Dolls have been
around since the Egyptians.
They even found one
in King Tut's tomb.
He wouldn't part with it,
even in the afterlife.
But what is a doll, really?
Nothing more than
mankind's attempt to finish
what the Almighty began.
Forgive me if that's
a tad blasphemous.
What I'm trying to say is...
when the Lord formed
dust into man,
he was seeking perfection.
Isn't that so?
That is what I was
told in Sunday school.
Well, a doll does not sin.
It has no flesh to mortify.
No soul to lose.
It's God's ideal made manifest.
So, God would love us more if
we were made out of plastic?
Not that you don't
have a point, sir.
Don't do that. Don't
retreat from your point.
I like people who
think for themselves.
Well, that has never
been a problem of mine,
- to think for myself.
- Huh.
As your curriculum
vitae attests,
high school valedictorian,
president of Natchez
Debating Society.
Master of Arts
from Ole Miss. Ha.
The truth is, I've
never interviewed
a candidate more qualified.
Well, I just would like to add
that my academic achievements
are nothing compared
to my tenacity.
I know times are tough,
and I know you've no doubt
seen lots of applicants,
but if you see fit to hire me
as your secretary,
I will dedicate myself
to clerical excellence.
Well...
I'm afraid you're just not
right for the position.
- I'm not?
- I'm sorry,
Miss Dellum, but thank
you for your interest.
- My assistant will see you out.
You feeling better?
The headache should only trouble
you for a couple of hours.
You're on my estate.
This is my private dollhouse.
Your dollhouse?
I designed it myself,
from the wallpaper to
the, the rose cornices.
It's a tad eclectic,
I grant you,
but I'm not disciplined enough
to confine myself to one era.
So, the base is
Victorian spiced
with old Americana
and Edwardian.
What? What-what is
this? Why am I here?
This is your home
for the next seven
days, give or take.
My home?
Miss Dellum,
I was honest
when I told you how impressed
I am with your background.
You're far too special to spend
your days in front
of a typewriter,
so I have entered
you into the pageant.
Did you say...
- pageant?
- Please understand,
this is an extraordinary honor.
As of last week,
entrance was closed.
Well, I do appreciate the honor,
but I don't want to be
a part of your pageant.
Your participation
isn't open to debate.
Get out of my way.
Do you hear me?
Oh, he can hear you.
He just can't respond.
He's missing most of
his, um, his tongue.
There's only one way
out of here, young lady.
It's not through any
windows or doors.
: What do
you want from me?
Now, you'll find
out soon enough.
In the meantime, I'll
leave you to get settled.
- -Get settled?
I'm not getting settled.
I'm getting out of here.
You can't just
leave me here alone.
You're not alone.
Let me out!
Hey! Come back!
Let me out of here!
Well, this is all
we f*cking need.
Aurelia, can't you see
she's scared to death?
Can't you see that
I don't give a sh*t?
Little Miss started in
the middle of the contest.
She didn't have to do
the first three tests.
Who are you people?
Can someone please tell
me what's going on?
You've been kidnapped
by a crazy-rich toymaker
who's sick in the head
and obsessed with dolls,
so he made all of this.
He's looking for the
perfect doll, see,
a mother for his kid,
and he makes us do tasks
in his messed-up beauty
pageant and the ones
who don't measure
up get eliminated
in the worst way. You dig?
Someone please tell
me this is a joke.
Let's find you a bed
where you can lie down.
This is our room.
I'm here, that's Bonnie's.
Well, I don't want to rest.
I want to get out of here.
Sweetie, I know what
you're going through.
I was the same way at first.
Came for an interview,
stopped to help someone
on the side of the road.
Well, if everyone who
interviewed disappeared,
then that means that the law...
- the law has to get suspicious.
- The others were different.
Aurelia was a dancer.
Faye taught kindergarten.
When psycho man spots someone he
thinks would make a good doll,
he makes a move and that's it.
I was taken right
out of my house.
To this day I have no
idea why I was picked.
You have to listen
to me. There's no way out.
Believe me, we've been here
for weeks and we've tried.
This place is built like a safe.
Van Wirt told the truth.
There's only one way off,
and you don't want that.
You really should eat
something before it starts.
I'm not hungry.
They only stock the fridge
every couple of days.
I saw him yesterday.
The little boy.
Otis.
He was looking out his window.
Where is his mom?
She d*ed two years ago.
The official story is, she took
her boat out into the swamp
to pick flowers, there was
an accident, and she fell in.
But that's not what happened?
Rumor is, Mr. Van Wirt
didn't exactly measure up.
So she got herself
a little stallion.
What he did to them is
almost too horrible for words.
They got this old
stone wishing well.
Been dried up for years,
since the Civil w*r.
And the only wishing
anybody's doing there
is for heavenly deliverance.
It's a long drop.
Come on. They're coming.
Hurry.
You need to pick one
and find a spot, fast.
Don't move unless asked,
don't speak unless spoken to.
Well?
I thought we weren't
getting any new ones.
I made an exception.
Go make friends.
- So, what's your name?
Uh...
You have a name, don't you?
I can't just call
you "clown doll."
My name is Coby.
Coby the Clown.
Otis, what do you say?
I think this is the
happiest day of my life.
You know I don't
like your sarcasm.
Delighted to meet
you, Coby the Clown.
I'm Otis Van Wirt.
Very good.
Now, I'll be back after work.
Remember, treat your
playthings with respect.
I always do.
Why do grown-ups think
kids like clowns?
Everyone likes clowns.
I think everyone says they do
'cause they think
they're supposed to,
but really no one does.
Think I'm gonna tell
Eustace to throw you away.
- Too bad for you.
- I can do a trick.
A magic trick. Do you
want to see a trick?
I think everyone hates magicians
almost as much as
they hate clowns.
How'd you do that?
Do it again.
This is my dollhouse,
Coby the Clown.
My dad made it for me
'cause I'm his only son
and the heir to his fortune.
You want to see tomorrow,
you do what I say.
Now do it again.
Coby?
What was that voodoo
sh*t with the toy?
Oh, my uncle, he's into magic.
He showed me some
tricks when I was a kid.
Well, that's nice.
Don't butter my ass
and call me a biscuit.
I saw what happened.
That thing moved
by its own self.
Honestly, Aurelia,
what even are you saying?
I'm saying that she's a liar.
And if you think this is
gonna put you in Fat City,
then you got another
thing coming,
'cause I got tricks
up my sleeve, too,
and I'm gonna win
that little brat over.
And what if you do win?
What happens then?
Being the kid's mom?
What does that mean?
Does anyone know
what that means?
Does being the kid's mom
mean being Van Wirt's wife?
Well, whatever it
means, when I win,
I got time to figure a way out.
You can't clean the muck
bucket if you're dead.
What's that?
At this hour,
it'll be one thing.
A test.
We don't just have to play
with the kid, now, dolly.
The sh*t that starts now
is the sh*t that really counts.
This
evening, we will focus
on the "déjeuner
a la fourchette,"
or "le lunch," as they
call it in the Quarter.
There is a formality
to be observed,
no less important than
in the evening repast.
Here are the building blocks
for our culinary ballet.
Salad fork, meat
fork, bouillon spoon,
water glass, Apollinaris, et
cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
The hypothetical menu
for our afternoon
is crawfish cardinal,
terrapin soup,
stuffed drum,
as well as assorted ices
and pies.
As always, you will be graded
according to precision.
Deviations will result
in one point awarded.
The one with the most
points at the end
will be discarded.
You have one minute
to set the table for lunch.
- Begin.
30 seconds.
15 seconds.
Five seconds.
- Freeze.
All right.
Let's see what we have.
Kn*fe facing toward the plate.
Fruit spoon in the proper place.
Apollinaris glass correct.
Perfect score.
Tragic napkin fold.
Salad and meat fork
in the wrong place.
Two points.
Kn*fe should be facing
toward the plate, not away.
Salted nut bowl is
in the wrong place.
You used a bouillon
spoon for terrapin soup
instead of the terrapin fork.
And that water glass calamity
warrants three points.
Total: four.
I'm surprised at you.
This isn't fit for
my worst coonhound.
Napkins,
hemstitched or scalloped,
folded in tri-shape,
long edge toward the fork,
water glass at the
tip of the Kn*fe,
Apollinaris glass
upon the same doily
to the right and just
down from the water glass.
Too many infractions to count!
Let's not prolong this.
No, please.
I wasn't taught any of this.
My parents worked in a
cannery. It's not fair.
Please, I don't want to die.
What the
hell's a terrapin?
It's a
turtle, you idiot.
I can't believe
this is happening.
Poor Faye.
f*ck her.
One more out of the way.
- That kid ain't gonna save you.
Nothing is gonna save you.
That wasn't really just a
magic trick you did, was it?
Do you want
to hear a secret?
It's a gift.
Something I was born with.
Something I've been
able to do since, well,
since I stopped
being a little girl.
Well, what
else can you do?
Well, I haven't
tried to find out.
I've been afraid of what would
happen if my family knew.
What would happen?
They could decide I
had a demon or something,
have a preacher yell over me.
The place where I came from,
there were a lot of rules
about what was right
and what was wrong,
and how to live and
how not to live.
That's why I decided
to leave home.
I wanted to be free.
I guess we both know what it
feels like to be different.
I'm not different.
You don't go to school,
and you're a boy who
likes to play with dolls.
What do you have against dolls?
Nothing.
I'm just saying it's
not like other people,
and around here
that can be hard.
I used to go to school,
until kids b*at me up.
The teachers said I was
odd and belligerent.
Now I don't go anymore.
Don't you miss them?
Your mom and dad?
I miss when my mom
used to sing me to sleep.
You miss your mom, don't you?
Can I tell you a secret?
I hope you win and
get to be my mom.
That'd be nice.
But I wouldn't be a
good mom if I was sad.
Why would you be sad?
Because of all the dolls
we'd have to throw down the well.
I throw out old
dolls all the time.
But they're not just
dolls, they're my friends.
If you tell your daddy to
stop this and let everyone go,
I promise you, I'll be the
best mommy you'll ever want.
I cross my heart
and hope to die.
No, we just need more time.
The public will come around.
Our new line of dolls
is better than anything
that-that M-Mattel
or, uh, Hasbro ha...
So what if they have Barbie?!
We use old-world methods.
Our dolls are hand-sewn.
We just need more time
for people to find us.
And then the sales will pick up.
What are you doing out of bed?
Did I wake you?
Uh, I wanted to
ask you something.
Oh.
Come over here.
Are you in trouble, Dad?
Life... sometimes...
gives us challenges.
And our jobs as good Christians
is to meet those
challenges head-on.
When we lost your
blessed mother,
I decided that the only
possible replacement
would be someone perfect.
Daddy's gonna find you the
best mommy in the world.
The perfect mommy
who will always
be there for you.
And you trust me?
Right?
- Yes, Daddy.
- Good.
Now...
what did you want to ask me?
Nothing.
Today you're going to impress me
with what some of you might
consider a household chore.
But like many things in
life, if done properly,
even the most mundane task
can rise to the level of art.
The proper ironing and
folding of a shirt,
following the rules as set
down by Monsieur Seydoux
in his famous Dauphine
Street Laundry.
As we all know, Seydoux
placed great importance
on the ingredients
for his ironing spray.
And it was Seydoux
who used Courvoisier
instead of raw
alcohol in his sprays,
as well as assorted herbs...
which gave his work
its distinctive aroma.
Mmm.
You will have three minutes
to make your solutions,
and then to iron and
fold your shirts.
- Ticktock.
The proper mixing
and application
of your solution
is all that stands
between triumph and disaster.
Remember, we are making folds...
not creases.
Folds that are crisp
prevent wrinkles.
The fabric and the weave
dictate the proper technique.
Hmm. Too
much lavender.
Not
enough Courvoisier.
Three.
Mm. Too much starch.
This shirt could get up
and walk out on its own.
And, oh. I can't
believe my eyes.
That looks like scorching.
I expected more from you.
Put your left hand on the
board and do not move it.
Remember the lesson.
Hmm.
I said folds, not creases. Ugh.
Not enough starch.
Oof.
Smells like a whorehouse.
- Four.
No, no...
Tomorrow marks the end
of our journey together
and the final test.
Whoever excels will be
given a great honor,
and the others,
well...
Any one of you could win,
so I suggest you all get
a good night's sleep.
What are we gonna do?
I don't want to die.
Looks like
your little magic
and sweet talk didn't do sh*t.
I say we jump them.
When they come in, we make
weapons and we hit them.
They can't sh**t us all.
Probably should have done
that when there were more of us.
It's better than
just lying down.
Like you said, we
got to do something.
I really thought
I'd gotten to him.
Little sh*t.
If I get picked as his
mother, first chance I get,
I'm gonna strangle him.
I feel sorry for him.
I think
Van Wirt likes you.
He just ironed my hand.
You b*rned one of his shirts.
He could've put you in
the well just for that.
I think Van Wirt knows
his kid likes you.
By the way, how'd you
make that truck move?
What are you doing?
Aurelia?
- Are you crazy?
- I know that Van Wirt
wants this bitch to win,
and I am not gonna die tomorrow.
None of us have to
die tomorrow, Aurelia.
Mm-hmm? How's that?
Just gonna magic us out of here?
No, we're going to walk
out the front door.
This estate runs ten
miles in every direction.
We'd never get clear
before they hunt us down.
Well, they won't know.
At least not at first.
Enough to give us a head start.
What head start?
Well, he loves dolls, so
we're gonna give him dolls.
This is the final
test, and the most important.
Today we find out
who you really are.
Knowing which fork to use
doesn't matter if your
soul is in jeopardy.
That is some voodoo sh*t.
I think there's
a road over there.
Past the swamp. Come on.
Wait. We-we can't go yet.
My son will only keep
company with the saved.
What the f*ck is
wrong with you, Coby?
- Huh?
- We can't leave that little boy here with that man.
We have to go get him and we
have to bring him with us.
"The carpenter
stretcheth out his rule,
he marketh it out with a line."
When we get clear, we can
tell the police everything.
- They'll take the kid out of here.
We don't know
what Van Wirt would do when
he finds out we're gone.
He could disappear and
he could take Otis.
I'm not leaving him here.
"He fitteth
it with planes
and he marketh it out
with the compass."
I hope you're
ready to be a mama.
I'm-I'm sorry, I'm too scared.
"And he maketh it
after the figure of a man,
"according to the
beauty of a man,
so that it may
remain in the house."
Which of the Old Testament
prophets said that?
Wait. Wait for me!
: Otis.
- Otis.
- Who are you?
- I'm Coby.
- What are you doing here?
I'm running away and I
want you to leave with me.
- Run?
- Your daddy isn't well.
Otis, he's done some
things that are very wrong.
- Where are the other dolls?
- They ran away, too.
But I-I couldn't
leave without you.
Come with me.
I'm sorry.
Wait for me!
Aurelia.
Don't leave me.
Thank you.
Too slow and too f*cking loud.
Congratulations,
Miss Dellum.
You're going to make a
wonderful mother for my son.
: No.
You know, not a lot
happens on my estate
that I don't know about.
The thing with
these vintage dolls
is that their porcelain heads
make wonderful sound conductors.
Now, I wasn't able
to hear everything
about your plans,
but I heard enough.
And so, I decided that
your escape attempt
would be the final test,
and only you passed.
Only you cared enough about
my son to come back for him,
at the risk of your own life.
I'm, I'm deeply
moved, Miss Dellum.
What are you going to do to me?
I'm gonna make you perfect.
Come, come.
It may be a tad unsettling,
but it should be painless.
I designed it that
way, just for you.
Please, please.
Please!
Please! Please help!
Help!
Ah.
This is lovely, isn't it, Otis?
I wish she talked more.
Well, we need to
give her some time.
She's had quite the
stressful adjustment.
I know that it was a bit
awkward the first week,
but I can see that you're
getting the hang of it.
I'm very proud of you, Coby.
But we must look
for a better name.
Coby Rae doesn't
seem quite right
for such an elegant and
refined article like yourself.
I must give that some thought.
Nothing like afternoon
tea to still the soul.
Soul? You
shouldn't use words
you don't understand, Van Wirt.
Who are you? How did
you get into my house?
Eustace.
Eustace. Eustace!
He can't move.
And neither can you.
You don't need to
be afraid of us.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
We should have been here sooner,
but your spells were very weak.
We could barely detect them.
Did you say "spells"?
You're one of us.
Don't leave me.
I still promise
I'll be your mommy,
but you can never
come back here.
You know, it's probably safer
if you don't use
your first name here.
Do you have a middle name?
Spalding.
Spalding it is.
And if anyone asks, you've
been here your entire life,
just like your father before you
- and his father before...
- Him.
I'm Myrtle.
I'm Spalding.
It's nice to have
someone here my own age.
I plan to run this
place someday.
02x01 - Dollhouse
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Spin-off of American Horror Story featuring a different horror story each episode.
Spin-off of American Horror Story featuring a different horror story each episode.