13x27 - Army of Me

[bunniefuu]

Okay, six hours

Until the science fair bus
picks us up.

Approximately three hours
to drive to kingston,

Twelve hours of brain
slash beauty sleep,

And one hour to set up
our booth.

Take a breath,
bhandari.

We pick up our project posters
from the mall at lunch,

I've got my supplies,
my literature,

My overnight bag packed-

Did I remember to pack
my toothbrush?

You can borrow mine
if you forgot.

Alli:
um, that's... Gross?
Cute though.

We're just not there yet,
dallas.

Yet?

You're totally gonna win
this thing.

Alli:
well, with you by my side,
how could I lose?

Team connor!

Pshaw! Organic fruit
beats plant cloning

Any day of the week.

Not if you use
the cloning

As my hypothesis
correctly predicted.

Um... Did I pack the extra
power cord for my laptop?

I'm sure you did.

I'd better go
double check.

No flirty eyeballing
at alli!

She was flirty eyeballing
at me, fyi!

Maybe she's ready
to date again.

I don't want to miss
another opportunity.

Guys always distract alli
from her goals.

Can you just chill out
'til the end of the fair?

Please?

Okay.

But that sounds like
you think I have a sh*t, though.

Help alli with the fair
and only good things can happen.

Um, I could win the fair,
you know.

Of course you could,
sweetie.

Promise to keep your paws
to yourself?

Promise.

I've waited this long,
what's more hours?

Ah!

Extra power cord,
check!

Oh, I'm so excited!

(Alli sighs happily)

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ (The best that I can be) ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

Drew: (over p.a.)
The degrassi fishing club
will be going their first trip

Saturday morning
at six a.m.

Bring your permission slips
to the office

And sign up to carpool
by friday.

Maya:
woo!

Late night partying?

Tristan:
I wish!
My parents had an epic argument

About who would take me
to my dentist appointment today.

Why would they argue
about that?

Uh, they're idiots?
I don't know!

Lately,
all they do is fight.

It means nothing.
My parents are fine.

Okay.

So any idea
who the new teacher is?

Oh, no.

I actually forgot mr. Townsend
was taking a leave of absence.

(Tristan sighs)

Um... Are you the new teacher?

Yes.

My name is grant yates.

But I'd prefer it
if we could teach each other.

Who can tell me what
the algonquin round table was?

Tristan:
um, I think it was
a writer's group in new york,

In like the ' s?

Close, mr...?

Tristan:
milligan. Tristan.

I would like
for this english class

To model itself
after that group.

So we are not merely students
earning a credit,

But like-minded actors,

Poets, writers,
and musicians,

Sharing ideas and inspiration,

Much like the algonquin
round table.

In that vein, I'll be starting
a playwriting collective.

Students with writing potential
will be invited to join.

Only then,
once you're in,

Will you learn
what it's all about.

In the meantime,

Perhaps I should learn
the rest of your names.

I have to get into
that collective.

That's exactly
what I need.

Drew:
yeah, they'll be in tomorrow.

Perfect! Uh, did you get
the email about the-

Yep, I responded, it's gonna be
a pain in the butt.

Ugh! Yeah,
but we have to deal.

Um, we should also go over-

Yeah, at lunch.

Oh, and please tell me
that you-

Yeah, we're gonna go over that
at lunch, too.

We should kinda talk
about it now.

Mm, I can't,
I have a science test.

Fine.
Why are you eating those?

You know they give you
a bellyache.

I can't help it.
I love them so much!

Can you open this?

Oh yeah, sure.

Okay,
I'll see you later.

See ya.

Omg! You two are the most
adorable work spouses ever!

What?

Finishing each other's
sentences,

Anticipating questions,
the snarky banter.

You know.

Drew and I aren't spouses,
work or otherwise.

I have a boyfriend,
remember?

Well, unfortunately,
eli isn't in visual range.

Plus drew's super single,

You two are always together,
always bicker flirting.

No wonder the entire school

Thinks there's something
going on between you two!

The entire school?!

Well...
Maybe not the entire school.

Ninety-three percent?

At least.

(Cars rumble)

Alli:
posters all picked up
and now we wait.

Now we eat.

Connor, buy me french fries
or lose me forever.

Hey.

Hey.

I just wanted to say
a proper thank you.

Whether we win
or not tomorrow,

This whole science
fair thing

Wouldn't be happening
without you.

I'm just your sidekick.

No, you're so much more
than that.

I just...

Wish there was a way
I could pay you back...

Somehow.

Maybe you could buy me
some new shades.

Shades.

Okay, then.

(Dallas sighs)

I make these look good!

Those are for girls!

(Both laugh)

(expl*si*n blasts,
people scream)

(Fire alarm rings)

Alli: oh my god!
Dallas: holy!

Alli:
oh my god!

Dallas:
just go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

(Chairs clatter,
people scream)

(Car rumbles)

(Annoyed huff,
cell phone chimes)

(Cell phone chimes)

(Sighs heavily)

Something wrong,
mr. Milligan?

Oh, nothing.

My parents just suck
a whole bucket of hammers,

That's all!

Vivid metaphor.

I feel like I'm being pulled
in a million directions.

I mean my friends are all mad
at each other,

My parents are fighting
non-stop.

Neither of them showed
to take me

To my stupid dentist
appointment!

My pearly whites are at risk
and nobody cares!

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to problem vomit
all over you.

Oh god, I just said,
"vomit all over you."

(Laughs)
it's okay.

I'm sorry for
your troubles though.

(Sighs) I'm just...

Worried my parents
are gonna get divorced.

I went through that
at your age.

I thought I could stop it -

The fighting,
their breakup.

But it wasn't about me.

That's the tough part
to accept.

Well, thanks for listening,
mr. Yates.

Anytime.

I'm on my way
to lunch.

Do you want a lift
to your dentist appointment?

I won't be held responsible
for any cavities.

Um, sure!

Maybe on the way
you can tell me

About the playwriting
collective?

Mr. Yates:
don't think so.

Tristan:
just a little hint?

First rule of collective:
don't talk about collective!

(Laughs)

Drew:
I got you the last egg salad!

Had to trip a ninth grader,
but you're worth it.

Um, thanks,
but...

Can you tone it down
on the coziness?

People already think
we're dating!

Oh, they do? Hmm.
Oh, well.

Oh, well?!

You don't want your presidency
rocked by scandal!

I got you a sandwich, clare,
calm down.

But after we kissed
and everything,

I just think it's better
if we keep things professional!

So what,
we can't be friends?

We can!

I just have a boyfriend.

Maybe you should think about
getting a girlfriend.

Uh, no.

Dating is number one
on the list of things

I currently suck at
right now, so-

We just have to find you
someone shiny and new

And age appropriate.

Wait. We?!

Yeah, I'll help!

As your friend.

Mm-hmm.

We can set you up
on "teen personals!"

Online dating?

Okay, that is the opposite
of helping, clare!

Trust me,
it will be great!

I'll set up your profile
and vet the options,

And then you can pick
the lucky lady.

All right, fine, fine.
But no crazies!

Yay! Okay, let me take
a profile picture.

(Clears throat)

One more,

And try not to look
so constipated.

Stupid candy.

Perfect.

Woman: (over p.a.)
Please remain calm.
This is not a test.

Police officer:
right this way, everyone.

Follow along
in an orderly fashion.

Sir, I'll have you stand aside,
please.

Me?

Yeah, just step aside,
please.

Miss, we'll have you continue on
with everyone else.

Thank you!

Why do you have
to wait behind?

Maybe they need me
for a witness statement?

Yeah,
I'll give one too.

Move on, ma'am,
the situation is still volatile.

But-

Alli, just go find
jenna and connor,

Call your parents
and let them know

That we're okay.

I don't want
to leave you here!

I'm safe.
I'll be fine.

Police officer:
come on!

(Alli gasps)

Let's go, ma'am,
I'm not gonna ask you again.

Let's go,
let's go!

(People chatter,
alarm blares)

Police officer:
sir, you're just gonna
continue on in that direction.

Right there.

Woman: (over p.a.)
Please remain calm.
This is not a test.

Please proceed
to the nearest exit.

(Sighs heavily)

(Cell phone chimes)

(Cell phone chimes)

(Cell phone chimes)

♪♪

(Cell phone chimes)

Someone's popular!

Yeah, drew!

I set up an online
dating profile for him

And he's been getting
a lot of response!

How am I supposed to pick
from all these strangers?

Unless...

Maybe you could date him?

(Imogen giggles)

Or not.

Yeah. Bye!

Imogen:
I'm on to you,
clare edwards.

Clare:
excuse me?

You playing matchmaker
for drew

All because you're avoiding
your feelings for him.

Classic move.

Clare:
it's just a crush,
a really dumb one.

Please don't tell eli?

I won't.

But if you hurt him,
I will spork out your eyes

And feed them to my fishies.

Crushes are totally natural.

I get a new one
every day.

I almost have one on you
and that short,

Swishy hair of yours.

Um...

Besides, it's not like drew
would ever actually date you.

And why is that?

Because you're not his type.

Like... At all.

(Slightly offended gasp)

♪♪

(Nervous breath)

Woman: (over p.a.)
Please remain calm.
This is not a test.

Wait here.

You'll be called
for questioning.

There's gotta be
some kind of mistake!

(Sighs)

Are you and alli okay?

Yeah,
she got to leave!

Jenna too!

What the hell
is going on?!

I heard some guy
made a dry ice b*mb.

A policeman told me
I matched the description

And brought me here.

But we look
nothing alike.

(Sighs)

They're only stopping
black guys?!

This is freakin'
racial profiling!

Or criminal profiling;
someone did do it.

Yeah,
but neither of us did!

Excuse me, officer,

Do you know how long
this will take?

I have somewhere to be.

It'll take as long
as it takes.

Let us do our job,
all right?

(Sighs heavily)

(Exasperated sigh)

(Bell rings)

Tristan:
ooh! Secret admirer?

One with his own
wax seal?!

What kind of dweeb...

Mr. Yates!

I got invited
to the playwriting collective!

(Laughs)

I don't see mine.

Where is it?

Mr. Yates,
thanks for the invite.

You're welcome.

And remember to keep
the meeting details secret.

Will do!

Oh! My invitation seems
to have been misplaced.

Oh, um...

I didn't give you one,
tristan.

Excuse you?

I read some of
your previous essays,

And to be honest,
they seemed a bit phoned in.

Uh...

I need to be in
this collective.

One does not just enter
the buddha's temple.

One has to knock.

Say what?

What does that even mean?!

You always complain
about writing anyway.

Yeah,
but I'm an actor!

Which is basically
a writer

Who actually cares
about their appearance!

Well, when is the meeting?

Nuh-.

Zoe, are you kidding me?!

I don't wanna
get kicked out!

I'm sorry.

(Tristan scoffs)

(Sighs)

Dallas:
we've been here
for so long!

They've checked our ids,
our backpacks,

We've answered
their questions!

Police officer:
all right,
you're all free to go.

Detainee:
oh wow, that's great!

Did you find the guy?

Yeah, apparently
it was some kind of prank.

We're just happy
nobody got hurt.

Thank you.

Yeah, for nothing.

Pardon me?!

Connor:
if we hurry back,

We might be able
to make the bus -

With alli!

Yeah, yeah, you're right.
Let's run, then!

Mr. Yates:
each of you is responsible
for creating a character.

You'll write a bio,
including a back story,

Their desires,
their struggles.

Once we have
the characters locked,

We'll write our one act play.

Character first,
story second.

(Mosquito whines,
hard, audible slap)

Oh! Hi, guys.

Fancy meeting you here.

Mr. Yates:
tristan, come here.

Were you spying
on us?

Oh...
I was on a stroll.

That's funny,

Because it looked like
you were spying on us.

I-i was...

That's it,
I totally was.

All right, who gave out
the information

About today's meeting?

Tristan:
no one gave up any details
on your super secret society.

I figured it out
on my own.

I wanna be in this group,
mr. Yates.

I need this in my life
right now.

Make up a poem
on the spot.

But I'm not prepared!

Great art flows
from within the great artist.

If you have it in you,
show us.

Um...

I'm not... Defective,

Art is... Subjective.

Please, mr. Yates,
let me into the collective.

(Students snicker)

Short and sweet.

Let's have a vote!

Who thinks we should
allow tristan to join us?

Yay!

Simpson said they tried
to hold the bus back,

But the driver wanted
to b*at traffic.

This has to be
the worst day ever!

Maybe not the worst ever.

Simpson also said
we could borrow his suv

To get to the science fair.

Seriously?!

Yep.

That's the perks of having
the principal for a guardian.

But there are
a couple rules.

No speeding,

And it comes back
with a full t*nk of gas.

No problem.

And you have to drive,
I get nervous on the highways.

Clare:
this is leanna,
she likes skiing and baking,

And her personal quotes
are all ed sheeran lyrics.

Nice!

And this is eden.
She likes tennis and volleyball,

And the beach,
and will ferrell movies.

Oh, a brunette.
Nice.

Clare:
and last but not least,
this is annabella.

Uh, she's an honour roll
student,

Who likes writing fiction
and non-fiction,

And she likes badminton
and yoga.

Anything else?

Yeah! Uh, she's sarcastic
and loyal,

And claims to do
a pretty decent british accent.

Seems pretty boring.

I mean she didn't even
put a profile picture.

Well, maybe she's looking
for an intellectual connection

And not a physical one.

She certainly seems to have
more depth than the other two,

And you are about to get
tomato sauce all over her!

Well, you did say
that I get to pick, right?

So, pick.

Ahem.

I pick eden.

Great.
Go get her, tiger!

She's pretty.

Mm-hmm.

(Siren wails)

Dallas:
is that for me?

(Siren blats repeatedly)

Dallas:
no way!

This has gotta be a joke
or something!

Okay, just-just- just stay calm,
okay?

(Muffled police radio chatter)

License and registration,
please.

I wasn't speeding,

So why did you
pull me over?

Officer hodgins:
your exhaust is very loud.

Thanks for letting me know.

I mean you can't be
giving me a ticket

For that, right?

Are you the registered owner
of this vehicle?

Connor:
uh, it belongs
to my guardian.

I'm not asking you, son.

All right,
both of you stay put.

Dallas:
yeah, sure.

I'll stay in the suv
that I must have stolen!

How about you come over here
and kiss my black ass!

Connor: he could've heard you!
Dallas: I don't care!

We've been stopped
two times today for nothing!

No reason other than our race!

Is that true?

Wake up, connor!

We're being persecuted here!

Mr. Yates:
next time, everyone will share
their character bios.

Get writing.

(Students chatter)

Can you stay behind
a second?

Sure.

Relax.

I just wanted to say
that I'm proud of you.

You are?

You knocked at the door
to the buddha's temple,

You were turned away,

And yet,
you knocked again.

Uh, see, I still don't
really know what that means.

Are you kids learning anything
in school these days?!

(Laughs)

Well, everyone else
got invited but me.

Why did I have to jump
through hoops?

I wanted you
to prove yourself,

And now I see.

You're awesome.

Um, don't tell
anyone else this,

But you'll probably end up
being my favourite student.

Seriously?

I've never had a teacher
like you before, mr. Yates.

You really... Care.

I do.

And... Call me grant.

Cool.

Go write that bio.

I expect great things.

I'm on it... Grant.

(Laughs shyly)

(Muffled police radio chatter)

Officer hodgins:
all right, until we can
sort out ownership,

I'm gonna impound the car.

What?!
We have permission!

Can you both step out
of the vehicle, please?

Dallas:
we haven't done
anything wrong!

I'm just trying to go
to a freakin' science fair, man!

Don't make me
repeat myself.

Watch it!

Take a seat on the curb
while we wait for the tow.

I can't believe this!

How long do you think
it'll take this time?

(Muffled police radio chatter)