13x03 - Arthur's Number Nightmare/Brain Gets Hooked

[bunniefuu]

♪ Every day, when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view ♪

(laughing)

♪ And I say, hey ♪

♪ And I say, hey ♪
Hey!

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen to
your heart, listen to the b*at ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together and make things
better by working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message,
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪
♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪
♪ Place to start ♪

♪ Place to start ♪

♪ And I say, hey ♪

♪ And I say, hey ♪
Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!
♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we can learn to work
and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

Hey!

Hey!
♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

Hey!

Hey!
♪ What a wonderful kind
of day ♪

♪ What a wonderful kind
of day ♪

Hey!

ARTHUR (over TV):
Hey, D.W.!

Hey!

Whoa!

Whoa!
(loud thud)

(loud thud)

(letters shattering)

(quacking)

D.W.:
I win!

Whoo-hoo! Yeah,
I am number one!

Numero uno!

Not three, not two,
not even one-and-a-half...

One!

What's so important
about being number one?

It's just a number.

Wonderful one!

The first!
The best!

The top cheese!
The queen mosquito!

The head nacho!

The cream
of the crop!

Why is it so much
better than two?

Or four?

?

This thing must be wrong.

Some numbers are good,
some numbers are bad...

MOM:
Seven, six, zero, five, two.

Expiration:
seven- .

...and some numbers
are just numbers.

(growling)

But why does everything
have to have a number?

TOY VOICE:
Four. Two. Four.

Two. Four.
Two. Four.

Can't anything ever
just be what it is?

(bell rings)

CREEPY VOICE:
The time is : .

There are days left
in the school year.

This house was bought
for $ , .

The age of the Earth
is . billion years.

The temperature is degrees.

(talking very quickly):
This dog is six years old.

This a two-door Emu.

It gets miles to the gallon.
There are four potholes
in this road.

There are . million blades
of grass on this lawn.

(voice talking
too fast to understand)

(Arthur screams)

D.W.:
The first!
The greatest!

The bestest of the best!

One! One! One!

(sighs)

(phone rings)

Hello?

Yes, this is Francis Haney.

I might be eligible
for a cruise to Fiji?

Why yes, I am
interested.

BUSTER:
See? It's our entire class.

And every name has a number
beside it.

Except I can't
read number one.

It's smudged.

Where'd you
find it?

It just floated down
from the sky.

(gasps)

What if it's an alien
shopping list?

We could all be ingredients.

It's probably just
something for school.

Maybe we're all
getting new lockers.

FRANCINE:
Hey, it could be our
official class rank.

Are you at the
bottom, Buster?

No. You are.

Let me see that.

?

That can't be right.

And Arthur's
number two?

Why couldn't I be number two?

Because Brain
is five

and he gets much
better grades than you.

So? Maybe it's not just
based on grades.

They could add in other
things, like...

politeness.

BUSTER:
I'm .

That's not so bad.

It's number one with a twin.

But how can you be
when I'm ?

BUSTER:
Just lucky, I guess.

ARTHUR:
Come on, ,
let's get a smoothie.

Buster,

time to get up.

(yawns)

Huh.

: .

Oh, looks like we're
out of cereal.

Well, how about
some pancakes?

Okay!

Eleven.

Oh.

(gasps)

And then I found cents
on the ground.

Eleven isn't just my class rank,
it's my lucky number.

Buster, you have a different
lucky number every week.

No, no, no,
this is different.

Think about it.

How many letters are there
in the name Buster?

Six.

Oh.

But wait!

If you add Buster
and Baxter together,

and then minus one for
the space in between...

Books away, no talking, please.

You have
minutes.

ARTHUR:
The geography test!

I completely forgot.

BUSTER:
Don't worry,
you'll do fine.

You're number two.

You're right.

FRANCINE (thinking):
I'll just tell Principal Haney
that I think

this whole class-ranking thing
is wrong and unfair.

(knocks on door)

HANEY:
Just a minute.

HANEY:
Let's see...

knocking on the principal's
door without an appointment.

That'll drop
you two points.

Not smiling--
that's another point.

But I'm already at the bottom
of the class.

You can't rank me lower.

I'm afraid I have no choice.

I have to follow the rules
of ECOSAM.

That's the Elwood City Official
Student Assessment Manual.

Your new ranking is...

.

Oh, dear.

That means gum patrol.

Yuck.

Oh, hello,
Francine.

How can I help you?

You're not in any trouble,
are you?

Me? No, I'm
not in trouble.

In fact, I rarely
get in trouble.

That's true.

Is there something
you wanted?

Uh... nope.

I just wanted to say

this is a really
great school.

It is, isn't it?

You know, you might be just
the person to give the speech

at the Harvest Day
Celebration next week.

Me?

I mean, I'd love to.

Great.

Walk with me and I'll
tell you all about it.

I was thinking we
could do something

about the foods of fall.

NEWS ANNOUNCER:
And now the crew is approaching
the Titan XII,

the first manned space mission
to Mars.

There's the captain, the first
mate, the science officer.

And Arthur Read, the second
ranking third-grader

from Lakewood Elementary.

As we all know,
the first ranking student,

whose name I forget, came
down with the chicken pox.

BUSTER:
Arthur?

Arthur?

Huh?

Did you hear
a word I've said?

Oh yeah, you were talking
about the geography test.

It was a cinch.

I thought
it was hard.

What'd you get
for number eight?

The capital
of Denmark?

That's easy:
Cape Town.

Actually,
it's Copenhagen.

Cape Town is
in South Africa.

Are you sure about that?

Arthur's a two, you know.

You might want
to check your facts.

BRAIN:
I don't need to;

it's Copenhagen.

What do you mean,
"Arthur's a two"?

Buster found it.

It's our
class ranking.

This is just a list
of names and numbers;

it could be anything.

And even if it were
our class ranking,

the capital of Denmark
would still be Copenhagen.

You're just jealous because
you're only a five.

Eleven cents?

You're lousy tippers!

MUFFY:
Starch...

starch...

no starch...

and this one needs a button.

You're wasting
your time, Francine.

That list couldn't have been
a class ranking.

Why not?

Because I'm
on the list,

which is average.

And Crosswires
are never average.

Maybe you're right.

I could be writing this whole
speech about fall foods

for nothing.

Of course
I'm right.

Francine Frensky
couldn't be last
at anything.

Except a fashion contest.

But then what's
that list?

And what is
my class rank?

I really want
to know now.

(sighs)

You're so class
conscious.

Here, you want this?

The label fell off,
so I can't wear it.

HANEY:
I'm so glad you stopped by.

I just can't stop
thinking about the
Harvest Day Celebration.

Oh, yeah, me too.

Sir, I was wondering if
I could ask you about...

where I am in my class?

Not by a window, I hope.

(laughs)

I find my papers always
get blown everywhere.

Now, where did I
put those ideas?

Would you excuse me
for a moment?

(gasps)

There it is.

Class ranking.

Oh, it's just a brochure.

"World Class Ranking Cruises."

HANEY:
Ah, here it is.

Oh!

It's my design for a giant
pumpkin costume you could wear.

What do you think?

(mumbles)

I know.

Impressive,
isn't it?

This is going to be one Harvest
Day no one will ever forget.

Couldn't you have chosen
a more attractive vegetable?

I wanted to be corn,
but Principal Haney said

corn was too summery.

BRAIN:
Candied apple?

(grunting)

ARTHUR:
A C-minus!

Can you
believe that?

I've never gotten a
C-minus on a test before.

Shhh!

You're ruining
my count.

Nine, ten, .

I have to do of everything.

Why?

Because it's
my number.

I added up my locker
combination the other day

and guess what
it came out to.

Eleven?

BUSTER:
No! Twenty!

But it was broken.

Don't you see?

If it had been ,
it would have worked.

Want to guess
how many chestnuts
are in the jar?

You could win
a free t-shirt.

Eleven!

Not even close.

Count them!

I demand you
count them!

Uh, Buster's
a little tired now.

We'll come
back later.

FRANCINE:
I wish I had never
known my rank.

I might have still been
a , but I was happy.

I've probably fallen
to a three by now.

Maybe even a four.

Do you guys think I should
change my name to Maximillian?

Why?

It has letters in it.

Maybe Brain was right.

We don't know for sure that this
is our class rank.

It could be anything.

HANEY:
All right, everyone,

time to find
your seats.

Ready for your big
speech, Francine?

I guess so.

Help me up.

It's the seating assignments!

I was looking all over for that.

Seating assignments?

You mean that's
not our class rank?

Oh no, we don't rank our
students at this school.

It leads to all sorts
of misperceptions.

All right, follow me.

I'm dressed as a giant pumpkin
for nothing?

Now I'm in seat one
and let's put Buster in two...

Weird, I have in two cents
in my pocket.

FRANCINE AND ARTHUR:
Don't start!

HANEY:
I'll move Arthur to .

I'm in seat one...

And now:

Arthur and his friends
thought that the list

was the class ranking.

They thought the names were
in a certain order.

And today we are putting things
in a certain order.

This is my priority list.

I do my homework first.

GIRL:
We are making a priority list
of what is important to us.

Number one,
I eat dinner.

Number one, I make my bed.

Number two, I practice
the recorder.

Third, practice my guitar.

GIRL:
Priority means that you list
stuff that you do

in order of what's most
important.

You put things in order.

One, feed fishy.

First, I feed my kitten.

Number one, I eat breakfast

because it's the healthiest
meal of the day for me.

Number four, I eat lunch.

And number five, I go sledding.

Number two,
take shower.

Number three:
homework.

Why do you take a shower
before you do your homework?

Because I don't get
my homework dirty.

(laughter)

Third, I eat
some cookies.

Fourth, I go to my hideout
to feed my bugs.

And then I do my homework.

Why do you go to your hideout
to feed your bugs?

Because they'll starve
if I don't feed them.

I have a tarantula
and cockroaches

and dung beetles and
butterflies and ladybugs.

Number four, I study
spelling words.

Number five, I get dressed.

I think you should
get dressed first.

Second, I study my
division facts.

Third, I read in my room.

Fourth, I go to basketball.

Five, I go brush my teeth.

Anthony, I think you
should brush your teeth

before you go
to basketball

so you can look really handsome
when you go to basketball.

(laughter)

My number one thing is feed
my rabbit

because it is important
for her to eat.

And now:

(popping)

One thing that really bugs me is
when people get so obsessed

by something that...
oh, hold on.

(pop)

Anyway, they get so obsessed
that they just can't stop.

Like when Buster thought
that if he didn't listen

to every Grebes game,
they would start losing again.

Yes!

ANNOUNCER (on headphones):
A grand slam by Playmon,
and the Grebes are up by one!

ARTHUR:
Then there was the time
that Dad and Mr. Molina

got into a competition

over who had the best
Christmas decorations.

This year, David,

I am putting
you to shame.

Think again, Ramon.

(electricity sizzles)

ARTHUR:
I mean, really,

why is it so hard
for people to realize

when they should just stop?

MOM:
Arthur!
Dinner!

Coming, Mom!

Just one more.

(pop)

Mom, it's time for my
chess tournament.

MRS. POWERS:
Alan, it doesn't start
for another hour.

We have plenty of time.

But I have to get there early.

It helps my concentration.

Sorry, honey, you'll just
have to wait a little bit

while I finish
up the bills.

(moos)

(applause)

It's a clue
to the password.

"Get pie to
eight places."

What is that,
some kind of
dessert code?

Three point one four one five
nine two six five.

Not pie like cherry pie;

pi, the mathematical
constant.

To eight
decimal places.

Three point one four one
five nine two six five.

These shows are
so predictable.

(both gasp)

Run!

Whew, we made it.

(growling)

A walrus in
the jungle?

ANNOUNCER:
Thirty kids,
a mysterious island.

Will they escape?

I'm ready, Alan.

Let's hit that
chess tournament.

I'll be right there.

I just want to watch this absurd
show for a few more minutes.

So how was your chess
tournament yesterday?

It was okay.

I won.

I saw this inane
TV show yesterday.

These kids get marooned
on an island

when their ship crashes
on the way to summer camp.

Uh-huh.

They're supposed to be
in seventh grade,

but they survive
by hunting antelope
with bows and arrows.

As if a seventh-grader
could ever do that.

BRAIN:
And the island has a laboratory
on it built by a mad scientist

who's discovered how
to create new animals,

like a jungle walrus.

Sounds cool.

How could one guy on an island

achieve such an important
scientific breakthrough?

It's impossible.

Maybe he's from a very advanced
alien civilization.

And then there's this girl,
Devon.

She develops the ability
to talk to animals.

And she's stronger
than half the boys.

What's so unrealistic
about a girl being
stronger than boys?

Well, okay, I guess
that part is plausible.

For a silly show,

you sure are talking
about it a lot.

Quiet, please!

For our history unit
on the Middle Ages,

each of you will be assigned
to present an oral report

by the end of the week.

If any of you have ideas
for topics...

Swords and armor!

Very well, Binky,
swords and armor.

Alan, how
about you?

Huh? Oh.

Uh, the Magna Carta.

Ah, one of the most important
documents in medieval history.

The Magna Carta was an English
charter issued in

that was of great
significance because...

DEVON:
Guys, we have to find
a way off this island.

One of us has to
sail the lifeboat

out past the breakers
and get help.

It's our only way.

It's too risky, Trent.

But if we can just get
some batteries

from the lab, then I can
program the ship's transmitter

to send a distress signal.

Wake up,
computer nerd.

It's time for somebody
to take action.

That Trent guy is a moron.

Devon should pay more
attention to Byron.

ANNOUNCER:
Stay tuned

as our back-to-back marathon
of Junior Island continues.

DEVON:
We're trapped in this mad
scientist's creepy zoo.

What should
we do, Trent?

TRENT:
Nothing we
can do, Devon,

but wait and hope
that someone finds us.

Just use the code! It's pi!

You learned it in episode six!

This wouldn't be happening
if Byron was there.

(doorbell rings)

We're going riding
in the park.

Want to come?

No, I've got to work
on my report.

We thought you were done.

You were watching TV, so...

No, I wasn't.
I was working.

Brain, we heard
the TV on.

Maybe it was in another house.

Okay.

Well, see you at
school, I guess.

(whistles Junior Island
theme song)

FERN:
Hey, I know
that theme song.

Are you into
Junior Island?

That depends what
you mean by "into."

I was crazy
about that show.

I've seen
every episode.

You have to be
careful, though.

It's kind of addictive.

So, do they get
off the island?

You just have to watch
and find out.

But don't watch too many
at once.

It can make you...

Make me what?

Okay, time for our oral reports.

Who would like
to get us started?

Oh, me first!

Well, Binky, this is
a welcome surprise.

Please, go ahead.

BINKY:
In early medieval times,

knights used swords,

and their armor was a shirt with
metal rings called chain mail.

Eventually they made armor
out of steel plates

that could cover every part
of the knight's body.

The end.

(applause)

MR. RATBURN:
Excellent report, Binky.

I can't imagine how
anyone could top that.

Alan, want to give it a try?

Alan?

What?

Oh, sure.

(clears throat)

In , the most powerful
barons of England

forced the unpopular King John
to meet them at Runnymede Meadow

and sign the agreement later
known as the Magna Carta.

It was...

That's it!

They could build a giant longbow

that would launch them
all off the island.

Excuse me, Alan?

Oh, it's this TV show I...
never mind.

The Magna Carta

was a legal document that
limited the power of the king.

That's all?

Uh, yes.

Very well.

Who's next?

And don't forget to pick up
your oral report grades

on your way out.

(gasps)

Mr. Ratburn?
This is a C!

There must be
some mistake.

That's what I felt
your report deserved.

Although, I must confess, I was
a little surprised as well.

But this could ruin
my grade point average.

If you can redo your
report by Thursday,
I'll reconsider the C.

Like I said, never watch
more than one a day.

And stay away
from the DVD box set.

Yeah, I guess
you're right.

Wait, you can get
the episodes on DVD?

MS. TURNER:
Is this it, Alan?

Just this DVD?

You usually leave
with a stack of books.

Oh, um, I'll take this as well.

Hmm, Adventures in Macramé.

You certainly do have
eclectic tastes.

You guys, wait up!

Hey, Brain.

Glad you decided
to come out.

I just need a favor.

I need you to hold this key
for me until tomorrow.

No matter what I do,
no matter what I say,

don't give it
back to me.

Uh, okay.

But maybe Arthur
should take it.

I lose keys
all the time.

Even better.

You take it.

The Magna Carta was...

Contrary to popular belief,
the Magna Carta...

As every schoolchild knows,
the Magna Carta...

(groans)

It's no use.

I have to know if they get
off the island.

Forget what I said before.

I was crazy, I didn't know
what I was saying.

You've got to give
me the key.

Are you sure?

You seemed a lot less crazy
before than you do now.

Look!

A jungle walrus!

Where? That?

That's just Bink...

Hey!

No!

DEVON:
Trent, look!

Byron has come
to save us!

Byron has come
to save us!
(doorbell rings)

(doorbell rings)

TRENT:
Took you long
enough, egghead.

FERN:
Brain?

It's me, Fern.

Are you there?

I'm coming in, okay?

They could dig a tunnel.

No, the water pressure would
cause it to collapse.

(gasps):
It's worse
than I thought.

Get a grip
on yourself!

Fern! Turn it back on!

Didn't I tell you to
watch one a day or less?

But how are they
going to get off?

We just can't
leave them there.

Brain, it's
just a TV show.

It's not real.

Here, this is real.

Do you know what
we're going to do now?

We're going to write
my oral report.

What on earth
happened here?

Sorry.

I'll clean this up
when we're done.

So, to sum up, the Magna Carta
was a lot more

than just an early
legal document.

It meant that from
that point on,

even the king had
to obey the law.

Good job, Alan.

Don't forget your biology
projects for tomorrow.

FERN:
You're not going
to just run home

and watch six episodes
of Junior Island, are you?

Trust me,

I'll stick to the limits:

after I finish my homework,
I'm just going to watch one.

Okay.

So, which one are
you going to watch?

Two years on this island

and there was a land bridge
here all this time?

BYRON:
I told you we should
have checked

the other side of the island
when we first got here.

Why doesn't anyone
ever listen to me?

Give it a rest,
Einstein.

We've got a long
walk home.

That's it?

That's how
they get off?

(phone rings)

Well?
Pretty amazing, huh?

Pretty ridiculous!

It doesn't make
any sense.

Well, it might
in the next season.

I hear that they all get
shipwrecked again, and...

You know what?

I think I've finally
kicked the habit.

Good night, Fern.

Thanks for
all your help.

And good night, Junior Island.

To watch more Arthur

and play games with all
of the Elwood City friends,

visit pbskidsgo.org.

You can find Arthur books

and lots of other books, too,

at your local library.

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ Hey! What a wonderful kind
of day ♪

♪ Hey! ♪