07x17 - The Great Patty Caper

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

- It's coming up on that time again.

Okay, boy, fire her up.

- With pleasure, Mister Krabs.

I love this part of the job.

- Don't forget the cheese.

- This part ain't bad either.

- Looks good, kiddo.

You want to do the honors?

You Don't mean...

- Oh, I mean.

- Thank you, Mister Krabs. Thank you.

It is both an honor and a privilege

that I shall--

- what are you going on about?

I let you turn the sign every day.

- As I Don the ceremonial white gloves,

I continue the eternal cycle

and now deem the krusty krab...

Open!

Patrons, spring forth.

The krusty krab will now seat you.

- All right, you landlubbers, get the--

Neptune's jewels.

Where are me customers?

And just when the krabby Patty was about to go triple platinum.

Squidward!

Squidward?

Squidward!

- No need to shout, Mister Krabs.

He's right here,

secretly watching his favorite soap,

as the tide turns.

- Shut it, Spongebob.

Gil is about to reveal his secret.

- You understand?

Them guppies, them's my children.

- I knew it!

- In case you two haven't noticed,

we got no customers!

And we're not gonna get them back

if you two lazy Susans sit around the TV all day.

- Cock-a-doodle-yum!

Rise and shine

for the best restaurant in the sea.

Whoosh!

- Who dares lay claim

to the title "best restaurant in the sea"?

- The sea chicken shack!

- Say, Mr. Sea chicken,

how's the flavor of that zesty sea chicken sandwich?

- It's im-peck-able.

So come on down to my sea chicken shack,

and Don't forget the kids!

- Blimey.

This is the first i've heard of this Mr. Sea chicken.

There goes me monopoly.

But how did he lure me loyal customers away so fast?

Spongebob, I need you

to head over to the sea chicken shack

and see what's cooking.

- You want me to go undercover?

- Uh, that won't be necessary, boy.

Just look around,

see how he's roping in all these customers.

- Understood, Mister Krabs.

How do you like my new armpit spy cam, huh?

- Spongebob, I Don't need a spy.

- Oh, and check this out,

a special spy pen.

Looks just like like a regular pen, right?

See, see, see, see, see?

See? Just a pen, right?

See?

- Right.

- Well, you'd be mistaken, sir.

Because this pen is also a pencil.

Pretty sweet undercover spy stuff, huh, Mister Krabs?

- Boy, stop this nonsense.

- You're right, sir.

Who needs a spy pen

when you are a master in the undercover arts?

I blend in with the common man.

Then like a whisper, I am gone.

Yellow scrubber to big red,

come in, big red.

- Just tell me what you see, Spongebob.

- I am inside. Repeat, I am inside.

Nothing of interest to report so far.

In fact, it's kind of dumpy.

And customer safety...

A little lax.

- And it smells in here,

like a tuna bathed in algae after running a marathon.

- Oh, so it's a crime now to exercise?

- What about the food?

- I have infiltrated the line right now,

and i'll report back once I have obtained sample.

- Next.

- I'll have one of your finest sandwiches, please.

- I'm afraid I can't do that, sir.

Please, refer to our policy regarding dress.

- "Headbands equal no service."

Barnacles!

My disguise's only weakness.

Whoa! Mayday, big red!

Contact has not been established.

Mission abort. Mission abort.

Yellow scrubber to big red,

I was not able to obtain any intel.

- Cut the spy lingo and just tell me,

is there anything remarkable about the sea chicken shack?

- Other than the faux dilapidation, not really.

- What you're describing is an absolute dump.

Are there any unique or interesting amenities

that might attract me customers in any way?

- No.

Great barrier reef!

- What is it, man? What do you see?

- I see a giant statue

depicting Mr. Sea chicken in all his glory.

- A statue?

How does a statue steal me customers?

Spongebob?

Spongebob?

- Of course.

Mr. Sea chicken, you mad trickster, you.

Cater to the kids,

and the parents will follow.

Boys, we Don't have much time.

So i'm gonna make this short and sweet.

I need an artist,

someone with a vision.

- Oh, boy.

- Someone among us with a big talent.

- He's talking about me.

- Someone to create a glorious, towering statue

of my likeness.

You guys know anyone around here

with an artistic bone in their body?

I do!

- Ooh, really? Who?

- Guess.

- Um...harry the lobster?

- No.

- Old man Jenkins?

- No.

- One-two Sally?

- No.

- My mom?

- No.

- For the love of all things briny!

It's me!

- Correct.

- Oh, that's right, Squidward.

You do dabble in the doodling doodle-doo.

- For those who care,

I am nothing short of an artistic genius.

- Word.

- Unfortunately, that precludes me

from doing any commercial pieces.

Good-bye.

- Hey, now! Hold on, Mr. Squidward!

You and I aren't that different from each other.

We both make product.

- Are you suggesting that krabby patties are art?

- Yes.

Squidward, do you have any idea how many people

come to the krusty krab every day?

- Oh, I Don't know. .

- Well, that's more seeing your art than yesterday.

All right, krabs.

I'll do it.

But I will need complete artistic control.

- You got it.

Long as it's done by opening tomorrow.

- Yes, Tom-- tomorrow!

- As advertised.

- I can't make a work for the ages overnight.

Art does not march to a ticking clock.

Art shall come when art is good and ready, sir.

- If you want the public

to experience your cultural import,

get it ready by : A.M.

- I'll need an assistant.

- There you go.

- Fine.

The first thing I need you to do, assistant,

is get me a giant stone

so that I may sculpt this masterpiece.

- Anything for the artiste.

- And Don't dilly--

dally.

Nice rock.

- Isn't it?

I can't believe no one was using it.

Boom!

- I'm gonna be rich.

- I'm gonna famous.

- I'm gonna Squidward's assistant giant rock fetcher!

- Prepare to be immortalized in stone.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm...shy.

- I am posing you.

Did you think this sculpture was going to make itself?

Don't you want the money this statue's gonna bring in?

- Like this?

- Nope.

- Or this? - Nope.

- Or this? - Nope.

- Or this? - Nope.

- Oh, come on, Squidward.

Hold that pose!

Don't move a muscle.

- How long am I gonna have to stay like this?

- As long as it takes.

Bang!

- Come on, Squidward. I'm about to give out.

- All done.

Snap!

- Okay! Let's see it!

- Make sure you wear sunglasses,

or you may be blinded by my genius.

- Yeah, yeah. Just show me.

- Voila!

- What's that supposed to be?

- This is a masterpiece.

- I Don't have a mouth in my stomach!

- It represents the gaping, mashing maw of consumerism

and the endless cavern it creates within us all.

I call it oppression.

- Whatever that means.

But is it safe for kids to play on?

- This is art, not a swing set!

- Well, we should do a dry run

before we let the general public use it.

Spongebob!

- Reporting for duty, sir.

- I'm gonna need you to frolic and play

on this here doohickey thing.

- It is not a doohickey.

It's art!

- I read you loud and clear, cap'n.

Loud and clear.

Whee, whee!

Crash!

Wow. This is heavy.

- Squidward!

I can't let children play on that-that-that w*apon!

I'm gonna get my pants sued off!

- What?

You wanted a piece of art, and that's what you got.

- Oh, it's a piece, all right.

A piece of junk!

- Mister Krabs, if I may be allowed to float an idea?

- Did you hear something?

How long do I have to stay like this?

- As long as you keep wanting to sell this many patties.

Ding!

- I think you look really good, sir.

You're golden.

Bang!

- Whoa!

Do you think we caused an earthquake

by hitting the ground too hard?

- Maybe.

Or maybe it's them.

- Huh, i've never seen those guys around before.

- Ew! We're all covered in slime!

- Not to worry, Patrick.

I am a sponge after all.

Slurp!

Hold still.

- Um, you're leaking.

- Oh, Patrick, do you mind?

I've got to wring myself out.

- Say no more.

Oh, we have to warn bikini bottom

about those creatures.

Whelks!

Chomp!

- Oh, my! What do we do?

Splat!

- What are those things?

- Sea whelks!

A pernicious form of sea snail

have invaded bikini bottom and are on the att*ck,

devouring innocent citizens

and covering the city with purple slime.

Chomp!

Luckily, the bikini bottom newsroom is perfectly safe.

This is bikini bottom news signing off.

- Whelks!

I'm not afraid of some goofy old sea snail.

Hey, Gary.

- Hello.

- Gary can be a little creepy.

- Well, i'm not afraid of them.

Watch this.

Oh, hold on a second.

- How'd it go?

- Can't talk! Running!

- Oh-ho-ho!

Let us in! Let us in!

Let us in!

- Let us in! Let us in!

Squidward, please, let us in!

Mister Krabs!

- Mister Krabs, ravenous, giant sea whelks are coming!

They kind of look like Gary but not really,

and they spit purple slime,

and they're eating everyone.

They tried to eat me and Patrick,

but we ran and ran.

And then we got away.

- Ravenous...

That means hungry!

Krabby patties!

Get your krabby patties!

Try a nice, hot krabby Patty,

only $ . each.

- That'll be $ . .

Splat!

Don't care for krabby patties,

well, maybe there's something else on the menu you'd like.

- Patrick, use your words.

- Yep, that's one big mama.

- Welcome to the krusty krab!

- Uh, you seem like a mollusk of discerning tastes.

Could I interest you in a side of kelp fries?

I'm not on the menu!

- Squidward, it swallowed Mister Krabs!

- And this affects me how?

- What do we do now?

- Sandy! - Sandy, Sandy, Sandy!

- Let us in, Sandy! - Oh, Sandy!

- Let us in, Sandy!

- Who is it?

- Sandy, let us in!

- How can I be sure you're not whelks in disguise?

- We're not whelks!

- We promise!

Let us in!

- What's your mother's maiden name?

- Uh, bubblebottom!

- Patrick, what's your first name?

Is this a trick question?

You're in.

- What are we gonna do?

- I may know the answer to that question.

Do you want the regular answer

or the action-packed answer?

- Action-packed, please.

- Yes!

I need to get a sample of their slime!

If I can analyze it...

I may be able to deduce...

Hi-yah!

The cause of their aggressive behavior.

And maybe we can stop them.

Hmm...

Oh, no!

Come on, guys.

Follow me.

Chomp!

- I guess this is it, Patrick.

- You guys go.

I'll hold them off.

And if I fail,

at least my sacrifice will delay the inenimable.

- I can't let you do that, Patrick!

I'll be the one to lay down my life.

- Okay, you go!

- No. I'll go.

The whelks Don't seem to be after land--

critters!

Patrick, look at that!

The krusty krab!

- The g*ng's all here!

- We're closed.

Come back tomorrow.

Hey, Spongebob, lend me your corneas a second.

You too, Patrick.

Uh, okay.

- Well, golly.

No wonder they're all grumpy.

Them whelks are full of germs.

Why, they're sicker than a bull with the squirrel pox.

- I know just what to do.

After all, i've had the suds.

I just have to absorb the whelk snot,

and they'll return to normal.

- Now let's get the rest of you cleaned up.

Blah...

Aw, cute.

Thud!

'scuse me.

- Gesundheit.

- You did it, boy!

- So these things went crazy

just because they had the sniffles?

- It's in his eye!

- Oh, that's hilarious.