02x36 & 02x37 - Yes Man/Friend or Faux?

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ In the Loud house

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud

♪ Loud house

- Poo-poo.

[upbeat rock music]

♪

- Why is your scarf
on my shelf?

- Maybe your shelf
is underneath my scarf.

Did you ever think of that?

- Yo, dudes, who
can spot me some green?

- [squeals]
I want to play.

Um, that sweater.

That plant.

Wait!
Are my eyes green?

- No, I mean I need cash.

There's a Mick Swagger
auction today,

and I really need to
buy this beauty.

Mick wore it every night
of his Mild Horses tour.

It still has his pit stains.

- Well, Leni and I
are literally broke.

Try Mom and Dad.

- Mom and Dad?
What's the point, dude?

They'll just lay that whole

"big family, small budget"
rap on me.

Bogus!

- [screams]
Lori.

I think my eyes are stuck.

- Lincoln, where are you?

I thought we were
getting ready together?

- Yeah, we gotta
put our faces on

if we're gonna
hang with them rock stars.

- Hold on.

Smooch is having a special
VIP concert tonight,

where you get to go backstage
and meet the band.

In the immortal words
of my sister Luna,

it's gonna be rockin'!

I'll be right over.

I just gotta get
the money for my ticket.

- What? You haven't
asked your parents yet?

- Guys, don't worry.

You know I'm the
master of convincing,

especially when
it comes to my parents.

Got my suit dry-cleaned,

my speech written,

my turkey tail slicked.

Yes, sir, I'm ready to go.

- You say good-bye,

and I say hello.
- Luna!

- Sorry, bro.
It's an emergency.

You gotta help me
convince the 'rents

to cough up the dough for this.

- I think that's
the wrong picture.

It looks like a sweaty T-shirt.

- Yeah!
Mick Swagger's sweaty T-shirt.

- I'd love to help you,

but I have my own business
to attend to.

- But, dude,
the auction ends in an hour!

Come on!
This is urge!

- Why do you need my help?

- You said it yourself, bro,

you're the master of convincing.

Please.

I ain't too proud to beg.

- [sighs]
Okay, fine.

- Radical.
So what's the plan?

You gonna write me a speech?

Do I get to wear the blue suit?

- No, no.

The secret to convincing

is to use your strengths.

- ♪ And that's why I need

♪ The pit-stained T

I say pit!

You say stain!

Pit!

[together]
Stain!

- Pit!
Both: Stain!

- Whoo-hoo!
Take the cash.

- ♪ The 'rents gave me money
for this crusty T ♪

♪ Thank you baby bro
for helping me ♪

- No problem.
Now it's my turn.

- Whoa, he helped you
get money from Mom and Dad?

- Yep, he's the
master of convincing.

- Watch the turkey tail.

- Ooh, can you help
me and Lori too?

We need a closet organizer.

- Yeah, I need a tuxedo
for Mr. Coconuts.

- I require certain isotopes
for my research.

- I need the preserved skeleton
of an s gold miner.

- Guys, I can't deal
with this right now.

I have my own thing
to take care of.

- Oh, we get it.

You love Luna the best.

- We'll just watch her

enjoy the thing
you helped her get.

- Oh, sorry to
bother you, Lincoln.

We mistook you for someone who
cares about all of his sisters.

- [sighs]
Okay, fine.

Now, the key to convincing
is to use your strengths.

- Well, folks,
you've been great.

I'd stay longer,
but I have a family reunion

at the lumber yard.

Har-har-har.

[both laughing]

- Oh, Mr. Coconuts.

- I can't--I can't--
- You are too funny.

- Yeah, it's too bad he can't
go to the big comedy gala.

It's black tie,
and he can't afford a tuxedo.

Ah, coconuts!

- What?
He has to go!

[fanfare]

- Gee, Daddy,

if you got me a new engine
for my jeep,

I'd be the happiest
little girl in the world.

- And I'd be her happy little
grease monkey.

- Aw, how can I say no
to my adorable little girls?

[fanfare]

- Behold
a simulation of a future

made possible
by my latest research.

- Honey, this is amazing.

[futuristic electronic music]

- True, but
it can't come to fruition

until I get my hands on
the necessary isotopes.

- Then you shall have
those isotopes.

[fanfare]

- Wait, what is this?

[dramatic music]

- Uh-oh.
There's still a few glitches

in the system,
but I'm dealing with them.

[rousing music]

- Four-zip?

You are destroying me.

- That's what you get
for challenging your old man.

- How about this:
if I can b*at you,

you buy me a new basketball hoop
for the garage?

- It never hurts to dream.

[heavy rock music]

♪

- [cheers]

- Honey, can you get my wallet
from my pocket?

I think I sprained--
well, everything.

- Today, we remember Lucy Loud,

who lived to be
but never got over

the dashed childhood dream
of owning a real human skeleton.

- We get it.
You can have the money.

[eerie organ music]

♪

- Need a better closet system...
- Need a new closet organizer...

- Because there's an odd...
- Because some stuff is hers...

- Number of shelves and even...
- But some stuff is mine but...

- Okay, okay, take the money.
Just please stop talking.

[dainty music]

[tears bubbling]

- [wails]

[wailing]

both: Please, take the money!

- [giggles]

- Finally.
It's the master's turn.

And those are the three R's

of why you should fund
my ticket to

the VIP Smooch concert tonight.
A-thank you.

- Well, we always enjoy
your little presentations.

- A-thank you.

- And you are
looking sharp in that suit.

- A-thank you.

- And as much as
we'd love to help you,

the answer is no.
- Sweet.

Cash is fine,
but if you need to do a check--

wait, what?

- Whoo!
This baby flies now!

- That's what happens
when you're

packing six ponies
under the hood.

- Okay, don't panic.

You're still
the master of convincing.

You just need to
raise your game a little.

[engine revving]

But first,
back to the dry cleaner.

Mother, if I can have your
attention for just a moment.

Smooch, they've been called

one of the seminal
rock bands of our time.

- No, Lincoln.

- [whistling]

- Hi, Dad.
Thought you might be interested

in this graph, which
shows a direct correlation

between rock concerts attended

and a tween's
sense of well-being.

- No, Lincoln.

[playful upbeat music]

- You may be wondering,
"What's in it for us

if we buy Lincoln
that Smooch ticket?"

Well, I'll tell you.

A coupon for
five Lily diaper changes.

Max two poopies.
[together] No.

- I can't believe
I'm not going to the concert.

Me, the master of convincing!

- What's up, bro?

- [sighs] I had a chance
to meet Smooch tonight,

But I can't convince Mom and Dad
to buy me a ticket.

[sighs]
- How is that possible?

As you have amply demonstrated,

you are
the master of convincing.

- Did you remember to
play to my strengths?

- No, Leni,
you play to your strengths;

he plays to his.

- Okay, just saying.

It worked for me.

My skirts look so happy.

- Wait a minute.
You might be onto something.

Everything I told you guys
to do worked.

Luna, can I borrow your guitar?

- You kidding me, dude?
No way!

- Ah! I can't convince
anyone of anything!

- I'm just
messing with you, bro.

- [soft chuckle]

♪ And that's why I need

♪ A ticket to Smooch

I say Smooch,
you say ticket.

Smooch!
[together] No!

- Smooch!
- Lincoln.

- Wait, not done yet.

What kind of flowers do you
bring to a Smooch concert?

Tulips.
Get it?

- No, Lincoln.
- You know, tulips.

Like, "two lips."

- We get the joke.

But you still can't go.

- Not done!

If I make this sh*t,
I get to go.

Ooh!

- Son--
- Behold.

A simulation of a future

in which you bought me
a Smooch VIP ticket.

- I don't see anything.

- Please tell me this
isn't the bucket

we clean the bathroom with.

- Moving on.

[rumbles]

Today, we remember Lincoln Loud,

who lived to be ,

but never got over
the dashed childhood dream

of hanging out with Smooch.

- Lincoln, please, we--

- Not done!

[dainty music]

If you get me that ticket,

I'll be the happiest
wittle boy in the world.

- You're not listening, honey.

We--
- Not done!

But I really want to go--
it's an amazing opportunity--

and I know I saw them before--
but this is different because

the seats would be better--
and I'm also going to

get to go backstage and--
- Lincoln.

- Hold that thought.

[crying]

- Lincoln.

It doesn't matter
how you ask us,

the answer is no.

- We'd love to get you the
ticket, but we're out of money.

We gave it all to your sisters.

- Maybe if you'd asked us
earlier in the day.

[music broods]

[downbeat music]

- Well, that's it.

I have officially missed
the entire VIP concert.

[sighs]
[knocking on door]

"VIB: Very Important Brother."

[upbeat rock music]

Huh?

- Hey, bro!

♪

One, two, three, four!

all: ♪ Lincoln Loud
Lincoln Loud ♪

♪ The best dang brother
anywhere around ♪

♪ Lincoln Loud
Lincoln Loud ♪

♪ The best dang brother
anywhere around ♪

- ♪ He helped me get
this T that's sweaty ♪

- ♪ He helped me get
red-carpet ready ♪

- ♪ He helped us buy
that closet thing ♪

- I told you guys,
I don't want to sing.

- Wow, can you believe this?

My sisters are pretty cool.

Even if I can't see Smooch,

this is definitely
the next best thing.

- Ladies and gentlemen,Smooch!

How did you get Smooch?

- We've learned to be
pretty convincing,

thanks to some advice
from the master!

all: ♪ Lincoln Loud
Lincoln Loud ♪

♪ The best dang brother
anywhere around... ♪

- Wow, the guys are never
going to believe this.

- We wouldn't,
except we're right here!

- ♪ Your sisters told us
that you went so far ♪

♪ To help them out
you're a real rock star ♪

♪ Everyone has had their fun

♪ The song is over so we gotta

♪ Run!

[rock musical flourish]

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-bow!

[Lily giggles]

[playful music]

♪

[bell rings]
- Okay, it's almost noon, kids.

Please clean up your toys.

I have an exciting announcement.

Today you'll be getting

your very first report card.

all: Huh?

[boom]
- Excellent.

The first installment
of my perfect academic career.

Let's see.
An A in Science.

[all giggling]

[electricity crackling]

An A in Writing.

[upbeat jazzy music]

An A in Math.

- One penny...

- That's dollars and cents,

or approximately
Japanese yen.

Also, I took the liberty
of preparing your tax returns.

An A in Physical Education.

An A in Vocabulary.

And an F in Social Skills.

Perfect.

Wait--what?
An F?

[dramatic music]

[gasps]

Excuse me, Miss Shrinivas,

there appears to be an error

in my academic evaluation.

If you could just
go ahead and remedy that,

I'll be on my merry way.

- Actually, Lisa,

that's not an error.

You got an F because
you haven't made

a single friend in class yet.

[thwack]

- I prefer to see
my classmates as co-workers,

or occasionally, test subjects.

[playful sting]

Look, how can
I turn this around?

In the future,
when I represent Earth

in the interplanetary council,

it's gonna be acutely
embarrassing to have an F

on my otherwise perfect
academic records.

- Tell you what.

If you make a friend,
I'll raise your grade.

- Done.
[tools whir]

There, I made one.

Behold the FriendBot .

It can bring me things I need.

[chimes]

Thank you, FriendBot.

It can also chill juice boxes

with its ice vision.

[chimes]
[zapping]

[both yelp]

- Uh-uh, Lisa.
No robots.

Humans only.

Preferably a classmate.

- Hmm, a real stickler, huh?

Very well.
I will make a human friend.

However one
goes about doing that.

♪

- [babbles]

- Not now, youngest sibling.

I am trying to find
scientific guidance

on the forging of social bonds,

street name: friendship.

[sighs]

Unfortunately,
nothing in my vast library

addresses this topic.

[doorbell chimes]

- Hey, buddy.

- Hey, pal.

[upbeat funky music]

- Hmm, who needs textbooks

when I can do field research?

[video game chiming]

- And left kick, right stomp--
wait, hang on.

Oops--ugh--it goes so fast.

- Don't worry, Clyde.
You're looking good.

[seedy music]

- Observation number one:

friendship seems to require
compliments and flattery,

whether deserved or not.

- [grunts]

- [grunts]

Nice snipe.

But you won't be
so lucky next time.

- Observation number two:

friendship also
appears to require

engaging in casual sport,
and/or play.

Whoa!

[grunts]

- Look at this dress I found

in the hand-me-downs
from Aunt Ruth.

- Wow!
It's so outdated,

it's back to being trendy again.

You're so lucky.
I wish I'd found it.

[whirring]

- Why don't we share it?

- [gasps]
Great idea!

- Observation number three:

friendship requires
the sharing of

goods and commodities.

- One, two, three, four!

[scatting]

[keyboard playing]

- Observation number four:

friendship requires
common interests.

- Man, we are so good!

- Also, common delusions.

Okay.

Compliments, sports and/or play,

sharing and common interests.

I'm ready.

I shall befriend
the first person

to walk through the door.

[groans] Not Petey Wimple.

He eats paste.

Hm, not Charlotte Yang.

She's a biter.

[gasps]
Darcy Helmandollar.

She'll do.

Greetings, Darcy.

I have observed that
your sneakers light up.

Though they appear to
lack purpose,

I would like to compliment
you on their whimsy.

- Thanks, Lisa.

I've always liked
your shoes too.

They remind me of my grandpa's.

- Compliment has been
administered.

Subject appears to be receptive
to pursuing friendship.

Greetings.

Would you car to join me
in casual sport and/or play?

- Sure!
Do you like the seesaw?

- Can't say I've heard of it,
but, uh, what the heck?

[seesaw creaking]

- Whee!

Isn't this fun?

- The subject's dilated pupils

seem to indicate
further cementing of friendship.

- I gotta tinkle.
- Oof!

Care to share
my homemade kelp leather?

Full of nutrients,
but zero taste,

so it goes down smooth.

- [swallows]
Um, okay.

Thanks, Lisa.

It's so... chewy.

[gentle music]

[metal scraping]

♪

- Oh, I see
we have a common interest

in the Giraffa camelopardalis.

- Oh, you mean Rafo.

You have a stuffed giraffe too?

- No, but I have
a giraffe cerebrum

soaking in formaldehyde.

- [laughs]
You use funny words, Lisa.

- Okay, class,
it's sharing time.

Who wants to start?

- Ooh, ohh!
I have something to share.

It's my new friend, Lisa.

- Great sharing, Darcy.

And great social skills, Lisa.

You just turned
that F into an A.

- Now that
my academic record is secure,

and my seat on

the interplanetary council
is solidified,

I can return to
my beloved research.

Have you missed me,
electron microscope?

- Hi, new friend.

- Oh, uh, [stammers] right.

Greetings, Darcy.

- Are we playing
scientist today?

You always make it look so fun.

- [squeals]
This isn't really playing.

It's complex and
potentially dangerous research.

Uh--maybe we can engage in
play and/or sport later.

- Oh, okay.

I'll save you a spot
on the seesaw at recess.

- Slight complication.

I failed to consider
that the subject

might wish to remain friends

after I achieved my objective.

- Lisa!
Lisa!

- [sighs] Although,
she did help me secure that A.

- Hi, giraffe twin.

Rafo wants to play.

Did you bring your giraffe?

- Eh, mine does not travel well.

Now, if you don't mind,
I do need my REM sleep.

I have a lot of
short-term memories

I need to convert to long-term.

Oh, tell you what.

You, Rafo, and I can circle back

to that playdate post slumber.

Sound like a plan?

- "Naps are boring.

"Let's play now.

Maybe we can wake her up
with a tickle fight!"

Lisa!
My dad packed two cookies today.

One for me and
one for my new friend.

- Oh, that is very generous,

but I must decline.

Spikes in blood sugar
affect my mental acuity.

So just kelp leather
for me today.

- That's okay.
We can still sit together.

- Eh--actually,
if you don't mind,

I was hoping to use snack time
to brush up on my Mandarin.

I have a video conference
coming up

with some colleagues
in Singapore.

- Ooh!
I have a book too.

Reading twins!

"That...

"cat...

s-s-sat..."

- And now to add a single drop

of the concentrated acid.

- Hi, friend!
- [exclaims]

- I made you something
in craft time.

- What is this bizarre shackle?

- A friendship bracelet.

I can show you how to make one
for me too.

And then we can
be bracelet twins.

- [sighs]Darcy.

I'm afraid I'm not going to be
able to make one of these.

- I know it looks hard,
but I can help you.

- No-no-no-no.

See, you're a great kid, but

my lifestyle
isn't really conducive

to having friends.

To be perfectly frank,
I sought you out

to improve
my grade in Social Skills.

Now that that objective
has been achieved,

I feel it would be best
for both of us

if we went our separate ways.

I do appreciate
your assistance, though.

And if you ever need a reference
for another friend,

I would be glad to give you
a glowing recommendation.

- [whimpering]
- What's wrong?

Did some of the concentrated
acid get in your eye?

- No!
You hurt my feelings!

[sobs]

- Oh, dear.

Darcy,
please don't be despondent.

- Girls, what's going on here?

- Oh, uh, nothing to worry
about, Miss Shrinivas.

- Darcy, why are you crying?

- Lisa, [sniffs]

said she didn't want to be
my friend anymore.

[crying]

[moody jazz music]

- Darcy, why don't you
go get Rafo

and meet me in my reading chair?

Lisa, why did you
say that to Darcy?

- Look, Ms. S,
I understand that

friendship is
an academic requirement,

but to be honest,

I just don't see
the point of it.

- I'm afraid until you do,
I can't give you

that A in Social Skills.

Now, I'd like you to go
sit in time out

and think about
how you treated Darcy.

♪

- [sighs] Well, there goes
my perfect academic record.

What am I gonna
tell the other beings

on the interplanetary council?

[gasps] Now I might not
even make the council!

I might have to be an alternate.

- Lisa?

I thought you might like this.

- W--why are you
giving this to me?

- You looked sad.

I wanted to
make you feel better.

- But why would you
want to make me feel better?

- Because that's what friends
do for each other.

[bell dings]

- "Because that's what friends

do for each other."

Would you excuse me
just for one moment?

Research epiphany.

I have discovered
the point of having friends.

Not to check off
an academic requirement

or to impress a bunch of aliens,

but because
friends make your life better.

Thank you, Darcy.

Care to join me?

[upbeat rock music]

♪

Hey, you want to
come over after school

and play with
my CAT scan machine?

- We have a kitty too.

Cat twins!

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee

♪ Never any privacy

♪ Chaos with kids

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house