02x07 - Lex-Jitsu

[bunniefuu]

-Just when I thought I couldn't love

the Mooery anymore, they start serving cereal.

-And not just any cereal,
our favorite, Captain Sugarrr!

You wanna sing the jingle?
-I don't know if we should.

♪ Do you want a breakfast with sugar and fun? ♪

-♪ Then you know that
Captain Sugarrr! is the only one ♪

both: ♪ Because it's milky, milky, milky ♪

♪ with the crunchy, crunch, crunch ♪

-♪ You're gonna love it, love it, love it ♪

♪ For breakfast and lunch ♪

Dang it!

You know I can't resist joining that jingle.

Now I'm seven seconds behind schedule.

-What is so important that you don't have time

for cereal songs?

-I've got a diorama due in
Pennsylvania History class,

my dog Reggie needs a bath,

I've got a Yogurt Club meeting,

which I am not prepared for.

-Man, you are so busy these days.

-I'm listening to a podcast called Busy as a Bee.

They say that if you're not busy,

then you'll never "bee" a success.

So I'm giving it a try. But don't worry,

I reserved some time to hang out with my friends.

And it starts right now.

So what have you guys been up to?

-Hey, I bought a milkshake for us to share.

-Oh, thank you. Sharing's the best.

-No, this is for me to share with Lex.

There's more where that came from,

thanks to Nana's birthday money.

-Show's over, bro.

-So where were we?

-Uh, weird question--was
that recycling bin always there?

-Ugh, not again.

-Hi-ya!

I'm gonna recycle you like a used can of beans.

-Stop, pedestrian!
-Whoa!

Gloria, you gotta stop doing this.

-Yeah. You've been sneak attacking Lex

every day for a month.

-And you're really bad at it.

-Why do you keep doing this?

-You defeated me in battle
at the Snow Cone Festival,

and my sensei Jaget says I must avenge my loss.

-Those are the rules.

-Jag-Jitsu says I have to b*at Lex

to earn my Polka Dot Belt.

I won't rest until I do. See you tomorrow.

-Okay. Finally, just the three of us.

Let's get our hang on. [beeping]

And that's the alarm saying
our hang-out time is over.

-Lex, this is crazy. We hardly see you anymore.

-I know. My schedule is nuts.

Now with Gloria attacking me every day,

I just can't keep up.

-Even when Jaget's not here,

he's found a way to make things terrible.

-You're right. I need to
talk some sense into Jaget.

-And we'll talk some sense into Gloria.

-Sounds good. Now come on,

I penciled in a few seconds
for a group fist bump.

-Boop.
-Boop.

[beeping]
-Ah, sorry.

No time for my boop.

-Hi-ya!

You're not Lex.

-Gloria, don't be mad, but
we wanted to talk to you.

So we used a Lex dummy
because we knew you'd att*ck it.

-You could have just texted me.

-I'll be honest. We did not think of that.

-Look, we want you to stop attacking our friend.

It's ruining our hang time with Lex.

I mean, we see this dummy more than we see her.

And we hate you.

-Don't you have better
things to do than Jag-Jitsu?

-I'm just not interested in anything else.

-Yeah, man, I used all the birthday money

on a milkshake for Lex. No, it didn't work.

-Hi, Fisher.

-What's up, Gloria?
-[giggling]

Hi, Fisher.

-Okay. See you later.

-[giggling] Bye, Fisher.

-I think we found something

other than Jag-Jitsu that Gloria likes.

-Yup. Call a doctor

'cause someone's got a bad case of Fisher Fever.

-No.

-I saw the way you perked up when you saw him.

[giggling]

-Okay. Maybe I kind of like him.

-What if we can help you get his attention?

-Why would you help me?

-Because we want our friend time with Lex back.

-And if you and Fisher are focused on each other,

you won't keep attacking Lex,

and he won't keep asking her out.

-Okay, I'm in.

But if this doesn't work,
just know there are over

, recycle bins in this town,

and I can be in any one of them.

-♪ 'Cause Jaget's the greatest ♪

♪ The greatest ♪

♪ The greatest of all time ♪

-Jaget, you have to stop
sending Gloria to att*ck me.

-If she wants to earn her Polka Dotted Belt,

it's the only way.

-I don't have time for this.

I should be building a diorama right now.

I feel like I'm about to scream.

Aah!

-Challenge accepted.

-What challenge?
-You just gave

the Jag-Jitsu w*r cry of combat:

"Aah!"

We must fight now.
-What?

-Tell the floor I said, "Hello."

Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!

Hah! Hah-- -Move along, citizen!

-Ah--

Uhh...

-Are you okay?

I'm sorry, that was all reflexes.

-You just defeated the sensei in his own dojo,

or should I say your dojo?

-Wait, what?

-Per the sacred Jag-Jitsu rules,

whoever defeats the sensei takes their place.

I bow to my new sensei.

-No, no, no, no. My schedule is full.

I don't have time to be sensei.

-I'm sorry, Sensei, in Jag-Jitsu,

there are no takesy backsies.

-♪ I got, you got me ♪

♪ We got this ♪

♪ I like the odds when we're side-by-side ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ Oh, we're taking off, gonna do this right ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ And when things go up in flames, we're on it ♪

♪ 'Cause I got you, got me, we got this ♪

-Okay, operation get Gloria together with Fisher

to free up time for Lex to hang out with us,

also known as AGGTWFUWU is a go.

-Okay. Let's think of things Fisher is into.

We know he likes science
and the keytar. What else?

-Crackers. Always eating crackers.

-Are you sure?
-Yeah.

When I do my impression
of him, it's this, "I'm Fisher."

[chomping]

-Shh! Y'all can't let Jaget know I'm here.

-What's going on?
-Well, I tried to tell Jaget

to make Gloria stop sneak attacking me,

and he thought I wanted to
fight, and I accidentally won.

-Oh, no. According to the rules of Jag-Jitsu,

that means you're the new sensei.

-Really?
-Yes.

And now Jaget says he's my student

and has been following me around.

I'm trying to lose him.

-I don't think it worked.

-Sensei, what are your orders?

-Wait, if you're the sensei,

can't you just give Gloria her belt,

and then she'll stop jumping out at you?

-I'm sure there's some dumb reason why she can't.

-Let me try.

As sensei, I declare that
Gloria gets her new belt.

-Doesn't work that way, Sensei.

Before you get your full sensei powers,

you have to complete three sacred steps.

-Told you there'd be a dumb reason.

-I don't have time for three sacred steps.

My diorama is still due,
Reggie still needs a bath--

-Jaget, cover your ears.

-I don't listen to you.

-Jaget, cover your ears.
-Yes, Sensei.

-Okay. I'm going to say something

I never thought I would say.

You should listen to Jaget.

both: What?

-Do his three stupid steps,
become official sensei,

and give Gloria her belt.

That way, she'll stop attacking you.

-Also, it turns out that Gloria likes Fisher.

Presley and I are going to get them together.

-Whoa, so I could get Gloria to stop attacking me

and Fisher to stop asking me out?

I'll have so much free time.

-And Dummy Lex can stay in the trash.

-You missed a lot when you weren't here.

-Okay, Jaget, let's do the sacred steps.

-Make way for the sensei!

[insect buzzing]

-Come here, fly.

Catching you is the dumb first sacred step

to becoming the dumb sensei.

Where have you been?

I've been trying to catch this fly for hours.

-Sorry, Sensei.

But you said you needed help with your projects.

So I made this diorama for
your Pennsylvania History class.

-Holy moly, it looks just like

the Trans-Pennsylvania Railroad.

-I like to blow on it, pretend I'm the wind.

There are thousands of benefits to Jag-Jitsu.

This is just the beginning.

[buzzing]

-I did it! I caught the fly.

-Two more sacred steps,

and then you're officially sensei,

then the fun really begins.

-So what do I do with the fly?

-Sacred step number two, release the fly.

[fly buzzing]

Time for sacred step number three.

-Wait, that was the whole step?

-Yes. Some sacred steps are easier than others.

-Okay. We're going to make
sure you and my brother

have everything in common
so you'll totally connect.

-And then, you and Fisher will "accidentally"

bump into each other, like in those horrible

romantic comedies that I never
watch but always make me cry.

-You've got the lab coat.
You'll also need this keytar.

-And these crackers.

-Are you sure he likes those?

-Yes. He loves them.

-But what do I say to him?

-We're going to help with that too.

If you wear this earpiece,
we can talk to you through it.

-Are you sure this is gonna work?

[both laughing]

-We're like % sure.

-I'm at .

-We're between and % sure.

-I never thought the third sacred step

would be getting a manicure.

And thanks again for giving Reggie a bath.

-My pleasure, Sensei. And
did you see the calendar

I put up featuring animals wearing hats?

-Of course. I can't stop looking at it.

You crazy duck, where did you get that hat?

-All done, Sensei.

-The third sacred step is complete.

You are now officially the sensei.

Here's your robe of infinite power.

-Ooh, terrycloth!

-Your throne, Sensei.

-No, I should get going.

I just want to give Gloria her belt

and get on with my life.

-[quiet rumbling] What's that noise?

-That's the throne. It has a massage feature.

-You know, it would be
rude to not at least try it.

Feels nice.

-Jag-Jitsu has its benefits.

-No. Lex-Jitsu has its benefits.

Now, go back to finishing Reggie's bath.

-Yes, Sensei.

-Cadmium? Boron?

Gloria?

-Hi, Fisher. What a surprise to see you here.

-I was just walking around

and thinking about science and saw you.

-I was just walking around

and thinking about science and saw you.

-Weird. For a second there,
I thought someone was trying

to lure me into the driveway.

-Laugh, laugh, laugh.

-Laugh, laugh, laugh.

-No. Laugh, "Ha, ha, ha, ha."

-Oh. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

-Are you okay?

-Yeah. Just on my way to play my keytar.

Is it a keyboard? Is it a guitar?

Only thing I know is it rocks.

-Hey, I play the keytar.

-Whoa!

Well, other things I love
include science and crackers.

-I do love science, but
I'm not a big cr*cker guy.

-Yes, you are. You love crackers.

-Yes, you are! You love crackers.

-No, I don't.

-Yes, you do. I saw you
eating them that one time.

-I told you he didn't like crackers.

-He does. He's just lying. Call him a liar!

-Look, do you wanna hang out
sometime? Maybe play keytar?

-Sure. How about tomorrow afternoon?

-Oh, tomorrow? Sorry, I've got plans.

-Well, maybe some other time.

-Our plan totally worked.
-Yeah.

Why did you tell Fisher you were busy?

-Because I am.

I have Lex-Jitsu practice tomorrow afternoon.

-Lex-Jitsu?
-It's a lot like Jag-Jitsu,

but now to get my Polka Dot Belt,

instead of attacking Lex, I
have to do all of her chores.

The point is I don't think

I have time to hang out with Fisher.

-Okay, this is our friend
Lex we're talking about.

Let's go over there, get your new belt,

and she'll give you as
much free time as you want.

-Sounds good.
-Great.

Right after we make Fisher
admit he likes crackers.

-Enough with the crackers.

-I know in my heart that I'm right.

-Do you have an appointment?

-No. We're just gonna talk to Lex.

-No one can see the sensei
without an appointment.

-Let them enter.
[dramatic musical chord]

Welcome to my dojo.

-Why do you look like that?
-Yeah.

What's with the evil bathrobe?

-This is what the sensei wears.

And I'm the sensei.

-Lex, stop messing around and give Gloria

her Polka Dot Belt so we can get back to normal.

-Yeah. And tell Gloria she
has time to go out with Fisher.

And then our friend hang
time will stop getting interrupted.

-Hmm, that's a great plan. Let's do that--never.

-Wait, what?

-I've got a lot going on in my life.

I need my students completely focused

on getting things done for me.

-What are you talking about? This was the plan.

-I'm the sensei. I make the plans.

Jaget, show them out.

-We're not going anywhere.

-Shall I scream as I chase them out?

-That sounds nice.

-Ahh!

-Aah!
-Go, go, go!

-Okay, I'm calling her again.

-You've reached Sensei Lex.

Leave a message after the hi-ya!

and someone will get
back to you if you're worthy.

Hi-ya!

-Well, Lex has officially gone to the dark side.

-It doesn't help that her students

are doing everything for
her. I mean, look at Gloria.

She's stuck doing Lex's laundry.

-Sensei Lex insisted. It's part of Lex-Jitsu.

Lex-Jitsu, fold, and flip.

-This is so messed up. Lex has you so busy

you don't have time to go
on your date with Fisher.

Ugh, I just want our friend back.

-Lex-Jitsu, formerly known
as Jag-Jitsu, is the worst.

-Hey!

It may be a little intense, but I love it.

I don't like all the rules,
but that's up to the sensei.

Fold and flip.

-Wait. What if you were the sensei?

-I can't be. I'd have to defeat Lex.

I've tried, and she always beats me.

-But you have something now
that you didn't have then--us.

-Yeah. I mean, nobody
knows Lex like me and Presley.

-Really? Is she a big fan of crackers?

-Look, we love Lex,

but it's time for some tough love.

We'll help you defeat her
and become the new Sensei.

-Jag-Jitsu rules say any
challenger must fight alone.

Those are the Lex-Jitsu rules too.

She hasn't updated the constitution yet.

-Hey, remember how we used

that earpiece to help you talk to Fisher?

-I don't know if "help" is the right word.

-We can do the same thing to help you defeat Lex.

We just have to use her
weaknesses to distract her.

-I'm in. Fold and flip.

-Great. Now let's go b*at up my best friend.

[upbeat music]

-♪ Lex is the greatest, the greatest ♪

♪ The new greatest of all time ♪

♪ Lex is the greatest, the greatest ♪

♪ The new greatest of all time ♪

-I'm Sensei Lex.

Student Jaget, you were so right about taking

the time to record that song. Totally worth it.

-Yes, Sensei. Thank you, Sensei.

-Yeah, I thought you said we were meeting

a new Lex-Jitsu student.

-That's what the text said.

-Hi-ya!

There was no text.

-No, there is. I'm looking at it right here.

-I meant there was a text, but it was a trick.

-What is the meaning of this? You're my student.

-Ahh!

-[gasps]

That's the official sensei challenge.

-That's the official challenge?

-Told you it was nothing but dumb rules.

-I challenge you for the title of sensei.

-Fine. Student Jaget,

help me dramatically remove
my robe of infinite power.

-Tell the floor I said, "Hello."

-Okay. We need to distract Lex

so Gloria can win. What's first?

-Lex can't see a tag sticking out of a shirt

without fixing it.

-Gloria, release the tag.

-Oh, Hey, your tag is sticking out.

Let me just get that--whoa!

♪ ♪

Well, well, well,

looks like the trash can has some new moves.

-I was a recycling bin!

-Next distraction.
-It's puppy time.

-Hey, a puppy in a cowboy hat!
-Oh my gosh, where?

-Hi-ya!

-Whoa, you almost got me with that one.

-It didn't work.
-Time for the finisher.

-The Captain Sugarrr! cereal jingle.

-Yes. Lex can't hear it without singing along.

-I know you're trying to distract me.

-No, you're too smart for that.

But I do have a question.

♪ Do you want a breakfast with sugar and fun? ♪

♪ Then you know that Captain
Sugarrr! is the only one ♪

all: ♪ Because it's milky, milky, milky ♪

♪ With the crunchy, crunch, crunch ♪

-♪ You're going to love it, love it, love it ♪

♪ For breakfast and--♪

-Punch!
-Ohhhhh!

-And high five.

-I bow to my new sensei, Sensei Gloria.

Now, come, Sensei, we
have sacred steps to complete.

I gotta find a fly.

-Nothing like cereal after helping defeat

your best friend in battle.

-You guys may not have noticed,

but I think I might've taken

that sensei thing a little too far.

-I noticed.
-I also noticed.

-But we're just glad to have you back.

-And the good news is, now that Gloria is sensei,

she doesn't need to att*ck you.

-And, look, she has time
to hang out with Fisher now.

-You know, I'm pretty new to playing keytar.

-No worries. I can teach you.
Here's a pretty simple chord.

-Aah!

-Excuse me a second.

-Ahh--ugh--

I just want to be sensei again.

-Look, if you were sensei again

and I was your student,
would you loosen the rules

so I can have a life outside of Jag-Jitsu?

-No.

-Well, in that case--

-Okay, okay. fine.

-Your punch has defeated me, Sensei.

-Yeah, take that.

Feels good to be back.

-Looks like your brother is sensei again.

-Hopefully, this whole thing has taught him

to be a nicer, kinder sensei.

-Hi-ya!

♪ 'Cause Jaget's the greatest! ♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪ The greatest of all time! ♪