05x02 - The Original Fry Cook/Night Light

[bunniefuu]

FISH:
Ooh.

I just can't decide
what to order.

You already ordered.

Don't rush me, young lady!

Hurry up, SpongeBob.

(romantic music playing)

What is taking you so long?

I'm adding the love.

You're not being paid to love.

I'm not in it for the money.

l'll always treasure
this time we've had together.

Look!

(all gasping)

(panicked screaming)

Aw.

Well, I'll be cooked in butter.

lt's Jim, the
original fry cook.

Krabs.

The Jim?

He who flipped Krabby Patties
in the before time?

You're doing well, Jim.

(stammers)
Is that limo
solid gold?

(chuckling):
It sure is.

l was on my way
to my solid gold mansion,

next to my solid gold lake,

when I thought I'd take
a little trip down memory lane.

Good old Jim.

When you worked here,
the place had class.

Yeah, when this place had class.

(orchestra playing
whimsical music)

(laughing)

(laughing alone)

(laughter intensifies,
then dies out)

Well, we've had some
great times, too.

Right, Squidward?
No.

Hey, that's new.

Employee of the Month, huh?

That's me!

MR. KRABS:
Don't worry, Jim,

no one could ever
take your place.

The original
is still underneath.

(screaming)

Your "Best Employee Ever"
Award.

SpongeBob, sweep up this mess
while Jim and I catch up.

Yes, sir.

After I left
The Krusty Krab, I worked

at some of the finest
restaurants around the world.

l got so successful,
I was able to retire in luxury.

Would you sign my Krabby Patty?

Oh, I don't sign
what I didn't make.

Hey, big shot,
why don't you step

behind the fryer
for old time's sake?

You're on, Krabs,

but I'll have to charge you.

(laughing)

Oh, you always knew
how to make me laugh.

You just don't find employees
like that anymore.

(laughing)

Yeah, not unless
you look...

right in front
of you!

(gasps)
You're right, boy.

I appreciate you, Squidward.

Now I feel complete.

How's about that patty?

Everyone, watch and learn.

No one watches Jim.

One patty, the right way.

(cheering)

It's a thing of...

beauty.

What's so great
about a Jim Patty anyway?

Mm. It's okay.

♪ ♪

Wow!

That was... amazing.

Um, Mr. Jim, sir.

Oh, hey... you.

You're the guy
who sweeps up, right?

l'm the new fry cook, sir.

Oh, you made that stepped-on
thing I saw earlier, right?

Do you have any tips you
could pass on to a rookie?

Besides
"Don't step on the food"?

Please critique my work.

I wish to learn at the
feet of the master.

Now, that's the way to grovel.

I'll do it.

(triumphant music playing)

(flushing)

Eh, pickle slices
were too thick.

Hold it.
(grunting)

Hold it.

Hold it.

(grunting)

Okay.
(sighs)

No, too much mustard, see?

(flushing)

(panting)

(sobbing)

Oh, man.

Am I a fraud?

(sobbing)

SpongeBob,
what are you doing in there?

(sniffles):
Crying my eyes out.

Well, hurry up.

I got to cry, too.

Why, Squidward?

Because when Jim leaves,

l'll be stuck
with you again.

Don't worry, Squidward.

Jim won't be leaving.

He's taking my job.

I'm the one who's leaving.

Really?

Yes!

Ha ta-ta! Ha ta-ta!

Ha ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!

Whoo!

(Squidward's laughter
reverberating)

(sighs)

The Krusty Krab deserves better
than my meager skills.

I should be professional.

I must resign.

Dear Mr. Krabs...

(shoes squeaking)

MR. KRABS:
Three cheers for the
world's greatest fry cook!

SpongeBob!

(gasps)
Me?

Come here,
help us cheer for Jim.

Hip, hip.

ALL:
Hooray!

MR. KRABS:
Hip, hip.

Hooray!

Hip, hip.
Hooray!

Good-bye, grill.

Good-bye, pot; good-bye, pan.

So long, fry fat.

Good-bye, grease stain.

Good-bye,
frozen patty number one.

Good-bye,
frozen patty number two.

Good-bye, freezer.

MR. KRABS:
SpongeBob?!
(gasps)

SpongeBob?

(sniffing)

That smells like
a resignation letter.

SpongeBob's resignation?

Oh, this is terrible.

No one's making patties.

And that means
I'm not making money!

Hey, Eugene, where's
that little fry cook of yours?

He thinks you're taking
his job, so he's run off.

Hey, great idea,
and you can give me a raise.

(both laughing)

Look at them.

Mr. Krabs is probably
offering Jim my job right now.

Well, I'd better go find him.

(wind whistling)

SpongeBob!

Don't worry, Mr. Krabs,
l was just leaving.

l'm not fit to inhabit
the same kitchen as Jim.

So it is with a heavy heart

that I relinquish my position
as fry cook.

What are you thinking,
SpongeBob?

I'm not taking your job.

But you're the greatest fry cook
in the world.

The Krusty Krab
deserves better than me.

Both those statements
are true, SpongeBob,

but there's a reason
why I left The Krusty Krab.

It all started
on a warm summer evening.

Business was slow,

so Squidward and I were having

one of our famous
bull sessions.

We should open
our own restaurant

and stop lining
Old Man K.'s pockets.

No, thanks.

I'm just doing this until
my clarinet career takes off.

What if it never does?

Don't you want to have
something to fall back on?

Yeah, ha.

I could lose my beautiful
flowing hair, too.

But I'm not buying a wig yet.

Well, while you
go wig shopping,

l'm going to go
talk to Mr. Krabs.

Hey, Mr. Krabs,
you got a second?

Anything for you,
Jimmy, me boy.

Cop a squat and
lay your racket.

Tell me what's
on your wig, Jim.

Cut the gas, Krabs,
and dig this.

I've been busting my conch
for you.

You better lay on
some extra gravy,

or I'm going to agitate
the gravel.

What, now?

You know, lay a patch.

Excuse me?

Give me a raise or I'm quitting.

A raise?

Hmm, that's not
in my hip-tionary.

Help me get with it, jack.

Stop talking like that.

These sideburns
aren't real.

I need more money in my paycheck

at the end of every week,
capisce?

(laughing hysterically)

(sizzling)

(laughter continues)

My hair, my
beautiful hair.

(laughter continues)
My hair, my hair!

(laughing)

Oh, it's still as funny today
as it was then.

(sighs)

Hmm.

You see, SpongeBob,

you've got one quality
Jim will never have.

You're cheap.

Wow, I never thought
of it that way.

So you'll stay?

Aye-aye, Mr. Krabs.

Then get to work, lad!

Well, Eugene, looks like you've
got yourself another sucker.

The kid's a good fry cook,

but he'll only be
a great fry cook

when he finally gets
the guts to quit this dump.

Good luck, SpongeBob.

You're gonna need it.

The Krusty Krab
isn't a dump.

Oh, she's a dump, all right,

but she's my dump.

Oh.

SPONGEBOB:
And slowly, ever so slowly,

the ancient crypt door
creaks open,

and from the festering brine
of the darkest darkness

crawled forth monsters
of such vile nature,

whose appearance was so hideous
and threatening that the author

died trying to recount them
in this novel! (gasps)

That story sure is scary.

But it's only a story,
right, Gary?

Why don't you sleep
up here tonight, Gary?

Well, I guess I'll be
turning off the light now.

Sure is dark.

(screams)

(growling)

(screaming)

Oh, it's just a chair.

(laughing)

I guess I'm imagining
things in the dark.

(distant tapping)

Oh, another monster!

Ah, it's just a coral branch.

Nothing to be scared of.

(rustling) What was that?

(screaming)

Hey, Squidward, have
you seen SpongeBob?

Whoa. You don't look
so good, laddie.

Oh, it's nothing,
Mr. Krabs.

I just had a rough night.

But it's nice and bright today.

(clattering)

Meandering mermaids,
what's all this racket, boy?

(screaming)
The dark! Get it off!

Get it off, get it off,
get it off!

SpongeBob, get ahold
of yourself.

(screaming)

What is it now, boy?

Whenever I blink I see nothing
but the darkness!

Then don't blink.

Brilliant idea, Mr. Krabs.

Yes, it's working.

(muffled yell)

(screaming)

SpongeBob, that's enough.

We got orders to fill.

Now go in the cooler
and get some fresh patties.

You want me to go

in there?!

(laughing evilly)

(screams)
Save me!

The darkness!

(grunting)

Now look, lad, your work is
starting to affect me profits.

You need to get
yourself some shuteye.

Why don't you go get
yourself a night light?

Night light?

Yeah, boy, it'll keep
your room lit

so you won't be scared stiff.

Great idea, Mr. Krabs.

Okay, night lights,
night lights...

(gasps)

It's beautiful!

Excuse me.

Are these night
lights guaranteed

to keep the creepy creatures
of the dark away?

If I answer yes, will
you leave the store sooner?

Now that I can see...

I can sleep!

(yawns)

(screams)

I wonder what's in my dark,
scary looking bathroom.

(shuddering)

(screaming)

Night light, night light!

(sighs) Thank you!

(door slams)

Whew!

(screams)

Another light, please.

Oh, thank you.

(door slams)

(gasping)

(screaming)

(door slams)

(screaming)

(door slams)

(screaming)

(door slams)

There, there, there, and there.

I've been meaning
to change your
taillight

anyway, Gary.
(laughing)

Now there's not one
square inch of dark.

(meows)

What was that, Gary?

(meows)
Oh.

(moans)

You're right, Gary.

I've got darkness inside of me.

Hey, SpongeBob's having a party
without me?

Throw a party without your best
friend, we'll see about that.

(gasps)

That was close, Patrick.

You're safe here
under these night lights.

But you've got to stay
out of the dark, buddy.

You never know what kind
of creeping critter

could be lurking
in those shadows.

(gasping)

Wait, Patrick!

(rumbling)
What is that, Gary?

Patrick, what are you doing?

Oh, I had to move my
rock out of the dark

and into the light.

You know what that means.

Sleep Over!

Your sleeping bag, sir.

Thank you, my good man.

♪ ♪

(laughing)

Oh, Patrick, I'm
so glad you made

that gaping hole in the wall,
letting in all the...

(shuddering)

The dark!
The dark!

(screaming)

(shuddering)

(snoring)

(sizzling)

(screaming)

Burning!

(SpongeBob and Patrick panting)

I can feel it, Pat...
The darkness...

like it's creeping up on us.

What are you two
whimpering about?

(screaming)

It's me, Squidward,
you idiots.

Hi, Squidward.

Listen, guys, I don't care

or want to know what you do
in your spare time.

But could you turn off
all these lights?

But Squidward,
without our night lights,

the creepy creatures
of the dark...

Oh, SpongeBob, there are no
creepy creatures of the dark.

lt's all in
your imagination.

No, Squidward...

don't go out in the dark!

Oh...

Why won't he listen?

Patrick? Maybe
Squidward's right.

What if all this is
just in our imagination?

In that case, we'll need even
more lights!

You said it, Pat.

Quick, SpongeBob, turn it on!

♪ ♪

More light!

Now, SpongeBob.

More light!

TV ANNOUNCER:
The battery-operated spoon has
saved me so much time.

(sighing)
(snoring)

This is what passes for
infotainment these days?

Sweet mother
of Neptune's mother.

Look, Barnacle Boy.
A call to action!

To the invisible
boat mobile.

(tires screeching)

More lights, SpongeBob,
more lights!

Mermaid Man?

Barnacle Boy.

Aww, are you guys here

to protect us from the darkness
that surrounds us?

We don't have time
for your childish games.

We're responding to the distress
signal that you sent.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mermaid Man
and Barnacle Boy.

There appears to be
a misunderstanding.

You see, Patrick and I
put up all these lights

to scare away the
monsters in the dark.

We weren't trying to summon you.

Oh, fiddlesticks, SpongeBob.

Do you know how hard it is for
us in our advanced age to move?

Don't shine a giant light
in the sky

unless there's a real emergency.

(laughing evilly)

And another thing.
(rustling)

What the...

Dear Neptune!
It's the most dangerous

and foreboding of all
our arch nemesis.

My mortal enemy that I have
searched years for...

at last I have you!

(laughing evilly)

Come get some, fiend!

(groaning)

Come back here, rival!

(breathing heavily)

(yawns)

(snoring)

Oh, my! Mermaid Man
needs assistance!

There's no need to fear.

Absorbo Pants is here.

(sighing and snoring)

(buzzing)

(laughing)

Savory light, come to me.

Huh?!

Say, let me help you.

Is that enough light for you?

(screaming)

(laughing)

Okay, guys,
he's all taken care of.

Who?

The Moth, silly.
Your arch enemy.

You'll be happy to know he won't
be going anywhere anytime soon.

(rumbling)
(gasps)

See you in another years.

(laughing maniacally)

No!

I think it's time to go home.

Why are we here again?

BOTH:
Bye, Mermaid Man
and Barnacle Boy!

Who are those two hideous
creatures of the dark?

Oh, I'll tell you
about it in the morning.

Now drive.

(engine revving, tires screech)

We're all alone, Patrick...
No light, no shelter.

(wailing)

Huh?
(sobbing continues)

Look, SpongeBob, there's
a really big light.

I'll go get it, buddy.

Pat, come dow...

(yawning)

Too much light!

Too much light!

(sobbing)