07x20 - The Abrasive Side/Earworm

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

I believe I was in line first.

I spent the night.

That's how you get the best spot around here.

I'm meeting my best friend

for an exciting day at glove world.

See?

"Glove world."

I promised Patrick we'd be first in line

for the first bus to glove world.

Interesting stuff.

Say, do you mind if I cut in front of you?

- B-b-but I spent the night so that I could...

Um...

Okay, I guess...

- Excuse me.

- Pardon me.

- Move it.

- Hey, Spongebob.

Are you ready to--

Spongebob!

You promised firsties.

- I'm sorry, Patrick.

But we'll still be on the first bus to glove world.

Yay.

- Here we go. - Glove world. Glove world.

Glove world. - Spongebob.

- Sandy?

- Howdy, little buddy.

I need your help with an experiment.

- Gosh, Sandy, i'd like to,

but i'll miss the first bus to glove world.

- But this is an emergency.

- Spongebob,

please?

- Uh...okay.

I'll catch the next bus, Patrick.

See you there!

- Operation acorn smoothie is a success.

- Spongebob.

Boyo, you got to help me.

Pearl's got her heart set on a new pair of shoes.

Your job is to tell her "no."

- But, Mister Krabs, today is my day off.

- Spongebob. - Eep!

Uh, Pearl, about those shoes. No.

- No?

- Spongebob.

Help your granny cross the street?

- Grandma?

Coming, grandma.

Ooh.

- Oh, man.

That was the best time i've ever had.

Hello, Spongebob.

Did you enjoy not going to glove world with me?

- Oh, Patrick, I tried.

How I tried.

But everyone needed my help, and i--i--

- you need to learn to say "no."

Stand up for yourself, man.

You need thicker skin.

Check out mine.

Ooh.

Hey, which reminds me.

Can you scratch my back?

- Oh, sure.

Oh, it's true, gare-bear. It's true.

- Meow.

- It's true that I can't stand up for myself.

I'm too soft.

Oh, I wish I had thicker skin.

- Meow-ow.

Meow-ow-ow.

- What does this say?

"Don't throw out that old, too-soft sponge.

Toughen it up with a new abrasive side."

Say.

Gary, did you order this for me?

Oh, it fits like a glove.

- Meow.

- Thanks, Gary, you're always there for me.

I wonder how this thing works?

- Why Don't you scram, you little freeloader?

Bottom feeder.

- See ya, Gary.

- Meow.

- No.

- Hi, Spongebob.

Could you help me carry my groceries?

- Carry 'em yourself, fishface.

- Hey, Spongebob.

How about a little help with this suntan lotion, huh?

- Don't you think you've had enough?

All you're missing is a bowl of butter.

- Butter?

Yipe.

- Hey, grandma.

- Why, hello, Spongebob.

- I've got an abrasive side now.

- Why, that's nice, dear.

Spongebob, would you help your granny cross the street?

- Sorry, granny.

Why Don't you walk yourself across the street?

- Have a nice day, grandma.

- Howdy, Spongebob.

You're right on time to help me test out

my new disappearator.

It'll make anything disappear instantly.

Now hold still,

and i'll just shave a few inches off'n

the top o' your noggin.

Oh, why certainly, San--

- no can do, you brainless lab rat.

I've got better things to do than be your test monkey.

- Brainless?

- Ahoy, there, Spongebob.

I need ya to work an extra -hour shift tonight.

- Whoa. Sure thing, mister--

- sorry, krabs, i'm busy...

Unless you're paying me overtime.

- Overtime?

O-ver-time?

Overtime?

Let's see here...

"Over," "oversold," "overspend."

More money per hour."

What a filthy, disgusting word.

- Oh, fine.

I suppose you want me to play some stupid game

or you'll just follow me around all day

and never, ever leave.

- Afraid not, schnozzward.

I wouldn't hang out with you

for all the money in krabs' mattress.

- You Don't know how long i've waited

to hear those words.

- Hey, Spongebob.

You're right on time for our playdate.

- Whoa. I can't wait--

- to ditch you.

- 'cause you're my best friend.

- So b*at it, tubby.

I Don't care for your company.

- Well, Patrick, are you ready to have some fun?

- I Don't know.

- That's weird.

I wonder what's wrong with Patrick.

- Don't you remember?

We told that pink freak to b*at it.

In fact, we've already insulted all of your rotten friends,

and nobody will hang around with you

'cause you have no friends left,

Mr. Loserbob lonelypants.

Oh, no.

Patrick!

Patrick!

Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!

- Yes, may I help you?

- Yes, Patrick!

Help me get this abrasive side off my back.

You'll help me, won't you, buddy?

- I Don't know. Are we buddies?

- Patrick, you know the answer to that question is--

- no.

Why would I want to be friends

with a big loser like you?

I'm so confused.

It happened again!

- It's unbelievable.

"More money for service above and beyond..."

Slam!

- Mister Krabs! Mister Krabs!

What do you want now, Mr. Potty mouth?

- But, Mister Krabs,

I never use immoderate language, like--

- overtime. Snap!

Out.

Out. And stay out.

And Don't you come back

till you've swabbed that poop deck

you call a mouth.

- Sandy. Please, help me.

Gary ordered me an abrasive side

so that I could be more assertive--

- hey, chipmunk.

- But now it's taken over.

- Quiet, you.

- I can't take it anymore.

It's like a--a virus.

Hold on.

Pop!

- I said, "what'd you want to go do

a dang fool thing like that for?"

- Well, I just couldn't say...

- No. - To anybody.

So I got this abrasive side to help change my personality.

- Aw, Spongebob,

Don't go tryin' to be someone you're not.

You are who you are.

And who you are is just fine.

- Who he is just stinks.

- Golly!

We got to get this varmint off you.

Now turn around.

And grab somethin' heavy.

Now, hold still.

- No! You Don't scare me, girly.

- This is gonna sting worse than a jellyfish

in a bucket of electric eels.

- Hey, what are you doing,

you crazy bushy-tailed rodent?

- All done.

Thank you, Sandy.

You too, Patrick.

- No problem.

- I think it's high time we get rid of this critter.

- So long, abrasivey.

- Grandma.

I've got to apologize to grandma.

Grandma?

Hello?

Grandma, i'm sorry about earlier today.

So what do you say?

Can we discuss forgiveness

over a cup of your famous hot cocoa?

- Oh, my sweet,

I would love to whip that up for you

right after you...

- Make your own hot cocoa!

I'm busy.

- No!

- Would you stop that incessant babbling?

- Thowwy, thquidwad.

- Grr!

- Spongebob.

What are you doing? It's closin' time.

Now, get out there and swab the poop deck.

- Aye-aye, mein capitan.

- Would you quit it with that tune already?

- Sorry, it's just so catchy.

- I Don't care. Just can it.

I'll cleanse myself

by listening to a little public radio.

- Ooh!

It's musical doodle,Squidward.

- Figures you would be into that hideous pop fodder.

- It's a sign.

- A sign that you're a true boob?

- Yes! No.

That this song and I were meant to be together.

- Great. Now I hate two things.

- All right, boys, time to go ho--

freedom!

- Okay, Spongebob, time to hit the road.

Spongebob?

- And that's the new song by the sonars

called musical doodle.

- Ah, musical doodle.

- Spongebob.

- Oops. Good night, sir.

- What am I runnin' here, a nut house?

- Oh, garr-y!

Oh, just the snail i'm looking for.

Want to hear my new record?

- Meow.

- I knew you would.

- Whoa!

Let's spin that record one more time.

Wow, it's late.

I have to get to sleep.

Come to bed when you're ready, Gary.

Slap!

Thunk!

Oh, fine.

I'll just listen to it one more time

to get it out of my system.

Just one more time.

One more time.

- Pushin' yer luck a bit, aren't you, kid?

You were nearly late this mornin'.

You got to be more conscient-er-ous

or i'll have to start docking yer pay.

Oh, yeah, that's what i'll do.

Spongebob!

Wake up, boyo.

Don't you need some patties to get started there?

- Of course. Thanks, boss.

- Just focus on makin' the patties, boyo.

Hang on, hang on.

Play that last part back for me.

Click!

- That's it.

I shouldn't try to control it.

I should stop fighting

the doodle's infectious groove.

I asked for no onions.

What is wrong with the youth of the ocean today?

- Me neither.

That door squeak sounded decidedly disgruntled.

Me customers!

Why are you runnin' off?

- Well, I never got my fries.

- I never got my Patty.

- I got drenched in soda,

and it was all because that yellow idiot

keeps singing that annoying song.

- Spongebob.

You got to cut out that singin', boy.

It's repelling me profits.

- Mister Krabs, i've tried and i've tried,

but it just keeps playing over and over in my mind.

Stop singing that song!

One more outburst like that out of me,

and i'm sendin' you home for the day.

Slap!

Keep yer trap shut.

But it wasn't my trap.

Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

- One more outburst,

and Mister Krabs will send you home for the day.

Okay, okay, but I feel it building up inside of me.

What in blazes are you doin'?

That's it, boy, yer done for the day.

- What's his deal?

- Oh, he's obsessed with this artless pop tune.

- We got to help him but quick.

He could be in great danger.

- Hey, buddy.

- Come on, pat. We need your help.

- Spongebob?

- Spongebob, where are you?

- Spongebob!

Hold still. This won't hurt a bit.

Get him!

Smash!

Smack!

- Just as I thought.

You're suffering from a condition known as "earworm."

You see, when your brain becomes stuck on a catchy tune,

you're susceptible to earworm infection.

And you got a nasty one there.

- Let's just rip the little sucker out.

- Hold it! We can't do that.

It might damage his brain.

The only way to drive the earworm out

is with another catchy tune.

- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

I got one.

'‘Tis an ole sea shanty

me and me mates used to sing on the high seas.

He ain't budgin'.

- I'll be darned if anybody can resist a western song

while wearin' a western hat.

Come here, you.

- That only seems to have made him madder.

We need somebody with real musical talent

to get rid of this thing.

- All right, i'll do it.

But only because you require

an artist of such high talent.

- Oh, right, Squidward,

you play that little doohickey.

- It's called a clarinet.

- Whoa.

- You did it.

Drove the little critter out.

- Hold still, buddy.

- Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,

thank you, thank you, thank you, Squidward.

- All right, you're grateful.

Now leave me alone.

That was a neat little tune I came up with today,

if I do say so myself.

Oh, yeah.

That's catchy stuff, squiddy.

Catchy stuff.