02x13 - Water and the Brain/Arthur the Unfunny

[bunniefuu]

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view. ♪

( laughs )

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen
to your heart ♪

♪ Listen to the beat ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together and make things
better by working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other. ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day. ♪

Hey!

ARTHUR:
Hey, D.W.

Hey!

Whoa!

( crashing )

( kids laughing, hooting )

( laughs ):
You're it!

Oh, no!

( grunting )

Sometimes I wonder what
the world would be like

if everyone was just like me.

No one would ever call
anyone "Four-eyes."

Hey, nice
glasses.

Thanks-- yours are
pretty cool, too.

( crowd cheering )

Hooray!

Hooray!
Hooray!
Hooray!

My birthday would be
a national holiday.

and everyone would
be super-nice--

even the bank robbers.

Good morning, everyone.

Would you please
give me all your money?

My pleasure!

Thanks!

Yep, it'd be great
if there were a million me's.

But wait-- if there were
a million me's...

ALL:
Come play with us, Arthur!

Come play
with us, Arthur!

There'd be a million D.W.s!

( thunder booms )

Attention!

Mary Alice Crosswire,
also known as "me"

will have a party
this weekend at Waterworld.

You're all invited.

Waterworld?

Great!

Especially
Since they added

that new ride--

The Slam Dunk!

I just saw
the commercial for it.

miles of the fastest
water ride ever!

( screaming in terror )

Ending with a straight drop
into icy water!

( exclaiming happily
and laughing )

Cool!

One for you--
thank you for coming.

and one for you--
thank you for coming.

Um, sorry, Muffy,
but I can't go.

Can't go!? Why?

Amusement parks are
puerile diversions

befitting
unfledged tots.

Huh!?
Huh!?
Huh!?

Waterworld is
for little kids.

He's wrong, you know.

You got to be
this tall to ride.

MUFFY:
It's me.

The Brain
hates me.

Oh, Muffy, come on!

You know that's not true.

Yes, it is!

One time, when
he went sailing with us

he wouldn't even
stand on deck with me.

( gasps )

Wow!

Brain, you've got
to see this!

There's a dolphin!

No, thanks, I've seen
plenty at the zoo.

Anyway, they're
just mammals like
you and me.

Muffy, he doesn't
like any girls.

ARTHUR:
What!? That's crazy!

Oh, yeah?

Remember my Halloween party?

( burbling )

I was the first one
to bob for apples.

Brain, why
don't you go?

Do you know
how many parasites
and bacteria

Are in that bucket?

I think
I'll pass.

FRANCINE:
Parasites and bacteria,
my foot!

I know what he was really
afraid of-- cooties.

You're wrong.

He doesn't
just hate girls;

He hates
all of us.

That is ridiculous.

Oh, really?

Well, listen to this...

Once, the Brain and I were
trying to catch frogs

near the pond.

I got one!

I got one!

Whoa!

Quick-- get it, get it!

( gasps )

You had him!

Why'd you let him go?

Because chasing
frogs is

cruel and
inhumane.

I won't be
a part of it.

He said he didn't like us

because he was smarter.

He said that?

Yep-- at least,
I think that's
what he said.

He used
bigger words.

He thinks he's better than us.

What
a snob.

I can't
believe
you guys!

The Brain is one
of our best friends.

Then why won't he
come to my party?

I... I don't know.

Thanks for coming
to my party

even though
it's at a silly
amusement park

my daddy
has rented at
great expense.

I wouldn't
miss it, Muffy!

I'm not a snob
like some people.

Uh... uh... oh.

Hi, Binky.

( sarcastically ):
The Brain is saying hello.

I'm so honored!

Thank you, Mr. Brain.

Thank you.

FRANCINE:
Ahem!

Doesn't that
table look

a little
crowded, Arthur?

or do you think you're
better than us, too?

( quietly ):
I need to talk
to you later.

( The Brain sighs )

DAD:
D.W.!
No!

Arthur, hide me!

You can't let
them get me!

D.W., it's
just a bath.

Nobody ever died
from taking a bath.

( groans )

Thanks, Eggs
Benedict Arnold!

( chuckles )

Some people get upset
over the craziest things.

Hey, I wonder if the Brain...

Wait, that's it!

Arthur--
boy, am I glad to see you!

Come in.

Thanks.

That's why they
think you're a snob.

It's not true; I don't
think I'm better.

I knew you didn't.

But Brain, why won't you
go to Muffy's party?

You wouldn't
understand.

Are you afraid
of something?

No... I think I'm
being called for dinner.

I better get home.

but this is your house!

Binky,
guess what!

I know what's wrong
with the Brain.

He's...

what are
you doing?

Shh!

Binky, no!

Don't do it! Stop!

What're
you doing?

I had a perfect
shot at the snob.

but the Brain's
not a snob.

He's afraid
to go swimming.

What!? Is that true?

( laughing )

I knew no one would understand.

I'll be the class
laughingstock.

( sobbing )

I can't believe
I was so insensitive.

You were just
afraid of swimming.

( sniffles )

What a dumb thing
to be afraid of!

My hydrophobia
has prevented me
from engaging

in a multitude
of peer-related
activities.

In English, please.

It really stinks, Binky.

Brain, we're going
to cure you.

We are?

Yep, come on.

I know just
the thing for it.

Jump.

I'm afraid
I'll sink!

This is the only way
to learn how to swim.

We'll save you
if you sink.

I don't want to learn.

I want to go home.

You are going
to learn to swim

and then
you are going

to have fun at Waterworld!

Uh, Binky,
I think

we need to
start off

with something
a little easier.

Okay, Brain,
now just step

onto that
top step.

Good, now take
another step.

Great! Now
another one.

Arthur, Muffy's
party will be over

before he gets
up to his neck!

Up to my neck!?

No way am I going that far!

I'm out of here!

( sighs )

What good is
an aquarium going to do?

It's just filled
with fish and dumb facts.

If we can make
him feel

like he's
in water

without getting him wet

we can cure him.

Did you know that
sperm whales eat

tons of
plankton a year?

Oh, come on.

Let's get this over with.

Now, Brain,
I want you to look

into that fish t*nk

and imagine you're
in there, underwater.

Are you
imagining it?

Are you scared?

Hey, I think
we've cured him!

( gasps )

What went wrong?

I couldn't hold
my breath any longer.

You weren't supposed
to hold your breath.

I can't breathe underwater.

I don't have gills.

This was
a dumb idea.

It was better
than making him
jump in the lake!

Was not!

Was too!

Was not!

Was too!

Stop it!

I really appreciate
you trying to help

but it's not working.

There are worse things
to be afraid of--

like air.

You should
look where...

Or school...

BINKY:
Hey, Brain,
watch out!

Or... whoa! Whoa!

Somebody help me!

Oh, thank you!

You guys just
saved my life!

I was really scared.

You know
something,
Brain?

So was I.

Me, too.

( all laughing )

( kids screaming )

That was fun!

It's too bad
the Brain couldn't come.

Just because he
doesn't like to swim

doesn't mean he's
not our friend.

I didn't try
to make him
like swimming.

ARTHUR:
It would be boring

if everybody
was the same.

You guys wouldn't have
anything to fight about.

I'm just glad
Brain's not a snob.

I don't like snobs.

By the way, Arthur, who
picked out your bathing suit?

It's so tacky.

( sighing )

BINKY:
I'm glad the Brain
is the way he is.

Otherwise

the towels would be
as wet as we are.

Hi, guys!

Listen to this.

This is a funny joke.

A monkey and a banana
walk down the street in a car.

No, wait-- an apple and a banana
are driving a monkey...

driving a car with a monkey...

no, the monkey's driving...

I messed it up again.

Okay, a monkey's driving
a banana...

A monkey's driving a bus
full of apples and bananas--

Oranges, they're oranges.

( softly to himself ):
A monkey is driving a bus...

( laughs aloud )

Okay, I've got it.

It's funny, this is funny.

I almost wrecked it.

It has to be orange
because the punch line is

"Orange you glad
I didn't say banana?"

Oh, man, I said the punch line.

( barks )

Hi.

Mom!

D.W. used my pencil sharpener

to sharpen crayons again.

Did not!

Then how come

it's full
of crayon?

D.W.:
Pal did it!

He couldn't.

He doesn't
have thumbs.

Got to go.

Dear Buster, how is it

traveling to foreign countries
with your dad?

I wish D.W. would go
to a foreign country.

D.W.:
I heard that.

Everyone is raising money
for the Elwood City library.

Mrs. McGrady is having
a bake sale

to raise money for new books.

For someone who says
he doesn't like to read

Binky sure paid
for a lot of books.

Mr. Crosswire is raffling off
a new car.

And Muffy decided to have
a backyard carnival.

We'll put activity
booths there

and a Ferris wheel back there.

We need a main show.

What's the
best thing to do
to raise money?

Let's set up
a particle accelerator

like the one created
by Simon van der Meer.

BRAIN:
Then shrink people down
to subatomic size

so they can examine ions
and nucleic structure up close.

What a thrill ride
that would be.

( people squealing )

What? Is that
even possible?

She didn't say
it had to be possible.

She said "the best thing."

Hmm.

Sounded cool to me.

MUFFY:
I've got it!

A gigantic shopping plaza
full of clothes.

ALL:
Blah!

Shopping is boring.

I'm not paying for
a pasteurizing agitator.

Particle accelerator.

I wish Buster
were here.

He'd say let's tell jokes
or be clowns.

What a great idea!

This is a carnival.

We can all be clowns.

Thanks,
Arthur.

We agreed to be clowns

and tried out all
the funny things we could do.

I told them a joke
you told me--

the one about the shoe store?

And he says,
"Hide, hide, a cow's outside."

And the other guy says,
"I don't care.

I'm not afraid of any cow."

( Arthur laughs )

Get it?

Oh, yeah, we get it.

Yes, the shoes were
made of leather
or cowhide.

He's not funny.

If Arthur's a clown,
he'll ruin my carnival.

I'll talk to him.

There are other jobs
besides a clown

that you can do
at the carnival.

But I can be funny.

I know it.

I used to make Buster laugh
all the time.

( laughing hysterically )

( Buster laughing )

FRANCINE:
Maybe he was
just being polite.

ARTHUR:
Once he laughed
so hard

he squirted
a strawberry
thick shake

through his nose.

And you don't squirt
a whole strawberry
thick shake

out your nose
just to be polite.

ARTHUR:
Mom!

Mom, can I ask you
a question?

Am I funny?

There's
nothing funny

about not practicing
the piano all week.

One thing I know, Buster--

if mom wants you to practice,
you practice first

and ask questions later.

Now it's
your turn, Kate.

I win!

Let's play again.

( Arthur plays off key )

( Kate giggles )

( Kate continues giggling )

Kate thinks you're funny,
and I do, too.

Your face is always hilarious.

Har-har-har.

You're just
jealous

because I'm funnier
than you.

Oh, it's hard
having a sister
who's perfect.

You'll get used to it.

Everyone is
laughing at me

because
I'm not funny.

I mean, they're not
laughing at me.

You need a surefire joke.

A guy who doesn't
hear well

goes to buy shoes.

That's the same
joke I told.

Really? It's a very funny joke.

Unless I tell it.

Great, I'm a joke k*ller.

Everyone here
can be clowns

but not Arthur.

The clown thing
was his idea.

We'll hurt his feelings.

Then make him a good clown

because I will
not let him wreck
my carnival.

That's when it started, Buster.

ARTHUR:
I got it.

Sue Ellen came by to teach me
to juggle.

( grunting )

After a while, she gave up.

Then the Brain taught me jokes.

( laughing )

But I didn't really
understand them.

Don't you get it?

Helium is a noble gas.

Oh.

What?

( babbling )

( slurps )

( slurps )

I couldn't make faces
like Binky.

( sighs )

Muffy even hired
Pickles the clown

to teach me
professional clowning.

( sneezes )

( all laugh )

( sneezes )

No, I'm not clowning.

That was a real sneeze.

( gasps )

Pickles had to leave
because he's allergic to dogs

but he gave me some advice.

Kid, forget about ever having
huge feet and a big, round nose.

( sneezes )

You heard him

and he's the biggest clown
in town.

I heard about a kid
with no sense of humor.

He grew up to be...

Mr. Ratburn.

times divided by .

Quickly, quickly.

He's the future
Ratburn.

( all laugh )

( all shriek )

Run for your life!

Get away
from the Rat.

Girls are
scientifically
inexplicable.

You said it.

That means weird, right?

Yeah.

You said it.

Look out, it's...

Hold it, you're right.

I'm not funny.

I don't have to be a clown.

Not everybody
has to be funny.

If everyone was funny
like people on TV

there'd be no reason
to watch TV.

Then the people
who make shows

would have no jobs

and the companies
that advertised

would go out
of business.

So by not being funny

I'm saving the jobs of thousands
and thousands of people

and their families.

Wow!

I hope someday I can be
as important as Arthur.

So the day of
the carnival came.

I was the piano player.

FRANCINE:
Poor guy.

I hope you're happy.

You know, when I really
think about it, I am.

( babbling and gurgling )

( blows raspberry )

( bells ringing )

Arthur looks
so funny.

He's in a suit.

( giggles )

( Arthur plays off key )

Listen to all those
mistakes he's making.

( audience laughter )

Listen to
those laughs.

Wow! We must be
really good.

Let's take a bow.

( laughter continues )

Um... they're
laughing at him.

( playing silly tune )

Cut that out!

Oh, sorry,
I was playing with Kate.

MAN:
Bravo!

Encore!

Bravo!

They like it.

Arthur, keep going.

( Arthur resumes playing )

( laughter and applause )

I can't believe everybody
liked what I did.

Either can I.

You do it every day.

Big deal.

Congratulations, kid.

Shake.

( palm buzzes )

What works for me
didn't work for you.

So you found
your own individual
way to do it.

Yeah, how'd I do that?

When there's one way
to do something

that doesn't mean
it's the only way.

Everybody's got
a different style.

Don't be afraid
to find yours.

I'll remember that,
Mr. Pickles.

So Francine was wrong.

I was funny.

I just hadn't found
my style yet.

Now, if only
I could find a style

that would get me
an "A" in math.

Write back soon.

Your friend, Arthur.

( snickers )

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen
to your heart ♪

♪ Listen to the beat ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ And I say hey! ♪

♪ Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪