07x04 - Greasy Buffoons/Model Sponge

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

- And did you want kelp fries with that?

- Spongebob, order.

One double krabby Patty, everything on it.

One order of kelp fries.

One--

Squidward, what size kelp fries are these?

- Medium.

- Coming right up.

- Now that's what I call fast food.

- Squidward, what's all the hubbarub?

Spongebob, what's all the hubbarub?

- Oh, I'm not sure, Mister Krabs.

I was bringing the customer's order,

and then I slipped and fell in this grease slick.

I think I may be hurt real bad.

- Grease slick, eh?

- Oh, what is it?

- That, me boy, is a grease trap.

- It kind of looks like nobody's cleaned out the trap in a while.

- You know, Spongebob, you're right.

But that's a big job,

a job that only two volunteer employees

could do for no extra pay.

- Yeah!

- Hmm, nothing's coming out.

- Mister Krabs, may I see that?

Saw this in a movie once.

Yeah, maybe I wasn't doing it right.

Oh, never mind.

I was.

Yeah, nothing like a long night of siphoning grease

to put some hairs on your chest, eh, Mister Krabs?

- What?

- Well, now that we got the old grease trap cleaned out,

what do you think we should do with all this excess grease?

Right behind there.

All right, let's get out of here.

- Mister Krabs, are you sure that was legal?

- "Legal"?

- Yeah, legal.

What the?

This is the most bizarre precipitation

I have ever slipped and fallen in.

Ew, it reeks.

But it tastes delicious!

Darn it, I almost had an idea.

Oh, I do.

I do have an idea.

- Plankton!

- Coming, dear.

- Something is terribly wrong, Squidward.

- And it's taken you this long to figure that out?

- Plankton has had a line of customers all morning.

- So?

- So I'm gonna go find out what that rascal's up to.

'Scuse me.

'Scuse me.

Coming through.

What the?

"Try Plankton's new delicious chummy patties,

now with edible flavor"?

Clearly something crabby is going on here.

- Next chum-stomer please.

Well, well, Eugene krabs.

- Save the formalities for your mother-in-law, Plankton.

You stole me krabby Patty formula,

and I want it back.

- Oh, sorry to disappoint, krabs.

But I've done no such thing.

I'm simply using a gift somebody left me

to make my chum taste good.

- A gift?

- It's almost as if I had a personal visit

from the flavor fairy.

- Be that as it may, Plankton, it takes two to tango.

- What?

- Spongebob, stop what you're doing.

- But Mister Krabs, I'm not doing anything.

- Never mind that now.

I got some new direction for you.

Now, from now on,

I want you to fry up two patties for every krabby Patty we sell:

One for the Patty itself,

and the second just for the grease.

Then slather the grease from the second Patty

onto the first one, and voila.

It's a deluxe krabby Patty with extra flavor.

- Mister Krabs, do you think it might be kind of unhealthy

to be feeding people all this grease?

- Unhealthy?

Boy, didn't anyone ever tell you?

- Tell me what?

- Questions are a danger to you and a burden to others.

Little lower.

Little more.

More, little more.

Okay, a little to the left now.

Up a bit.

Okay, wait, that's too far.

All right, all right, perfect.

Right there.

- Mister Krabs, I hope whatever you're yelling about

is something more important than my mid-morning nap.

- Just hanging a new sign, Squidward.

- Just what the world needed.

- Shh.

Okay, a little higher now.

- Hey, look at that.

- What?

- There, right up there.

- Where?

I don't see anything.

- A little to the right.

- Okay, I see it.

- There's a new sign up at the krusty krab.

It says they're serving

something called a deluxe krabby Patty.

- That sounds delicious.

- You're telling me.

I'm gonna try one.

- Next chum-stomer in line, please.

Hello?

- These are delicious.

- You're right.

I can't imagine what makes them taste so good.

- Well, well, well.

Now I actually do see what krabs meant

when he said two can play that game.

But he's a bigger fool than he realizes

if he thinks ol' Plankton

is gonna take this one lying down.

- Man, am I stuffed.

- Me too.

But that deluxe krabby Patty was so swimming good,

I'm gonna get another one.

- Sounds like a plan.

- Hold it.

What's that sign say?

- It looks like it says,

"new: Ultra chummy patties

packed with quadruple grilled goodness."

- Quadruple goodness?

We'll see about that.

Keep the grill going nonstop

to crank out as much grease as possible.

- Well, okay, Mister Krabs.

I never turn the grill off,

but I can turn it off even less than that, if you want.

- Uh, I don't really see what--

whoop!

Mermaid's mollusk.

Yah.

What in the name of Neptune is this?

- Sorry, Mister Krabs.

I accidentally dropped some buns into our vat of extra grease.

Well, they've been soaking in there for about an hour.

- Yummy bunz, huh?

Well, you're gonna have to try

a little harder than that, krabs,

once the hungry public hears about my newest creation.

- Creation?

My scanner shows that's nothing more than a b*rned grease crumb.

- You're right.

And it's packed with flavor.

Crispity crunchities?

- Oh, wow!

- Peeyew, Mister Krabs.

- Don't you usually flush that stuff down the toilet?

This is our latest product.

It's pure grease on a paper plate.

- I'll give you points for honesty.

- Spongebob, get those seven orders of wow! Soup

out to table three pronto.

We got to keep these customers happy,

or Plankton will steal them back.

- Are you going to eat that?

- It was supposed to be going to table three.

- Okay.

- Spongebob! - Sir, yes, sir.

- Are you gonna serve that soup to table three,

or are you gonna wait till it gets up

and walks there itself?

- Actually, Mister Krabs, I've been thinking.

And, well, don't you think maybe this whole grease thing

has gone a bit too far?

You know what I think, Spongebob?

I think you should be thinking about not thinking

and get back to work.

- Got to have crunchity munchity.

- Patrick!

Oh, no.

Not my best friend too.

Oh, no.

Did somebody call the health inspector?

- Oh, no.

Did somebody call the health inspector?

- Did somebody call a health inspector?

- It was me, sir.

I just wanted to tell you that, well,

for the past two weeks Plankton and Mister Krabs have been--

they've been feeding people--

they've been feeding people--

they've been feeding people--

- what's going on here?

Nothing, Mr. Inspector.

- They've been feeding people--

- just a friendly competition between old...

- F-f-f

- f-f-f-- friends?

- Friends, right.

- They're feeding people grease.

- Well, I thought I recognized this horrible stench.

But I thought maybe one of you two

hadn't showered in a while.

- Officer, officer, I would just like to state for the record

that this was all his idea, all of it.

- Oh, really?

Well, in that case, you'll be happy to know

I'll be ordering both your restaurants

to be closed down

until the two of you slimeballs can clean up your act.

Good day.

- Well, I'm taking a bath.

- I guess this is it, boy: The end of an era.

- No, it's not the end, Mister Krabs.

- It is, unless I can find a way to get this grease soaked up.

- Wait a minute.

Did you say soaked up?

- Oh, what difference does it make?

- You'll see.

Oh, it was all a dream.

- No, it wasn't, Mister Krabs.

I soaked up all the offending substances

from the surrounding area,

and I'm gonna go dispose of them properly.

The krusty krab is grease free.

- Patrick, no.

Crunchity munchities.

- Stop it.

Stop it.

Go away.

No, no!

- You're nothing.

Is all that grime meant to scare me,

Mr. Mirror?

I've met sardines tougher than you are.

Time to put you in your place.

Looking good, mirror.

Sorry about the harsh words.

Now to att*ck these floors.

Are you kidding?

He's an absolutely treasure to have around the restaurant.

- Oh, sounds like Mister Krabs is bragging about me

again to his associates.

- And he's been with me for such a long time now.

- I have.

- But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to let the little guy go today.

- Yep, he's gonna have to--

what?

"Let the little guy go"?

Little guy, who's the little guy?

It must be either me or--

Squidward.

Ooh, I am taller.

You're the little guy, squidsy.

- No.

And I want you to stop calling me squidsy.

- Oh, Squidward looked taller there for a second.

Better get a more accurate measurement.

- What do you think you're doing?

- Oh, just seeing which one of us is the little guy.

And it looks like it is you.

- No, I'm not.

- Squidward, wait.

We haven't measured with my legs at full extension yet.

- I don't care.

Now get back in the kitchen.

- You'll care when you find out

what's gonna happen to the little guy.

Whoa!

Oh, who am I kidding?

I need to face the facts,

face the fact that I'm the little guy,

and that Mister Krabs is letting me go today.

- Krabs is letting you go today?

As in, I won't have to work with you ever again?

- Good-bye, krusty krab.

Good-bye, life as I know it.

- Yeah, as much as I don't like doing it,

I have to let him go.

Gotten too big for his cage.

Go on, little guy.

Fly away.

You'll be missed.

- Oh, what's the use, Gary?

I've lost the will to go on.

I don't feel like going on!

Hi, Patrick.

- Oh, sorry to interrupt your fit of self-loathing, Spongebob.

I'm just borrowing your refrigerator again.

- What happened to yours?

- Nothing; It's just empty.

- Oh, get it out of my sight.

Now that I have no means of purchasing food for myself,

I do not need a refrigerator.

- Don't get down on yourself, buddy.

You can still purchase food for me.

- Oh, no, I can't, Patrick.

I lost my job today.

I won't be able to buy food for you

or for Gary or for anybody.

- Oh, no!

What are you gonna do?

- I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!

I've been a fry cook for so long.

I don't think I can do anything else.

- I know, Spongebob.

Just do what I do when I'm looking for a job.

Kick back.

Watch some TV, and chug down a carton

of drinkable sausage.

- Good, Gary.

There have to be some job openings in the classifieds.

Boo!

Although these ads smell a little out of date.

I better get some fresh ones.

Lawyer, no, too much arguing.

Stunt driver, don't have a boating license.

Astronaut, don't like food in a bag.

Oh, this one sounds interesting.

"Bank teller needed."

That shouldn't be too much of a stretch from fry cooking.

, , , ,

, , .

Order up.

What do you think, boss?

- Clamshells.

What have you done, boy?

I told you to build me a house,

not a sandwich.

Oh!

- I guess I'm not a carpenter, Patrick.

I need to start fresh with a job that feels natural,

something that says, "this is a job for a sponge."

Any idea where I can find a job like that, Patrick?

- Nope.

Oh, but yes!

It's so obvious.

You should work at the krusty krab.

They need a fry cook.

- I can't, Patrick.

That's the job I got fired from.

Remember?

Mayhaps you should talk to the sponge behind you.

He looks happy.

- That's just a billboard, Patrick.

- Why don't you get a job as a billboard?

- I don't think that's physically possible.

But I could audition to be a sponge model.

- Fine, do it your way.

- Wow.

What a setup.

I don't know, Patrick.

Maybe this was a mistake.

Maybe I don't have the talent.

- Oh, you have the talent.

But do you have the natural ability?

- Yeah, but--

wait, isn't that the same thing?

- Why don't you find out? - Wait!

I can't do this, Patrick.

What if I don't stack up to the competition?

Maybe I should just beg Mister Krabs for my old job back.

- No way.

It's too late for that now.

Krabs doesn't need you anymore.

This is your chance to prove you don't need him.

Now get in there and earn me some groceries.

My friend here wants to audition for the sponge model role.

- Well, well, "want" is a strong word.

I'd like an audition,

but if you've already cast it, that's fine.

Have you cast it? I think she's already cast it.

We better go, Patrick. - Hold it.

You want the audition, kid?

You got it. - I did?

- Show me what you got.

- Okay, here goes.

Patrick, please?

Ding!

Sorry.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Let's get on with this train wreck.

- Okay, getting on it.

- All right, all right, thank you.

I've heard enough.

- How'd I do?

- Horribly.

I've seen clams with more talent than you.

But since the role specifically calls for a real sponge,

the part is yours.

Here's the script.

We start sh**ting tomorrow at : .

Don't be late.

- I guess a sponge can make it in this town.

I am gonna be a star!

- I'm standing here with the new face of television,

Mr. Spongebob Squarepants.

I'm sure the viewing audience would love to know,

how does it feel to be the next big thing?

- Fantastic.

Spongebob, Spongebob!

Spongebob, Spongebob!

Spongebob, Spongebob!

- Spongebob.

Hey, Spongebob, you say something?

- Oh, yes, I did, Patrick.

I said, "you're looking at the new face of television."

- All right.

- Well, better go home and get some beauty sleep.

- Yeah, beauty sleep!

- That's right.

You are looking at a changed sponge.

But don't worry.

I won't forget all the people

who helped me on the way up.

- Afternoon, boy-o.

- Oh, just as I was saying.

I'd like to thank you for giving me my humble start.

I won't forget you.

- What was that about?

Oh, probably just nonsense and babbling, as usual.

- Patrick, when next you see me, it shall be on the television.

- Oh, you're back.

- A star's first day is his most important.

- Great, let me see if they're ready on set.

Spongebob's here, sir.

Uh-huh, okay, great.

Okay, you can go right in.

- Yow!

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Director.

- Very well.

Lose the pants!

Hans, where's my star?

- What's happening?

Wh-wh-what's happening?

- In this scene,

you will be cleaning bathroom fixtures.

- Okay.

So where's my cleaning utensil?

- Ach, du lieber.

Don't you get it?

You are the cleaning utensil.

Roll spied!

- New sponge commercial, take one.

- Action!

- Oh, no.

Your bathroom is a disaster.

Get it cleaned up fast with the new sponge.

- Household chores are a snap with new sponge.

It cleans sinks.

Just look at that shine!

Splat!

New sponge cuts through

even the toughest grime and grit.

New sponge also cleans showers.

- Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

That tile looks good as new.

But best of all,

new sponge can make any toilet sparkle.

No!

I can't do this.

- Cut!

- I'm sorry.

I don't think I'm cut out for acting.

- Was?

You said you are professional actor.

- Well, I'm not.

I am a fry cook.

That's what I am,

and that's what I've always been.

I'm sorry to waste your time, mister.

- Wait, wait!

- Ever so gently.

- Mister Krabs!

Please take me back, please.

I promise I'll do better.

Please.

- Boy, what are you going on about?

- I heard you on the phone saying

you're gonna let the little guy go.

But I don't want to go.

Please don't let me go, Mister Krabs!

You're looking at a little guy that doesn't want to go!

- All right, boy-o.

I won't get rid of you

on one condition.

- Oh, boy.

This is the best job in the world.

- Hey, would you keep it down in there?

I'm trying to concentrate.