03x14 - Ugh

Episode transcripts for the TV show "SpongeBob SquarePants". Aired: May 1, 1999 - present.*
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A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
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03x14 - Ugh

Post by bunniefuu »

NARRATOR:
lt's time for another
SpongeBob SquarePants special!

But it's not
an ordinary special,

because today we go to
Encino, California, as it was...

( thunderclap )

million years ago!

So prepare yourself for:

With your host,
Patchy the Pirate!

( cheering and applause )

Yee-ha!

Hey, kids!

Now, you're probably wondering,

"Hmm, what's Patchy doing
in a cave?"

Good question,
you little ( murmuring ).

Well, it's because
today's SpongeBob

takes place
in prehistoric times,

back when man struggled
for survival

and dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

Isn't that right, Bronty?

But I'm riding you now!

( laughing )

Stuck.

( hollers )

( shouting )

Get me out!

Help, help!

( test signal tone whistling )

Like I was saying, prehistoric
times were the greatest.

lt was a simpler time,
with simpler pleasures.

Your clothes always matched.

You could draw on the walls
and nobody would yell at you.

It was much easier
to hit a baseball.

Oh, yeah, prehistoric times
were the best.

Hey, kids, are those pterodactyl
wings I hear a-flapping?

I think I know who that is.

Please welcome the Potty-dactyl!

Sorry I'm late.

Potty, why aren't you
wearing your costume?

I stayed up all night making it.

You're wasting your time,
old man.

Prehistoric stuff is lame.

Everybody knows
the future's where it's at.

What?!

That's not true.

Don't mind him, folks.

Why, even SpongeBob SquarePants
knows that prehistoric stuff

is... What do the kids say?

cool!
( squawks )

No, he doesn't.

Yes, he does.
No.

He most certainly does.

No, he doesn't.

Yes, he does.
No.

I know for a fact that he does!

Not.

( angry grunt )

( gulps )

( shivering )

SpongeBob!

What's wrong?

I don't know,
Mr. Krabs.

But I've got the
strangest feeling

that somewhere
a pirate and parrot
are arguing about me.

And the parrot is winning.

Does.
Doesn't.

Doesn't.
Does.

Does.
Doesn't.

Does!

Look, while we're arguing,

why don't you folks go ahead

and watch some prehistoric
SpongeBob.

Roll the cartoon.

Does.
Doesn't.

( annoyed grunt )

( percussive ancient
tribal tune playing )


NARRATOR:
Ah, dawn breaks over
the primordial sea.

lt is here that millions
of years ago, life began taking

its first clumsy steps
out of the darkness,

opening its
newly formed eyeballs

to stare into the blinding light
of intelligence, in order to...!

Uh, never mind.

This happened a long time ago.

( snoring )

( yawning )

( foghorn-like blast )

( others join in call )

( sound waves
ringing through walls )


( hollers )

( jabbering )

Huh?

( cackling )

( speaking gibberish )

Gary.

( Gary meows )

Gary... tabanga!

( meows )

Huh?

( grumbling )

Wait a minute...

( shouting gibberish )

( Squidward groaning )

Aw...

( laughing deviously )

( club sniffles, weeps )

SQUIDWARD:
SpongeGar!

SpongeGar... ( gibberish )!

No... ( gibberish )
Gary poop!


( jabbering angrily )

Tabanga-do.

Tabanga-do!

Tabanga-do?

Hmm...

( slowly ):
Tabanga-do. Hmm...


( grumbling )

( Squidward hollering )

( slowly ):
Tabanga...


No tabanga, Gary.

Buka tabanga-do.

( Squidward screaming )
Hmm...


Pathar!

Hmm...

Yuck!

( sniffing )

Yech!

Hmm...

( slurping )

Blech!

( gulps )

( jabbers contentedly )

Pathar!

( grumbling )

Squag!

( laughing )

Pathar unga Squag!

( Squag groaning )

( straining ):
Squag.


Squag!

Huh?

Pathar!

( bones crunching )

SpongeGar!

( hooting happily )

( grunting )

( grunting )

( laughs )

( screaming )

( straining )

( screaming )

SpongeGar!

Pathar.

SpongeGar and Pathar

( speaking gibberish ).

( chuckling )

( speaking gibberish )

( screaming )

( screaming continues )

( crashing )

( muffled groan )

( speaking gibberish )

( hooting excitedly )

( sniffing )

Ooh.

( grunts inquisitively )

( inhaling deeply )

( hooting )

Huh?

( shouting happily
and clapping )


( thunder rolling )

( shouting happily
and clapping )


( claps twice )

( claps twice )

( thunder rolls )

( both shouting happily )

( claps twice )

( hooting )

( shouting and clapping )

( thunder crashing )

( grunt inquisitively )

( claps twice )

( thunder cracks )

( shouting )

( hooting )

Pathar and SpongeGar

( speaking gibberish ).

( jabbering smugly )

( loud thunderclap )

( lightning bolt zaps )

( gasps )

Pathar!

SpongeGar!

( screaming )

( fire crackling )

( shivering and whimpering )

( sniffing )

Hmm...

( tentacle sizzling )

( screaming )

( yelping )

( whimpering )

Huh?
Huh?

( hands sizzling )

Ah...
Ah...

Hmm...?
Hmm...?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

( both sigh contentedly )

( hands continue sizzling )

( screaming )

( screaming continues )

( sniffing )

Blech!

Mmm...

( chomps noisily )

Mmm?

( barking angrily )

( grumbling )

( chewing and barking )

Mmm. Mmm.

( gasps )

Mmm!

( speaking gibberish )

( muttering )

( sizzling )

SpongeGar,
( speaking gibberish )!

( Pathar chuckling )

Pathar,
( speaking
gibbberish )!


( muttering and hooting )

( fire crackling )

( voices mingling
to make eerie wail )


( fire crackling )

( wail continuing )

( wail intensifying )

( eerie wail continuing )

( quartet holding note )

( ding )
Ah!


Squag, Squag!

( questioning gibberish )

Hmm?

( affirmative grunt )

Yow!

( shouting )

( sizzling )

( sniffing )

Mmm...

( crunching )

( hooting happily )

( sighing blissfully )

( sizzling )

( crunching )

Hmm? Yum.

( yelping happily )

( jabbering enthusiastically )

( sizzling )

( chomping noisily )

( sizzling )

( sizzling )

Pathar.

( grumbles )

Wag SpongeGar.

Money, money.

( chattering ):
Money, money, ugga.


( screams )

( sizzling )

( chomps )

( burps )

( hoots happily )

( cheering and hooting )

NARRATOR:
Hooray! It looks like
our prehistoric pals

have just discovered fire.

But they will soon learn

that when you play with fire,

you may get burned.

Stay tuned.

( laughs uproariously )

I told you prehistoric times
were fun.

Hey, how's about
I teach you kids

how a cavemen makes a fire
with two sticks?

Yeah.

Doesn't get any cooler
than that, huh?

Chalk one up for Patchy.

Rubbing.

( panting )

( panting more slowly )

I guess this is the wood
that doesn't burn.

( laser firing )

Whoa!

Potty!

( squawks )

Laser technology.

Score one for the future.

( beeps )

Well, I got something
that you'll never find

in your little "future":

a real, live caveman.

Hey, there he is.

Come on in,
big troglodyte fellow.

Come on.

You see, kids, I found him
frozen in a block of ice,

and then I spent three days
thawing him out

with my mom's hairdryer.

I call him Cavey.

( shrieks )

Isn't he something?

It's okay, Cavey.

That's nothing, Old Timer.

Make way for the future.


Greetings.

I am the X .

How may I serve you?

( beeps )

Where do you keep getting
all this stuff?

Never you mind, Pops.

Let's go see what Cavey thinks.

Attack! Attack!

( screaming )

( shrieking )

( beeping )

Potty!

You're ruining my caveman show.

Attack! Attack!

( cheering )

( chomping )

( chomping )

( chomping )

( burps )

( chomps )

( slurping )

( rattle in pan )

( popping )

( chomping )

( chattering ):
Money, money...


Hey.

( chomping quickly )

( gulps )

( belches )

( belching )

( wind gently blowing )

( all yawn )

( saying good night
in gibberish )


( saying good night
in gibberish )


( saying good night
in gibberish )


No Squag...
( gibberish ).

SpongeGar...
( gibberish )!

SpongeGar...
( gibberish ).

( yells )

( yells )

( grunts )

( grunts )

( grunts )

( both grunting with every hit )

( Pathar laughing )

( laughing gleefully )

BOTH:
Pathar!

( yells )

( snickering )

Aha!

( giggling )

Huh?

( hooting happily )

( chuckling )

( giggling )

Huh?

( laughs weakly )

( hooting happily )

Ooh.

( cackling )

( grunts )

( ululating happily )

( screams )

( crashes )

( hooting happily )

Huh?

( screams )

( chuckling )

Dumbo Pathar.

( speaking gibberish )
Squag!


( muttering )

Aha.

( shrieks ):
Ah?


( moans )

( cheering )

( yelps )

( laughs )

Pathar!

( speaking gibberish ),
Pathar.


( speaking gibberish )

( screams )

( crashes )

Pathar ( speaking gibberish )!

( hooting happily )

( grunts )

( laughing )

( panting )

( speaking gibberish ) Squag!

( speaking gibberish ) Squag!

PATHAR:
Pathar ( speaking gibberish )!

SpongeGar ( gibberish )!

( all panting )

( all yelling gibberish )

( nervously speaking gibberish )

( muttering fiercely )

SpongeGar ( gibberish ).

Squag ( gibberish ).

Pathar ( gibberish )!

( all grunting )

( thunderclap )

( hissing )

( all moan )

( sniffing )

Pathar.

( trembling )

SpongeGar?

Oh, Pathar.

( weeping ):
Oh, SpongeGar.


( sobbing )

( stuttering angrily )

( yelling gibberish )

( screaming )

( weakly ):
Tabanga-do.


( sizzling )

NARRATOR:
Perhaps certain events
in history

are better left untold.

( groans )

Now I know how Squidward feels.

( squawks )
Why the long face?


I think you know
perfectly well, you
little winged vermin.

All I wanted was
to show the nice people

how great the cavemen were.

But all they got was
technology-induced chaos.

Come back inside.

l think you'll be
pleasantly surprised.

You got rid of the
robot android cyborg?

No, even better.

Potty, I guess
I really misjudged you.

Ooh, what the...?

( playing percussive intro )

( rhythmically ):
When worlds collide.


Pretty sweet, eh?

( squawks )

You can run...

But you can't hide.

( rapping ):
♪ When worlds collide ♪


♪ You'll laugh so hard ♪

♪ You'll swear you've died ♪

♪ When worlds collide. ♪

♪ Hold my hand,
I'll be your guide ♪

♪ When worlds collide. ♪

♪ Buckle, buckle, buckle up
for the sweetest ride ♪

♪ And prepare to have
your mind blown wide ♪

♪ When worlds collide. ♪

( music scratching )

Yo, check it out.

♪ When worlds collide,
it's a curious thing ♪

♪ Bet you never heard
a robot and a caveman sing ♪

♪ In his metal chest
are some working parts ♪

♪ How is that different
from my beating heart? ♪

( scratching )

♪ ♪ ♪

( sliding up and down scale )

♪ I'm from the future ♪

♪ And I'm from the past ♪

♪ But that don't mean
this friendship ♪

♪ Wasn't built to last. ♪

♪ He was made in a lab ♪

♪ And I was born in a cave ♪

♪ So let me hear you holler
for this inter-era rave. ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

Future!

( sliding up and down scale )

♪ ♪ ♪

Word.

I am SpongeTron.

♪ You, you, you, you can run ♪

CAVEY:
♪ But you can't hide. ♪

♪ When worlds collide. ♪

( jaw squeaks )

Well, Potty, I guess
you were right.

The future is cool.

Just to show you,
there's no hard
feelings,

I got you a
present from the
prehistoric times.

Oh, what is it, a new loincloth?

No.

An enlarged forehead?

No.

Oh, what is it?

( roars )

( screams )

Potty!

( screaming )

( roaring )

( squawks )

This is great.

( screaming )

Well, thanks for watching
SpongeBob B.C., kids.

Bye.

( hooting )

Now he's tickling.

( laughing )

Cut it out, you rascal!

( laughing )

( hooting )
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