02x07 - Firefighters Pancake Breakfast

[bunniefuu]

Bobbie is ahead of Feather
by one point in the polls,

and we all know what that means...

They're actually ahead by
points or behind by points.

Polls make no sense anymore.

That's why today is so crucial.

The Firefighters Pancake Breakfast

is the final stop on the campaign trail

- before the debate.
- So shake every hand.

Leave no pancake un-buttered.

And do not, under any sort circumstances,

bring up the fire chief's views

on how round or flat the Earth might be.

Seriously.

I had to meet that guy on Twitter.

He was making me doubt things.

- Mm-hmm.
- And most importantly,

it's critical you don't let
Feather outshine you.

You have to convince the people
you are the better candidate.

I can be very persuasive,

like when I convinced Sarah G.

To go down into that well
to fetch my bracelet.

[WHISPERING]
I didn't even lose my bracelet.

- Mm. Don't bring that up.
- Agreed.

But that is exactly the kind of energy

that makes me think we can win this.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Um, also, uh, not top priority,

but Nelson is gonna be at the event,

so, Nathan, it's really important to me

that the two of you bond.

I said not top priority.

Look, it's gonna be great.

Bobbie's gonna wow the firefighters,

and I'm gonna make Nelson my best bud.

Second best bud.

Third best bud. Fourth best?

Third is fine.

Reagan, I have some proposals for Q-

I'd like your eyes on before we head over.

Great. I love cold pancakes.

Right. We'll see you guys later.

[WHISPERING] Um, wait, wait, wait, Nathan?

- Yes?
- Just about the Nelson stuff...

It's like, I really want you to...

- Okay, Reags.
- Okay.

I got it. I got a great icebreaker.

"Was the band Nelson named after you,

or were you named after the band Nelson?"

Or something else. You'll find it.

Yeah, but something about the band Nelson.

I... I'm gonna cr*ck it.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

♪ Ahh ♪

[VOCALIZING]

♪ ♪

The firehouse is now serving

chocolate pancakes,

and the Devil's Jump's demo
is in ten minutes.

I know these guys seem tough,

but they're really
just jacked, gentle babies.

They're gonna love you.

All right. Take me through this.

That's Linda. She rock climbs.

That's Ghost, a nickname
he chose for himself,

but it's not catching on.

And there's Lou. He just had a son.

Fattest cheeks you've ever seen... so cute.

Aww.

And what are you gonna do
if you get any static?

I disarm them
with compliments and platitudes

because they are the real heroes.

They stand on that thin red line

between us and a fiery death.

You are so ready. Get in there.

Look who's making some hot cakes.

It's Ghost!

I haven't told you this enough,

but what you have done
with this cultural center

with the limited resources you've had

is frankly incredible.

Oh, wow. Thank you.

But what if we could add

a whole new dimension to this place?

Let our visitors really
walk away with something.

Oh, my God. I have so many ideas.

I've secured Auntie Anne's Pretzels

as a corporate sponsor
for the cultural center.

I'm sorry, what the sh*t
are you talking about?

Take a look.

"Auntie Anne's presents

"the Minishonka Cultural Center:

A Mouthwatering History."

And all you have to do is
let them install a counter

in the gift shop and a small cart outside.

Are you outta your mind?

Most cultural institutions

have a wing or two dedicated to a sponsor.

Terry, a wing or two
in a large institution.

I have two tiny rooms and a half-bath.

What, do you want me to fill
the splint fancy basket

full of hot dog bites?

Hmm. "Hot dog bites" is Wetzel's.

They're very sensitive about it.

Please refer to them as mini pretzel dogs.

[SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[VOCALIZES]

Yeah. So sorry we didn't get
to hang at the Halloween thing.

I guess I was just dealing
with some matters of the heart.

- Ah, that's okay.
- I hadn't really noticed anyway.

Yeah, well, that chapter's
closed, you know.

Deirdre and I are definitely finito.

Not that we were ever really official,

but there was just always this
kind of raw sexual attraction,

I guess.

It just brought our bodies
together time and again.

[CHUCKLES]

[CLEARS THROAT] Anyway, we made a kid,

so I guess we'll always be connected,

just never really a couple.

Anyway, it's the whole thing.

Hey, you got somebody pregnant,

and you're handling it.

You're basically describing my parents.

Yeah? So it... it worked out for them?

No, no, no.

When I was , my dad stole my identity

and used it to support the kids that he had

with three different women
from three different tribes.

Okay.

- Yeah, okay!
- And when that water comes out,

that's when you feel the power!

You kids wanna be firefighters?

ALL: Yeah!

Yeah? Well, too bad,

because, out of the of you,

you're lucky if one of you
makes it through the academy.

Check out Calfzilla over there.

Ha, I guess it's always leg day.

Right? Yeah.

It's like, uh, we get it.
You have huge muscles.

You go to the gym constantly.

You don't have to wear shorts in November.

This is a dangerous job, kids.

We're out there putting out fires,

saving lives every single day.

Every day? I think I would know

if there were daily infernos
in our tiny little town.

Plus, you know, fire
is sometime a good thing.

Do you know how many
Native cultures have used

controlled burns for centuries?

No, but I want to.

Seriously?

Most people pretend
that they get a phone call

when I bring up this stuff,

like... like you're doing right now.

Oh, no.

I'm just turning on Do Not Disturb.

- Oh.
- Let's get into it.

Hm.

I knew you were a capitalist,
but this is full Bezos,

and not the goofy nerdy one.

I'm talking about the one
that looks like Pitbull

and wears a cowboy hat to space.

- You're that one.
- Okay, I understand.

- I'll find another way.
- Uh-huh.

You would say that right before you tell me

that pepperoni pretzel nuggets

are our ancestors' wildest dreams.

Just forget it.

Forget it? You never give up.

What's wrong?

Wait, is your hair in a low pony?

What's going on?

Oh, God.

[SIGHS]

Things with Ye Olde Rutherford Village

aren't going exactly as I planned.

Okay. How far off the plan are we?

We're bleeding money.

We're at % of our projected income.

Even if Bobbie beats Feather,
without a major influx of cash,

Ye Olde Rutherford Village,
the casino expansion,

your cultural center... it all goes away.

Ugh.

Can you hand me
the briefcase full of pretzels?

It takes you folks seconds
to put all this on?

It takes me minutes to pick out my PJs.

[LAUGHTER] But seriously,

you're all superheroes
that we must always honor.

But what is honor without action?

Serving those that serve others
has always been our way,

unlike Bobbie Yang,

whose generation only serves themselves.

I read that millennials
are ruining home ownership.

Can you imagine? No more homes.

Excuse me, I am not,

nor have I ever been, a millennial.

- [LAUGHS]
- Can I get one of those cups?

Mouse pad, one for your grandmother.

I'm sorry, our T-shirt g*n
didn't arrive on time.

Okay, this is really bad.

But you must have a binder somewhere

with this exact scenario that
tells us what to do, right?

The binders have forsaken us.

- We're flying blind here.
- [SIGHS]

All of my stress relief
tactics are failing me.

I haven't been sleeping.
I can't concentrate.

I've started drinking Coke Zero.

But you said victory over
your enemies was your caffeine.

I know.

If I show up to the casino
conference next year,

having bankrupted us,

Roy Crooks will never let me
hear the end of it.

[SIGHS] Oh, God.

What are you doing?

Hold this.

All right.

Inside the head of this bear
is five milligrams of THC

that will not only help you
forget all your problems,

it might even help you solve 'em.

You think this is how
I'll get back on track.

I have some of my best ideas
on half a bear.

I've never taken dr*gs,
and I'm not about to start now.

It's not "dr*gs," Tóta. It's weed.

It'll help calm the voices
of failure in your brain,

unless you eat too much,
and then they become shouts

that are like, "Oh, my God,
your mailman is stalking you."

So maybe just eat the head.

♪ ♪

[SIGHS]

Whole one for me. [SIGHS]

Oh, my God. Spiders! Spiders everywhere!

- What?
- Just kidding, Terry.

It's weed. We'll be fine.

It's true. Dalmatians are a weak breed.

I mean, they would never
survive as rez dogs.

Can I just say, I like you
a hundred times more

than Reagan's last boyfriend.

And you're way cooler
than the way he made you sound

in that podcast.

Between you and I, that guy sucks.

- Hard agree, again.
- Mm-hmm.

Nathan, Feather is handing
out branded beer koozies,

and they're loving it.

How could you leave me out there swagless?

You don't need swag, Bobbie.

Come on, just stick to the plan.

Make 'em realize
how cool you think they are.

- That's the other thing.
- This place is not great.

Firefighter calendars are a lie.

Their building is depressing and dirty,

and I'm running out of ways
to give them empty compliments.

Hey, hey, I'm with you.

And, you know, a little fire can be cool.

Did you know that
Native Americans used fire

as a way to control their ecosystems,

- to be more...
- Hello?

[WHISPERING] I really have to take this,

but thanks for the talk.

We'll chat.

Every time. Every time.

Yeah, that was just rude.

Look at the detail in this medallion,

the depth of color...

Indigenous creativity is limitless.

It looks like one
of those magic eye posters.

[TRIPPY MUSIC]

I think I see a raccoon
riding a caterpillar.

I don't personally see it,
but it's a fun idea.

Hey, Ter-Bear. Can I call you Ter-Bear?

I quite like that.

I've been making a mental list of ways

that we can fix this.

And so far I've come up with:

freeze all department spending,

sell a stake to a venture capital firm,

and people should have
a third set of teeth...

Baby, middle, then old.

That's not for this.
It's just a deep revelation.

Reagan, I wanna thank you
for trying to help me in this.

Yeah. At first, I was mad

you were keeping me out of the loop,

but now I know you're just protecting me.

I'm like your unofficial daughter.

[GASPS]

You're my employee, and very old.

[SCOFFS]

- Are you even high?
- Obviously.

I mean, look at me.

I'm practically Cheech right now.

Or Chong, for that matter.

All I can think about
is running over to Stewart's

for a dozen apple fritters.

- [GASPS] Let's go.
- I don't even wanna eat them.

I just keep thinking about them

trapped in that plastic case.

It's very distressing.

Because you're the fritter

and the plastic case is business.

And the glaze is our

intergenerational systemic...

We are not in a position to drive.

Mm-mm. No.

♪ ♪

You put out fires in our gorgeous town,

but you also light a flame
within our hearts and our minds

- and in the soul of America.
- Mm-hmm.

Here, have a mouse pad with my face on it.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Thank you.

Is this what you all want?

A bunch of tacky garbage?

Isn't there enough clutter around here?

Excuse me?

Looks like this toddler needs a nap.

- [LAUGHTER]
- All I mean is,

the job you do is insane.

And how does this town show
it's appreciation?

By sticking you here, which... get ready

for some tough love... is a dump.

This building hasn't been updated

since before I was born.

And we love its rustic flavor.

Do you really want a mayor
who is younger than a building?

- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
- Do you really want a couch

that's so old,

the Virgin Mary's water broke on it?

Please, real warriors
don't need fancy frills.

They use every part of the break room.

Well, maybe some frills would be nice.

The TV volume is stuck on maximum.

Feels like Pat Sajak
is screaming letters at me.

Kid's right. This place sucks.

Thank you, Linda.

I may be young,

but I'm not gonna waste
your time with tchotchkes.

The Bobbie Yang administration
is gonna make your quality

of life a day-one priority,

with some major upgrades. [LAUGHTER]

Ghost likes your style.

And I promise to always be honest with you.

The Ghost thing isn't catching on.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Ain't that right?

You got my vote.

Right on, man.

This is the most relaxed I've ever been.

I can see now that we need to
stop focusing on Ye Olde Past

and start looking at Ye Olde Future.

See, I told ya,

you just needed a little reboot.

No, it's much bigger than that.

We need to get into
the legal cannabis business.

I used to think this stuff
was just for burnouts,

but if dweebs like you are doing it,

that implies a huge untapped market

of all kinds of goobers.

Uh, why is this turning into a roast?

We have a built-in infrastructure

through our smoke shops.

It fits perfectly with our image

as a fun tourist destination.

You could get me wholesale prices.

There's these ones that I can never find.

They're called Sour Zoingas.

The state sits
in a legal gray area currently

when it comes to dispensaries.

No one knows exactly
what they can and can't do.

But our jurisdiction allows us
to cut through all that.

It's a sovereignty flex.

We could be the leaders in this region,

setting the standard from seed to product,

using the same advanced
agricultural processes

that have sustained us
since time immemorial.

Yes.

So I should probably just, like, text you

a picture of the Zoingas?

But Council will never fund
something like this.

I can't present an idea
without a way to pay for it.

I know someone who knows
a lot about cannabis

and is swimming in money.

Snoop Dogg.

Close.

Roy Crooks.

His Nation made a k*lling
in the legal weed game.

No way. The day I ask him for help,

that's the day that... it's...
Well, it's not even

a day I can specify

because it's not a realistic scenario,

- is what I'm saying.
- We need cash, bud.

Roy Crooks wipes his ass with $ bills.

- Exactly. He's insufferable.
- Oh.

The man at geotags himself

every time he's in Italy

to buy a new pair of Gucci shoes.

Okay. What's worse,

jeopardizing the fate
of your people, or calling up

some guy that you think
is kind of annoying?

[SIGHS]

I'm thinking.

[LAUGHS] Yes.

I mean, how hard is it to hold a hose

and point it at a fire?

Like, do you have to be
all roided out like Calfzilla?

Yeah, I mean,

the real firefighter's the water.

- Yes!
- I mean, these guys

are basically like hose holders.

- Yeah, like a little just...
- "Hmm, hey, I hold the hose."

Glad to hear our service
is appreciated, boys.

Oh...

Okay. Just crushed that.

Now we're fully on the same page.

- What's happening?
- What's happening is,

your friend Nathan is talking
a lot of smack,

and I heard you call me Calfzilla.

That's body shaming.

You think what we do is easy, huh?

[GASPS] Big surprise.

These silver spoon coastal elites

are always looking down
on us working class folk.

Unbelievable.

You own a gym and drive a Tesla.

Look, we were just messing around,

trying to cr*ck each other up, you know.

We didn't mean any harm.

So according to...

[MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK]
Bobbie Yang's campaign manager,

Nathan Rutherford,
risking your life is funny.

Hey, do you know

what I would love to see, Larry?

I would love to see a guy like Nathan

try to do what you do

just once, right? [LAUGHTER]

Look, I would never even imply

that I could do what you guys do.

Hey, what about that Devil's Jump demo

you guys were doing?

- [LAUGHTER]
- Hey.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I like that.

Who wants to see Nathan do the jump?

- Oh, yeah!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Come on, Nathan! Yeah!

Okay, okay, okay. This is ridiculous.

Thank you, Nelson.

You guys seriously think my man can't do

some silly little jump?

- Of course he can.
- Wait, what?

Come on! Oh, hey.

I don't look good in yellow.

You're a winter. It'll work.

Yeah. Okay.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[SPEAKING CREE]

[PHONE BUZZING]

Terry Thomas. Ol' T-Bone.

And can you hear me, man?

I'm on the private jet.

I'm looking for a horse for my daughter.

You know, you have to see 'em
run from an aerial view.

That's great.

I'm calling because we're entering

the legal cannabis business,

and I wanted to discuss...

- uh, some business with you.
- Uh, yeah, man.

I'd love to meet up.

Why don't you prepare your tarmac?

Oh, no. You don't have to...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No, if we talk business,

I can expense the jet fuel.

Hey, Gary, turn it around, man.

We're going to the Minishonka Nash.

[UNEASY MUSIC PLAYING]

[LINE BEEPING]

♪ ♪

...the camper with Michigan plates,

your lights are on.

Hey!

I was gone for a few hours, but I...

- What even is this?
- Okay.

These guys cannot take a joke.

Some light razzing
just spun way out of control.

[SCOFFS] It's just a jump
through a burning door.

It's nothing.

It feels like something.

Hey, hey, hey, man,
you don't have to be afraid.

Fire is our relative.

We control the burn, brother.

I think actually they're controlling

the burn on this one.

Uh, but look at you two. This is great.

Don't do it, Nathan.

Just to tell them
you have bad clams casino.

That's how I get
on my weekends with my dad.

I can't do that, Bobbie.

I screwed up this whole day for you.

I can't be responsible
for losing all these votes.

Besides, it actually doesn't look that bad.

That's just the pilot light.

Light her up!

Oh, yeah.

Don't forget the baby.

[DOLL CRYING STILTEDLY]

[INTENSE MUSIC]

Tamp down that fear, Nathan.

It's the fear that makes you
make the mistakes

that k*ll you.

Swallow the fear.

All eyes on Nathan.

Stop, drop, and go! [WHISTLE BLOWING]

[CHEERS]

Each one of these ropes
represents smoke inhalation.

Now up the tower he goes.
Don't drop that baby!

Oh!

♪ ♪

- Now the ladder cross.
- [CHEERING]

♪ ♪

Sometimes things will explode.

You gotta be ready for that.

♪ ♪

Wow. He made it.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

And finally, the Devil's Jump.

[HEROIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

And he made it!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Nathan!

Um, Nathan, your baby's on fire!

[ALL GASPING]

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

You'll be better with your real baby.

Hose 'em!

- [WATER SPRAYING]
- Oh, wait...

[CROWD EXCLAIMS]

Is he all right?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

That counts!

He still finished it.

He's gonna feel that tomorrow.

Yeah!

Oh, my God. You are a literal hero.

Oh, thanks, Bobbie.

No, I mean Lou.

The way you saved Nathan...
That was amazing.

Well, I'm surprised your guy
went through with it.

Most big talkers usually don't.

Well, that's what we do.

We keep our promises, right, Bobbie?

As mayor, that's exactly what I'll do.

You're all incredible, and low-key,

some of you are hot.

Tell me everything you need.

- Well...
- Okay. I'm gonna head out.

Here's a box of swag, you know,
free for our warriors.

[LAUGHS]

Aw, cute stress balls.

Maybe take these home for yourself.

You're gonna need 'em.

[LAUGHS]

[SNAPS] [SPEAKING MOHAWK]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Yep, and that's how I
ended up racing submarines

with Will.i.am off the coast of Dubai.

Yeah.

Oh, all right. Well, gotta go.

All right.

- Welcome, Terry.
- Thank you, Roy.

Generous of you to make time.

No problem at all.

You want a coffee, a cappuccino,

a latte with your portrait
lasered into the foam?

I'm good.

So, Roy, uh, the Minishonka Nation and I...

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Need your help.

All right, well, are you here
to pick the maestro's brain

or his pocket?

I've educated myself
on supply chain, logistics,

regulatory issues, legal liabilities,

but in terms of seed money,

we're maybe not as fixed as I'd like to be,

but somewhat fixed,

but not fixed enough.

So pocket.

How about this?

We'll provide you folks
with liquid capital up front,

and you and I will negotiate

a reasonable profit share together.

- So what you're saying is...
- I'm in, Terry.

We'll front you whatever cash you need.

What's in it for you?

Nation and Nation building.

It's my religion.

How do you think we got so successful?

Besides, you have no idea
how much money we have.

You know, for Kimmy's birthday,
we froze our lake

with one of those Chinese weather machines,

and we're flying in
Idina Menzel to come sing.

Jesus.

- So what's the number?
- Oh, you don't wanna know.

The human brain can't process
a number that big.

It makes you physically sick.

But if we don't help
each other out, who will?

- Stoodis.
- Sko.

[HEAVY HIP-HOP b*at PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

♪ ♪