01x23 - Mama Loves to Mambo

[bunniefuu]

Hiya, Ralph.

Well, sweetheart,
I see you have my
favorite dessert,

chocolate fudge cake.

Yeah, but it's not
for you, Ralph.

It's for that new neighbor
that moved next door.

All the women
in the building

are making him
a little something.

You know, sort of like
a welcome gift.

Oh.

So, they finally rented
Fogerty's old flat, huh?

Yeah.

When do they move in?

This afternoon,
only it's not a "they,"

it's a "he."
Oh, yeah?

What kind of a
looking guy is he?

Oh, I don't know, Ralph.

He's kind of tall,
and has gray hair.

Well, why don't you go over
and meet him after supper?
I will.

Listen, honey,
I've got to go up

and get the wash
off the roof.

Would you keep an eye
on the stew for me?
All right.

Okay,
I'll be right down.

'Kay, hon.

( door opening )

Hey, there, Ralphie boy.

How you doing there,
Ralphie boy?

I was just going to visit
the new neighbor.

You want to come along
with me?
I can't.

We're going to sit down
to supper in a minute.

Oh, well, uh,
Trixie made some potato salad,

and wanted me
to bring it to him.

Oh, Alice made him one of
those chocolate fudge cakes.

Oh, yeah?

Boy, our wives
are getting to be

a couple
of regular welcome wagons.

( laughing )

Well, I guess they feel
sorry for the old guy,

living alone like that,
you know.

What, he's an old guy?

Well, I don't know,
I haven't seen him,

but she says he's got gray hair
and that he lives alone.

Probably a widower
or something.
Oh, yeah.

You know, that must be m*rder,
living alone like that.

Coming home from work,
nobody there.

Well, I know,
I know, I know.

I think I know, sort of,
what it must be like.

I had an old uncle
that was a bachelor, you know.

Every time he'd come home
from work, nobody there.

But what made it worse

was he was
a night watchman, see?

Even when he went to work,
there was nobody there.

You know, we don't
realize how lucky we are.

At least, when we
come home every night,

there's somebody's there.

Yup.

Every night,
there's always somebody there.

Some nights,
there's two of them--

Trixie and her old lady.

Yeah.

But you know in your
heart and soul, Norton,

that you wouldn't
trade your place

with that guy next door
for anything in the world.

Well, I'll tell
you one thing.

There's one consolation.

He won't be living
alone much longer.

What are you talking about?

After he eats Trixie's
potato salad,

he'll be needing
a new nurse, and
he won't be...!

( both chuckling )

Well, guy like that.

I'll tell you what.
What?

Why don't we go,
after supper, we go next door

and play a game
of checkers with him.

You know,
old guys like games like that.

Good idea.

( knocking on door )

Yeah?

Oh, uh, pardon me.
I was, uh...

...just wondering
if I could borrow a hammer.

I'm just moving in
and I have to open a crate.

Hey, how do you
like that, Ralph,

two guys moving
in today.

Him and the old
guy next door.

Oh, uh, but I took
the apartment next door.

Oh, allow me
to introduce myself.

My name
is Carlos Sanchez.

Oh, how are you?
( clears throat )

You, uh, moving
in next door?

Yeah.

For an old guy,

this boy looks pretty
well preserved.

He don't exactly
look like the type

that cares for
checkers, either.

Uh, uh, don't mind my friend.

He's a little confused.

Somehow or another,

I got the impression
that you were much older.

Oh.

Oh, pardon me.
My name is Ralph Kramden.

This is my friend, Ed Norton.
He lives upstairs.

Oh!

You must be
Trixie's husband.

Yeah, yeah,

I-I'm Trixie's
husband, yeah.

I met her
a little while ago.

A very lovely woman.

Oh, thank you.

You, uh, get to
meet quite a few
people there

in a short time,
didn't you?

Well, I, uh, kind of like
to know who my neighbors are.

Oh, well, you better
get to know Trixie
and me pretty fast

because we may be
moving tomorrow.

Oh, really?

Trixie
never mentioned it.

Trixie don't
know it yet.

Don't you think you might've
made a little mistake,

moving into a strange
neighborhood like this.

You know, knowing nobody,

with you being all alone
and everything?

And besides, you know,

this is kind of
a noisy neighborhood.

You might not get
much sleep at night.

Oh, well, thanks
for the warning, Mr. Kramden,

but that don't bother me.

You know,
I won't be around here

very much at night.
I work nights.

What are you,
a garbage man?

No, I'm a dancer.
Dancer?

Yes, I do a mambo,
a South American specialty.

Well, I guess I won't be seeing
too much of you fellows.

You probably work days
and are around here at nights?

I'm just the opposite.

I'll be working at nights
and I'll be around here all day.

You mean that while
we're working in the daytime,

you're going to be
around here all the time?

That's right.

( knocking on door )

Come in.

ALICE:
Open up, Ralph.

I got the wash.
( groans )

Boy, this is heavy, Ralph.

Oh, uh, here,
Mrs. Kramden,

let me help you
with that.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Sanchez.

Ah,
where do I put it?

Oh, right on the table
will be all right.

You know, Mrs. Kramden,

you shouldn't be carrying
heavy things like this.

Not with
those delicate hands of yours.

Oh, thank you.

That's very nice of you.

I wish somebody else around here

would be concerned
about things like that.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute!

If I told you once,

I told you a
thousand times,

not to carry a heavy
wash like that!

Now, the next time you
have a heavy wash like
that, make two trips!

Thanks.

Uh, here, Mrs. Kramden,
you must be tired.

You better sit down.

Oh, thank you,
Mr. Sanchez.

And by the way,
Mrs. Kramden,

if we're going
to be neighbors,

stop that
"Mr. Sanchez."

It's Carlos.

Oh, all right, Carlos.

By the way, what about
having supper with us tonight?

He can't have supper
with us tonight!

He's opening some
crates in there.

That's what he come
in here for, a hammer.

I'll get it for you
right now, pal.

Here. Here's your hammer.

And if you don't mind,
"hasta la vista."

Ralph.

Oh, well, I...
I guess I better be going.

And, thanks for the hammer,
Mrs. Kramden.

What're you
thanking her for?
I gave it to you!

Oh, oh, yes,
thanks, Mr. Kramden.

All right,
"casa mañana."

Oh, Mr. Norton?
Eh?

Give my best to Trixie.
Eh.

"Semper fidelis."

Oh, he certainly
is sweet, Ralph.

Such a gentleman.

( door closing )

"Don't call me Mr. Sanchez.

Call me Carlos."

Ha, ha, that dirty old...

Ooh! Hey, I almost forgot,

I got to get the
potato salad to him.

Wait a minute.
Are you nuts or something?

You mean to tell me after
getting a look at that guy,

and knowing what kind
of a fellow he is,

you're going to give him
Trixie's potato salad?

Well, certainly.

This'll fix his wagon.

Before I started eating
Trixie's cooking,

I was a regular
Clark Gable.

Norton, you're beautiful.

Hey, listen,
listen, Ralph,

as long as
we're neighbors,

you don't have to
call me Norton.

Call me "Eduardo."

Get out!

Together left,
and together right, together...

That's right, you're doing it
very well, girls.

That's wonderful.

You're doing it better
every day.

Now, I'm going
to put on some mambo music,

and we'll see how it sounds
with that.

Then tonight, you can try it
with your husbands

when they come home.
( women giggling )

Let's see,
what have we got here?

Tito Rodriguez,
"Claves for Mambo."

Oh, pardon me, Carlos.

You think I have
the hip movement all right?

Oh! That's fine,
Mrs. Manicotti.

That's just fine.

You are going to be
a wonderful mambo dancer.

All right, here we go.

( mambo music playing )

Hold it!

Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

( turns off music )

What's going on here?!

Nothing, Ralph.

Carlos is just teaching us
to do the mambo.

That's right, Ralph.

Carlos was just teaching
us to do the mambo.

Oh...

"Carlos was teaching us
to do the mambo."
( women laughing )

Oh, ho, ho, ho.

That puts a different light
on everything.

For a minute there,
when I walked in here,

I didn't know
what you were doing.

Now I know, Carlos
was teaching you the mambo.

That makes
a world of difference.

Everybody out!

Out!
But, Mr. Kramden,
it's fun!

And you, at your age,

should be ashamed
of yourself! Now, out!

All right, girls,

I guess we better
call it quits for today.

Quits for the day?

You'll call it quits
for the day, tomorrow,

next week, next month,

and next year,
you'll call it quits!

And as for you,
Rudolph Valentino, out!

What is the matter
with you, Ralph?

What's the matter with me?

What's the matter
with me, Alice?

I come home from
a hard day's work

and you're
going like this

and you want to know
what's wrong with me?

Oh, Ralph!

Don't you "Oh, Ralph" me!

How long has this
been going on?

Only a few days, Ralph.

When Mrs. Stevens found out
that Carlos was a mambo dancer,

she asked him
if he'd teach it to us girls.

Oh, Mrs. Stevens asked him
to teach it to you girls.

Hah, a mambo dancer
has to move in next door.

It couldn't be
a cook or chef

so he could teach
you how to cook!

Ralph, what's so terrible
about learning to do the mambo?

Everybody does it now.

Everybody does it, Alice?
Everybody does it?

Well,
I don't mean everybody.

You said everybody does it!
I just meant that...

I don't know anybody
who does the mambo.

I don't do it!

Norton doesn't do it!

My grandmother never did it!

Tell me everybody does it!

All right, Ralph.

Let's just not discuss
it anymore now.

We won't
discuss it anymore!

Your mambo days are over.

You want to wiggle,

wiggle over to the stove
and get my supper!

Mambo.

( growls in frustration )

Wait a minute.
What's that?

Tuna fish. We're
going to have
tuna fish salad.

Tuna fish?

What am I,
a cat or something?

Why can't I have a hot meal?

I'll tell you why
I can't have a hot meal!

'Cause you're doing this,
that's why!

All right, Ralph,
I guess the lesson lasted

a little longer today and
I lost track of the time.

Oh, is that why? 'Cause the
lesson lasted a little longer?

I suppose every man
in this building's going to have

a cold meal, including him?

Well, let me tell you something,
I know whose fault it is.

I know whose fault it is.
It's Carlos' fault.

And it's not only the mambo.

It's not only the mambo, Alice.

Not by a long sh*t,
it isn't the mambo.

It's the other things he does.

The fancy manners he has
and he parades around with.

That's putting nutty ideas
in your head.

Sure, Ralph, you think
he's a troublemaker.

Well, I have got
news for you, Ralph.

You and Norton and some of
the men in this building

can learn an awful lot
of things from Carlos.

He happens to be
a gentleman, Ralph,

and that seems
to be something

that you have
forgotten all about.

He treats us like women.

That's something you've
forgotten, too, Ralph.

You seem to have forgotten
that I am a woman.

I forgot that you're a woman?

How could I?
You're always yapping.

What do you mean,
I don't treat you like a woman?

I treat you like a woman!

I let you sew, I let you cook,

I let you wash the windows,
I let you clean up!

Boys don't do that, Alice.

That's right, Ralph.

That's all a wife
is to you, Ralph.

Just a handy utensil to
have around the house.

A wife can cook and sl*ve and
clean for you all day long.

You'd never think of saying
something pleasant to her.

You wouldn't even
think of doing

a simple little gentlemanly
thing like tipping your hat.

Now...

get my supper!

Get it yourself!

You're going to do the mambo.

You're going to do the mambo,

but it's going to be
on the moon!

I know
what you're going through,

you don't have to tell me.

I don't know...
Everybody in the house
is doing it!

You know whose trouble
it is, don't you?

You know
who's making trouble? Carlos.

Carlos Sanchez, ho-ho! Sure.

He wants everybody
to do the mambo

and teach 'em
nice manners.

All I know is Alice
that was satisfied
with me for 15 years.

Now, she wants
to change me.

Well, she's got a nerve.
She's got a nerve.

She knew when
she married you,

she was getting
the worst of it.
You can say that again.

Well, I'm telling you
that if we don't put
a stop to that Carlos,

every husband in
this building's

going to be in trouble.
Right.

( knocking on door )
Come in.

Oh, hiya,
Mr. Manicotti.

Hello, Mr. Kramden.

My wife, she's a-here?

Well, she was here
a little while ago,
but she left.

She leave a note
on the kitchen table,

she's coming down here
for mambo lessons.

That woman is driving me crazy!

All she think about is mambo.

There you are,
Norton.

She's a-crazy!
Sure.

All day long, she make
a-like this and like that!

I told you that Carlos

was going to get us
all in trouble.

Trouble?

When my Angelina,
she make like this,

she throw all the dishes
off the table everywhere.

( knocking on door )
Sit down here.

Sit down here.

Here, take a load off.
Yeah.

Oh, ho! Ho, ho.

You're just the guy
I want to see.

When I left,
I forgot my phonograph.

Well, come right in,
'cause I want to talk to you.

You caused about as much trouble
in this building for us

as you're going to cause.
It's all over now, pal.

I want to tell you something,
you got some nerve,

parading around
in front of our wives

with the fancy manners.

We have to eat cold suppers

on account of your teaching them
the mambo.

Let me tell you something.

It's easy for you, you know,
to play Sir Galahad.

You don't do any work.

When you go to work, you dance.

That's no work!

When we go to work, we work.

Dirty work!

Just notice the difference
between my hands and your hands.

That'll show you
the difference in work.

The difference between your
hands and my friend's hands.

Wait, a minute.
It's not fair to
compare his to mine.

I mean, I got mine
in water all day.
Oh, shut up.

Now, I'm warning you,

I don't want any more
trouble out of you,

or you'll get yours!

All right,
if that's the way you want it.

That's the way we want it.

Do you mind if I ask you fellows
one question?

If your wives, uh,
want you to do

these few little things
for them,

why don't you do it?

Why don't we do it?

Want to know why we don't do it?

Wants to know
why we don't do it.

( chuckles )
Why we don't do it?

Why we don't do it?

'Cause it's too much trouble,
that's why we don't do it!

Too much trouble!

That's why we
don't do it.

Well, perhaps,
I shouldn't say this,

but, don't you think your wives
are worth a lot of trouble?

Don't they go
to a lot of trouble for you?

Don't they cook and sew
and iron and clean for you?

Perhaps I look at things
a little differently.

After all, I haven't been
able to find the right girl

like you fellows have.

But I know one thing.

If I did find the right one,

and she did
all those things for me,

I know I would do all I could
to make her happy.

Especially if all she wanted
were a few little things

like opening a door
for her,

or putting on a jacket
when I came to dinner.

Well,
don't worry, fellows,

I... I won't give you
any more trouble.

Wait a minute, pal.

You're right.

He's right.

You see...

the trouble with us guys,

is whoever we talk about
married life to is married.

Maybe now and then

we ought to talk to a guy
like you that's single,

so we'd know
we're well off or not.

I guess Alice is right.

She says we treat the women
like they were kitchen utensils.

Well,
I'm going to be different.

What do you say, guys?

Let's start being
gentlemanly and everything.

And, Carlos,
would you do me a favor?

Well, uh,
what is it?

Would you teach me to mambo?

Oh!

Sure,
it'll be a pleasure!
Yeah?

Well, now,
you just watch me,

and do exactly
as I do, huh?

Left...

Oh, no, Alice, stay in bed.

Stay in bed, sweetheart.

Don't forget,
it's early Sunday morning.

We don't have to be to church
till 11:00.

You just stay in bed,

and I'll fix breakfast,
and serve you in bed.

ALICE:
But, Ralph!

Now, tut, tut, sweetheart.

Just lay there, relax, hon.

All right, now.

Let's see, now.

Where are the pots?

Alice?

I'll get one for you, Ralph.

All right.

Here.
Thank you.

Now, back to bed.
Ralph, look, would
you please...

just please let me
make the breakfast.
Back to bed!

Beddy-bye.

This is your day to relax,
sweetheart.

Stop buying these cheap matches.
( laughs )

Alice, where's the oatmeal?

You don't have
to come out.

All you have to do
is tell me.

Ralph, look.
Thank you.

Now, wait a minute,
now, look, you go
in and get dressed.

Please, let me make...
Tut, tut, tut.

Get back in the bed.
But, Ralph...

I'll have it ready in
a jiffy. Beddy-bye.

Oh... you're a good one.

( humming )

( humming continues )

Alice, where's the coffee?

Ralph, will you please
let me get the breakfast?

I'm getting tired
walking back and forth here.

Look, I'm going to
cook the breakfast.

Just tell me where
the coffee is.

I'll have it on in a jiffy.

It's right on top of the icebox,
Ralph, in that can,

but, please, I don't want
to have breakfast in bed.

Honestly, I'd be
much more comfortable out here.

All right, sweetheart.

The lady's wishes
are my desire.

Sit right down.

Sit right there and
I'll have everything
fixed in a jiffy.

Well, Ralph?
What?

While you're fixing
the breakfast,

I'll just go in
and make the bed.

No, stay right here.

While the oatmeal's cooking,
I'll go in and make the bed.

Alice,
where are the sheets?

Alice?

Alice!

Be out in a minute,
Trix.
Oh.

Ah, Trixie,
you didn't even wait for me

and let me do it.
Oh, Ed!

Come on out there

and let me do
what I planned to do.
Oh, Ed!

Boy!
( Trixie groans )

Please enter, madam.

Hiya, Trix.
Hi, Ed.
Hi.

Hello, Mrs. Kramden.

It's nice of you to have us.

My, what a beautiful place
you have here.

By the way, mambo, anyone?

Not now, Ed.

He's had me doing
the mambo all morning.

Pardon me, Mrs. Kramden,
is your spouse on the premises?

He's in the bedroom
making the bed.

Oh, what a gentlemanly thing
to do.

If you will allow me
to take my leave,

I'll retire to the boudoir
and join my bosom companion.

Well, Alice,
we wanted them to be gentlemen

but this is terrible.

Now, what are we going
to do?

I don't know, Trix.

Like they say on
that television show,

we asked for it.

I think we're going
to get it, too.

I'm telling you something.

Ralph has been driving
me absolutely crazy

in the past couple days,

pushing chairs under me
and opening doors for me.

And now just 'cause
it's Sunday morning,

he's absolutely wearing me
out making my breakfast.

You think you got it bad?

Wait'll I tell you
what my Ed did.

2:00 this morning,

he wanted to get
a drink of water

so he wakes me up

so he can tip his hat
before he leaves.

Now, really.
Yeah.

I tell you something,
Trix, if he...

RALPH:
Ah.

Oh, how do you do,
Mrs. Norton?

Good morning.

Would you care to partake
of some breakfast with us?

Thanks.
Won't you sit down?

Here you are.

Sit down, girls.

There we go.

I'll have it for you in a jiffy.

Done to a turn.

( chuckling )

There you are.

Roll that around
in your mouth.

Ed.

Ed, Ed,
why don't you take this?

Oh, no, no,
it's gentleman-like to wait.

I may wait till tomorrow.

Is there anything
wrong, Alice?

Oh, no, Ralph.
Nothing. Nothing at all.

Well, let me get
you some more, then.

No, Ralph.
What?

Please.

Please, Ralph, don't do
any more cooking for me.

And if you don't mind,
would you do me another favor?

Please don't push
any more chairs under for me,

and don't open any doors,

and please don't tip
your hat anymore, either.

I don't understand this.

I thought you wanted
me to be a gentleman?

Well, I thought that's
what I wanted, too, Ralph,

but I found something out.

I found out
I've been a pretty lucky girl.

15 years ago, Ralph,

I married a man who
was absolutely perfect for me

only I haven't had sense enough
to realize it.

Would you mind doing me
a big favor, sweetie?

Would you go back
to being the way you were?

Want me to go back
to the way I was?

Oh. You, too, Ed.

Go back to the way you were.

You mean it, too?
Mm-hmm.

( clears throat )

Open the door,
I want to go home.

( laughing )

I'll see you later, Alice.

Okay, Trix.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Come back here.
Huh?

Things are like
they used to be-- follow me.

Are you, uh,
( clears throat )

sure that you want me

to go back to the
old Ralph Kramden?

I'm sure.

All right, then,
listen to this!

Get something
in your head, Alice!

I'm the king here!
Remember that!

This house is my castle!

I'm the king!
Remember that!

King, king, king!

You are nothing!
A peasant!

This is my house, my castle,
I'm the king!

( chuckles ):
Get my breakfast.
( laughing )