05x13 - Picture Day/Pat No Pay/BlackJack

[bunniefuu]

(Gary snoring)

(horn blaring)

(laughing)

Nice try, alarmy.

But you gotta get pretty early
to wake me up

on Picture Day!

(meowing)

Now, if you'll excuse me,

Gary.

I must go make myself...

picturesque!

(squeaking)

(buzzing)

Perfect!

I'm ready!

Whoa-hoo!

(meowing)

(humming)

(gasps)

Fine, fine, not to worry,
no problem.

(screaming):
l'm ready!

Again.
Meow?

lt's time to take a
corrective approach.

Good morning, Squidward.

l'd love to stop
and chat right now,

but it's Picture Day.

(muffled scream)

(laughs)

Still looking good, Spongy.

And boating school is just
around the corner.

(screaming)

Take cover!

The teenagers,
they've been let out of school.

And they're pelting us
with balloons

filled with...

Ketchup?

Save yourself, kid.

I'm finished.

(laughing and shouting)

Gotcha!

Wait, wait, don't squirt!

Please, you've got to spare me.

I've got Picture Day today.

Oh, pictures, huh?

Well, let me help you
with your makeup. Ha!

Ha!

KIDS:
Get him!

(shouting)

(kids shouting)

Well, I'm not sure how I did it,
but I...

Oh!

Fiddlesticks.

Missed again.

And now, as an extra precaution,

to keep me looking shiny
and new...

No grime can penetrate
the glossy sheen

of Spongegloss!

There it is.

So close.

It's still so shiny!

(birds chirping)

(screaming)

(brakes squealing)

(screaming)

Hey, it's just water.

(crash)

(sputtering)

Stamps!

(crash)

Oatmeal!

Glue.

Hey, buddy.

Patrick, a little privacy?

Oh. Sorry, SpongeBob.

l just came over
to borrow some jelly.

Well, go ahead.

But I don't have time
to play right now.

l am late
for Picture Day,

and I just can't seem
to get to school

without being covered
by unsightly debris.

lf only I had
a steel barrier

to protect me from the filth

of the outside world.

I have the solution!

Ew!

I have solved my hunger problem.

That's it!

This jelly jar
will insulate me

from the dirty dregs
of Bikini Bottom.

lf you don't mind, Patrick,

we don't have much time.

We're here!

Hey, what did I bring jelly for?

Uh, Patrick...

Oh, yeah. I was going to put it
on this peanut butter taco.

No, no, no, no, Patrick!

I'm not jelly! I'm not Jelly!

Oh! SpongeBob,
get out of my taco!

(crying)

What's the matter, SpongeBob?

Patrick, I just want
to take a decent picture today.

Because, someday, I will
graduate from boating school,

and I don't want
to be remembered

as the guy covered
in peanut butter

and taco shells!

There you are.

Say "cheese."

And here's the last one.

Now, just give a nice smile
to the camera, SpongeBob.

Wait. Can I go home
and change first?

No time. Say "cheese."

Cheese, cheese,
cheese, cheese, cheese.

Quit that
moody brooding.

This will clean you up.

Don't snivel like that!

A winner
doesn't snivel.

Try putting this on.

(grunting)

This is it!

Now you are looking
like a winner.

(crying)

SpongeBob, please stop crying

so he can take the picture.

Do not worry, Mrs. Puff.

I brought Pearlie.

I can't stop crying!

This will make

you smile,

whether you want
to or not.

Now say "cheese."

Cheese.

(camera shutter clicks)

There I am!

Hey, I don't look
so bad after all!

Yeesh, we need some customers
in here.

(Patrick groaning,
stomach growling)

What's gotten into you?
Ooh.

I don't know.

What's happening to me?!

I think I can explain.

Yes, I've seen this one before.

It's a common symptom.

Patrick is suffering
from Krabby Patty withdrawal.

He needs one or he'll
keep mumbling about it

for the next three
and a half minutes.

Ooh, he needs one, eh?

Methinks a paying customer
is in our midst.

Patrick, how's a Krabby Patty
with extra cheese sound?

Give me!

(singsongy):
Not yet.

First I have to know.

Can you pay for it?

Oh, yeah, I can pay for it.

Good boy.

Ah...

(snoring)

My good man, how you doing?

G-Good.

Excellent.

Now let's get down
to business.

What's that?
lt's your bill.

I don't have any money.

What?! I thought you said
you could pay for it.

Oh... I'm paying for it,
all right.

(burps)

Non-paying customer!

(alarm blaring)

PATRICK (gasping):
Huh?

You're going to pay
one way or another.

All right, Patrick,

if you're not going to pay
for your food with money,

you're going to pay
with hard physical labor.

I want you to swab the latrine.

I'll be back in a while
to check up on you.

(muttering):
Bottom-feeding imbecile.

No problem.

♪ Tra-la-la-la-la,
work, work, work, work. ♪

So, Patrick, how are you...?

(gasps)

What in blazes did you do?

l accidentally
tried the hand soap.

Ah, it doesn't taste
as good as it smells.

(Mr. Krabs muttering)

See these ice cube trays?

I want you
to put 'em in that bucket.

How do I do it?

Figure it out.

(stammering)

I have to be very gentle.

Bam!

What the...?
What are you doing?!

Almost done, Mr. Krabs.

You've destroyed
me refrigerator.

(sobbing):
You've destroyed many
of the things I love.

I got another job that even

a nimrod like you
couldn't mess up.

Alls you got to do

is throw all these trash bags
down the trash chute like so.

See?

Yep.
Good.

Because if you mess this up,

you'll never eat another
Krabby Patty again.

(screams)

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

Here, boy, take this sack of
loot and put her in me safe.

Okey-dokey,
Mr. Krabs.

(SpongeBob whistling,
banging in background)

Huh?

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry!

(grunting)

Patrick?

What's up, buddy?

I have to get rid
of this trash,

but it won't go down!

(laughing):
That's because you didn't hit

the trash compacter switch.

(gasps)

SpongeBob,
you're a genius.

Oh, no, there's
one left!

Patrick, that's not a...
trash bag!

(compacter whirring)

No!

Why won't you go down?!

Well, well, let's see
how the poor boy's doing.

Well, did you earn me money
back yet, Patrick?

Can I eat now?

(meow)

Thank you, Mr. Postman.

Thanks, Gary.

Hmm, can't read
the return address.

Maybe this will shed some light.

(reading):

Cousin Blackjack's
out of prison?!

(meow)

That's right, Gary!

My cousin Blackjack.

The same cousin Blackjack

that used to beat me up
all the time when we were kids.

Oh!

(laughing)

Come on, little man,
let's go a couple of rounds.

If you think you're tough.

Why should we?

Because it'll show

what a little man you are.

(screaming)

Oh, no,

that was years
ago, Gary.

(meow)

My sentiments exactly.

Just imagine
what he must look like now.

Hi, SpongeBob,
it's been a while.

Good to see you're still
a little man.

(laughing)

(raspy laughter)

No!

That brute has my parents!

I've got to get over there.

Gary, I don't know
how long I'll be gone.

I don't know
if I'll ever come back.

(meow)

I may get beaten
to a quivering pulp,

but I must do it
for the sake of my parents!

(panting)

Oh, my gosh!

What happened
to my parent's house?

What's this?

"Do not cross."

Is that police tape?

There's only one reason
for the police being here.

A crime has been committed.

No!

Get it together, SquarePants.

To face Blackjack, you've got to
be as tough as nails.

(inhales deeply)

(martial arts yells)

(grunting)

Huh?

What?

All the furniture is
covered in plastic.

The police must have covered
everything

to preserve the crime scene.

What could have happened here?

(shoes squeaking)

What's this?

Blackjack smashed
my family portrait.

Oh, no! What has he done
with my parents?!

Oh, darling,

it's so nice to spend
quality time with you,

what with you in the office
all hours of the day.

(sighing)

(banging)

(screaming)

(laughing)

I got a new outfit for you.

Fiend!
Where did he take them?

I must find more evidence.

What's this? Another note?

SPONGEBOB (reading):

Blackjack!
He's going to get Grandma, too!

I have to stop him.

(panting)

Grandma!

Grandma, where are you?

Are you okay?

Grandma, you in here?

Grandma!

Oh, no, I'm too late.

He burned you to a crisp!

Oh, that animal!

(sobbing)
SpongeBob?

Grandma, are you talking to me
from beyond the beyond?

Well, if you mean

from beyond
the kitchen table, yes.

You're just in time.

I baked a fresh batch
of gingerbread men.

But where's Blackjack?

Oh, Blackjack just called
and left a message for you.

He couldn't make it because he's
got some loose ends to tie up.

Loose ends?

My parents! He's tied them up?

And if you don't hurry,
you'll miss out

on all the fun.

(screaming)
(maniacal laughter)

(screaming)

And when it's all done, he'll
need help cleaning up the mess.

Cleaning up the mess?

I got to get help.

I'll go to Uncle
Captain Blue's.

He'll know what to do.

(panting)

Uncle Captain Blue,
l need your help.

Well, if it isn't
little SpongeBob.

Plant a firm one on me, Bobby.

I need you to help me
rescue my parents.

Sure, little Bobby,

I could use some help
with the lawn.

But you're going
to need this

to do the job
right.

(panting)

Uncle Captain Blue,

I need to help my parents,
they're in danger!

What?

You want to build
a fence?

Hoo-whee!
The boy came to work.

Actually, I came to try
to find my...

And when you're done,

l made a tomato
and clam juice smoothie

to refresh you.

Ah...!

(grunting and panting)

And how many candles you burning
out there, over?

(garbled transmission)

Do you copy?

Over?

(static)

Copy? Do you copy?

Uncle Captain Blue!
Uncle Captain Blue!

Please, help me.

Of course you can.

(panting)

(tools whirring, clanking)

(moaning)

(grunting)

(lively sea chantey playing)

I am desperately searching
for my mommy and daddy!

(laughing)

Landscaping?

Isn't it a little dark
out for landscaping?

(record scratches,
music stops)

Listen, Uncle Captain Blue.

We don't have much time.

Cousin Blackjack has my parents

held c*ptive at his house!

They let that dangerous
miscreant out of prison?

Sounds like your parents
are in trouble, kid.

That's why we have
to rescue them now!

Whoa there, little Bobby.

No can do.

But Uncle Captain Blue,

l need the help of a
crime fighter like you.

No, no, I don't chase
criminals these days.

I'm retired.

And if I were you,

I'd consider turning around
and going home.

You're not cut out
for this kind of work, boy.

An innocent kid like you

doesn't stand a chance
against a criminal mind.

Do you have any idea

what people like that
do to people like you?

You mean they won't give me
a push on the swing set?

Well, let's just say

I hope you've practiced
walking without legs.

Or arms.

Or a body.

But since you insist,

I'll drive you all the way

over to Blackjack's
right now.

Just try to relax
until we get there.

There it is.

We're here.

Uh, lock the door
behind you, kid.

(tires squealing)

(shoes squeaking)

(wood creaks)
(snarling)

(barking)

Oh...!

Nice wormy.

Nice wormy.

Nice wormy.

(barking)

Do you have any idea

what people like that
do to people like you?

(rowdy rock music playing)

(screaming)

Uncle Captain Blue is right.

I'm not cut out for this.

I should just turn around
and go home.

(woman screaming)
(glass shattering)

Mother!

Mom!

Help me!

They're trapped in the basement.

Mom! Mom! Dad!

Quick!
Let's get out of here.

Oh, but if we leave now,

we'll miss the party.

Party?

Oh, why, yes,
we're celebrating

your cousin Blackjack's
release from prison.

Now if your klutzy mother

can stop dropping
her punch glass

like she dropped
that picture frame.

l told you, Harold,
that was the fumigators' fault.

The fumigators?

So that wasn't a crime scene
l saw at your house?

The only crime

that ever happened at our house

was the infestation
of those worthless krill.

But they should be gone by now.

So you two aren't being tortured
by Cousin Blackjack?

No, SpongeBob,

your cousin Blackjack
has paid his debt

to society

and renounced his criminal ways.

Never again will he litter.

BLACKJACK:
That's right,
little man!

Oh, well, here comes
the man of the hour.

He's been talking
all day

about playing with his
little cousin again.

He mentioned something
about jumping rope

with you like the old days.

(heavy footsteps pounding)

Did you come here to quiver
like a jellyfish?

Or did you come to wrestle?

(gibbering)

To quiver!

l always knew
you were a little man.

Prepare to relive your past
in the present.

(whimpering)

Come on, little Bobby,
don't let him beat you!

You've got to stand up
for yourself this time.

That's it!

l am not going
to take this anymore!

I am putting my foot down.

You want to tussle?

Well, let's tussle it up!

(both yelling)

Cousin Blackjack?

In the living flesh!

(grunting)

(giggling)

That tickles.

Just like the old days,
eh, cousin?

Yeah, Blackjack.

You haven't changed a bit.

(all laughing)