03x10 - Wet Painters/Krusty Krab Training Video

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR:
A slow day at the Krusty Krab.

Hey, Squidward, check this out.

Two ordinary Krabby Patties,

but when expertly tossed
with the skill of a champ,

they become...

A one-way ticket to pain!

( thud )

( crash )
Huh?

SPONGEBOB:
Heave-ho!

( crash )

What the devilfish
is going on out here?!

Time is money,

and if you boys is wasting time,
then you're wasting money.

And that's just sick!

But we were performing a ritual
to attract customers,

and the only way it can work is
for us to get hurt... real bad.

What stupid barnacle
told you that?

Uh...

Listen, instead
of k*lling yourselves,

l've got something real
important for you to do for me.

Now, are you men ready
for your super...

"Super..."
"Super..."

Special...

"Special..."
"Special..."

( whispering ):
Secret...

"Secret..."
"Secret..."

Assignment.

( screaming incoherently )

Put us out of our misery.

I gotta know, I gotta know,
I gotta know.

The two of you are to paint
the inside of me house.

Yay!
Yay!

But let me give
you two a warning...

this here paint
is absolutely permanent.

It will never come off,

so if I see even one drop
on anything but wall,

I'll have your rear ends cut off
and mounted over me fireplace!

So have fun with the job.

Patrick.

Yeah, SpongeBob.

Mr. Krabs sure has a lot
of expensive treasures

to drip-paint on.

Do you think we should take
this stuff off the walls?

No way, SpongeBob.

We're not getting paid
to move stuff.

Patrick, we're not
getting paid at all.

Well, that's what I said...

we're not getting paid,
and that's final!

Okay, we'll just paint
around all this stuff.

Good. Just don't pay me.

First, we need to set out
the tarp.

Tarp, ahoy!

We're going to need
more coverage, Patrick.

Now, that's what
I'm talking about.

Well, I guess we should open

these cans of permanent
paint now.

That will never, ever come off.

And if we get it on anything,

Mr. Krabs will cut
our butts off...

And mount them on the wall.

PATRICK:
Careful, SpongeBob.

Careful, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob, careful.

Careful, SpongeBob.

Careful, SpongeBob.

Careful, SpongeBob!

Careful, SpongeBob!

Patrick, the lid's already off.

Oh.

Now it's my turn.

( clang )

I'm thinking I should do
this one, too, Patrick.

( both screaming )

( screaming louder )

Well, that was a rip-off.

Okay, Patrick, let's get
our brushes ready.

Uh, maybe we should start
with a smaller brush.

All right, Patrick,
got to get started...

painting this wall...

with the permanent paint
that we can't get on anything...

but the wall.

Well, here we go.

Just a few more seconds
of mental preparation

and I'll be painting this wall.

I'm getting to the painting.

Can you move it along?

I'm all out of time cards.

No problem.

Here I go.

Huh? ( puffing )

( paints screeches )

( SpongeBob puffing,
paint screeching )

Yeah.

Huh?!

Barnacles!

What could be worse than
a giant paint bubble?

Oh, I know.

( blowing )

Two giant paint bubbles.

( screaming ):
D-ohh!

Patrick!

Yeah, SpongeBob.

I don't think this bubble
can get much bigger.

Nonsense!

( bubble creaking )

Pat, no!

( expl*si*n )

SPONGEBOB:
We did it.

We painted the whole house,

and without getting paint
on anything but...

Flopping flotsam! What's that?

We're dead, Patrick.

Do you know what that is?

Mmm, it's a dollar.

I win!

That's not just a dollar.

It's Mr. Krabs's
first dollar,

his most-prized possession.

And we got paint on it!

I think you
are overreacting,
SpongeBob.

( chuckling ):
I don't see any paint.

Okay, this isn't a problem.

Maybe I can just wipe it off.

( squeaking )

There, I think I got it.

( whimpering )

( screams )

Oh, now I see it.

This is not good, Patrick.

This is not good.

Mr. Krabs is going
to be home soon,

and when he sees what we did
to his first dollar...

( slurps )

( both scream )

Wait, SpongeBob, all we got
to do is wash the paint off,

and Krabs will never know.

But Mr. Krabs said...

Forget what
Mr. Krabs said.

Every paint comes off
with something.

Did it work?

No.

( saw buzzing )

Did it work?

No.

( Patrick yelling )

Did it work?

No.

( Patrick grunting )

Nothing's working!

Wait, SpongeBob!

We're not cavemen.

We have technology.

( grunting )

It didn't work.

This is all Mr. Krabs' fault.

If he hadn't hung that stupid
dollar in the first place...

I mean, it's not like
it looks any different

than a regular dollar.

Why hang it?

You could just stick any old
dollar bill up on the wall...

no one would even
know the difference.

You might as well just reach
into my wallet,

pull out a dollar
and put it on the wall.

Hurry, Patrick,
take out your wallet.

l don't see where
you're going with this.

Hey, a dollar!

Our butts are saved, Patrick.

Now all we have to...

Patrick, no!

Patrick, no!

Why did you put it...?

( screams )

Grab it, Pat, grab it.

Hurry, hurry!

Oh, Pat, no, no.

Get it, Pat! Get it,
get it, get it!

( shouting incoherently ):
Get it! Get it!

( wailing )

Want a bite?

Okay, okay, we still got time.

Don't panic, SpongeBob.
Panic is the enemy.

You are strong.

Through your strength,
you shall overcome.

( Krabs singing "Blow the Man
Down" in distance )

You're on your own, pal.

( screaming )

Hurry, Patrick, put the dollar
back on the wall.

I got an idea.

♪ La, la, la-la-la. ♪

What the...?

We're all done, sir.

Everything looks great.

Yeah, you don't
have to look around.

We already did that for you.

You both look like you got

a dirty little secret.

Ha! I'm kidding.

Let's see how you did.

Ooh, not bad, boys, not bad.

A nice even coat,
high gloss, no bubbles.

Yeah, looks great, Mr. Krabs.

We'll just be going.

Flipping fish parcels,
look what you did!

Please don't cut off our butts.

Oh, Mr. Krabs,
I'm so sorry.

"Sorry?"

You dusted all my knickknacks.

That was really nice.

Great Barrier Reef!

What's this?

That's not our
fault, Mr. Krabs.

I don't want to be buttless.

Oh, and I suppose
the floor molding

just painted itself on its own.

That's what I call
craftsmanship.

Criminy jim jim!

You messed up my dollar...

rama.

All the dolls in this dollarama

were perfectly aligned.

Mama.

And you boys thought
l wouldn't notice.

Oh, well, I guess no harm done.

All right, boys,

you're free to go. Ow!

That's funny.

l don't remember a stack of
paintings jutting from the wall

where me first dollar
used to be.

In fact, I don't remember
this painting at all.

Or this one.

Or this one.

Or this one.

Or this one.

Or this one.

Or this one.

Hi, Mr. Krabs.

SpongeBob, what are you doing?

Oh, you know,
just hanging around.

Boo!

Get down onto the floor, boy.

All right, now you're
just being silly.

( screaming ):
No, no, no!

No, Mr. Krabs, no!

Don't look.

It's a trick.

Did you two get paint
all over me first dollar?!

We're sorry, Mr. Krabs.
We're so sorry.

And then did you
draw on it with crayon?

I thought, you know,
maybe he'd buy it.

KRABS:
All right, boys!

You know what I've got
to do now?

You mean, our butts?

Can I use mine one last time?

( slurps )

There we go, good as new.

BOTH:
But... but... but... but...

Yeah, I lied.

This paint actually
comes off with saliva.

( chuckles )

Oh, I get it, Mr. Krabs.

You told us the paint
was permanent

so me and Patrick
would be more careful

and not get paint on anything.

Nah, I just like
to mess with you.

( cackling )

( still cackling )

Oh, the old man's still got it.

( laughing )

( stops laughing abruptly )

Aw, crud.

I really got to learn to say it,
not spray it.

( contrived rock music riffs
punctuating scene changes )

NARRATOR:
Welcome aboard.

lf you're watching this video,
then let me be the first to say:

Congratulations.

You've recently been hired

by the Krusty Krab Restaurant,

and this is your first official
day of training.

Can I make a Krabby Patty now?

NARRATOR:
Oh, no, you've got
a lot to learn

before you're ready
to make a Krabby Patty.

As you can see by this graph...

( clears throat )

Graph.

You are now employed

by one of the most successful
restaurants in Bikini Bottom.

But it didn't get that way
overnight...

because the store closes
at : .

No, the story of the Krusty Krab

is a story of one man's hard
work, perseverance, vision,

determination and sweat.

But mostly his sweat.

You may think
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs,

owner and founder
of Krusty Krab Inc.,

has always been the financial
wizard he is today.

( Krabs humming )

NARRATOR:
And you're right.

( Krabs laughing )

( gulping soda )

NARRATOR:
After the w*r,

Krabs stayed secluded in a deep
depression that seemed endless.

But then his luck changed

when he acquired a bankrupt
retirement home,

and with a few minor
alterations,

The Krusty Krab was born.

( baby crying )

Sounds like a lot of...

CHILD:
Hoopla!

NARRATOR:
It sounds like a lot...

CHILD:
Hoopla!

NARRATOR:
Sounds like a...

CHILD:
Hoopla!

Hoopla!

NARRATOR:
Sounds like a lot of hoopla

to make over a little
Krabby Patty, right? (chuckles)

Wrong!

( contrived rock music riffs
punctuating scene changes )

To keep up with today's
demanding customers,

no expense has been spared

to acquire
all the latest achievements

in fast-food technology.

This here is an advanced
patty-control mechanism.

Here you see our automated
money-handling system.

Don't touch.

These here are high-quality

beverage temperature devices.

Imported.

This here's a prototype
liquid transfer machine.

( slurping )

And most importantly,

you get your state-of-the-art

condiment-dispersal units.

Now, you going to buy something
or just stand there?

'Cause there's a standing fee.

NARRATOR:
All of this modernization

seems a little overwhelming,
doesn't it?

Well, luckily for you,

Mr. Krabs' fear
of robot overlords

keeps the balance of technology
in check.

But if modernization is the
heart of the Krusty Krab,

then employees
are the liver and gallbladder.

Let's see
if you've got what it takes.

Hmm... poised, confident,
and a smile that says,

"Hello, world,
may I take your order?"

You've got the makings of a
good employee, Mr. SquarePants.

But for every good employee,
there's one who is not so good.

Let's see...
inattentive, impatient,

a glazed look in the eyes.

Look carefully at the

"I Really Wish I Weren't Here

"Right Now" button.

There's a name
for employees like this,

but we'll call him Squidward.

I'm getting paid overtime
for this, right, Mr. Krabs?

KRABS:
Sorry, can't hear you!

Does this mean I get to
make a Krabby Patty now?

NARRATOR:
No, you can't
make a Krabby Patty

without understanding
the phrase: POOP.

"POOP"?

NARRATOR:
Once you understand POOP,

you'll understand your place
at the Krusty Krab.

But what does POOP mean?

lt's actually
a carefully organized code.

Watch closely.

Ah... POOP!

NARRATOR:
Looks like Mr. SquarePants
understands POOP.

Here's a typical customer.

I wonder what he wants.

Well, if we just remember POOP,
we can figure it out.

I'd like to order...

NARRATOR:
Do you think
he's going to order:

One patty, please.

NARRATOR:
Ah, POOP, you never let us down!

Now that you understand POOP,

I bet you think you're ready
to make a Krabby Patty.

Krabby Patty!

( panting )

NARRATOR:
Ha-ha... not so fast,
Eager McBeaver.

We haven't even talked about:

( toilet flushing )

Every employee
of the Krusty Krab

must comply with a strict set
of personal hygiene guidelines.

Okay, Mr. SquarePants,

are you ready to prepare
for your shift?

A good employee always
scrubs his hands thoroughly.

Be sure to get under
those fingernails.

And don't forget
about the knuckles.

And make sure those palms
are squeaky clean.

All right,
let's see those hands.

Now, that's thorough!

( chuckling )

After making sure
your feet are polished,

your face is clear
of any blemishes or boils,

and your hair is neat and tidy,

you are ready to start the day.

Now let's see how Squidward
prepares for his shift.

( softly snoring )

Huh?

NARRATOR:
Remember, no employee
wants to be a Squidward.

Now that you're clean
and hygienic,

I'll bet you think you're ready
to make that Krabby Patty.

( screams happily )

I'm ready!

I'm ready!

I'm ready!

I'm ready!

NARRATOR:
Whoa, there.

We still have a few more topics
to cover first.

It's important to keep your area
tidy and free of droppings.

But a clean workstation
is only part of the job.

To make the vision in your head
a reality, you'll need supplies,

and a good employee always keeps
his supplies well-organized.

Very nice, Mr. SquarePants,
not a pickle out of place.

Now let's see how Squidward
keeps his workstation.

( Squidward snoring )

( shouts )

Oh!

( cash register rings )

NARRATOR:
Don't worry, Squidward,

Mr. SquarePants
can cover for you.

Now that your workstation is up
and running, perhaps you think

you're ready to make
the world-famous Krabby Patty.

( barking )

( panting )

NARRATOR ( laughs ):
Calm down.

There's plenty of time left.

We have to make sure
you're ready

for the psychological aspect
of the job...

Mr. Krabs, can I
have a raise?

No.

NARRATOR:
Good job, Mr. SquarePants!

Can I make a Krabby Patty now?

NARRATOR:
And now we move
from behind the scenes

to the front lines,
where we'll examine

the most important aspect
of the industry: the customer.

Or, as we like to say,
the "Krustomer."

Who said that?

Are you a ghost?

NARRATOR:
Like precious,
precious blood in an animal,

customers are what keeps the
Krusty Krab strong and alive.

Squidward, your ceiling
is talking to me!

Are you going to order something

or just make friends
with the paneling?

Uh... I'll have an uh...

Uh... uh... uh... ah...

( snoring )

( snapping )

( gasps ):
What's that?

Patrick, go be stupid
somewhere else.

NARRATOR:
Ah-ah-ah, Squidward,
remember what Mr. Krabs says.

The ceiling is right, Squidward,

you're not a very good employee.

Fine.

May I please take your order?

I'll have, uh...

( droning ):
Ah...

NARRATOR:
We'll check in
with these two later.

Right now, it's important
that we discuss an:

Like the lost gold of Atlantis,

many consider their Krabby Patty
to be a treasure.

And as with every treasure,

there's a thief
ready to steal it.

So it's up to you
to be the watchful eyes of...

What's this?

lt's Mr. Krabs'
business rival, Plankton.

Eat my microscopic dust, Krabs!

Your secret formula
is finally mine!

NARRATOR:
He's stealing the formula!

What are you going to do,
Mr. SquarePants?

( screams )

( SpongeBob screaming )

You'll never catch me, Krabs,

not when I shift into
maximum overdrive!

Hi-ya!

( mechanical legs whirring )

I knew I should've
gotten the turbo.

( SpongeBob screaming )

( crashing )

Hear me, Krabs!

You'll take this
Krabby Patty from me

when you pry it
from my cold, dead...

( Plankton squeaking )

( squeaking continuing )

( Plankton makes
high-pitched scream )

( SpongeBob screaming )

NARRATOR:
And so another emergency
is avoided,

thanks to Mr. SquarePants.

Let's check in
on Squidward again.

( droning ):
Uh...

NARRATOR:
Psst, Squidward.

Huh?

NARRATOR:
Just remember:

Patrick, if I could
make a suggestion,

why don't you just
order a Krabby Patty?

Great idea, Squidward.

One Krabby Patty, please.

( sighs ):
Is that for here or to go?

Uh...

( droning )

NARRATOR:
Hang in there, Squidward,
it's all part of the job.

Now that we've covered
all the basics of your training,

it's time for the moment
you've been waiting for.

( imitates trumpet fanfare )

( imitates cymbals crashing )

( resumes imitating
trumpet fanfare )

( pauses, pants )

( resumes imitating fanfare
playing )

( holds final triumphant note )

Preparing the Krabby Patty!

At the center of every great
dynasty is the crown jewel,

which keeps it alive
and thriving.

For the Krusty Krab,
this is the Krabby Patty.

( slurping )

And now you, the humble employee
off the street,

the all-too-necessary
human resource

that keeps this business afloat,

will learn the sacred
and dark secrets

of how to prepare,
with your very own hands...

( gasps )

The sumptuous, lip-moistening,

spine-tingling, heart-stopping
pleasure center

that is a Krabby Patty.

Are you ready?

( squealing )

Are you sure?

( squealing )

Okay, the secret formula is...