05x19 - Mo’ Monkey, Mo’ Problems

[bunniefuu]

Chris:

Last time on

"Total drama pahkitew island":

The teens battled in the smash,

Splash, and - - -x dash;

Got to meet scuba bear.

That's right...

Scuba bear.

Shawn's fear of zombies

Really helped him out,

But didn't do much

For jasmine!

Sugar smacked the samey

Out of amy!

And after team mu-skwuk won,

Just to be on the safe side,

We put amy and samey

In the cannon!

We're down to nine,

Which is great,

And it's soon to be eight.

Who'll go kaput

And who'll stay put?

Let's find out

Here on

"Total drama pahkitew island!"

♪♪♪

♪ I wanna be...

I wanna be... ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be...

I wanna be... ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

(Whistling chorus)

Max:

Hello?!

You there, sidekick.

Enough laying about.

Up-up-up... Uuuuup.

(Exasperated sigh)

Fetch food for my face,

Then I'll teach you more

In the ways of evil!

Yeah, he's starting

To annoy me.

(Inhales then sneezes)

(Sighs) a picnic is

The most romantic way to eat.

If you can get past the idea

That every bite

Might have bugs

Or animal droppings in it.

But I'm not gonna think

About that.

Shawn:

Didn't you say sky

Was hesitant

About getting into

A relationship?

No, all she said was,

"I like you too, but..."

The but could be anything.

Maybe it was

"I like you too,

But even more

Than you like me."

Shawn:

Uh-huh.

Sky's competitive, amigo.

She's not here

For a relationship,

She's here

For the million bucks.

Aren't you?!

I don't care about the money.

Shawn:

Sorry, what was that?

I couldn't hear

Over your insanity.

A million dollars

Dave:

Wouldn't you pay

For the chance

To be with your true love?

(Emotional squeak)

I'll go find sky for you.

(Inhales then sneezes)

I'll find sky,

Send her to dave,

Then go tell jasmine

How I feel.

I can smell your brain working,

Sky.

Sugar:

C'mon, girlo-a-girlo,

Tell big sugar what the up is?

I'm just- do you think there's

Anything between dave and ella?

Don't be silly.

Of course not!

(Giggles) yay.

Thanks, sugar.

Dave's flirtin'

With everybody.

What?!

What are you talking about?

He told me my right eye

Was even prettier than my left.

He's playing us girls

Like a herd of banjos.

You don't really think that,

Do you?

He's running a game

On you, sky.

Just sayin' is all.

Yeah,

That was a can of lies,

But the teams are going

To merge soon;

It's time to mess

With some minds.

(Ella hums)

Shawn, have you seen dave?

He's in the clearing,

Ready to bare his soul

For (sniff) love!

(Gasps)

My prince, david, is going

To confess his affection for me!

I only hope

He isn't planning a picnic.

The birds who follow me

Will eat everything.

(Bird chirps)

Yes, that includes you,

Allan.

Ella?

Ella:

Yes, prince david?!

Da-dave is fine.

Um, I kinda set out

This romantic picnic cause uh...

I'm listening.

It's for someone

Very special.

(Giggles)

Oh david, I'm so-

Dave:

And she's gonna be here

Any minute,

So would you mind...

Going away?

Like before sky shows up?

This is for... Sky?

Of course it is.

I'll just... (Stifles sob)

I'll, uh... You know...

(Bursts into tears)

(Sniffs then sneezes)

Dave:

Why do I keep smelling

This thing?!

Shawn:

Sky! Clearing!

So beautiful!

Can't give details,

But you gotta-

Chris:

Hey, teens!

Shawn:

Seriously?!

Chris:

Proceed to the meeting area.

It's time for me

To laugh at your pain!

There'll also be a challenge.

All right,

Let's do this!

But- aw, man!

Jasmine:

Hey, something's weird

With this island.

Those trees were closer

Yesterday,

And that mountain

Wasn't there before.

And I am % sure

You are a few koalas

Short of a swarm.

A swarm of koalas?

Cuckoo clock!

No really,

Something's not-

Shawn:

Jasmine! I need to tell you

How I feel!

Jasmine:

Me first.

I want you to stay away

From me.

We clear? Good!

I'm done with zombie boy's

Mixed messages.

First he's all sweet,

Then he hits me

With a dueling stick,

Then brings me flowers?!

If this is how

Canadian boys flirt,

I'd hate to see

How they propose!

Chris:

I'm giving ella and dave

One more minute,

Then they're cannon food.

Topher:

Hey! While we're waiting,

You and me could have

A host off!

Chris:

Hey! That's a horrible idea.

Topher:

Chris is intimidated

By my talent

And superior good looks.

My hair alone

Is a national treasure.

Babies envy my skin!

I should totally be hosting

This show!

Sky:

Ella! What happened?

Are you okay?

Ella:

I'm fine.

It's just that my heart

Is filled with sorrow.

Sugar:

(Huge laugh)

(Clears throat)

That was about something else.

(Sighs)

I thought dave liked me,

But it's you

Who captured his heart.

He does like me!

Yes!

I'm sorry,

And I'm sorry about my smile.

Are you okay?

Am I still smiling?

I am so sorry!

Dave:

Sorry I'm late.

I was uh-

Sky:

It's okay. Hi!

What am I doing?

I can't- I just-

What am I doing?!

Chris:

Today's challenge is called

Snack att*ck.

This vending machine

Only takes gold coins.

The first team to get their

Gold coin into the machine wins

And gets something to eat.

That sounds easy enough.

I was hoping one of you

Would say something like that!

Chef?

I'm giving the coins

To alfonse and betty here,

Who are now going to run away.

Sky: they're getting away!

Jasmine: let's go.

Stop! Nobody move!

The monkeys get a head start.

Gih-noh-say-wuk's monkey

Has a blue necklace.

Mu-skwuk's monkey

Is in the pink one.

Sugar, please step away

From the vending machine.

What? You've never licked

The glass of a vending machine

Hoping for a taste

Of cheesy flavoured

Nacho taco puffy pops?!

Live a little!

I have a secret w*apon.

Chris:

Okay. You can go after

Your monkeys

Right... Now!

(Air horn blasts)

I'm coming back for you,

With a rock.

That monkey's not gonna

Catch itself, sugar.

Ohhhh... Poop knuckles!

Come on!

That monkey could be halfway

To brisbane by now!

I have a few errands to run

And then I'll come find

You guys.

Errands? What?

Max:

I for one am done taking orders

From you, jazz-man.

Hee-yah!

Jasmine:

Nevermind,

I'll do it myself.

Max:

(Screams)

Evil will not be slowed

By a mere wedgy!

Yah! Oof!

Scarlett:

Max, do you know why

She doesn't fear you?

Because she has dumbface disease

And is a stinky, bad person!

No. It's because you are not

Embracing your true evil.

(Gasps)

How dare you!

True evil does

Not discriminate.

It is evil to all.

If jasmine and topher won't show

You the respect you deserve,

Teach them a lesson.

Max:

Yes. Yes!

An evil lesson!

I shall show them

The meaning of respect!

Scarlett has had three

Good ideas as of late.

It was brilliant of me

To allow her to be my sidekick.

Dave:

Sugar, hand me the banana

And I'll try and trade it

For the coinnnnnaaaugh!

What? You never said

The banana was part of

A monkey tricking plan.

Besides, you're better off usin'

The element of surprise!

(Splash)

(Laughs)

Shawn, dave, sky and ella:

Whoooooooaaaa!

(Gulps)

Shawn, dave, sky and ella:

(Gasps) noooooooooo!

(Whistling)

Oof!

Topher:

Chris! Dude, I am so sorry!

I was chasing the monkey and...

Have you seen him?

No? Okay. Thanks!

Note to self:

Start hating topher.

I got chris' cellphone.

(Laughs) so easy,

It was like taking money

From a monkey.

(Monkey screeches)

Ha!

Losing your jewelry

Won't help you, fella,

'Cause I am hot on your-

Jasmine:

Noooooooooooooooo!

Max:

The trap is set!

Once the team has the coin

And comes back this way

To the vending machine...

(Starts acting it out)

"Ooh! We're going to win

And max is a loser! Ha ha."

Snap! They'll be hoisted up

Into the air!

"Oh, help us, max! Help us!

We're losers now!"

"Not until you bow

To my evilocity

And make me your leader!"

Finally, you'll get the respect

You deserve.

(Still acting things out)

"Of course we'll serve you, max!

You're amazing and smart

And handsome!"

Don't forget charismatic!

"Oh, yes, of course,

We were just getting to that."

Scarlett:

We should go find jasmine now.

Max:

"Just being in your presence

Makes us..."

Wait! I haven't finished

Acting out

What's going to happen!

Sky:

Hold her, dave,

While I get the coin.

Yeah, did chris say anything

About pre-washing the monkeys

Or delousing them?

(Growling, gulp)

Are you kidding me?!

Sky:

Spit him out!

(Roars,

Everyone screams)

Chris:

If that's how it ends

For team mu-skwuk,

I don't think I could "bear" it.

(Chuckles)

What? Too hilarious?

Wanna see how angry

A bear can get?

Me too!

So stay tuned to

"Total drama pahkitew island!"

Topher:

Hello, is this the executive

Producer of total drama?

Excellent.

I'm scribs hackly

Calling from a major newspaper

You've definitely heard of.

Question: how old is the host,

Chris maclean?

Sixty or sixty-five?

Really?

Guess those were hard years.

Have you ever considered

A younger host

With amazing hair?

I'll call you back.

I gotta run!

Ha! The seed of doubt

Is planted.

Jasmine:

Come on, which one of you

Has it?

Does this mean any one

Of these monkeys

Scarlett:

Could be our monkey?

Max:

Bah! Who does this belong to?

Speak!

(Growling)

(Splat)

Ah! They're throwing mud!

Jasmine:

That isn't mud.

Max:

Well, of course it's mud.

What else could it-

(Screaming)

Aagggghhhhhhh!

(Whimpers)

(Burps)

Shawn:

There's no way to solve this.

It's a coin wrapped in a monkey

Trapped in a bear.

Sugar:

We can get it back.

All we need is a bran muffin

And some bad cabbage.

Sky:

Ew! No!

The coin's in there,

So let's just bring chris

The bear!

(Gasps)

Yes, sky's plan to bring

The bear to chris is terrible

And will get us all k*lled,

But I wanna show her

I'd be a good boyfriend, so...

This is an awesome,

Awesome plan!

I am not terrified!

Let's do it! (Gulp)

Heeere, bear.

Heeere, bear bear bear.

Heeere, bear.

Good plan, sky.

I think he likes me.

Now, all we gotta- gah!

Aggghhhh!

Uh, still a good plan, sky.

This was totally my fault.

(Licks)

Dave: aggghhhhh!

And his armpit smells

Like burning tires.

Our best chance to find

Which monkey has the coin

Is by conducting

A neuroscientific experiment.

I mean it's no secret

That there's hyperactivity

In the mirror neurons

In primates, right?

(Laughs)

(Sighs) we play monkey see,

Monkey do?

Max: of course!

Jasmine: great idea!

Topher: love it!

Use. Little. Words.

Dave:

Help me! Help! Ack!

(Ferocious growling)

Don't help me!

Aagggghhhhhhh!

Sky:

We need to figure this out,

Fast!

Most people have to choose

Between beauty,

Grace and brains.

But I got both!

Woo-hoo!

Oh dear!

If only there was some way

One of us

Could calm this bear down

In some sort of musical

Singy fashion

And save poor dave.

Ella! Sing to the bear!

Sing to it!

Sky:

Ella:

I-i can't!

Chris said that if I sing again

He would send me home.

Sugar:

Chris ain't here

And who would tell

On a teammate?!

Not me!

Sky:

He'll never know, ella.

Sing!

Ack! Whatever you do,

Can you hurry it up?

Oh...

Jasmine:

Come on, monkeys.

Wave your hands in the air!

(Monkeys screech)

Cool guy double point

To the camera!

Whoa! Slow down!

This is tricky!

Scarlett:

Throw a coin in the air!

(Coins clink)

(Monkeys screech)

Jasmine:

Ha! Gotcha.

Thanks, mate!

Let's go!

Ready! Hey!

Where'd everybody go?!

Agh! Can't. Breathe.

Sky:

Please! You have to sing, ella!

All right,

I'll do it!

(Snow white-esque vocal warm-up)

Time for walkies,

Mr. Bear!

(Panting)

Scarlett:

Max, what did you use

To mark the trap?

No need to mark

The location!

I know precisely

Where it is!

(Shwoink)

All: whoa!

Max:

See? Here it is now.

The plan was for max

To be the only one

Not in the trap

So that the team would know

He built it and vote him off.

Now I need to find a clever way

To make him admit it.

(Sigh)

This won't be easy.

Jasmine:

Argh! I bet sky made this trap!

Max:

(Laughs)

Wrong, fool!

It was i! Me!

(Cackles)

Much easier than I thought.

(Laughs)

Ella:

♪ Walking with a bear ♪

♪ It doesn't matter where ♪

♪ The sun is out ♪

♪ And I haven't got a care ♪

Topher:

I've never seen such

A happy bear.

Not even in cereal

Commercials.

If we lose this challenge,

Guess who I'm voting for?!

Um, not a mind reader!

Jasmine:

Unbelievable!

(Grunts with effort)

How do we get down?

Max:

Escape is impossible!

This trap was built by

The world's most evil mind!

There is no esca-eeeee!

All:

Aggghhhhh! Oof!

Chris:

Is this bear in a trance?

How did you manage that?

Sugar:

Jig's up, we gotta tell him!

Ella-

Sky:

I hypnotised him!

The point is,

We have the coin!

Right. You say the coin's

Inside the monkey,

Which is inside this bear.

That's the story

You all agreed on?

It's the truth!

Enough's enough!

I'm taking the bear

By the horns!

(Bear growls)

All right, fuzzy.

Chuck up that critter!

(Spits)

(Gags)

(Spitting)

C'mon,

I know it's in there!

All:

Ew!

We got a winner!

All right, monkey,

You're next.

Oh! Ew!

Don't do that!

Sugar:

Hold still, betty!

You're only making it worse!

Ella:

Oh my! Please stop!

Jasmine:

Here comes the coin!

Search that monkey,

Sugar!

Dave: jasmine's almost here!

Shawn: find that coin!

A-ha! Ta-daaaa!

Going down that critter's throat

For the nickle was nothing.

I had to haul a pigeon

Out of my dog once.

It wasn't pretty,

But I wasn't about to let him

Eat my dinner!

Don't spend it all

In one place.

Chris:

Ugghh! Gotta get it

In the vending machine to win,

Sugar.

Jasmine:

Coming through!

All:

Oh no!

(Jasmine pants)

Sugar:

Easy peazy!

(Gasps)

All:

Yes! Woo! All right! Yaaaaay!

Chris:

Whoa! Game over!

Team mu-skwuk wins

The challenge!

Bear:

(Slurping)

(Licks,

Belches)

Today's snack food is

From our japanese affiliate:

It's chef hatchet's total drama

Yum yum happy go time

Candy fish tails.

Okay, team gih-noh-say-wuk,

It's time for you to vote

To determine who's going

In the cannon,

And tonight, I need everyone

At the elimination ceremony!

Chris:

Team gih-noh-say-wuk has voted.

The following players are safe:

Jasmine, scarlett, topher.

And the person going home

Tonight is... Max!

What?! Revenge!

You shall regret ever having

Met me, chris mclean!

Little late for that.

The pain I will inflict

On you will-

Chris:

But! Max is not going home

Tonight.

Max:

Ha! Fear got the better of him!

Chris:

It has come to my attention

That a certain singer

Has sung her swan song.

Sorry, ella.

I received an anonymous note

About it.

Actually,

It was an ug-nomy-nist note,

But... Whatever,

You're going home.

(Sighs)

Yeah, so I spelled

"Ugnaminus" wrong,

Who cares?

Ella is g-a-w-n gone!

Ella:

So long, everyone.

I enjoyed our time together.

Don't be sad, sugar.

Be happy!

Okay! I'll try!

(Stifles snicker)

At least now I am free

To sing whenever I want.

Which is always!

(Music begins)

Chris:

What the-? I didn't okay

A musical bit!

♪ My time on the show

Is finished and done ♪

♪ But that's not to say

I didn't have fun! ♪

♪ I'll do my best not to cry ♪

♪ But now I have

To say goodbye! ♪

Chris:

No! Knock it off!

Ella:

♪ I came on total drama

And survived it just fine! ♪

♪ With only minor damage

To the base of my spine! ♪

♪ I give all my best try ♪

♪ But now I have

To say goodbye! ♪

♪ I'll miss you all,

From tall to the small, ♪

♪ And even this little gnome! ♪

Max:

Hey!

Ella:

So long, my prince,

You made my heart wince,

And now I'm headed home!

♪ I broke the rules

And now I'm paying the price ♪

♪ And soon will be launched

From this cannon device! ♪

♪ I'll do my best

Not to die! ♪

♪ 'Cause now I have

To say goodbye! ♪

(Ka-blam)

And that's enough of that.

As tempting as it is

To see how many kids

I can stuff into the cannon,

Eight remain!

Who's next to show us

Their cannon-do spirit?

Find out next time on

"Total drama pahkitew island!"

Chris:

On the next "total drama":

Things really get rolling...

Into a pit!

Heh! That looks painful!

Ooh! That'll leave a mark.

First team to the top wins,

But it ain't gonna be easy!

(Laughs)

Looks like fun!

Who will suffer

And who will surface?

Find out on the next

"Total drama pahkitew island!"