11x05 - Idioteque

[bunniefuu]

♪♪♪

This is my kind
of after-school program!

More fun than sports.

And you still get
your daily workout.

Bianca and drew:
(moan and breathe heavily)

So, let's take your mind
off things.

You're my knight,
you're free,

And you can do
whatever you want.

Now?

Shouldn't we get
the first time over with?

I kind of owe you.

Oh, man!

(Rock music plays)

♪ Slow down,
turn the other cheek ♪

♪ Don't leap ♪
(don't leap)

♪ To our unsuspecting... ♪

(Clock ticks)

I-i'm sorry.

Maybe if we just
keep kissing...

It's okay.

Maybe we can try
something else.

I just don't know why
it's not happening.

I mean, it's not you.

Obviously.

It's fine.

We'll try again
some other time.

I better go
before mommy gets home.

You know,
it'd be a lot easier

If I didn't have
to sneak around.

I'm sorry.

It's fine.

Bye.

(Frustrated sigh)

(Sighs heavily)

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

♪ And if I hold out ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Be the best ♪

♪ The best that I can be ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it ♪

♪ I can make it ♪

♪ I can make it through ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ I can make it through ♪

♪ I can make it through ♪

♪ I can make it ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

Wesley:
what happened to you
the other night?

I went to sleep,
and then I woke up,

Just like every night.

I mean at anya's
birthday party.

I saw you talking
to fiona,

Then next thing I know,
you're gone.

Yeah, I left.

So much for getting you
a girlfriend.

It's okay,
I got what I needed.

Wesley:
there's ms. Oh!
Wait here.

You're not gonna get me
a date with her!

Wesley:
I'm not insane, connor!

Ms. Oh?

I had a quick question about
the bandwidth conundrum.

Can it wait?
I need to take a shower.

Healthy living and all.

Um, yeah,
shower away!

Ms. Oh:
okay.

Wesley:
that image is gonna be
in my mind all day!

Are you up
for a mission?

Will it get my mind off
ms. Oh in the shower?

Probably not.

(Students chatter)

So, were your parents
ecstatic?

Parents?

Yeah, they must've been
proud of you.

University?

Right!
Being totally accepted.

Proud as peacocks!

Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!

Have you seen this?
Owen's status?

Owen?

"Ask me about my one night stand
at fiona's party"?

Ewwwwww! He is...

So disgusting!

I'm gonna have
to fumigate.

Holly j:
ugh! Who in their right mind
would...

I can't even say it!
With owen?!

The most sexist,

h*m* swine
in the school,

In my house...

Ew! In my bed!

I'm ordering a new mattress.

Who would go near him?

Right, he's so yucky.

So, um...
Wh-where are...

Where are we going
for lunch today?

Fiona:
as if we're done
talking about this!

Who could it have been?

Well, clearly someone

With the world's
lowest self-esteem.

Right, so someone desperate
and self-hating.

Who was there?
Annabella?

(Water trickles)

(Door creaks)

(Shower runs)

Okay, I love missions,
but this is insane!

Connor:
just whistle
if someone's coming.

Got it!

Her underwear?
No way!

It's a practical joke.

Every time I see her,

I'm going to know
she's commando.

Do you realize
how distracting that is?!

Come on,
let's just go!

We have a quiz today!

Let's go!

Coach armstrong:
rules, numbers, values.

You're either right
or you're wrong,

And it's my job
to help you be right.

No matter how abstract
a problem,

There's always...

(Whispers)
too much coffee?

Mr. Armstrong:
that's why I love talking
about math.

There's no symbolism,
no metaphors,

No thematic ties to people-
(loud bang)

Drew:
agh! Get down!

(Students laugh)

(Gasping for breath)

Mr. Armstrong:
everything all right,
mr. Torres?

I'm pretty sure
that was just the dumpster.

(Students laugh)

(Dumpster clangs)

Coach armstrong:
something got you on edge?

Can I have a hall pass?

(Panting)

Splash some water
on your face.

Julian:
change your underwear too!

(Students laugh)

(Hum of student chatter)

Hey!

Morning, sweetheart.

Knock it off!

And change your status
right now!

Well, I can probably
arrange that.

Good!
If...

What?

One date,
then I'll delete it.

(Scoffs)
no way in hell!

I already made the hugest
mistake of my life.

Hugest? Really?

It's never gonna
happen again.

Change your status!

You're not too good
for me, anya.

(Whistle blows)

Hey, cutie.
Got plans after school?

I was thinking your place?

My brother
will be home.

Okay, my place.

You know I need to go home
right after school.

Quickie in my car then?

Bianca, stop.

I'm joking.

(Sighs)

Bianca:
(sighs)

What's wrong with you?

I'm just...
I'm not in the mood, okay?

In my experience,
guys are always in the mood.

Did they also
have violent gangs

Trying to hunt them down?

You really think
you're at the top

Of vince's hit list?

Relax!

It's easy for you
to say.

He's not after you!

Every time I turn around,

I expect some type of...
g*ng retribution.

(Half laughs)

It's not funny!

Doesn't any of this
bother you?

Like what?

That you k*lled a guy?

Who was trying to r*pe me!

It was self-defence!

Well, it keeps me up
at night.

Crazy stuff happens,
you just deal with it.

Crazy stuff
never happened to me

Before you came along.

Where is this
coming from?

Gangs, g*ns, cops...

You brought a lot
of history with you.

I just...

I need some space.

Time to think.

No! Don't think!

(Sighs)

Hey, riley.

Hey.

So was it you?

No.

Wait, was what me?

Owen's posting clues.

"Her name starts with an 'a'
and ends with an 'a'."

Oh my god.

Well, there were
four other girls

It could've been.

Uh, uh...

Annabella, andrea...

Alexandra, anastasia.

You're in the clear,
but people talk.

Well, this is ridiculous!

I mean why do people care
about who owen slept with?

It was a one night stand
at a party!

Girls want gossip,

And guys wanna know
who's easy.

Great.

(Bell rings)

Walk to class?

Uh, yeah, just a sec.

(Keys click)

Riley:
anya, let's go!

(Computer beeps)

Drew: you ready?
Dave: let's go.

Drew and dave:
(grunts of effort)

Let's go,
let's go!

Off the high glass!

Dave: oh no!
Drew: hoo! Hoo!

Drew:
come on,
one more game!

Dave:
no! No, I'm tired of b*ating up
on you.

Yo, man, I can take it.

Dave:
no kidding.
How are your ribs?

Bruised,
but I'll live.

Tell me about it,

You came out better
than the other guy.

All right, look, man,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

That's too soon.

Come on,
one more game.
Bro, I gotta go!

Can I walk with you
at least?

They couldn't hold
that vince guy.

So what're you gonna do?
What, you're gonna live here?

Just until vince gets
picked up

For some...other crime.

What about your girlfriend?

Who cares.

What'd bianca do?

It's just her fault!

Her fault?

That some lowlife
tried to r*pe her

And you showed up
and tried to save her?

(Cell phone beeps)

That her?

"Sitting at the dot

Thinking I should've
been more sensitive.

I understand
if you need space."

What a bitch.

Talk to her!

♪♪♪

Dave:
all right,
I'll see you soon.

Easy, brother.

(Truck rumbles,
muffled hip hop music plays)

(Engine rumbles)

Whoa!

(Retching)

(Breathing heavily)

(Panting)

(Wincing)

(Coughing)

Any better?

Um, maybe a little.

(Coughs)

Let me see.

I'll go get ready
for school.

?
No, you stay lying down.

I'll call school.

(Coughs)
no, mom, I'm fine.

No way, mister!

I'm not gonna have you getting
everyone at school sick.

And no guests,

Especially that one.

I'm actually trying
to make it

So bianca doesn't come
around here any more.

Well, good.

Looks like you finally
came to your senses.

If you need me,
I'll have my cell.

You call me, okay?

Okay.

Bye-bye.

Audra:
bye.

(Coughs and clears throat)

(Sighs heavily)

(Sighs)

Connor: hey.
Wesley: oh, hey!

What'd you bring
for lunch?

Connor:
uh, ham on whole wheat.

I got cold pizza,
double cheese.

But you're lactose intolerant.

I know. Swap me?

Sure.

Gosh, connor,
what're you doing

Carrying ms. Oh's
underwear around?

What am I supposed to do
with this?

Hide it in your locker!
Jeez!

Wait, there's more?

Yeah, from the other night
at the party.

You stole...

You stole fiona's
underwear too?

Yeah, hers is a cotton
poly blend,

And ms. Oh's is a lycra-

Who cares
what they're made of?!

Feel them.
And get my dna
all over it?

Are you crazy?

What?

Ms. Oh:
oh, wesley.

Uh, didn't you have a question
about the bandwidth conundrum?

Uh, I figured it out.

You figured out
a conundrum?

Okay...
Don't be late.

You have to stop.

Promise!

Okay.

(Video game explosions
and g*nf*re)

(Clattering noise)

(Door slides open)

Bianca:
oh!

Oh my god,
what are you doing here?

You skipped school?

We need to talk.

Oh my god,
did you see vince?

Why would I see vince?

And what's with
the nine iron?

I'm faking sick to stay home
so they can't get me.

I'm going to ask my parents
if we can change schools.

That sounds
a little extreme.

Come here.

Since the day I met you,

My life has been
in a tailspin.

And no matter
how hard I try,

I just can't stop
blaming you.

Then I guess
I'll have to fix it.

Fix it?

What are you gonna do?

Whatever it takes
for you to forgive me.

(Door slides open and shut)

(Sighs heavily)

(Cars rumble)

(Cell phone buttons beep)

Vince!

You again.

What do you want?

How can I get you
to leave drew alone?

Drew?

Squeaky clean boyfriend!

Thank you for reminding me.

I owe him a visit,
don't i?

Look, anything - you got
dirty work - I'll do it.

I got enough people
on the ground.

Please.

Now you're starting
to sound desperate.

(Half laughs)

There's something
you can do.

Come back to my place.

No, I can't.

You'll be back
to your little high school

Soon enough.

Vince, please,
anything else.

You wanna end this
or not?

Let's go.

(Students chatter,
girls laugh)

Anya:
so, who's ready to get this prom
party planning party started?

You don't know yet?

Anya:
know what?

You got hacked.

Fiona:
someone posted on owen's wall
from your account.

Yeah, who would do
something like this?

Owen seems like
the prime suspect.

Holly j:
owen? Is he smart enough?

Whatever. He's gross.

Anya:
he's not gross.

He's trying to make
everyone think

You had sex with him,
anya.

He's not a hacker,
either.

Wait, did you post this?

The message was supposed
to be private.

Yeah, but why would you post
that you and owen had...

Holly j: you did?
Fiona: oh my god!

I only applied at t.u.,

And that was to be closer
to dr. Chris.

And then...
They didn't accept me

And he rejected me.

And I slept with owen.

(Exhales)

So I guess I'm one
of those girls

With no self-respect,
right?

(Sighs)

I'm telling you,
you wanna send a message?

Cover your principal's car
in sticky notes,

I'm serious!

Intramurals, swim team,
all these clubs,

That's all me.

It took a while,

But I knew I'd wear
simpson down eventually.

Ms. Oh:
all right, ladies,
you're late!

Get your bathing caps on!

Hurry up!

(Muffled shouts from the pool)

(Whistle blows)

(Muffled shouting)

Wow.

(Laughs)
wow.

(Bell rings)

Hey.

You're suddenly
feeling better.

Chicken soup:
miracle cure.

So... Did you fix it?

Vince won't bother you
again.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm good.

So, how did you get him
to back off?

Can we please not
talk about it?

I did what I had to do.

Okay.

(Sighs)

Now...

Now we can go on
with our separate lives?

Separate.

So that's it?

You're breaking up
with me?

It'll be a fresh start.

Like none of this
ever happened!

Fine.

I'll disappear.

(Crying)

(Sighs heavily)

Anya:
okay, use the inverse cosine
to find the angle

Whose cosine is .
Over . ...

What is the point?

Can we talk a second?

You are the last person

On a very long list
of people

That I don't want
to talk to.

Two minutes.

I deleted all the posts.

Well, that's good.

It's only six hours
too late.

Hey, it wasn't my fault.

I know how to send
a private message.

You are so annoying!

I was never gonna out us,
okay?

I just wanted to get
your attention!

Why?

You completely
blew me off.

And it kinda sucks

Knowing the girl
you're super into

Is embarrassed
to be with you.

(Sighs)

You really like me?

I'm sorry any of this
had to happen.

Apology accepted.

Good.

So, how about that date?

I am never going
to hear the end of this.

What,
from your friends?

They don't know anything
about me.

(Sighs)

Yeah, they don't know
anything about me either.

(Sirens wail in the distance,
people chatter)

Been looking for you.

Sorry, who are you?

A friend of vince.

We're cool, right?

(Half laughs)
nah.

Your girlfriend
reminded vince

He has a score
to settle with you.

She said she dealt
with that.

Well, someone needs
to tell that girl

That putting out
doesn't solve problems.

They had sex?

She didn't tell you?
(Sympathetic chuckle)

Vince has
a restraining order.

So why do you think
he's not here?

But he has a message
for you.

No, please!

(Pained cries,
impact grunts)

Drew:
(groans)

(Drew grunts)

Drew:
(whimpers)

Please...
Please don't k*ll me!

k*ll you?

Nah. We'll find you
when the time's right.

But until then,

Just keep your head up,
squeaky clean.

(Spits)

Man:
are you okay?

Woman:
can you hear me?

(Sirens wail in the distance,
getting louder)