06x02 - Penny Foolish/Nautical Novice

[bunniefuu]

-Are ya ready, kids?

-[kids] Aye-aye, captain!

-I can't hear you!

-[kids] Aye-aye, captain!

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple

Under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow

And porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be

Something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck

And flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

-Ready?

[all] ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

[laughs heartily]

[plays flute]

Price check on industrial-size

econo-pack of raw fiber.

It goes in like steel wool.

But comes out

like an angel from heaven.

Please. Tell me more.

-Well, this one time...

-Not really.

I didn't think so.

Oh, wait.

I almost forgot me coupons.

There's a couple double ones

in there too.

Sir, these expired

over years ago.

-What does that mean?

-It means they're no good.

I'll throw those away for you.

No, wait! I'll take them.

OK, sir, your change today is

going to be exactly ten cents.

Come to Papa. Come to Papa.

Hooray! Two nickels.

[laughs]

Hey, that's SpongeBob out there.

What in blue blazes

is that boy up to?

[gasps]

Well, I'll be

a geriatric jellyfish.

SpongeBob found a penny.

A bright, shiny penny

just sitting there...

and he picked it right up.

[wistfully]

I can remember the whole thing

as if it had happened

a moment ago.

Sir. Sir!

-Sir!

-What?

-You're holding up the line.

-Oh. I am?

Next please.

Interesting how things work out

that way.

Some folks just walk along

and stumble over free money.

While others, others they work.

Mommy, look at that weird guy

in the car over there.

Billy, Mommy's watching the road

right now.

I mean, why couldn't I have just

walked along and found it?

I have legs too, you know.

[sighs]

How about a little music?

[gasps, yells]

OK, OK, get a grip, Krabs.

Just concentrate on driving.

[screams]

[pants] OK.

Getting all worked up over

one little coin. [laughs]

[sighs]

Must just be the full moon.

Wait a second.

[screams]

[shouts]

I gotta have that penny!

-Good morning, SpongeBob.

-Good morning, Mr. Krabs.

Find anything special lately?

-Ye-yes.

-Really?

-Yep!

-And you wanna share it

with your old Uncle Krabs,

don't you, boy?

-Of course.

-Great.

Well, share it with me.

[laughs] I already am sharing it

with you, Mr. Krabs.

What?

The thing I found

was a bright, shiny, new day!

I'll be in the kitchen

if you need me.

-Morning, Squidward.

-Don't talk to me.

Mr. Krabs

is in a good mood today.

That counts as talking.

-[yelps] Hello again, Mr. Krabs.

-Hello, SpongeBob.

-What can I do you for?

-Can I borrow a penny?

A penny? Sure!

[money jitters]

Sorry,

all out of pennies right now.

But, did you check

all your pockets.

I thought I did.

-Front pockets?

-Nope.

-Back?

-Uh-uh.

-Shirt pockets?

-Nada.

-Shoe pockets?

-[laughs] Shoe pockets.

Mr. Krabs,

that is just ridiculous.

It is?

I do have a tie pocket, though.

No, not in there either.

Hey, maybe it fell in your sock.

-Well, I...

-Did you check there?

It's... got... to be...

in there... somewhere.

Got... to... just...

Uh...

Hey, look, it's my brain.

Hey, where's it going?

[SpongeBob] Oh, there!

[pants] There! That way! There.

-I got it!

-I got it! I got it!

-Ah-ha!

-[hisses]

[groans, laughs]

Not so fast, little guy.

There now.

Uh-huh. Yes, I know.

There you go.

Uh...

What's the matter? Didn't you

know I was a brain whisperer?

-So, uh, no penny, huh?

-Nope.

Darn.

[hammering, drilling]

These deafening

construction sounds

are preventing me from working.

Me too.

Do you think we should

walk out back to investigate?

Never.

The sounds were coming

from back here. What the...

Careful with those

marquee letters.

Hey, Mr. Krabs.

You made your own movie theatre.

-Yes, I did.

-Yay!

And you're just in time

for the grand opening.

Step right up, folks,

and witness a spellbinding tale

chockfull of adventure.

And action! And thrills!

-[dolphin sounds]

-I'm not really hungry.

Let's go see what this fat guy

is yelling about.

Witness the terrifying

challenges overcome by... by...

By who?

By... uh...

By a plucky, young sponge.

Just like me!

That's right.

And the best part is

admission is only one penny.

Does a movie like that

even exist?

Yeah. Does it?

Uh, well, actually I was

gonna show you this flip book.

-A flip book?

-I don't even know what that is.

-[crowd grumbles]

-No. Wait.

Noooooooo!

Mr. Krabs, can I see

the movie now? Ple-e-ease.

Of course you can, lad. You just

gotta give me one penny.

-But... but...

-But what?

But I really don't have a penny.

[screams]

That's too bad. I really wanted

to see that movie. Oh, well.

-Good evening.

-[whistles]

And... welcome to the...

Krusty Krab's semi-annual

charity night.

Squidward, you look beautiful.

Let me show you to your table.

My table? Oh, fancy!

[gasps] My very own nametag.

[somber music]

[sighs]

Hello, and welcome

to a very important evening.

Tonight's event is entitled

"Pennies for the Penniless".

And before the following images

are shown,

I would ask each of you

to look not with your eyes,

but with your heart.

Three dimes.

Two nickels.

One quarter.

Zero pennies.

[sniffs]

Since I realize the images

seen here tonight

may be wretchedly hideous,

I am going to tell you what you

can do to end this travesty.

You can donate one penny to me,

Mr. Krabs.

Also known as "Mr. Krabs,

the man who doesn't have one".

[cries]

[whimpers] M-M-Mr. Krabs.

Yes?

I would like to donate a penny.

You would?

If I only had one. [sobs]

[shrieks]

[sonar beeps]

[mutters]

Penny... got to... he's the...

[giggles]

Not gonna... who's the...

[laughs] Uh...

[screams, breathes heavily]

[giggles]

Now we...

[device beeps]

Hiding it... somewhere.

[pants] Hiding it...

Hiding it. Hiding! It!

Hiding it!

Meow.

Who's it? You! You know where!

-Meow.

-Tell where!

Meow.

Hiding it. Inside!

In there. Somewhere.

[whistles, gasps] Mr. Krabs!

What is this metal detector

doing on the floor?

These should be stored

on special racks.

And you're not wearing your

metal detector handling glove.

SpongeBob, I... I...

I just wanted that penny

you found on the street

yesterday.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Mr. Krabs, that wasn't a penny.

[laugh]

It wasn't?

No! That was just a dried-up

piece of gum for my collection.

I think it's peppermint.

[laughs]

Whoo! Oh-ho!

I feel so relieved.

There was no penny after all.

Ah. Well, I'll be going now.

You can keep the metal detector,

SpongeBob. See you!

Thanks, Mr. Krabs. Here, Gary,

you can play with that.

[sniffs, blows raspberry]

Hey. This isn't gum at all.

Just a dumb old $ bill.

This won't go with

my chewed-up gum collection.

Oh, well. Goodnight, Gary.

Me penny. He must have

buried it around here.

I'll have to keep digging.

Remember class, there is only

one way to park a boat:

the safe way.

You now see the importance

of proper steering,

and a properly calibrated

anchor.

Which brings us to the subject

of rudder maintenance.

[bell rings, kids cheer]

Barnacles! Just as we were

getting to the nitty-gritty.

Wait a minute, class.

Remember,

we will not be here tomorrow.

We will be going on a field trip

to the Boating Museum.

Now run along, kids.

[kids cheer]

Wow! The Boating Museum!

Maybe tomorrow,

if I can impress Mrs Puff

with an extensive knowledge

of boating history,

she'll give me a boating license

on the spot. [laughs]

[imitates engine]

See you tomorrow, Mrs P.

[laughs]

Neptune, give me strength.

Let's see... Oh, there she is.

[screams]

Meow.

-[groans]

-Meow?

What is this, Gary?

It's the complete

History of All Boating Ever.

And I'm going

to memorize it tonight

for the big field trip tomorrow.

Meow.

I'm perfectly capable

of reading , pages

and get my required

eight hours of sleep

before the bus picks me up

at . am tomorrow.

If you'll excuse me,

I'd like to get started.

All right, let's see what this

little pamphlet is all about.

Chapter One. "In the beginning,

Neptune created the sail."

"...but such tragedies

will be avoided

with the flying boat

of the future. The end."

Time for a little shut-eye

before...

[ship horn blows]

Mrs Puff, can't this wait

till tomorrow?

Hang on a minute.

It is tomorrow!

Hey, wait!

Hey!

Mrs Puff! Please stop the bus!

What was that?

Nothing. Uh...

just keep driving.

-[knocking]

-Step on it!

[shouts] Wait!

Phew.

[thud]

[screams]

No worries. I made it.

SpongeBob, you look terrible.

I assure you I am well rested

and ready to learn.

Before the day is out, you may

have learned something yourself.

-Hey, Mrs Puff.

-Yes, SpongeBob?

-I made this for you.

-Made what?

This. The HMS Pinafore.

At one to , scale,

of course.

Thank you, SpongeBob.

-Mrs Puff...

-Yes, SpongeBob?

Do you know how many rowers

propel a trireme?

That would be...

Do you know which boat

is the fastest?

Wasn't that...

Did you know boats will be

powered by dolphin manure?

Did you know the HMS Blue Toes

was a racing boat

before it was a royal yacht?

Do you know what scuttling is?

What's bigger, a flotilla

or a fleet? Do you know...

Ever been on a pontoon?

[screams]

We're here.

Welcome, class,

to the Boating Museum.

This enormous vessel was once

the largest in all the seas.

But now that it's been converted

into a museum,

it no longer moves.

Actually, it gets taken to port

once a year for maintenance.

If you don't mind, SpongeBob,

I'll be doing

the teaching today.

No problemo, Mrs P.

Here it is, class.

The most extensive collection

of seafaring history

ever assembled.

From giant naval vessels,

to more modest craft,

like this clamming boat.

I'd say this baby can hold

up to ten clam fishers.

Uh, sure, SpongeBob.

Why, I bet they reel in

up to clams a day.

Moving along.

Over here we have the Sandy Nub.

It was a cargo ship,

used to bring back exotic spices

from faraway lands.

[chuckles] With two direct

acting steam turbines

producing , horsepower,

geared up to triple screws.

It'll get your spices

where they need to go.

Thank you again, SpongeBob.

It's working! She's noticing

my vast knowledge.

I can now taste

the sweet, sweet lamination

of a fresh boating license.

This, class,

is the Lady Scallion...

Named after the captain's

strict diet of scallions,

of which the crew complained and

the captain's odor resembled.

For four years, this brigantine

explored distant lands,

discovering places unknown

to anyone besides

the people living there.

[growls]

Ready to give me that license

yet, Mrs Puff?

Oh, you're gonna get it

all right.

[gasps] I knew it!

[cheery music]

[kids cheer]

OK, this is the end of the tour.

Anything to add, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob?

Oh, boy! Here it is.

The main controls.

Just look at all this stuff.

The triple oscillator,

the hoist pulley,

the booby trap.

There's the long-range

mast knob,

and there's a hot dog

with extra mustard!

[gasps] And there's

the starter mechanism.

That! Right there! AC.

That's short for

"a*t*matic causitionata".

And that's fancy, fancy talk

for...

"Let's get this party started!"

Like, instantly!

T-t-t-tartar s-s-s-auce.

[screams]

[sighs]

[alarm rings]

[ship horn blares]

[alarm rings]

Man, I'm glad that's over.

Hm, that's a nice touch. What

a soothing projection screen.

That's not a projection screen!

-SpongeBob, stop it right now.

-Yes, ma'am.

Oh, sweet Poseidon! Move aside,

I gotta stop this ship

before it ploughs

into Bikini Bottom.

Uh, let's see,

the first thing to turn off

is... the... uh...

Oh, dear Neptune,

I've never driven anything

this advanced before.

I hope you knew

what you were talking about,

-because it's up to you now.

-OK.

We don't have much time.

In a few minutes,

we'll be flattening

millions of innocent lives.

Innocent lives?

You're the only one

that can save them.

The only one...

that... can save... them?

Yes! Now what I want you to do

is tighten the gurneys.

Then survey the poop deck.

Then...

Stop! I know what to do.

I read a book.

Chapter One,

batten down the hatches.

Next, lower anchor.

Oh, no, the anchor's stuck.

I'm going to have to free it

manually.

I'll be right back.

[groans]

[horses neigh]

Done and done.

Thirdly, utter a hearty seaman's

laugh. [laughs heartily]

Oh, my gravy,

he even knows the hearty laugh.

He has been doing his homework.

[laughs heartily]

And finally, the coup de gras.

The only way to park

the largest ship ever built

is by performing the reverse

seven-twenty tailspin.

[gasps] B-but that's never

even been attempted before.

You're right... It hasn't.

Not until now.

[both breathe heavily]

SpongeBob, I don't know how,

but you did it.

You saved us all.

Let's get off this thing.

And the way you pulled

the anchor out... genius!

I never thought I'd say this,

but here's

your driver's license.

[screams with joy]

Oh, boy, at long last.

-What are you two doing here?

-[both] Huh?

No-one should be on board while

I'm tugging the museum to port.

You mean, he wasn't driving

this thing at all?

Heck, no!

Ah, don't get so down, kid.

Look, for your false bravery,

I'm giving you

your honorary sea legs, OK?

Come on,

let me buy you an ice cream.

Oh, Gosh! [giggles]

Headlights are on.

[both] Don't touch anything,

you twit!

Run!

[gasps]

Good thing you studied.