09x16 - Patrick! The Game/The Sewers of Bikini Bottom

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

- I don't get it. What's an audit?

- I don't know, let me check the rules.

Eh, playing "Certified Public Accountant"

isn't as much fun as I thought.

Maybe it'll be funner if we play louder.

- I am rolling the dice!

Now I am moving!

"Run spreadsheets"?

What does that even mean?

- Maybe I'm supposed to run around

with this sheet we spread on the ground!

- Yeah, that sounds right to me!

- Hey, Squidward, want to play

"Certified Public Accountant" with us?

- Oh, let me think. That sounds so--No!

I don't think this game is ripe.

- Yeah, maybe it got picked too soon.

What, do you think that games

grow on trees?

Ha ha ha.

- Doesn't everything grow on trees?

- No, you ninny. Somebody makes them.

- Makes them?

- Yeah, somebody thinks up the game,

then they make the game.

- Then I could make a game?

- No, you couldn't. You would be incapable.

- Well, I think Patrick could make up a game.

- The operative word there is "think."

- Yeah. The oper-nive word is "think."

Thanks, Squidward, I'll do it!

- Go get 'em, Patrick.

Double morons.

- I invented a game! I invented a game!

- Whoopee. Do tell.

Well, you know how hard tic tac toe is

and how it always takes so long to play?

Yeah, well,

I made it easier and faster.

I know I'm gonna hate myself

for saying this, but what have you got?

It's called "tic-tac."

You start with two lines that are crossed,

and then the first person puts an X,

and then the next person puts a...

- O.

- Oh, yeah, an O,

and the first person to get two in a row

draws a line through them and says, "Tic-tac."

You start.

- Tic-tac.

Best two out of four?

- Tic and tac.

- I should have gone with my first idea--"tic."

Squidward, I got a new game!

It's called "Rock, Paper, Butter."

- "Butter" invent a different game.

Squidward, I got it!

"Who's Rope is Longer?" You--

Aw! You've played this before.

Sandy, I've been trying to invent a game,

but every game I invent is a failure.

- If you want to invent a game,

you should study all the games you like

and figure out what it is you like best about them.

Then you can use those elements in the game you invent.

I know what to do!

And so it begins.

It's a game. It's a game!

Now I know what it's like to be a game maker!

- I don't see the point of this game night.

Every game that Patrick has "invented"

is more pointless and boring than the last.

- This time he did research.

- We haven't started, and I'm already bored.

- Well, I'm excited.

We're gonna be the first people to test out Patrick's game.

- This is gonna be written about in the history books someday.

- Yeah, in crayon.

- Good evening. Please step into my Gameatorium.

- More like a lame-atorium. Ha.

Welcome, gamers, and behold...

My game.

- It's beautiful.

Are we finished? Who won?

Ha ha ha!

No, my friend. We have only just begun.

- What's it called, Patrick?

- Might I suggest "Garbage"?

What?

- Yeah, Patrick, what's it called?

It's called "Patrick! The Game"!

Wow.

- Can we just get started already?

I'm late for my coma.

- All right.

- I'll explain the rules. - Okay--

Each player picks a piece to move around the board.

The way you decide which player gets to pick their piece

is by rolling the dice.

To decide who gets to roll the dice first

to see who gets the first choice of players, you have to be---

Look, Patrick, you go,

then Sandy, then Spongebob, then me, okay?

- You mean for picking our player

or for starting the game?

- Both! - Okay.

Now, on to rules of how to play the game.

- I've got a great idea.

Why don't we just start rolling

and you can explain the game as we play?

okay!

Ooh. Money!

- Yee-haw! Beachfront property.

- Driver's license! Driver's license!

What's that mean?

- On your next turn, you roll

and can move down the board,

or you can go round the racetrack

as many times as you rolled.

- Oh, what should I do? What should I do?

What should I do? - You should give me the dice,

give me the dice, because it's my turn!

You go to jail.

- What are you in for, pal?

- My turn!

One, two-o-o.

- Oh, good thing you landed on snacks.

You must be famished.

- Hmm, Coral Avenue. I'll buy it.

. I'll...

drive the car.

- Oh, you don't get to roll when you're in jail.

- Well, what do I do to get out of jail?

- You have to roll a six.

Hey!

You can't roll the dice when you're in jail!

- Yeah, play by the rules.

- Well, if the only way to get out of jail

is to roll a six and I can't roll if I'm in jail,

just how am I suppose to get out of jail?

- Ah, here it is. "The guy that is in jail

"has to stay there unless he rolls a six

or someone says his name."

- Fine. Someone say my name.

- Oh, boy, you landed on do a surgery!

Now pick a surgery card.

"Remove fin bone from player to your left."

- What? Wait. Oh!

But I don't have a fin bone. I'm an octopus.

- Hush now. This won't hurt a bit.

Got it.

- Now sit back down, you criminal!

- Oh, this game doesn't make any sense.

- Sounds like someone's mad because he hasn't moved.

- Well, neither have you.

That's it. I've had enough.

- Come on, Squidward! - Don't go, Squidward.

- No, wait, Squidward! - Squidward!

- Wait. How'd he get out of jail?

- Squidward made us say his name.

- That was a smart move, Squidward.

- Now you roll after me.

Five. One, two, three, four, five.

Um, I think I'll...

- Race the car.

- I'll...

- Race the car!

- I'll...

race the car!

- Oh, boy, snacks!

- Jail for Squidward!

- But I was on Snacks.

- Tell it to the judge.

- Could someone please tell me what we are suppose to be doing?

What's the point?

This entire game is completely random.

It jumps from one thing to another.

I don't know how you are suppose to win,

and Patrick seems to be making up the rules

as he goes along!

Starving, Starving Sea Star time!

Starving, Starving Sea Star!

Starving, Starving Sea Star!

- Okay, I'm going outside.

- If a person declares "outsidesies,"

then everyone must go outside.

- But I didn't say "outsidesies," I said--

- Four.

We are in a giggle zone. Everyone laugh!

- Ha.

- Two. Silly face, silly face!

- Doi, doi, doi, doi!

- Now, that's a silly face.

- Hey, Squidward, you finally understand the rules.

- Oh, I get the rules, all right.

The rules are that it doesn't matter

what anybody rolls!

You can just make up whatever it means!

So I could just roll the dice and say, "a*t*matic winner"!

- Good job, Squidward, you won!

- Nice play, Squidward.

You know what?

You're right. That was a good play.

- Not so fast.

"No player may declare himself a*t*matic winner."

- You did it again. You made up another rule!

This game is the worst! Stupid game!

- Destruction of private property.

Oh, and I see here you're a repeat offender.

You're going to real jail.

- Anything to get out of this game.

Thanks, officers.

- Welcome back.

- Somebody say my name!

- Game over!

- Listen up, crew. I have an announcement!

Bikini Bottom's new sports stadium

will officially be named after this restaurant!

- The Krusty Krab Stadium! Wow!

- Soon I'll have all the concessions in the stadium.

Paying for the naming rights will make me millions!

- Opening day is today! Tailgate party!

- Not for you.

Your tails have to stay here

and make me back some of that money I spent.

- Hooray for Mister Krabs!

- While I'm gone, Squidward mans the helm.

- Psst. Hey, Squidward.

- Oh, Teddy, you're my favorite snuggle buddy.

- Okay, boss, give me a job to do, please.

- Well, why don't you clean the, uh--

Well, you could always clean the, uh--

Why don't you clean your own--

All right, all right, um...

clean everything one more time.

- On it!

- Done. More, please.

- Two more times.

- Done, done.

- Ah, but did you clean down to the subatomic particles?

I knew I missed something.

- Done. Even the theoretical particles

are clean, theoretically.

Um, I don't know.

Why don't you just-- I don't know--

see how many things you can flush down the toilet?

- Um, are you sure about that, boss?

- Are you questioning my orders?

- I hear and obey, my liege.

What have I done?

- How am I doing, boss?

- This is a completely irresponsible thing to do!

But I must admit, it looks amazing.

- How about this?

- Here, try this!

- Here you go!

- This'll go down good.

Oops.

- That was funny. It almost looked like Mister Krabs' safe--

you know, the one

with the secret Krabby Patty formula inside?

What's really funny is that

it was Mister Krabs' safe, the one with the--

Secret Krabby Patty formula inside!

- How could you?

- You ordered me to!

- I didn't say the safe!

- You didn't say not the safe.

- Well, I order you to go get it!

- One second.

Employees must wash hands before leaving.

- What have I done?

I flushed Spongebob down the toilet.

Why, that's despicable, even for me.

All right,

as soon as I get the fry cook out of the toilet,

you can all have your Krabby Patties.

Yuck.

It's so unsanitary.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Krabs, you old bag of shells.

You're not gonna regret paying that money

to have your name on this stadium I built for you.

- I sure hope you're right.

Krabs, I'd like you

to meet Charlton Hawkfish, the famous sewer architect.

- I designed every pipe, gasket, and cesspit

beneath this stadium.

Eh, hi.

- That was weird. I had to flush the toilet twice.

- And they call this is place a modern marvel.

- Crupski, you told me you wouldn't cut corners

on my plans!

What's this?

You've added a reducer into a -foot main line!

- Your point being?

- That pipe's too small! It'll never hold.

- Relax, Charlton.

Building it cheap saved a lot of money.

- Ooh! I like that.

- And what's this?

The pipe is made out of cardboard?

- Eh, corrugated cardboard.

- Ah, relax.

That's what my grandma's dentures are made of.

- Aah!

Spongebob, are you down here?

Yi!

- Hiya, Squidward.

- Eeh! Do not touch me!

I am way out of my comfort zone.

All right, you've been down here longer than me.

Which way?

- Pull my finger.

That way.

- Figures.

Look at these strange etchings, Squidward.

- Look like snakes.

- I hope we don't run into anything like that down here.

Hey! Over there!

It's stuck on the pipe!

- We need to get up there!

- There it is!

Darn it, I missed again.

Leapin' lampreys!

They're biting me!

- Well, bite 'em back!

My eyes!

- Hey, look, there's the safe!

- Where? Where?

- There it is.

- Silencio.

- Yay! Whoo-hoo!

- What the--

Sewer snake!

- It's five minutes to halftime.

Do you know what that means?

Sure do,

the Bikini Bottom-ettes!

- The halftime wave, man!

When every toilet flushes at once!

The sewers can't take it!

It's madness!

- Okay, but you're gonna miss the cheerleaders!

- In here!

- Ooh, Look! "You are here."

- Why is the diagram shaped like a giant sewer snake

with the arrow pointing to its stomach?

What are you doing?

- Oh, crossing "Digested by a giant sewer snake"

off of my to-do list.

- Oh, that makes sense.

Snake food!

- Good going, Squidward. You're tickling him.

I'll help you!

Squidward, the safe! Squidward? Safe!

- Don't bother me while I'm hysterical!

Aah!

I'm alive? I'm alive!

- I guess we're just lucky.

- Oh, look, you found the safe.

- Just my luck.

- Got to go! - Oh, boy!

Egads!

Too much flushing, she's gonna blow!

How's she holding up?

- Sir, every tunnel is flooded except for the reducer pipe.

- The pinch point!

Is that bad?

- Gaskets blown, manifold mangled,

backflow everywhere!

- Oh, you're overreacting.

- You flushed it all away, Crupski!

You two better hope

that fail-safe I installed works.

- Hot dogs, popcorn.

Snorkles?

- Good thing today was Free Ax Day at the stadium.

This is what you get when so-called fishkind,

in all its hubris and ignorance, stoops so low

as to cut corners in its plumbing system.

Extinction is the result of being cheap!

- What a bunch of malarkey.

- At least we didn't waken the Great Sewer Snake.

Check that.

Whoa! Ooh! Whoo-hoo! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

- Hey, everybody, the cook's back from toilet.

- Who's hungry?