06x20 - No Hat for Pat/Toy Store of Doom

[bunniefuu]

-Are you ready, kids?

-[kids] Aye, aye, Captain.

-I can't hear you.

-Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple

Under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow

And porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense

Be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck

And flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

-Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

[captain laughs]

[piccolo playing]

[ocean waves crashing,

seagulls calling]

[snores]

Whoa. [grunts]

-Patrick!

-[groans]

What are you doing out here,

silly?

I'm waiting for you,

so we can play the day away!

Aw, barnacles.

You're wearing

that dumb hat again.

Every time you wear

that stupid thing,

you're gone for the whole day.

That's because this is

my work hat, Patrick.

I have to wear it

when I go to work.

Well, why don't you

just take it off,

so you don't have to

go to work today?

[laughs]

It doesn't work that way, buddy.

[groans] I hate that hat!

[laughs]

Fine! Have it your way, hat!

Looks like Squidward

has time to play.

-Hey, Squidward!

-What?

Oh, no! He's got the hat, too!

Don't worry, Patrick.

I'll be back from work at : .

-We can play then.

-Oh.

I'll show you, SpongeBob!

I'll get a job! And a hat!

Whoa, whoa! That's enough, lad!

What do you think,

I'm made of ketchup?

-Now, run along, boy.

-[shutters clicking]

Eh? That sounds like...

a band of roving tourists!

[shutters clicking, murmuring]

Wait! Come back!

Don't you want to

give me your money?

[sighs]

They're a slippery bunch.

What do I got to do

to catch them?

Stand around out here all day?

What are you doing there,

Patrick?

Standing around

out here all day.

[bell rings]

[chimes glisten, shutters click]

How would you like a job,

Patrick?

Oh, boy! Give me my hat!

You'll get your hat,

but first you have to entice

people into the restaurant

by standing right here

and holding this sign.

That's not too tough

for you, is it, boy?

Sounds complicated.

But if it gets me a work hat...

-How's this?

-Perfect!

You'll be wearing that hat

in no time at all.

Oh, boy!

-[laughs]

-What's shaking, Mr. K?

Your buddy Patrick.

I hired him to stand out there

and hold that sign.

Oh. He is good.

And look. He's about to reel in

his first customer.

Can you direct me

to the Krusty Krab, please?

Uh...

What does he think he's doing?!

They're walking right past him!

Patrick, you need to get

their attention, boy.

-OK.

-Ouch.

That ain't the kind

of attention we need.

Why don't you show

a little razzle dazzle?

Maybe give the sign

a little twirl or something.

Oh. [gasps]

Guess we'll keep working on

that one. Eh, boy? And listen.

If any tourists stroll by,

why don't you just blow 'em

away with a little extra twirl?

Anything for my new hat.

[shutters clicking, murmuring]

[sign buzzing]

[moans]

[screams]

That's enough, Patrick.

[screaming]

I did it!

Did you see that, Mr. Krabs?

I saw it.

Do I get my hat now?

What the heck?

It pays to advertise.

My hat.

Uh...

What's wrong with him?

What's the matter, Patrick?

I don't know.

Sometimes when I'm nervous,

I forget how to stand.

He's nervous.

[laughs] Look at that guy.

He doesn't know how to

stand on his own two feet.

[laughs] Now, that's

the kind of mindlessness

I'd pay money to see.

You mean, cash money?

-Well, heck yeah.

-$ . , please.

All right!

-There's that sound again.

-[shutters clicking]

[all laugh]

They're loving it!

Patrick, you captured the

attention of all these tourists

with your ridiculous flapdoodle.

-I did?

-That's right.

I think we finally found

a job you're good at,

being an absolute buffoon.

If it's folly you crave,

it can be found exclusively

at the Krusty Krab!

-For just $ . a head.

-[cash register rings]

[laughter]

It's official.

[laughter]

I hate everyone.

[laughter]

You imbeciles think

that's entertainment?

Well, brace yourselves

for some true entertainment.

[playing]

-Patrick?

-Yeah?

-Are you OK?

-I'm fine.

[playing continues,

customers booing]

Oh, oh, that horrible noise!

Let's get out of here!

What the barnacles

is going on out here?

I'm entertaining these heathens.

We got all the entertainment

we need, thank you very much.

-Where'd he go?

-Come on, Patrick. Easy, now.

Right this way.

What in the name of Neptune

is going on here?

Patrick had a bloody nose,

so I was going to walk him home.

Oh, a bloody nose, eh?

You think I was born yesterday?

He doesn't even have a nose.

Now, get back to work,

the all of yas.

I'm not running

a happy factory here.

Keep up the good work, Patrick.

You got it, Mr. K.

That guy's still flopping?

Yeah. Amazing, isn't it?

Doesn't that get old?

-Um...

-He's got a point.

Yeah. You seen enough?

Yeah, let's get out of here.

Me too. I'm out.

What? Wait. Don't go.

Why are you leaving?

This guy's act is stale.

We crave excitement!

[all muttering]

OK, OK. You want excitement?

What if I added a box? Huh? Huh?

-Sort of the same, really.

-Yeah.

Oh. OK.

Uh, so, what if he flopped

from two boxes?

Uh... into a cream pie?

I like pie.

-Say, now.

-That I'd pay to see.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

[moans]

OK, boy. Let 'er rip!

[all cheer]

I'll be in the back,

counting me money.

If the crowd gets bored,

add some more boxes.

Whatever.

Hey, Hat Man.

How you feeling after

your first day on the job?

I feel like a million bucks.

Patrick!

Patrick, are you all right?

Say something.

[murmurs indistinctly]

OK, that's it!

No best friend of mine

is going to suffer

permanent brain trauma

just so Mr. Krabs

can make a quick buck!

I'm going to go have

a talk with him right...

No! P-Please!

Don't tell Mr. Krabs!

You don't understand.

For years, people have been

telling me, "You're no good."

Now I'm good!

I have a hat to prove it.

I don't want to go back

to being No-Hat Patrick.

-[sobs]

-OK, buddy.

I understand.

Just promise me one thing.

What's that, pal?

-Just be careful, hmm?

-Thanks, pal.

I'm worried about Patrick.

I'm not sure his new job

is good for him.

See the part-time

minimum-wage employee

fall from high atop this tower

into this bucket

of spiny sea urchins!

This should be good.

Patrick!

Hi, SpongeBob.

Mr. Krabs,

you can't let him do this.

He might get hurt.

Oh, it's OK, boy.

He signed a waiver.

Is he ready, Mr. Squidward?

[groans] Ready.

OK. Step back, boy.

You wouldn't want

to stain your uniform.

Hey, good idea. Hey, Squidward,

could you hold my hat,

so it won't get hurt?

Thanks, buddy.

Ready, Patrick?

Ready!

Oh, I can't watch!

[sobs hysterically]

[blows nose forcefully]

Hey! Ew.

[board creaks]

Come on, Patrick.

We've got

a perfectly good bucket

of spiny sea urchins down here.

I'm trying.

[board creaks, Patrick groans]

I think I'm stuck!

Stuck?

Well, if that don't beat all.

What's the hold up,

Mr. Squidward?

Don't look at me.

I'm just here to hold his hat.

Patrick,

why have you stopped falling?

I don't know, Mr. Krabs.

Well, you better figure it out.

These people paid good money

for a floor show

full of pain and humiliation.

Now, make with

the codswallop, pal.

-Understand?

-Uh-huh.

Don't make me come back here.

Hey, Squidward?

Do you think you could,

uh, you know--

You want me to push you

off your precarious perch

into a bucket

of spiny sea urchins?

Oh, if only you were SpongeBob.

OK, I'll do it.

[screams]

[grunts] Thanks, Squidward.

[screams]

Oh, my hat! Gotcha!

Oh, right back where you belong!

[both screaming]

Great! We get to see

two for the price of one.

I don't think so.

-Fine.

-Thank you.

-[screams]

-Look, Squidward, I'm falling!

-Oh, I'm so happy for you.

-I figured it out.

It's the hat that makes me fall.

It-It makes me top-heavy.

[screaming, crashing]

[squishing]

So, it was your hat that was

making you fall the whole time.

I paid to see

two guys get maimed.

Yeah, I want a refund.

Sorry. Absolutely no refunds.

Hey, hey. Hold on there.

What's the big idea?

Whoa! Whoa! You're crazy!

[shouts indistinctly]

Mama! [screams]

All right.

You leave me no choice.

You're giving me a raise?

Not even close.

You're fired.

As long as I'm still standing,

you'll never wear

this hat again.

-[sobs]

-Patrick, you OK?

Well, I guess it's back

to being No-Hat Pat.

It's OK, Patrick.

Not everyone is equipped

to bear the awesome weight

of responsibility

that a uniform hat represents.

But you can wear mine

any time you want.

-Really?

-Sure thing, pal.

Thanks, SpongeBob.

You're the best.

Any time, pal. Any time.

[sighs]

Patrick.

Yeah?

What do you want to do today?

I don't know.

I guess we could play something.

-How about a yo...

-No.

...yo?

-Buried treasure board game?

-Nah.

-Mama.

-Dollies?

Hmm... nope.

No.

Nope.

Nope. Uh-uh.

No. No.

-How about this?

-Hello.

Uh-uh.

Hey, we could play with

our Mermaid Man

and Barnacle Boy

action figures.

Ew, Barnacle Boy's

all chewed up.

And slimy.

[noisy chewing]

Yeah, that'll happen.

Oh, there is just

nothing to play with.

There's got to be

something we could do.

[hums tune]

Hey, what are you doing

in my house?!

Hi, Squidward. Can you think

of anything fun we can do?

Get out!

Yeah, we thought of that one.

I believe this pile

belongs to you.

Where we going now, boys?

Aw.

[sighs]

I'm so bored.

There's got to be

something we can do!

[helicopter approaching]

[both] "It's coming."

-Oh...

-Oh...

-boy!

-boy!

-It's coming.

-It's coming.

-It's coming.

-It's coming.

[Patrick] "Almost there."

We're almost there.

[Patrick] "Here it is."

[SpongeBob] "Welcome to

Bikini Bottom's newest..."

"Toy store"?

-Oh!

-Oh, yeah!

Yeah!

[both cheering]

Well, we're here.

[Patrick]

But where's the toy store?

Well, I guess it's not open yet.

Not... open?

[sobs]

[both sobbing]

What are you crying about?

We wanted to go to the toy

store, but it's not open yet.

Well, it's open now. Look.

See?

-Feel better now?

-Mm-hmm.

Then quit your crying

and get in there!

[loud crash]

I got it.

Patrick. Patrick, get up.

No, thanks. I'm good down here.

Look.

[toy train whistle blowing]

-Oh.

-Wow.

[gasps] Patrick, look at that.

[gasps] Wow.

Can I help you?

That depends.

Tell me, do you like to...

♪ Sing ♪?

Oh, no.

[clears throat]

[plays note, inhales deeply]

♪ La... ♪

♪ Toys, glorious toys ♪

♪ La-la-la, toys ♪

Yeah.

Hey, Patrick.

Hey, SpongeBob.

What's with the tutu?

It's not a tutu.

It's a mantu.

You can tell because it has...

[deep voice] extra support.

[normal voice]

I got the last one.

Uh-huh. [grunts]

[crashing, scream]

What a great day.

I hope it never ends.

Never.

Attention, shoppers.

The store is now closed.

Please exit immediately.

[cries] I don't want to go!

Dad, I want it!

No!

[grunts]

Aw, the store's closing.

We'll have to leave now.

What part of "never"

don't you understand?

-Patrick, we have to leave.

-I'm not moving.

But they'll just come

and kick us out.

Not if we hide.

Hide? Isn't that kind of sneaky?

Uh-huh. It's sneaky, all right.

Really sneaky.

Come on.

Haven't you always wanted

to have

a toy store all to yourself?

No. But I do now.

What'll we do first?

We need to find a hiding spot

where they'll never find us.

And I know just the place.

[sniffs]

-[barks, sniffs, growls]

-Come on, boy. Let's go.

The store's empty, so go ahead

and lock her up, Frank.

My name is Steve.

Whatever floats your boat,

Frank.

The coast is clear.

Push, SpongeBob, push.

[grunts]

Push, man, push!

[yells]

Oh, oh...

OK, SpongeBob,

give me your hand.

That's my boy.

Brace yourself.

[groans]

Thanks, pal.

Well, we did it.

Yay!

Yay! Oh, this is so awesome.

Nothing can ruin it.

[both scream]

[screaming]

Patrick, is that you?

-What?

-I said is that you?

I can't hear you.

It's too dark in here.

Don't worry,

I'll just use my night vision.

You have night vision?

Yeah.

How long have you had that?

Remember that flashlight

I stuck in my ear?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I guess it worked its way

into my brain.

[electrical crackling]

sh**t, the batteries are dead.

Oh, it's dark.

It's scary.

[sobs]

Calm down, buddy.

We just need to find

the light switch.

But you have to

let me down first.

Yeah, right, SpongeBob.

I let you down,

we find the light switch

and everything turns out peachy.

Yes.

Look around you, SpongeBob!

-We're surrounded!

-By toys?

That... want... to... get us.

[yells]

[both scream]

[both whimper]

[loud bang]

[booming footsteps]

[both scream]

[screaming and crying]

[both laugh]

[crashing]

[both groan]

[gasping]

Are we gonna hide in here

for the rest of our lives?

No.

Are we going to

the ladies' room again?

No, we're going to fight back.

And we are going to win!

[laughs] That was fun.

Now let's dress up

like fairy princesses.

[booming footsteps]

[both growl]

Ready, Patrick?

Let's get some.

[both scream]

[both] Nothing can stop it!

It was nice knowing you, pal.

I know. I'm an interesting guy.

[toy squawks]

[both sigh]

No, Patrick, don't!

What?

[both scream]

[cheering]

[sighs]

The Toy Barrel is now

open for business.

Prepare for more fun

than you've ever had.

[cheering]

[screaming]

My eyes!

With Neptune as my witness,

may you never experience

the unholy terrors

that are inside that store.

Hey, they're open!

[laughs] I love toys!