07x02 - Francine's Split Decision/Muffy Goes Metropolitan

[bunniefuu]

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view. ♪

( laughs )

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen
to your heart ♪

♪ Listen to the b*at ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together and make things
better by working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other. ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day. ♪

Hey!

ARTHUR:
Hey, D.W.

Hey!

Whoa!

( crash )

Buster, would you
make up your mind
already?

Just a second.

Okay. A scoop
of tattoo goo,

a scoop
of calamari crunch,

a scoop
of pretzels n' cream,

and a scoop
of dulce de Lecithin

on a sugar cone
with jalapeño jimmies.

Have you ever tried to bite off
more than you can chew?

Buster certainly has.

ARTHUR:
How on Earth

will you eat
all that?

First I lick
from south to north.

( slurps )

Mmm, calamari.

Next, I lick from east to west.

( slurps )

Buster,
look out!

( gasps )
Ice cream down!

Quick, I need the paddles!

( mumbling ):
Stand back!

I need room!

This has to be a perfect sh*t.

And... clear!

You really should have
been a performing seal.

Hey, looks like I picked
up some extra nuts!

( slurps )

( groans )

Aah!

ARTHUR:
Francine!

BUSTER:
Over here!

Sit here!

Hi, guys.

How do you feel?

Have you been sleeping?

Any shortness of breath?

Is your tongue coated?

Buster, I'm fine.

What's up?

We want you
to be ready

for the bowling
tournament Saturday.

Relax.

I've been bowling with my Dad
since I could walk.

We're going to roll
right over them.

It will be nice
to b*at Mighty Mountain
for a change.

I'll say.

Remember when you two
were fighting

and Mighty Mountain
creamed us at soccer?

( cheering )

BRAIN:
As I recall,

we won that game.

Oh, yeah.

Well, what about
that time it was
Friday the th

and you were really
superstitious?

Mighty Mountain clobbered us
at softball.

( fans cheer )

We won that game,
too.

Oh, yeah.

But what about
the jai alai tournament?

( everyone talks at once )

But that won't
happen this time

because we have the best
bowler in Elwood City.

Did someone say
"bowling"?

Can I play?

Those two-toned
shoes are

so fabulously
retro-chic!

Sorry, Muffy,
the tournament rules state

that a team can only have
four players.

Oh!

And I was going to get Daddy

to have some really cool
bowling shirts made.

Um...

Maybe you could be our, um...

bowling fashion consultant.

Goody!

But we'll have
to do something
about your hair.

FRANCINE:
It all comes down to this.

Frensky has to bowl a strike.

The crowd is breathless...

Francine, what
did I tell you

about bowling
inside the house?

I'm psyching up
for the big tournament Saturday.

You can't go.

It's your cousin Seth's
Bar Mitzvah.

What?!

But I can't miss
the tournament

for some Bar Mitzvah!

It's an important
family event.

Besides, it'll be fun.

There'll be food
and dancing,

and you'll get to see
all your cousins.

But, Mom!

The whole school's
counting on me!

Please?

Nobody will notice
I'm not there!

You've got to let me go!

What do you mean
you can't bowl on Saturday?

BUSTER:
She's sick, I knew it!

Her tongue
was furry!

No, Buster, it's
my cousin's Bar Mitzvah.

MUFFY:
What's a Bar Mitzvah?

BRAIN:
It's the Jewish
celebration of adulthood.

For males it's a Bar Mitzvah;
for females, a Bat Mitzvah.

FRANCINE:
Whatever.

All I know is,
you turn ,

you go to Temple,
recite prayers

and people
call you an adult.

Then there's a boring party
with presents.

It's more than that.

To understand,
you must go back

to the beginning
of the Jewish people,

when Abraham and Sarah
begat Isaac,

who begat Jacob,
who begat Joseph...

The point is,
without Francine,

we'll get creamed again!

Guys, I'm sorry,

but what am I supposed to do?

I can't be in two places
at the same time.

Maybe you can.

BRAIN:
According to my calculations,

it is possible to attend
your cousin's Bar Mitzvah

and bowl for Lakewood,

but it will need
precise timing.

BRAIN:
Step one:

Wear your party dress over
your bowling shirt and pants.

Step two: Seth becomes an adult
no later than : p.m.

Step three: drink one glass
of punch at the party,

then at precisely : p.m.
sneak out the back door.

Step four: ride your bike...

FRANCINE:
Wait! How does
my bike get there?

BRAIN:
On his way
to the bowling alley,

Arthur will leave it for you.

FRANCINE:
Bring my bowling shoes.

ARTHUR:
Wait! How do I get
to the tournament?

BRAIN:
The fashion consultant
will pick you up.

Now, where was I?

BUSTER:
You're just at the part

where twin jets come out
the back of Francine's bike...

KIDS:
Buster!

Step five: you b*at
Mighty Mountain for us.

( cheering )

Final step:

return to the party
before anyone notices.

So, what do you think?

I like it!

FRANCINE'S MOM:
Hurry up, Francine!

We'll be late!

Almost ready.

( door opens )

Come on,
let's go!

( boy singing in Hebrew )

( continues singing
in Hebrew )

I didn't know Seth
could speak Hebrew.

He can't really.

But he studied this
passage for a year

to be ready
for today.

Wow!

Come on, Dad!

We got to get
to the party!

What's the rush?

I'm...
starving!

Yeah, starving!

( music playing )

This is so cool.

Let's groove, Franky.

Come and dance.

Um, maybe later.

Right now I have
to go to, uh...

to the bathroom.

( gasps )

Arthur!

Come on! Come on!

( kids cheering )

Where are
my bowling shoes?

Oops.

Um... at my house?

Hey, at least
I remembered
your bike.

There's no time
to argue!

You're minutes late!

Just go rent a pair.

Quick, I need a pair
of shoes-- size four.

Sorry,
all I got is a .

( groans )

I'm coming!
I'm coming!

What's this?

You forgot
my bowling ball, too?

No, but as the team's
fashion consultant,

I thought
your ball looked shabby.

So I got you a brand-new one.

This... this looks
like a toy!

And my fingers
don't fit!

Well, excuse me!

Nobody's perfect.

You think I'm happy

with your
ridiculous combo?

Here, use mine.

Just bowl!

BRAIN ( sighs ):
Still points behind.

It's these shoes!

My feet keep
slipping out of them.

Maybe we
can tape them
to your feet.

I'll find some tape.

I've got some time.

Time?

Oh no, I'm late!

I've got to go!

Someone bowl for me!

I'll be back!

FRANCINE'S MOM:
Francine, where were you?

I told your waiter
to hold your food.

I went to get
some fresh air.

I was feeling kind of queasy.

Hmm, you are
a little clammy.

So, did I miss the overcooked
peas and underdone chicken?

Whoa! We're having roast beef?

This looks
delicious!

Francine, if you have
an upset stomach,

you shouldn't eat meat.

Could you bring

a bowl of some
plain broth?

Oh!

FRANCINE:
Okay...

I'm here!

What's she doing?

ARTHUR:
She's taking your turn.

You were late.

She'll lose
the tournament!

That's the worst bowling stance
I've ever seen!

Actually, she's been
getting the hang of it.

Here's the tape
for your shoes.

( grunts )

FRANCINE:
Oh!

This is taking forever!

Let me take over!

Francine,
the rules say

she has to finish
her frame.

Why not go back
to the party

and return
for the final round?

FRANCINE:
Oh no!

Did I miss
the horah?

Nope, you're
just in time!

( band playing a horah )

What happened
to your dress?

Oh, um, a waiter spilled
roast beef on me.

What a klutz!

Do I get to go
in the chair, too?

I'm feeling much better.

Sure, after Seth
and his parents
get their ride.

Okay, Franky,
your turn.

Shouldn't Catherine go first?

She's older.

Besides, I need to clean
my dress.

There.

Mighty Mountain, look out!

BRAIN:
I don't believe it!

She got a seven-ten split!

Yes!

( cheering )

You... you mean it's over?

I chipped a nail!

BOYS ( chanting ):
Muffy! Muffy! Muffy!

So, where were you
this time?

Uh... at the punch bowl?

You know, I thought

it was your nose that grew
when you told lies,

but apparently it's
your bowling shoes.

( gasps )

Later I have to mop
the kitchen floor,

then wash out
Nemo's litter box.

I guess your parents
were upset

you missed part
of the Bar Mitzvah.

Yeah, but so am I.

I missed a really great party

for that stupid
bowling tournament.

BRAIN:
Francine, there'll be
another party.

Whose?

Yours.

If you start
preparing now,

you'll be ready
for your Bat Mitzvah

in five years, days
and minutes and seconds,

seconds, seconds,

sec...

KIDS:
And now...

I wake up at : .

And at : I eat breakfast.

When school starts
I go to band.

And at : I have to change
into my insect costume.

And then I have a snack
after school since I'm hungry.

I practice my violin in an hour.

And then I play with my turtles
at : .

And at : I go to bed.

I'm Aliya and this is
my fourth-grade class.

Today we're making timelines.

We're making timelines
of our busiest day.

Thursday's my busiest day.

After school
I go to -H at : .

At : I leave for dance.

I guess I'm really a busy kid.

I have to manage my time,
because if I don't

I'll be late for some things
that I like to do.

I never knew I could do
so much in so little time.

GIRL:
Sometimes we have to choose
what to do with your time.

ALIYA:
I was debating
whether to go to soccer

or dinner with my grandparents.

Since I have
two soccer practices a week,

I could miss at least one.

So we went for Chinese food
with my grandparents.

And then I practice
my trumpet.

Sometimes I wish I didn't
have to stick to a timeline.

I would just rather keep playing
my trumpet all day.

♪ Time, time,
runs away from me ♪

♪ Time, time,
something I can see ♪

♪ hours to sleep and play ♪

♪ The second to the minute
to the hour, let's go play ♪

♪ Whoo-whoo... ♪

♪ Whoo-whoo. ♪

And now...

MAN:
♪ Who is candy canes
and Mary Janes? ♪

♪ That Miss Muffy ♪

♪ Fresh baguettes
and big barrettes ♪

♪ That Miss Muffy ♪

♪ She's dainty lace
on a dress ♪

♪ She's frilly, funny,
fancy finesse! ♪

♪ Who is Valentines
and hair that shines? ♪

♪ That Miss Muffy ♪

♪ Silver skates
and candied dates ♪

♪ That Miss Muffy ♪

♪ She's peachy icing
on a bundt cake ♪

♪ Oh, we love her so,
see her now ♪

♪ Look out world, holy cow ♪

♪ Hold on tight if you thought
you were so sweet ♪

♪ Because Miss Muffy... ♪

♪ That Miss Muffy's
got you b*at. ♪

( splash )

I figured out
what happiness is.

Yeah? What is it?

Happiness is pizza
on a Friday,

right before
a three-day weekend.

You can say
that again.

Three days of doing

whatever
we like.

And when
Sunday comes,

it feels
like Saturday.

Easy for you to say.

D.W.'s got me down
for six games
of Tower of Cows,

four games of Box of Rocks,

and a tournament championship
of Virtual Goose.

My dad has a meeting in
Crown City and he's taking me.

Crown City?

The glamorous and
gleaming metropolis
Crown City?

Yup, that's the one.

♪ Crown City, you're dynamite ♪

♪ You're peaches and cream... ♪

♪ Try your luck there, kid ♪

♪ Crown City ♪

♪ Crown City ♪

♪ One heck of a diamond
by the sea! ♪

( laughing )

The best part is we're going to
stay with Carla, my old sitter.

She's so cool!

Crown City's
great.

My dad
goes there

for a Sanitation
Engineers'
Convention.

My mom took us
to the museum of science there.

I was in a pie-
eating contest
there.

And you, Muffy?

Uh, sure.

Don't be silly!

I've been to Europe
and to the Caribbean

and to Crown City lots of times.

( bell rings )

( whistling )

You know, as I clean
these paintbrushes

I can't help but think
of life in Crown City.

Yeah? How's that?

Well, I imagine
there must be

tons of galleries there.

You imagine?

I thought you said
you'd been there before.

Well, I have,
just not recently.

Yes, it's been
so long,

it just feels like
I've never been.

Oh, I would just love to return

to my beautiful Crown City
by the sea.

My dad did say
I could bring
a friend.

Fantastic!

Oh, we'll have such fun!

There's the stores
and the restaurants,

horse-drawn carriages,

room service and
valet parking...

Yes, but...

Ginger ale
with maraschino
cherries!

It's not going
to be like that.

You did tell her
this is only
a three-day trip, right?

I thought so.

As you can see, I've made
a fabulous list for the trip.

First a fancy dinner,

and then
a shopping spree,

then on to a tasteful
cultural event--

an art exhibit,
or the opera.

MUFFY:
♪ Crown City, one heck
of a diamond by the sea! ♪

♪ Crown City,
you're dynamite ♪

♪ You're
peaches... ♪

SUE ELLEN:
Hey, Muffy, look.

We're heading
into the city now.

MUFFY:
Ooh, so high-class.

Does Carla live in a penthouse?

Not exactly.

Was that woman
by the fire hydrant
selling soap?

WOMAN:
Yes, she was.

She makes a wonderful ginger,
oatmeal and seaweed bar

that's great for exfoliating.

Only chamomile
and verbena

touch my skin.

You must be Miffy!

It's Muffy...

It's so good
to see you.

Are you hungry?

Shall we go
to dinner?

I hear the international
fusion cuisine

in Crown City is magnificent.

Perhaps we should...

DAD:
How about

that cool little
Ethiopian place
by the firehouse?

What's it called?

Addis Ababa!

Let's go!

Are you sure they don't
have silverware here?

Nope-- just these.

Isn't it fun?

But where are
the different waiters?

There's supposed to be
one to sweep up the crumbs,

one to unfold the napkins,
one to...

Sorry the dinner
was a let-down,
Muffy.

Well, tonight
may have been a flop,

but tomorrow's going to be
glorious.

I don't believe it.

I think that's
Muffy Crosswire!

The Muffy Crosswire?

She's just so
sophisticated.

WOMAN :
Ravishing.

MAN:
I'm sorry, Miss,

but your credit card
company said...

( gasps )

you must spend more!

Don't worry.

You'll love
the shopping

we're going
to do tomorrow.

This wasn't what I...
( yells )

This wasn't what I had in...
whoa!

This wasn't what I had in mind!

Where are the jewelry cases?

And the ladies
spraying Parisian perfume?

I promise we'll stop
at a boutique or two

as soon as I find a good,
ripe turban squash.

MUFFY:
What do you mean, nothing
costs more than a dollar?

Plastic earrings?

Plastic may be all right for the
cap on a bottle of diet soda,

but on my ears?

Honestly!

SUE ELLEN:
Muffy!

I found
squeezable
glitter paints

for decorating
jeans and shirts.

CARLA:
Oh, Muffy.

Now, this--
this is you!

It's very chic.

Cow is not my color.

And fake fur
is way passé.

( snorts )

Well, suit yourself.

SUE ELLEN:
One foot-long
with sauerkraut,

hold the relish.

Are we dabbling
in high culture tonight?

A thick
cheesesteak,

double peppers,
burn the onions.

Maybe the ballet, or the opera?

Oh there's all sorts
of art at Rene's

Rene's?

Ooh, it sounds French!

Quick, Muffy--
what do you want?

Uh, poulet au beurre noir?

Uh, hold
the beurre noir?

An evening at Rene's.

I imagine Rene's is where
anyone who's anyone goes.

( people chatting and laughing )

Yes, it captures
my angst.

But this one's
my favorite.

It's an Andy Warthog.

So glad you like it, M.

I do.

I really,
really do.

No offense,
Keith.

What do you think
of my latest piece?

Intriguing!

What do you
call it?

"Broken cr*cker on a Plate."

Girls, are you ready?

Rene's awaits.

...so let's take
a riboflavin ride

on a chartreuse caboose...

What's going on?

It's a poetry slam.

Anyone who wants to
gets to make up a poem,

and everyone here
will listen.

...a blue you,
a voodoo that you do...

These people
are weirdos.

And this trip has been
the worst of my entire life.

Oh, look--
There's a table.

( gasps )

Eww, gross!
Gum!

( stops reading )

I can't take it any longer!

Look at my dress!

The skirt is ruined.

Look at my hair.

The ends are split.

Where am I?

No Ritz.

No glitz.

No silverware.

Big, wet fish
fly past my face.

It's all wrong!

Crown City, you're not dynamite!

You're not peaches and cream!

I just want to go home.

( applause )

MUFFY ( sobbing ):
It's tragic.

It's wretched.

I am undone.

Muffy, your...

No. Leave it.

I'll hop.

You do realize
if I were not
so weak

I would
absolutely refuse
to go down here.

( saxophone playing jazzy tune )

MUFFY:
This is the subway?

They're not all like this,

but this was the first
station ever built.

It was completed
in .

I had no idea.

( playing jazzy tune )

They play so well.

( sniffs )

What is that smell?

Probably oil,

and yes, Muffy,
garbage, too.

No, not that.

That!

CARLA:
Crown City's famous
for its pretzels.

The ones with
the cheese inside
are my favorite.

Those ballerinas,
they're so...

In a hurry, apparently.

The train's leaving!

Don't worry, Muffy.

There'll be another one.

Oh.

"C.C.S.O."--

that must be the Crown City
Symphony and Orchestra,

"Moonlight Lantern Parade
May ."

That's today!

I mean tonight!

That's right now!

So it is.

Do you think we could...?

If we catch the next train
we can be there in a flash.

Excellent!

Oh! And I've got
just the right look.

Is it me?

BOTH:
Definitely.

And now,

I shall buy the fattest,
most doughy pretzel

Crown City has to offer.

With extra cheese, of course.

Won't you join me?

MUFFY:
♪ Crown City, you're dynamite ♪

♪ You're peaches and cream ♪

♪ Try your luck there, kid ♪

♪ Crown City. ♪

ALL:
♪ Crown City ♪

♪ One heck of a diamond
by the sea! ♪

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen
to your heart ♪

♪ Listen to the b*at ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other. ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

Hey!