- Are you ready, kids?
All:
Aye, aye, captain!
- I can't hear you.
All:
Aye, aye, captain!
- ♪ ohh...
♪ who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪
All:
Spongebob squarepants!
- ♪ absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪
All:
Spongebob squarepants!
- ♪ if nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪
All:
Spongebob squarepants!
- ♪ then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪
All: Spongebob squarepants!
- Ready?
All:
Spongebob squarepants!
Spongebob squarepants!
Spongebob squarepants!
- Spongebob squarepants!
[laughing]
♪
[waves crashing]
[lilting ukulele music]
♪
[water bubbling]
- [chewing loudly]
- [humming]
- [whimpering]
[sobbing]
- What's the matter, buddy?
You seem so sad.
- Oh, yeah?
Well, you know what's sad?
This!
- My hat is sad?
- No!
You have a special hat,
Which means you get to go to
your special happy worky place,
While I just stay bored
all day.
I want a special happy
worky place, too!
[crying]
- first things first, patrick.
What do you like to do?
- Uh...
[wind blowing]
Sand.
- Oh!
Ooh, I got to run.
I have patties to flip!
But I sure hope you figure
your problem out.
Think about it.
- Think about it.
Think, patrick, think.
Hmm. Hmm.
Mmm!
[pop, squeak]
Thinking is painful.
Break time.
- Are you irritable,
listless, jobless?
Do you ever ask yourself,
"I'm a loser.
What am I doing with my life?"
Then look no further.
I have the answer
that's helped millions--
- Be all you can possibly be.
Join the marine dolphins.
- [chirps]
- [laughs maniacally]
Huh?
The inescapable display case!
No!
- All in a day's work,
eh, mermaid man?
- Remember, it's up to you to
reveal the true face of crime.
Sign up to be part
of the mermaid man
And barnacle boy
junior crime fighters.
- I got to figure out
what to do with my life.
- Fight evil!
[squeak]
- Oh, I wish
I was a superhero.
That's it.
I know what I want
to do with my life!
To the changing room.
[grunts]
[fabric tearing]
[snap]
[grunts]
[click]
Ahh.
[grunts]
[humming]
At last, I have found
my calling.
I am patrick-man,
defender of bikini bottom.
Oof!
- Mister squidward...
What's with all
the dilly-dallying?
We've got customers' money
to take.
- Where?
[wind whistling]
- Aah!
Where is everybody?
[door opens]
- Fear not.
Patrick-man is here.
- Patrick.
I knew our number-one customer
wouldn't let us down.
- Shush,
shush-shush-shush-shush.
It's patrick-man, mister krabs.
- "patrick-man"?
What kind of ridiculous name
is that?
- Oh, forget the name.
Look at the ridiculous outfit.
What is that, a pair of briefs?
[both laughing]
- Ooh.
Blaring employee laughter
in the common area?
[laughter]
Hey, patrick.
What's with the fancy duds?
- Must I explain everything?
I found what I want to do
with my life.
I am...
Patrick-man!
- [gasps]
that is so exciting!
I can't wait to tell gary,
my parents, my grandma--
- Shh, shh, shh.
Spongebob...
My identity must be kept secret.
My work here is done.
Patrick-man's off.
The city needs my help.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Can I get a krabby patty?
[school bell rings]
- Hey, how'd you do
on the final?
- I aced it.
- Me too.
[both laughing]
- Looks like all that
studying paid off.
Both:
High five.
- [gasps]
- Whoa.
Are you okay, man?
- Just remember this.
v*olence solves nothing.
- "v*olence"?
We were just giving high fives--
- No time
for silly talk, citizen.
Patrick-man
is needed elsewhere.
- Please, ma'am, allow me.
- Huh?
Why, thank you, young man.
[bell dings]
- [chuckles]
not a problem, ma'am.
It's the least I could do--
Oh!
[whistling wind]
Sorry, lady, you're on your own.
[bell dings]
- Oh, dear.
[horn honks]
Oh, dear!
[traffic whooshing]
[wind whistling]
[skids]
- Ooh, sweet dollar.
Oh, just look at you--
So clean, so crisp.
Now come to krabsy--
- Halt!
Patrick-man
is on to you, thief.
Stealing is bad.
Bad!
- But I found that dollar.
- No, enough!
This dollar shall stay
on the sidewalk,
Where it belongs.
With neptune's swiftness, away!
- Hey, a dollar.
[laughs]
This must be my luck day.
- [chewing loudly]
- Help! Help, somebody!
- Huh?
- Help!
- Sounds like another job
for patrick-man.
[slurps]
I'll finish you off later,
day-old doughnuts.
Right now I must move rapidly
and act heroically.
What's this?
Don't move! And freeze!
- Huh?
- Let's see ya try to bust
out of that, boat thief.
- Boat thief?
Heavens, no.
My poor student
is trapped inside this boat.
The doors are jammed.
- Jammed doors, huh?
A likely story.
With neptune's swiftness...
Away!
- Oh, merciful neptune,
the authorities are here.
Oh, you'll be out of there
in no time.
- Well, what have we here?
"cops, this is boat thief."
Looks like patrick-man
caught another one.
What would we do
without superheroes?
- But I didn't do anything.
- Grand theft vessel
is a felony.
You remember what a felony is,
don't you, mrs. Puff?
- Felony!
[stammers]
Ugh.
Patrick-man.
[tires squealing]
- Help.
- Order up.
Another krabby patty
for the gentleman.
- Thank you.
Let's hope patrick-man
doesn't confiscate this one.
- Yeah.
He drank my shake, too.
Said it was part
of an evil plot.
- Sorry, ma'am.
I'll get you another.
Patrick has taken things
too far.
- Hey, that's patrick-man
to you.
- What are you doing out there?
- Something a nonhero civilian
could never understand.
Yow-ooh!
I'm about to unmask one
of bikini bottom's biggest foes,
Right here in the krusty krab.
I've intercepted
his evil scheme.
- You've intercepted a recipe
for toasted coral bits.
Don't you think you're going
a little overboard
With this patrick-man thing?
- "overboard"?
Do you call this "overboard"?
Away, with neptune's...
Swiftness.
[grunts]
Villains and criminals, beware!
[grunts]
Patrick-man is here!
Pop!
Oh!
- Good gracious.
- And he always finds out...
Who hides under the mask.
- Hey, man,
I'd like to hold onto my face,
thank you.
- Oh, right.
Now I got ya.
- Ouch!
Let's get out of here
and never come back.
- What?
- Yowza.
- All right, that does it.
- Admit it, masked marauder.
- Enough!
We've all had our fill
of patrick-man.
- But I was about
to unmask a supervillain.
- Sure you were.
[stretching]
- What the barnacles
are you doing?
- Protecting bikini bottom
from a scoundrel.
- Oh, dear.
- Let her go, patrick.
- No way.
- [laughing evilly]
- Hey, where'd he come from?
- [gasps]
the dirty bubble!
- The dirty bubble?
I wanted to unmask man-ray.
- [laughs]
Fools, you've blown my cover.
Now taste my wrath.
[chuckles]
- What now, patrick-man?
- Spongebob, you're looking
at a superhero.
So, naturally, I will rely
on my superpowers...
And throw some stuff.
[grunts]
- [laughs] I wouldn't call
that a total miss.
- Take this, beast.
[grunts]
- Patrick--aah!
- [gulps]
Mmm-mmm.
Yummy sponge.
- You've disabled me employees
and trashed me restaurant.
Think you might go
for the bubble, now?
- I have him
right where I want him...
For the pit punch.
[air hissing]
- [groaning]
- Ha!
Let's try that again.
But this time I att*ck.
[chuckles]
[laughing]
- [whimpering]
Lunch.
[loud pop]
[all cheering]
- Way to go, buddy.
You're a hero.
Uh, may I have your autograph?
- Why, of course, young man.
That's "spongebob"
with two sevens, right?
- What's your next exciting
adventure, patrick-man?
- Actually...
It's patrick to you.
I'm retiring.
Having a job is too much work.
- Not so fast.
I think I need you to use
your superpowers one last time.
- What's this?
[lilting ukulele music]
♪
[water bubbling]
[foghorn blows]
- [coughs, wheezes]
[foghorn blows]
[coughs, wheezes]
[foghorn, coughs]
[sputtering]
- Hmm.
Gary, have you been chewing
on my alarm clock again?
Oh, well.
[tape tearing]
Ahh.
- [wheezing]
- Up and at 'em!
Hup. Ew.
Gary, not my slippers too.
Ugh, nasty.
[humming]
[exhales sharply, sniffs]
ew.
Oral hygiene to the rescue.
What the hey?
- [growling]
- come on, gary, let go!
Coochie coochie coo.
- [laughing]
- Golly, gary,
what's gotten into you?
Are you bored?
I'll play with you later.
- [chewing loudly]
- gary.
Gary, you are a nut.
Sheesh.
- [groans, chewing loudly]
- That snail sure
is acting weird.
It's like he's teething again.
Hey, hold on a second.
Gary, have you been chewing
on my bowl?
- [spits]
no.
- I'm beginning to sense
a pattern here.
- [chewing loudly]
- Gary, are you trying
to tell me something?
Could it be that what you need
is a new chew toy?
- [slurping]
- I thought so.
Ooh, I'll bet they have
lots of toys here.
Hey, look, there's patrick.
Howdy, patrick.
- Hey, spongebob.
Gareth.
- What are you doing here?
You don't have a pet.
- Confidentially, I'm just here
for the free samples.
Mm, you can really taste
the gourmet.
Well, thank you, ma'am.
I may consider purchasing
this brand for my worms.
Want some?
- No, thanks.
Just had breakfast.
We're here to buy gary
a new toy.
- They're on aisle three,
Next to the most delicious
snail treats.
Follow me.
[chews, gulps]
Here they are--
"tasty time snail treats."
- Well, how about this one?
[toy squeaks]
[pops loudly]
Okay, how about this?
Well?
Yeah, I don't think so.
- Hey, guys, check this out--
"pet point ."
- A pet toy that plays
with your pet.
What do you think, gary?
- Meh.
- It's so futuristic.
[click, whirr]
Look! A red dot!
Hey, come back here.
- That's brilliant.
What'll they think of next?
- I love this thing.
Let's turn it up.
[humming, sizzling]
Huh?
Where did it go?
- Uh, patrick...
- Huh?
Oh, there it is.
[sniffs]
Eh, do you smell
something burning?
Duh.
- [snorting]
Here, you might need this.
You know, I'm not sure that toy
is safe for gary.
Where is gary, anyway?
Gary!
[harp and trumpet fanfare]
- [slurping]
[grunts]
ah.
[toy squeaks]
- Gary.
Gary!
Hey, where'd you come from?
Ah, I wonder if gary
would like this ball?
Gar--
- [panting]
- I guess you do.
Are you ready to play
with your new ball?
- [panting]
- here it is, boy.
- [grunts]
- you want it, boy?
- [grunts]
- okay, boy, go and get it.
Go and get it.
Go and get it.
- [growling]
- Fetch!
- [grunts]
- Okay, gary, bring it back.
[toy squeaking]
Come on, gary.
Bring it back, gary.
You're supposed to bring it...
Back.
- [growling]
[toy squeaking]
[growling]
[toy squeaking]
[humming]
- Oh, well, as long as
he's not chewing on my stuff.
- [humming]
[toy squeaking]
- I wonder how gary's doing.
I haven't heard a squeak
out of him.
Gary? Are--
Hmm.
Where is that snail?
Gary, where are you?
Gary, I--
Oh, there you are.
Oh, a tea party.
Cute.
Do you mind if I join you?
I'd just love a spot of tea.
What kind of tea is it--
Green tea, earl grey, oolong,
slippery elm?
[wheels squeaking]
Gee, I think he likes that ball
more than me.
[slurps, spits]
yech.
That is not tea.
I know what will get
gary's attention--
Good old slimycan.
[whirring]
Here ya go, ga--
Darn it, gary.
Gary! Dinnertime!
Gary.
Gary?
[dramatic music]
[shouts]
Okay, that's just creepy.
Gary, I think you need to spend
some time away from this ball.
This isn't helping your case.
- [snores, grunts]
[door opens, closes]
- Okay, gary, fun is fun.
Now, give me that ball, pronto.
- [grunts]
- Oh, so you've hidden it.
Oh, no, you don't.
Come here.
I bet I know where it is.
[sighs]
hairball.
Hairball.
Wallet.
Darn it--
I thought I lost this.
And I just canceled
my credit cards.
Hairball, toothbrush...
Aha!
I knew it.
You'll see.
Some time apart
will do you good.
There we go.
Out of sight, out of mind.
I know you're upset now,
but wait until tomorrow morning.
Why, you probably won't
even remember that old ball.
[ominous music]
[foghorn blows]
- [wheezing, crash]
- Good morning, gary.
I hope you're
not still mad at me.
Gary?
The ball.
[gasps]
I will not tolerate
this disobedience, gary.
Gary, I'm not playing around.
You had better show yourself
this instant.
Okay, get down here.
[toy squeaking]
Hmph.
Gary, give me that ball.
[toy squeaking]
Come on.
[grunts]
Get down.
[grunts]
[toy continues squeaking]
Whoa!
Mother always said,
"don't run with the broom."
[toy squeaking]
I'll take that.
[chomps]
[gasps]
gary, how could you?
You are gonna have
to make a choice.
It's either me or the...
[toy squeaking]
ball.
Fine.
[squeaking continues]
I hope you two
will be very happy together...
Without me.
Good-bye!
[sobbing]
[toy squeaking]
[stomach grumbling,
lips smacking]
- [grunts]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[grunts]
- Blah, blah, bloo, blee, blah,
blah, bloo, blah, blah, blee.
Blah blahhh.
[sobbing]
- [whimpering, crying]
- [whistling]
- [grunts]
- [whistling]
[train whistle sounds]
- [growling]
[growling]
[toy squeaking]
[growling]
[whirring]
[ricocheting]
[whoosh]
[electricity crackling]
And so it's come to this--
No home, no best friend...
[sniffles]
And sleeping under a bus stop.
Hello, little nematode.
Will you be my friend?
That a boy.
[giggles]
that tickles!
Hey, my wallet!
Good thing I canceled
those credit cards.
- [grunts]
- Gary.
I mean--oh, hey.
What are you doing here--
waiting for a bus?
[slurping]
Oh, gary.
Does this mean you've come to
love me more than that chew toy?
- [grunts]
- Yippee!
Look, we're closer than ever.
[laughs]
Come on, gary, let's go home.
[sniffs]
Do you smell something burning?
[expl*si*n, whistling]
Hey, look,
isn't that your ball?
- [hissing]
09x02 - Patrick-Man!; Gary's New Toy
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.