06x23 - Truth or Square

[bunniefuu]

-Are you ready, kids?

-[kids] Aye, aye, Captain.

-I can't hear you.

-[kids] Aye, aye, Captain!

Oh...

♪ Who lives in a pineapple

Under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow

And porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Now, if nautical nonsense

Be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck

And flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

-Oh...

[all] ♪ SpongeBob, oh, come on ♪

♪ SpongeBob, everybody ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

[trumpet solo]

[cackles]

[plays nautical tune]

[Frenchman] It's...

With celebrity guests,

basketball mascot

the Point Fowl,

the Guy on the Penny,

Her Majesty the Queen,

musical guest P!nk,

Sir Quentin and his little

wooden sidekick, Mr. Tinder,

and guest of honor,

SpongeBob SquarePants.

From Encino, California,

the president of the SpongeBob

SquarePants Fan Club

and your host,

Patchy the Pirate.

[drum roll]

[big band music]

[inhales wheezily]

♪ Ten years of Sponge ♪

[squawks] You're looking

at the wrong camera.

What? Potty? Where are you?

-Cue camera three.

-I can't hear you!

-Cue talent!

-Cue? What does that mean?

What are you pointing at me for?

Do you have a headache?

Anyhoo,

can you believe it, kids?

It's been ten years

since I started the SpongeBob

SquarePants Fan Club.

And he's here in person.

[giggles]

I'm finally gonna meet me idol.

Heh-heh.

Let's bring him out, now.

Nobody cares!

Without further ado,

please welcome

SpongeBob SquarePants.

Without further ado...

Please welcome,

SpongeBob SquarePants!

[crickets chirp]

[laughs nervously]

[squawks]

What?!

[growls] What do you mean,

he's not coming?

Ten years I been presidenting

his fan club.

He never answered

any of my letters.

Never showed up to

any of my charity lunches.

Now I throw him

a television extravaganza,

and he can't even be bothered

to show up?

Well, we'll just see about that.

[grunts]

If you want a piece of me,

well, you're gonna get one.

Think you can spurn

my advances, eh?

I've been a fan since

the beginning, just... Oh!

[groans]

[motor puttering]

[snores, meows]

-[bell rings]

-[meows]

[alarm clocks ringing]

[foghorn blares]

[clacking]

-Good morning, Gary.

-[meows]

A little overboard?

And take a chance of being late

for the single greatest day

of my career,

the eleventy-seventh anniversary

of the Krusty Krab?

Oh-ho-ho. I think not!

No Krusty Krab employee

would be late on this day.

[alarm clocks ringing]

[Squidward snorts] What the...

See you at the big event,

Squidward.

Ow.

Can you believe it's been

eleventy-seven years already?

[meows]

Oh, watch the potty mouth, Gare.

Today is a day

for gentle reflection.

[sighs] I remember my first

visit to the Krusty Krab.

I don't know.

This doesn't look

like a family restaurant.

Oh, well,

what do you think, baby?

Would you like to eat here?

[bubbling]

[chuckles] Well, OK, then.

[Mom] What would you like?

Kwabby Patty.

Mm, yummy.

-Good times.

-[alarm clock ringing]

Oh, sorry, Gary.

We can reminisce later.

I gotta get ready!

[hisses]

♪ I never thought that I would

Have a chance like this ♪

♪ What dreams exist

As big as this one? ♪

♪ If happiness are patties

Frying on the grill ♪

♪ I'll have my fill

Upon each fresh bun ♪

♪ Here's a day

That couldn't get much better ♪

♪ It is the greatest

That's ever been ♪

♪ It's so cool

I ought to wear a sweater ♪

♪ Just to hold on

To that warm feeling ♪

♪ A miracle is something

That you don't believe ♪

♪ You will receive

And then it happens ♪

♪ This is what I have

To call a miracle ♪

♪ My heart is full

And toes are tapping ♪

♪ Here's a day

That couldn't get much better ♪

♪ It is the greatest

That's ever been ♪

♪ It's so cool

I ought to wear a sweater ♪

♪ Just to hold on

To that warm feeling ♪

♪ Sure, I know it's gonna

Take a lot of work ♪

♪ But here's the perk

I think I must say ♪

♪ When you're doing something

That you really love ♪

♪ And so proud of

Then work is like play ♪

♪ Here's a day

That couldn't get much better ♪

♪ It is the greatest

That's ever been ♪

♪ It's so cool

I ought to wear a sweater ♪

♪ Just to hold on

To that warm feeling ♪

Hey, hey, chill out, buddy.

We all want to get into

the Krusty Krab

as much as you do.

But I don't have time

to wait in line.

Sorry, but I can't

be late today.

-Ooh.

-Ow.

-Ooh.

-What the...

-Hey!

-Ow.

Sorry, everyone,

but Mr. Krabs needs me.

[people shouting]

[muttering]

-Reporting for duty, sir.

-Sit down, boy.

Happy eleventy-seventh,

Squidward.

Today's a big day

for the Krusty Krab,

so I want yous to listen up.

[mechanical whirring]

It's a perfect opportunity

for Plankton to try and steal

the Krabby Patty formula.

[mechanical whirring]

Isn't that just the Krusty Krab?

No, it's a holographic

projection of the Krusty Krab.

I want you two to watch

all the entrances.

You mean the front door

and the back door?

Those are just the ones

on the surface.

There's an entire network of

tunnels and ducts underground,

and I want all eyes

on the lookout.

Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs.

[popping]

Right. Study this map.

Stay extra vigilant.

Don't fall asleep.

That means you, Squidward.

What? I have never

fallen asleep on duty.

Don't make me have a flashback.

[snoring]

[bubbling and snoring]

All right, point taken.

And to help watch out

for Plankton,

I've hired some extra security.

You hired Patrick?

What? You expect me

to spend money on a real guard?

You're my first line of defense,

Patrick,

so look out for any

suspiciorous characters.

Yes, sir.

[grunts] Who are you?

And who are you working for?

[chuckles]

Plankton doesn't stand a chance.

[Plankton]

It's a conspiracy, I tell you!

A thousand and three times

I've almost had that recipe,

and a thousand and three times

I've been launched

by that Krabs.

He celebrates eleventy-seven

years of success,

and I'm left with four score

and fortnights of failure.

I give up, Karen. Krabs has won.

Well, you'll never get

the formula with that attitude.

Maybe , will be

your lucky number.

Oh, yeah?

You try getting launched.

Oh, right, the launchings.

I've got them all

on my hard drive.

[baseball organ flourish]

[groans]

Fore!

[sea horse whinnying]

[screams]

[screams]

[screams]

-[screams]

-[whistle blows]

I'm tired today, Plankton.

You're just gonna have

to launch yourself.

[mournful steel guitar music]

Splat. [cries]

-[Karen giggles]

-Karen!

I'm sorry. That last part

always makes me laugh.

It's just no use.

Today is the perfect day

to steal the recipe.

Krabs will be

completely distracted

by all the festivities.

You can do this.

You really think so?

Of course I do.

Now, who's my big man?

-Oh, Karen.

-Come on.

Come on,

who's my big strong man?

I am.

That's right. Now, get out

there and steal that recipe.

Yes, ma'am.

I can't believe I gave up

my Hawaiian vacation for this.

I really love your music.

Remind me to make my agent

walk the plank.

How are we supposed

to eat these?

[squawks]

Can I get you anything?

A pineapple slicer, please?

A passage on the next steamer

out of here?

Just five more minutes.

[squawks]

Well, there's no use sitting

around like a bunch of barnacles

on the bottom

of a dry-docked dinghy.

-Let's do some practicing!

-[all] Arr!

One, two, three, four.

[ambling sea shanty music]

♪ Our gums are black

Our teeth are falling out ♪

♪ We got spots on our backs

So give it up and shout ♪

♪ We got scurvy

We need some vitamin C ♪

♪ We got scurvy

We need a lemon tree ♪

♪ We got scurvy

We just chilling on the sea ♪

♪ Let's get this

Scurvy started ♪

♪ A pirate ain't worthy ♪

♪ Till he got some scurvy ♪

♪ Since you got

Your scurvy on ♪

♪ You unnerve me

When you sing that song ♪

-♪ Scurvy ♪

-♪ Scurvy ♪

-♪ We got scurvy ♪

-♪ Scurvy ♪

-♪ We got scurvy ♪

-♪ Scurvy ♪

-♪ We got scurvy ♪

-♪ Scurvy ♪

[water splashing]

[all chant]

We want Krabby Patties!

[Krabs] Now to add some special

anniversary deals to the menu.

Krabby Patty, bucks.

bucks, . [laughs]

Oh, number zero,

how I love you so.

-SpongeBob!

-Yes, sir.

I'm putting you in charge

of decorations.

Oh, but, Mr. Krabs...

Yes, boy?

I thought you said I would be

in charge of decorations.

What? But you are.

I am? Yay!

Yeah! Yeah!

Squidward, uh...

I had chores for you,

but you won't do 'em anyway.

It took you eleventy-seven years

to figure that out?

Here's your budget, boy.

Decorate it any way you want.

Wow, cents.

You're letting SpongeBob

decorate?

Remember all the other times

SpongeBob decorated?

[all] Hmm.

[banjo music, cows mooing]

Yee-haw! [laughs]

[disco music]

Do you come here often? [laughs]

[air sucking]

[screams]

[laughs]

[all] Hmm.

-Well, you want to do it, then?

-No.

Then shut your porthole.

Battening down

the word hatches, sir.

[extravagant music]

What... what are you...

There we go.

[squirting]

[air hissing]

Your change, sir.

Good work, boy. What, that's it?

Decorations? Check. Security?

-[mumbles incoherently]

-Check.

[all chant]

We want Krabby Patties!

OK, open your ears.

These people have come

from miles around

because they love my patties.

I want every employee

on their best behavior.

Are you getting any of this,

SpongeBob?

Every word, Squidward,

every word.

So, let's get out there

and sell some Krabby Patties.

Yes! Yeah!

Ooh, I almost forgot.

Mr. Krabs, wait.

There's one last decoration.

I present to you...

I present to you...

-[strains]

-[grunt]

[wind whistling]

[all gasp]

My ode to the Krabby Patty,

made entirely out of ice.

Jeez, boy.

-This thing's enormous.

-And cold.

Let's get this out,

my customers are waiting.

Ready. Set.

[all grunting]

[all scream]

Guys, I'm OK. No need to scream.

-[all scream]

-[Krabs] The door!

Oh, no. Patrick, stand up.

We're locked in.

This is gonna spoil the

eleventy-seventh anniversary!

[all chant]

We want Krabby Patties!

[Squidward] Somebody! Anybody!

I don't care who.

-How do we get out?

-Everybody calm down.

I've spent a lifetime

working in this restaurant,

and I know there's only

one way outta here.

-A high school diploma?

-No.

The air duct.

This way, boys.

All we got to do

is head through this duct.

Which one?

There must be ways to go.

Not to worry, Squidward.

I have the entire map memorized.

[grunts]

[straining]

Uh, hmm, uh...

Hurry up, guys.

This kind of hurts.

Well, according to the map,

we just go straight,

take a right between

these three moldy tree stumps,

then head towards that kidney

bean-shaped puddle of gravy.

That's not the map,

you old barnacle.

Those are three moles

and a birthmark.

Oh. All right,

then let's try this one.

[all scream]

-[Squidward] It's this way.

-[crashing and groaning]

[Patrick] Here it is!

[all scream]

[groaning]

Oh...

Eh? What's this?

It's an old Krabby Patty

wrapper.

Aw, that takes me back

to the good old days.

[announcer]

Now, a word from our sponsor.

♪ K-R-A-B-B-Y ♪

♪ P-A-T-T-Y ♪

♪ Bah-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

♪ Krabby Patty

Give 'em a try ♪

♪ Come on down

And buy, buy, buy ♪

♪ Not just one

Or two or three ♪

♪ But enough for

The whole family ♪

Yes, folks, nine out of ten

doctors recommend

eating at least one

Krabby Patty a day

to maintain a healthy lifestyle

and a youthful,

positive attitude.

I'm a doctor,

as far as you know,

and I believe Krabby Patties

add years to your life.

So what are you waiting for?

Get yourself a Krabby Patty.

Or buy a sackful of Krabbies.

Or better yet,

go out and get yourself

a case of the Krabbies!

For your health.

♪ K-R-A-B-B-Y ♪

♪ P-A-T-T-Y ♪

♪ Krabby Patty ♪

[cash register dings]

[sighs]

Back then, a Krabby Patty

only cost a dime.

It was a dark and evil time.

I still have nightmares.

[sobs] We'll never

get out of here!

Don't worry, Squidward.

We'll find our way out.

And then, we'll have

the best eleventy-seventh

anniversary ever.

All we have to do

is stick together.

[panting]

[growls] Stop breathing

on my neck.

[inhales deeply]

[exhales, pants wildly]

Hey, I think I see the exit.

Ah, barnacles! It's just

the surveillance room.

Oh... my house is on TV.

All of our houses are on TV.

[meowing]

Gary the snail, you get down

from that bed this instant.

Hey, there's my house.

-You left your TV on.

-Well, duh.

-I don't want to miss my shows.

-Look, it's Sandy.

Ah.

Mr Krabs, why do you have

cameras watching us?

Oh, well, uh... eh...

I just want to make sure

you all floss after every meal.

Thank you, Mr. Krabs. Dental

hygiene is very, very important.

-Hey, who are those guys?

-I think it's us, Patrick.

-But who are they?

-[feedback whines]

[crowd chanting]

We want Krabby Patties!

[gasps]

My customers are getting antsy.

[chanting]

[screams]

Oof. Ow. [groaning]

We're getting warm.

I can feel it.

That might just be my hand,

Mr. Krabs.

Hmm, a crossroads.

I'll go this way, and SpongeBob,

you lead them down that way.

Lead them?

I can finally use my leader hat

and my lederhosen.

-Nice.

-Those are garters, you idiot.

Follow me.

This is not happening.

It's just not happening.

[all grunt]

Guys, it's a dead end.

[all scream]

[Squidward]

♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪

♪ Out on the sea ♪

♪ Mermaids are chanting ♪

♪ The wild Lorelei ♪

♪ Over the streamlet ♪

♪ Vapors are borne ♪

♪ Waiting to fade

At the bright coming morn ♪

♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪

♪ Beam on my heart ♪

♪ E'en as the morn ♪

♪ On the streamlet and sea ♪

♪ Then will all clouds

of sorrow depart ♪

♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪

♪ Awake unto me ♪

♪ La-da-di, la-da-dum ♪

♪ La-da-di, la-da-di ♪

Tempo! Tempo!