification?
Sure. There you go.
Thank you.
Sir, we are showing a balance
of zero dollars and zero cents
for both of your accounts.
Oh.
Next!
That went better than expected.
Yeah, I didn't think we'd get
Mrs. Puff out of jail this fast.
Don't worry, Patrick,
we'll get into jail this time.
Hey, there's a couple.
( grunts )
GUARD:
Put your back in it, girls!
Look, Patrick, there she is.
Mrs. Puff, wait!
( softly ):
It's us... SpongeBob
and Patrick.
( chuckling ):
That's funny.
For a second, I thought
that yellow rock talked to me,
and its voice
sounded a lot like...
SpongeBob.
It's me, SpongeBob.
( screams )
We're going to bust you
out of here.
Come on, Mrs. Puff!
It's you!
Wh-What are you doing here?
Why did you follow me in here?
Why?
All right,
Mrs. Puff.
It looks like
this heat's gone
to your head.
If you're going to talk
to rocks, I guess
it's time for you
to go on kitchen duty.
Yes!
It... it must be the heat.
Yes!
Darn it!
Okay, Patrick,
let's get out of here!
No, wait!
SPONGEBOB:
There goes our deposit
on these costumes.
There you are!
Hey there, Puff Mama!
What's today's grub?
Hi, Donna.
It's chili, same as always.
Let me get you some.
( gasps )
Mrs. Puff,
it's me, SpongeBob.
When are these horrific
hallucinations going to end?
No, it's really me!
I brought Patrick along, too!
Hi.
Why?!
Because we're going
to set you free!
No, I mean, why'd you bring him?
( sniffs )
( chewing )
He likes chili.
Now, quick, get in
before someone sees!
SpongeBob, I am not
going with you.
( laughs ):
That's a good one,
Mrs. Puff.
Now hop in, come on.
SpongeBob, I think she means it.
Oh, that's crazy, Patrick.
He's right, SpongeBob.
I'm staying.
But why?
I like it here.
These are my people.
And besides, if I'm in here,
that means I won't have
to deal with you...
( sniffling )
Uranium in the water supply!
See? Crystal clear.
( gulping )
Ah.
( glass shatters )
Excuse us just
one second, Mrs. Puff.
Patrick, she has lost it!
She's completely
institutionalized.
She's forgotten what
it's like to live
on the outside...
to not be in prison.
( horns honking )
( telephone ringing )
WOMAN:
Coming to bed, honey?
Yes, dear.
We've got to remind
her that there is a
life other than this.
Mrs. Puff,
if you come with us,
I'll stay after
school and decorate
the whole classroom!
For the last time, no!
I'm not going with you.
That's final!
( calmly ):
Oh.
( chuckles )
Talking to inanimate objects
again, eh, Puff?
Hmm. Get back to your cell.
No more kitchen time for you.
( gasps )
Quick, Mrs. Puff,
hop on.
Guards! Guards!
Come quick!
There's a crazed
ex-student of mine
and his overweight
friend here
to break me out!
That's just raw material
used to make coat hangers.
You need some rest.
( steam hisses )
Psst!
( screams )
Hop in, Mrs. Puff.
Guards! Guards!
Come look!
Whoa!
They don't pay me enough
to do this job.
Mrs. Puff, up here!
( gasps ):
Guards!
Guards! They're back!
What's all the hubbub, Puff?
They're back!
BOTH:
Mrs. Puff, it's us!
( sobbing )
( screaming )
( screaming )
What the barnacle is going on?
Get away from me!
Get away!
What are you talking
about, Puff?
MRS. PUFF:
You can't fool me.
You're SpongeBob
and that guy who
likes the chili.
Let's face it, Puff,
you've gone off
the deep end.
Get in there, you!
You need a nice, long stay
in solitary confinement!
Oh, well...
Let's look
at the positives again.
I'm finally away from those two.
Yes, all alone
in my nice, soft room.
SPONGEBOB:
Made of sponge.
( laughing )
( laughing )
( all SpongeBobs laughing )
( all SpongeBobs laughing )
( screaming )
I can pass the test,
Mrs. Puff!
I can pass the test!
( crash )
( many crashes )
( truck creaking )
( juice splashing )
( moaning )
POLICE OFFICER:
Freeze!
Your joyride's over, punk!
( screaming ):
No!
What?
SPONGEBOB:
No, no!
What are you doing?
Help! Help!
No! No! Please!
No, I have a snail to feed.
I can't go to jail now.
This is not a good time.
No, please, please,
I'm not a criminal!
I can't believe it.
It was all a dream.
I'm not going to jail!
Why would you go to jail?
You already did your time.
( screaming )
( sirens blaring )
Huh?
Oh, it's just
my imagination again.
So what's for dinner
tonight, Puff Mama, chili?
( screaming )
( gasping )
Aw, forget it.
03x05 - Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV/Doing Time
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.