01x14 - The Big Tap-Out

[bunniefuu]

CHARLIE:
Once upon a time,

there were three little girls
who went to the police academy.

And they were each assigned
very hazardous duties.

But I took them away
from all that,

and now they work for me.
My name is Charlie.

[ALARM WAILING]

Harry, I'll meet you
around the back.

You guys in there.

Hold it.

Right there.

Well, Well, uh, what're
you doing down here, David?

Taking a walk.

It relaxes me.

Oh, yeah? Well,
that's very interesting.

Because the sound
of that burglar alarm

makes me very nervous.

Well, you're the nervous type,
McMasters.

You smart-mouthed punk, you!

Get around here!

That'll cost you, McMasters!

Yeah?
Yeah!

...I lost my head.

His lawyer screamed to the D.A.

and I drew a heavy reprimand.

CHARLIE: How much money
is involved, Ben?

City Securities says there's
$40,000 missing.

Well, with our share
of ten percent,

that would come
to only 4000.

Bosley, this one we'll chalk up
to an old friendship.

Appreciate it, Charlie.

How do we proceed?

Carefully.

If I so much as lean against
David's apartment house,

they're going to take my badge.

We'll handle it, Ben.
Don't worry.

Now, what can you tell us
about David?

Well, he's tough, clever.

A thief,
and a compulsive gambler.

That's his life.

A man with a monkey on his back

The size of King Kong.

He gambles what he steals
and when he loses,

then he steals again.

And if he wins,
and sometimes he does,

then he's Mr. Upright Citizen.

You mean, if he hits a win
streak with the 40,000,

he'll stay on the right side
of the law

and you can't touch him.

Something like that.

Charlie, are you thinking
what we're thinking?

The picture is coming
into focus.

Somebody mind clearing
it up for me?

If we arranged for Mr. Roy David
to, uh, tap out,

then he'd have
to steal again.

[PHONE RINGING]

Paddock.

Chick? It's for you.

You can take it in the booth.

Oh. Okay.

Thanks.

Who's the flash?

Ah, he drifted in yesterday.

He's making book.

Just what we need.

Giving track odds.

That's a switch.

Yeah, well, we'll see
how long he stays in business.

Is Chick around?

Oh, thank you.

Right, Little Daniel
in the Fifth. Gotcha.

1460, isn't it?
Mm-hm.

Thank you very much.

You going to be around tomorrow?

How else can I get even?

I'll give you a call.

Bye now.

Bye-bye.

Thank you very much.

Three, four, five, 50,

six, 20, 40, 60, 80,

seven, 10.

Thanks a lot, Chick.

I'll see you around, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Can I buy you a drink?

Yeah, why not?

Bourbon.

That lady seems to have some
kind of winning streak going.

Yeah. You're not a cop, are you?

Hardly.

If I was a cop, I would've
nailed you days ago.

Horse player, huh?

Story of my life.

To the winners.

Gambling's best advertisement.

Especially if they look like--

What's her name?

Sabrina.

Yeah.

Funny thing about it is,
she doesn't need the money.

Not really.

What do you mean?

She and her sister, uh, Kelly...

They inherited some money
not long ago.

Last name's Duncan.
Of the computer Duncan's.

Well, you-- You-- You got some
kind of customer going there.

Yeah, except for one catch.

She doesn't lose much.

Well...

Thank you for the drink.

You're about to have company.

What, are you leaving?

Yeah, tough day.

Poor baby.

Buy you a drink?

No, thank you.

I don't usually drink
with strangers.

Let me fix it.

My name is Roy David.

How nice.

And you're Sabrina Duncan.

Um, how did you know that?

Well, when it comes
to beautiful women--

I asked your bookmaker.

My bookmaker?

Really, Mr. David.

Have a drink,

or would your sister object?

Two scotch.

What's my sister
got to do with it?

Take my sister, for instance.

Very protective.

Doesn't agree with some
of the things I do.

So, I try to spare her,
you know.

One should try not to disappoint
their loved ones.

Don't you feel that way?

Listen, I think somehow

you've gotten the wrong idea
about me, Mr. David.

Call me Roy.

I'll call you Sabrina.

Then we won't
be strangers anymore.

Families in general,

sisters in particular.

Listen, you don't know me
and you don't know my sister.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

You're wrong. I know
a great deal about Kelly.

And offhand I'd say she'd be
very unhappy

if someone were to tell
Computrex

that you and Kelly
were using the computer

to play the ponies.

Look, I don't know
what you're talking about.

You better stick to playing
the ponies, lady,

because you're
a lousy poker player.

Sit down.

Sit down.

Okay. Okay, now listen.

Kelly doesn't know
anything about it.

I used her keys
to go in after hours.

If she were to find out...

Yeah. She'd cut off
your inheritance

and you'd be playing it 9 to 5
someplace, I know.

Something like that, yes.

Well, it doesn't have
to be that way.

I could forget
everything I know.

What's the going price
for amnesia?

Show me how to do it.

Are you kidding?

Do I look like I'm kidding?

You don't look like you're ready

for a six month
computer course, either.

Okay, then you do it.

Bring me a winner tomorrow.

Tomorrow's Monday.
The tracks closed on Monday.

Then you come in here
on Tuesday with a horse.

Or you're going to be
the sorriest little handicapper

racing's ever known.

Now, what we need is
a sure thing for tomorrow.

Charlie said that if anyone
could come up with a winner

it'd be Pinky Tibbs.

Yesterday I bet
a horse 15 to one.

It came in at quarter past two.

We'd laugh, Pinky,
if this wasn't so serious.

You and Charlie
don't want much, do you?

The sorriest day of my life

is when I learned
to read this thing.

Uh, what race did you
have in mind?

You pick one.

Well, I've already
been over the charts.

Let's see.

The fifth. Your best bet
is the fifth race.

It's a claiming race.

There are three possible winners

Uh, could you narrow
it to one?

One?

If I could pick one
out of all this,

you think I'd be out here
in the morning at 5:00?

The best I can do
is narrow it to three.

Three isn't very narrow.

Diamond Stick Pin.

Class horse.

Ladies Only.

Real slick trainer,
Bill Fawcett.

Yeah, he's been stiffing
the horse waiting

for a soft spot
and long odds.

And Cindy Song.

Yeah, early speed
and good post position.

Which one do you like?

I kind of like
Diamond Stick Pin unless...

Unless what?

Unless it's one
of the other two.

Well, then somehow we've got
to get Ladies Only

and Cindy Song
out of the race.

Good luck.

Uh, there's one other thing.

We also need a loser.

147 and three.
You're looking at him.

Pinky's Dream.

Your horse?

My nightmare.

Yeah, honey,
I'm right with you.

Hurry.

Oh, look.

Oh, beautiful.
Honey!

Howdy, pardner.

My name is Jimmy Joe Peepers,
and this here's my little lady,

Cinderella.
Hi.

Cindy, for short.

The same name as
your little old filly there.

Oh, honey, she's prettier'n
a speckled pup.

I've just got to have her,
honeybunch.

We been admiring
your horse, Mr. Platt.

And life would be just
a slide off a doughnut

if I could get her
for my little Cindy.

She's not for sale.

I think you'll find Jimmy Joe
more than generous.

You see, money makes
no never mind.

It's not the money,
Mr. Peepers.

Oh, you just call me Jimmy Joe.

All the folks back home do.

As I was saying,
it's not the money, Mr. Peepers.

Cindy's Song will probably go
off the favorite tomorrow.

I expect her to win
that race with her.

Honey, look.

We've only just now howdied
and already

she's smitten with me.

Oh...

I feel exactly the same way
about her, Mrs. Peepers.

I've raised her from a yearling.

Honey, if I don't have that
little old horse over there,

I'm going to be
as sorry as gully dirt.

Oh, precious.

You see the kind of spot
I'm in, Mr. Platt?

I'd give you $10,000
for Cindy's Song

right this very minute.

Not for sale!

15,000.

Appreciate your generosity.

She's just not for sale.

Honey, you know that race
she's racing tomorrow.

Isn't that what y'all call
a claiming race?

I believe it is, honeybunch.

Well, doesn't that mean that
even if she's just

entered in it we can up
and buy her if we want to?

Yes, it does, precious.
It surely does.

You take your sliding doughnut

and throw it
in your gully dirt, Jimmy Joe.

It'll be a cold day in hell
before I run Cindy Song

with you around to claim her.

Like a mule running a horse.

There's a horse running

in the fifth race tomorrow
called Ladies Only

that couldn't lose
if I rode him.

I heard the same thing.

The horse's trainer
is Bill Fawcett,

and he's been
laying back for months

waiting for
the long odds.

I'm going to tell my daddy

to bet $10,000 on him.

You think he will?

If he still wants
to be my daddy he will.

Right, honey?

Manny?

Bill Fawcett.

You been running
off at the mouth, Manny?

Yeah, I'll tell you why.

There's some broad down here
is going to have her old man

bet ten G's on
Ladies Only tomorrow.

You know what that'll do
to the odds, Manny?

Well, I don't care about that!

We didn't set this up
to make even money.

Now, you scratch him.

Scratch him!

Where've you been?

I've been waiting for you.

Yeah, relax, okay?

It's Diamond Stick Pin.

The fifth race is goes off
in a couple of minutes.

I'm not going to get it down.
There's Chick.

He pays track odds.

Good.

Chick. Listen, man.

Let me have a $1000
down on Diamond Stick Pin,

fifth race at Los Alamitos.

To win.

Make mine 200, Chick.

You're down.

Give me a Mobile operator,
please.

[TELEPHONE BUZZING]

Bosley?

Gotcha.

ANNOUNCER: Remember,
ladies and gentlemen,

the next race
is an exacta wagering race.

Probable exacta prices
are listed

on the television monitors
situated

throughout the clubhouse.

The horses are now
at the gate.

Number five. Ten times, please.

...And turning for home
it's Vicarious,

Spark of Life, and Retsina.

It's Vicarious,
Spark of Life, and Retsina.

And here comes
Diamond Stick Pin!

It's Vicarious, Spark of Life,
and Diamond Stick Pin.

Vicarious
and Diamond Stick Pin,

and Diamond Stick Pin
getting up

and winning at the wire
with Vicarious second

and Spark of Life third.

Diamond Stick Pin
paid two to one.

3000, right?

And 600 for the little lady.

Now, if you folks
will excuse me.

Okay,

we're square now, right?

You're square if you think

we're finished
doing business, lady.

Hey, now wait a minute.

Now, I thought--

Never mind what you thought.

This thousand I bet
was kid's stuff.

Tomorrow we're going
to make Chick wish

he'd never heard
of off-track betting.

I want another horse.

Got it?

20 big ones.

Put it on the nose
of Pinky's Dream.

Seventh race.
Los Alamitos.

Make it 21 grand.

What's the name
of that horse again?

Pinky's Dream.

You're down.

Good.

At the half it's Pinky's Dream
by a half length,

King William by a neck,
Sleepwalker by two lengths

and here comes Water Baby,

between horses.

It's King William
and Sleepwalker.

Water Baby moves
to the outside.

It's Water Baby, Sleepwalker
and King William.

It's Water Baby
by two lengths and going away.

Water Baby wins it
by five lengths

with Sleepwalker second
by a length,

followed by King William
and the rest of the field.

Where's the girl?

You got me.
I was listening to the race.

Where's the bookmaker, Chick?

Well, the last time
I saw him he was on the phone.

Where's Kelly Duncan's office?

Nobody by that name here.

Wait, wait. Wait a minute.

I saw her sister here Sunday.

And her name was
on that register.

Couldn't be.
We're closed on Sunday.

Are you in the red?

Yeah.

Yeah, about $20,000.

JILL:
Why can't I do that?

That's great.

That's 18.

17.

19.

16.

14.

Blackjack.

That's incredible!

Listen, did Charlie explain
to you exactly what we're up to?

You want to b*at this guy

for the rest
of the money he stole.

Another 22,000 to be exact.

We've arranged
that the Cinema Club

will need a dealer
tomorrow night.

Charlie was pretty sure of me,
wasn't he?

Well, he thought it might appeal

to your sense of adventure.

It does.

Are you sure this Roy David
character will be there?

We've checked.

He's there every Monday night.

If he's going to lose,
who's going to win?

I am.

I hope I can pull it off.

I'm not used to winning.

Oh, and remember,
you bring the money to me.

Not the race track.

I always feel like saying
Joe sent me.

Hello.

What will it be tonight,
Miss Monroe?

Blackjack.

Good luck tonight.
Thank you.

Could I have some $5 chips,
please.

Yes, ma'am.

I'm good.

Give me a little kiss.

Pay eighteen.

Pay me.

Let me have another 5000, champ.

Wow, 5000!

Don't rub it in, beautiful.

Oh, I'm not.

It's just that I'm impressed.

Me too.

I'm good.

Give me a little kiss.

Pay 19.

Pay me.

Boy, are we hot tonight.

Shall we bet $4?

Well, whatever you say.

Down for double.

I'll go for that.

Miss?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Um, yeah.

20. Pay 21.

Pay me.

Dealer takes pushes.

Hey, I know the house rules,
all right?

If I want a lesson,

I'll ask for one.

I'm sorry, sir.

What's a push?

If you tie the dealer,
the dealer wins.

Well, it was your idea
to bet the $4.

Hit.

Miss?

Oh, I'm sorry. Hit me.

Still impressed?

You can't always lose.

Where does it say that?

Buy you a drink?

I'd like that.

Me too.

Thank you.
Thank you.

And what's your name?

Jill Munroe.

That's nice. I'm-- I'm Roy
David, and I'm glad to meet you.

I'm surprised you'd be
glad about anything.

You just lost $10,000.

Well, it's not whether
you win or lose, right?

But how you play the game.

Speaking of how
you play the game,

I wouldn't think that hitting 18
is a good percentage bet.

Did I do that?

You didn't know you did that?

Well, I gamble
because I'm bored.

What's your excuse?

Well,

I'm like
the mountain climber.

I gamble because there's a game.

I gamble on sunsets,
I gamble on dog races,

and I gamble on finding
a bored and beautiful woman

to have a drink
with to change my luck.

I think there's
a compliment in there.

Yeah, painted in red--

I'm sorry,
the lady's distracted.

How do I get
the lady's attention?

Call me tomorrow.

Well, uh,

tomorrow's six yards further
than I can see.

Oh, you are a typical gambler.

Yeah. You're not.

Let's just say my head's
in a different place.

I'd love to, uh,
visit that place sometime.

You would?

Well, I'm sorry,
but this trip's solo.

Shall we go try our luck?

Come on.

Okay.

Vince?

How about we take off the limit?

I'll be happy
to accommodate you, sir.

And good luck.

Thank you.

Does that go
for me too?

Of course.

10,000.

Thank you.

Mm, 5000.

Very good, sir.

5000's a nice round--

It-- It's a bet.

I think I'll just
sit this one out.

Cards to the players.

Wait a second, wait a second.

This lady's not playing.

Why don't I put
5000 on her spot?

Okay?

If he can bet--

$10,000.

Why can't I?

The limit is off, sir.

You can bet whatever you'd like.

Cards to the players.

I'll play these.

I'll have to ask you to play one
hand at a time, sir.

I know the rules.

That'll be good.

Hit me.

Okay.

10.

12.

A king.

19. Pay 20.

Pay 20.

That's what I got.

Two 10s.

20.

House buy you a drink?

Yeah, uh,

how about a $22,000 martini?

Somebody get an ambulance.

Don't touch her.

They always say never
to move anybody.

Gosh, she's such
a pretty girl.

Did you see that guy?
He never even stopped.

Anybody get
the license number?

No, I didn't.
I didn't I didn't either.

You okay?

Oh, yeah.

Who hired the stunt driver?

Bosley.
Naturally.

Hey, listen you guys.
Get a move on.

I got to get this buggy back
in half an hour.

Sh.

Oh.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Look what I've done to your car.

I see.
Oh, listen, don't worry.

I'm completely insured.
I'll take care of everything.

Listen--
You're not hurt, are you?

No. I'm in an awful hurry, so...

We'll settle it later,
all right?

We'll exchange drivers licenses
and get in touch tomorrow.

You okay?

I guess so.

I sure hope you don't get
whiplash or something.

Oh, listen,
this was all my fault!

This poor man was just sitting
here and I didn't even see him!

Look what I've done
to his car.

Yes, ma'am. I can sure see that.

Now, why don't you just
calm down a little bit.

Now, has anybody been hurt?
No.

Let us give you a hand
with that.

Hey, hey, hey. I got it,
I got it, I got it. No problem.

No, no, here, let me help you,
let me help you.

All right, you pull
and I'll push down. Ready?

All right, here we go. Ready?

There, that'll do it.

That's great.
All right.

Now, would either
one of you like

to fill out an
accident report?

Not me.

Both insured, are you?

Oh, I am.

Yeah, I am too.

Listen, I'm in an awful hurry,

so I thought we'd just exchange
drivers licenses and,

and...you know, like,
we'll do it tomorrow.

Oh, sure, that's all right.

As long as there's not more
than $250 in damage here.

Hey, no. No, listen,
I've got a friend.

Who he-- He-- He could do
that for two hundred.

He-- He-- He owes me favors,
so he'd probably...

Well, you two work it out.

Okay.

We're all straightened out.
Ask them.

Oh, do you have an extra pencil?

Thank you.

You know, I can't seem
to find my glasses.

Lady, you should
have been wearing them.

Please, just hurry up,
just please hurry up.

Oh, here they are.

Please hurry up.
I don't have all day.

Oh, I don't think you're going
anywhere with that.

How the hell did that happen?

I can't tell you how sorry I am

You said that already!

Well, I'll help you fix it.

Forget it.

I don't have a jack.

Oh! You can use mine.

You've helped me enough already!
All right!

You'd better stick around.

We'll probably need you

I don't have, uh...
I don't have a spare.

Now, wait a minute, you just
told me you didn't have a jack.

You mean you don't have
a spare either?

You certainly
can't leave it here.

Let me drive it
to a gas station. How's that?

Temper, temper.

Look, we're only
trying to help you.

I don't want your help!

I could write you up for not
having a jack and a spare.

You know, he could.

I mean, you really shouldn't
be driving around

without proper driving equipment

Why, you've got a jack
and a spare.

Mister, you've got a whole lot
of money in here,

did you know that?

It's entrapment.

There was this girl.
She planted the plans on me.

What girl?
The girl I'm telling you about.

The one that was k*lled
in the hit and run.

Hit and run?!

What, have you gone bananas?

You know anything
about a hit and run?

When?

This morning.

I saw the whole thing.
The girl got k*lled.

Who got k*lled?

This girl I'm telling you about!

There was an ambulance there
and everything.

What are you talking about?
I mean, that's my b*at.

If there was an ambulance call

I'd know about it.

I saw the girl get k*lled, Ben!

There she is! There's the--

Not a bad looking corpse.

There's an explanation
for this.

Go ahead.

Explain.