03x04 - City Slickers/Fool Me Twice

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ A guy's gotta do
what he can ♪

♪ To survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge,
push, and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[swinging jazz music]

♪ ♪

[engine whirring]

- There it is, the big city!

[screams]

- Can I get a warning
next time?

- Sorry, Lincoln,
I'm just so excited.

- We're visiting Bobby and
Ronnie Anne this weekend,

so Lori can get
to know the city better.

I'm just tagging along
for moral support.

And some of that delicious
casagrande cuisine.

- Can you believe it?
As soon as I graduate,

I'll literally be going
to college here.

[screams]

- What happened to the warning?

- Sorry, I just know how much
I'm going to love it here.

I've always been a city girl
at heart.

[swinging jazz music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

How about you? Are you
excited to see Ronnie Anne?

- Oh, yeah,
we're gonna have a blast.

[speed metal music]

Ugh!

♪ ♪

[laughter]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

I've missed her.

[horns honking
and tires squealing]

- A little lower.
- A little higher.

- Ugh, why do we even need
a sign?

When did we become sign people?

- I just watched a fascinating
documentary

on the role of signage in
expanding our freeway systems.

It seems that--
- Here, honey.

Try my taquitos.

- Ronnie Anne, I've narrowed it
down to two dresses.

Has anyone seen her?

[bright jazz music]

Ronnie Anne!

- Phew, I may smell
like dog all day,

but it's worth it.

- Out of my way,
out of my way,

I'm cleansing the place
of unkind spirits.

- [squawks]
Can't see.

Mayday! Mayday!

- Gah!
- Oof!

- Lincoln and Lori are here!
Hooray!

[shutter snaps]

- Hi, CJ!
- Hey, buddy.

Long time, no see.
- Welcome back!

- Hey, how were the road signs
on your way in?

- Greetings, my lovely cousin.

- Oh, hey, Carl.

- Come in! Come in!

- Bobby's down in the bodega.
Go say hi.

But if he's trapped himself
in the dairy case again,

don't let him out,
he has to learn.

- I wasn't sure if you wanted
breakfast or lunch,

so I made both!
- I could eat both!

- Te adoro, mijito!

[festive music]

- Gotcha, Lincoln. Let's go!

Time to walk the plank.

- Okay, I respect
the laws of the sea,

but can I eat first?

- Sure, I'm a pirate,
but I'm fair.

♪ ♪

- Ow!
- Welcome back, lame-o.

- Hey, Ronnie Anne,
I brought you a present.

♪ ♪

- Oh, cool, a Royal Woods
sweatshirt.

- I got it at
Gus' Games 'n Grub.

Uh, sorry it smells
like garlic knots.

- Beats smelling like a dog.

Thanks.
- Ow!

[phone ringing]
- Ronnie Anne,

it's Sameer calling.

- I'll call him back later.
- Who's Sameer?

- Oh, Sameer's a part of Ronnie
Anne's little group of friends.

They're all thick as thieves.

[sobbing]
It's so sweet!

- Cool, I'd love to meet them.

- No, no, this weekend's
all about you.

Come on, we have a lot
of catching up to do.

- Hey, get back here
with my prisoner!

[door chimes]
- Boo Boo Bear!

- Babe!

- Oh, you're so cold.

- I just got out
of the dairy case.

Come see my latest improvement
to the bodega!

[cash register rings]

I organized the money so all
the presidents

face the same way.

- You're such a business man.

- Thanks, but it took me so
long,

now I have to work
until :.

- That's totes okay.

I can spend the day
exploring the city!

- I hope you love it as much
as I do.

- I'm sure I will.

I'm a city girl at heart.

[swinging jazz music]

[knocking on glass]
- Babe? Can you let me out?

I was trying to get you a soda!

- Oh, no, no, no, no!

- Oh, yeah!

- Ah!
- Boom!

- No! Dang it.

- Yes, I still own you.

Wanna play again?
- Maybe later.

Let's go see the city.

- Ah, there's nothing to see.

Just a bunch of tall buildings
and smelly subway cars.

- Oh, honey, there's much more
to the city than that.

You should definitely
show Lincoln around.

- Do it, mija. You know we're
just gonna stare

at you until you agree.

- Ugh. Fine.

- Come on, Frida.
Let's see what you got.

[video game noises]

- Wow, this is literally
the city girl look

I was dreaming of.

I can't believe
you have all this.

- When you thrift
as much as I do,

you pretty much have anything.

- Surprise! Pirate att*ck!

Aah!

[laughter]

- Lori, my dove, allow me
to be your guide today.

I can show you the most
romantic spots

in our fine metropolis.

- Oh, fancy words from someone
with a pudding moustache.

- That's very sweet, Carl.

But I think I can manage
on my own.

- [sighs]
I understand.

For the record, strong,
independent women

enflame the passion
of my heart.

- Literally adorable.

- Ugh! Thank you for ruining
my vibe.

[upbeat jazz music]

- And there's a building,
and another building.

And, ooh, an even taller
building.

Whew, good tour.

- [gasping]

all:
Hey, Ronnie Anne!

♪ ♪

- Hey, those kids
are calling you.

♪ ♪

- Hey, didn't you hear us?

- Duh, obviously not.

- Hey, I'm Lincoln.

I'm sure Ronnie Anne's told you
all about me.

- Actually, no.

I'm Casey, that's Sameer,
and that's Nikki.

- 'Sup? How do you know
Santiago?

- Uh, Linc's a part
of my rough and tumble past.

- Ha! The only thing
rough and tumble

was that church
carnival ride

that made us puke up
our cotton candy.

- We should get going.

- You guys want
to hang with us?

- Heck yeah!
- Sweet!

- You bet!

[swinging jazz music]

- Mm.
- Out of my way.

- Watch it!
- You watch out!

♪ ♪

- Hey!

♪ ♪

Excuse me!

Aah!

[coughing]

- So what do you guys do for
fun up on th Street?

- th Street?

What are you--
Ah!

- Oops, my bad.

Sorry, Linc.

[pigeon cooing]

- Ah! These pigeons are crazy!

- Aren't they just
as crazy uptown?

- What do you mean?
I'm not from--

Ah!

- Uh, you looked hot!

- [chuckling]

[slowed jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Okay. Two stops
to th Street.

- This is an express train
to th Street.

- Wait, what?

[screams]

[elevator dings]

- Welcome to the top deck.

Don't forget your complimentary
souvenir photo on the way out.

- Ooh.

This view is amazing!

Our tallest building doesn't
come close to this

but it does provide a great
view

of my friend Liam's
chicken farm.

- I've never heard
of a chicken farm in the city.

- I don't live in the ci--
- Oh, look! A blimp!

Ah, you missed it.

- Hey, Ronnie Anne,
it's pretty cold up here.

Don't you want to put
your sweatshirt on?

- No, I'm good.
- Then can I borrow it?

- I'm cold.
- No, you're good too.

- Just let me borrow it.

- Hey, what's your problem?

- I know what's going on.

You lied to your friends and
told them you're from uptown

instead of Royal Woods!

- What? That's ridiculous!

- I'm not dumb.

Are you embarrassed about being
from Royal Woods?

- Just drop it, Lincoln.

- Well, you can do
what you want.

But I'm not lying
about where I'm from.

[suspenseful music]

- Why do you have to mess
everything up for me?

I didn't ask you to come here
in the first place.

- You're right,
so maybe I'll just go,

right after I take my
complimentary souvenir photo.

- [sighs]

[slowed jazz music]

- Okay.

I'm still a city girl.

I can find my way back!

[crashing]

[festive music]

[snoring]

[door opens and parrot squawks]

- Hey, everyone, I just
remembered I need to go home.

So I'm gonna pack.

[sobbing]

- Babe, are you okay?

- Where's Lincoln?

- He's packing.
What's going on?

- I did something dumb.

- What happened
out there today?

- Must be pirates.

- Come on, we need to get
to the bottom of this!

- [sobbing]

I'm sorry, Boo Boo Bear.

There's just no way
I can live in the city.

- But what about our plans?

We're supposed to go
to college here together.

- That was before I fell
in a manhole!

[sobs]

- Aw, babe.

When I first got here,
I walked right

into the back end
of a police horse.

Lucky for me,
he hadn't eaten lunch yet.

- [sniffles]

[laughs]

- Life isn't always easy here.

But once you get
the hang of it,

it's really great, and
I know you're gonna love it.

- Thanks, Bobby.

I feel a lot better.

[tender music]

- Lincoln, you can't leave.

I didn't mean
what I said before.

I do want you here.

- I just don't understand why
you don't want your friends

to know you're
from Royal Woods.

- I don't know.

I guess I wanted them to think
I was a city kid

so they'd want
to hang out with me.

- Well, if they're really
your friends,

they'll like you
for who you are,

not where you're from.

- Guess you're right.

Thanks, lame-o.

Come on, we need a do-over
of today.

[thudding]

- Uh...

Just doing our weekly
door inspection.

This one fails!

- Can we start with a re-do
of my complimentary photo?

It didn't come out that great.

- [chuckles]

Sure, but let me take care
of something first.

Hey, can I talk to you guys?

Um, I haven't been honest
with you.

I'm not from the city.

I'm from a small town
called Royal Woods.

Both of us are.

I'm sorry I lied.

I get it if you don't want
to hang out anymore.

- Of course we want
to hang with you.

- Yeah, we don't care.
I mean, I'm from Kansas!

- Wait, what?

I'm just messing with you.

- [sniffing]

- Hey, let's get somethingto eat.

I'm suddenly craving
garlic knots.

[laughter]

- Oh, man. Let me see
that photo one more time.

- Well, this one didn't
come out much better.

- I guess you'll just have
to come back and visit again.

- Ow!

- Thanks for the pep talk,
Boo Boo Bear.

I'm excited to be a city girlagain.

[swinging jazz music]

[engine whirring]

Hey! That's my van!

Come back!

- Babe, watch out
for horse butts!

[rock and roll music]

♪ ♪

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- Whoa! Oof!

♪ ♪

[imitates bird call]

♪ ♪

- What animal does Mary have?

- [gruff voice] A lamb with
the fleece as white as snow.

[all sighing]

- Oh, good, it's really you,
son.

Are you sure Luan
didn't follow you?

- Definitely, I took
four different buses.

Plus, I've got Clyde
doing surveillance on her.

[suspenseful music]

- Great, now, let's get down
to business.

April Fool's Day is tomorrow,

and we still don't have
a plan to stop Luan

from pranking
our butts off.

So who's got an idea?

- Oh! Bobby said we could hide
in the basement of the bodega.

We just have to watch out
for the rat traps.

And the asbestos.

- You're really selling it,
honey.

- There's an island off the
southern tip of Guam.

You can only get to it
by submarine.

- [imitates buzzer] We don't
have passports, Stinkin'!

- Pending some grant money,

I could build a ship
that could take us to Europa,

one of Jupiter's moons.

- Or we could dig a system
of tunnels under the house!

- Why don't we just ask
Luan to stop?

But, like, really nicely?

- Ugh. Maybe it's hopeless.

- Excuse me, do you folks mind?

We're trying to sh**t
a movie here.

- Yeah, guys, out of the sh*t!

Okay, I'm ready
for my close-up.

- Sorry, little girl, you need
to get out of the sh*t too.

We're sh**ting
a dangerous stunt.

- Ha! Your loss!

[bell rings]

- And action!

[rock and roll music]

[siren wailing]

[engine whirring]

[explosions]

♪ ♪

[crashing]

Cut!

[rock and roll music]

- Man, that guy can really
take a b*ating!

- He looks just like Dad!

- Too bad I can't just hire him

to take all of Luan's
pranks for me.

I wasn't being serious.

- But Dad, maybe that's
the perfect plan.

We hire a bunch of stunt
doubles

to take all the hits
for us,

and we get off pain-free.

[overlapping dialogue]

- That might just work!

- Wow, these doubles
look just like us.

- No, honey,
those are the doubles.

- Oh, well, they're good too.

- So, uh, what's this
gonna cost me?

[gasps]

Is this in dollars?

- I don't understand.

Why is my double old?

- You're
and you have white hair,

I did the best I could.

- I came out of retirement
for this gig.

These days, I mostly just sit
around reading in my underwear.

- Never mind, he's perfect.

- Okay, fam-o,

now that everyone's
got a double,

it's time to teach them how
to look and act just like us.

We've got to work fast.

Luan gets home at five, and if
she finds the house empty--

Are you picking up on this?

I talk with my hands,
big hand talker right here.

- Really get that mud up
in your face.

Don't be afraid
to eat a little.

- Now, in addition to English,

I speak Mandarin, Latin,
Swedish, and West Coast rap.

- So this is the novel
I'm working on.

Just in case Luan asks you
about it,

you should probably read
the whole thing tonight.

- Okay, so let's see the walk.

Almost, but you forgot
part of it.

[crashes]

- Ugh!

- First thing in the morning,

I usually rush to the bathroom
to b*at the crowd.

- Oh, same here.

There's some pushy blue-hairs
at the senior center.

- Then before school, I'll
sometimes stop for a Flippee.

Watermelon lime's my favorite.

- It's my favorite flavor
of gelatin!

- Okay, g*ng, here's the plan.

At midnight, we sneak
out of the house

and switch places
with the doubles.

They'll take it from there.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[snoring]

- I got this.

♪ ♪

- Ugh!

♪ ♪

[tires screeching]

♪ ♪

- Good luck to you guys.

Are you sure you're ready?
- Don't worry about us.

We're gonna be A-Okay.

♪ ♪

- Family, gather 'round.

We can follow the action
via the cameras I installed

in everyone's room last year...

Er...

Last night!

Ooh! We have movement
in the twins' room!

[computer beeps]

- Here it comes!

- Huh.

I thought for sure Luan was
gonna nail them

with a bucket of grease.

- Or a sock full of quarters!

- Old Lincoln is on the move!

Slowly.

[bones popping]

- Oh, man, I can't watch.
What's happening?

Did he get injured?

- Well, he did hurt his back,
but it seems unrelated.

- What's the dealio?

Why aren't they getting
pranked?

- Why are they leaving
the house?

[all gasp]

- What the heck?

I paid good money for them
to get their butts pranked off!

- Wait a minute, I get it.

Luan's prank this year was not
to prank us at all.

- What do you mean, Mom?

- Ha! She knew we'd go crazy
trying to protect ourselves,

so she just let us
chase our tails.

- Oh, you're right!

- She is good.

[laughter]

- Well, I may have b*rned
through all our savings,

but at least it's over!

- Over? It's just getting
started!

[startled shouts]

You know, family,
I had a whole different plan

in mind for today,

but I'll save that
for next year,

because once I saw the amazing
doubles you guys found,

I was inspired to do something
even better.

So stay tuned,

because the rest of this day

is going to be doubly special!

[laughs]

Get it? You don't now,
but you will.

- What is she talking about?

- Ah! Ah! Ah!

We gotta stop her!

Ugh, she welded the door shut!

- And the windows!

- I'll try the garage door.

Where's the remote?

- Oh, Luan does, she's outside!

[all scream]

- Don't look at me,

look at the monitors!

I put cameras everywhere
so you can enjoy the show.

Ta-ta!

[suspenseful music]

- Ah! It's old Lincoln!

What's he doing?

Did he get lost?

- [straining]

♪ ♪

- Mrs. Johnson,
it's me, Lincoln.

I can't get through another
day of school

without telling you

you are the center
of my universe!

And I love you!

- Oh, no!

[swoons]

- Wait!
That's my pageant studio!

- Hi, Lindsey, I know I won
Miss Junior Royal Woods

this year, but the truth is,

your neck is straighter,

your hair holds curls
better than mine,

and your baton twirling
puts mine to shame.

So here, this really belongs to you.

- [screams]

- [gasps]

Oh, sweet irony!

We handed Luan the perfect
weapons to destroy us!

- Oh, no! My salon!

- I love my new perm.

I can't wait to show
all my friends!

- [screams]

- Dudes, stop!

I think I want to take this
thing in a new direction.

[accordion playing]

- Bogus! That's not even
good polka!

Aww.

- Eww, eww, eww! A worm!

- I wouldn't run from it,
I'd eat it!

[growls]

- Uh, why is my double playing
against that dweeb?

It's not gonna be much
of a competition.

- No!

My game winning streak!

- What is she doing
at my publisher's?

- I know I said I needed
another month

to work on my novel, but I
decided it's actually ready.

- No! The ending is wrong!

I wanted it all to be a dream!

- Colleagues, I believe
that my latest

presentation will knock
your proverbial socks off.

[gasps]

- This is a kitty.
He says, "Meow."

[faints]

- The eyes are the windows
to the soul.

And it's time I bare mine
to you.

- Gasp, those were never meant
to be seen.

- Bangers and Mosh, the British
eatery and rock venue?

Oh, what's he doing there?

- Welcome to the "Are You a
True Englishman"

trivia challenge.

First question:

In what city is
the Tower of London?

[buzzer sounds]

- Oh, I got this one!

Rome!

- [gasps, swoons]

- Thanks for coming
all the way here

to meet me,
Boo Boo Bear.

I just really missed you.

[farts]

Oh, that was my shoe.

[farts]

That was my other shoe.

[farts]

I have some extra shoes
in my bag.

- [screams]

[crashes]

- Good news, guys.

I dug us out.

- How is that good?

It's not like we can leave.

We can't show our faces
anywhere

in Royal Woods ever again!

- Well, guys, it's clear
what we have to do.

[dramatic music]

[pounding]

♪ ♪

- Uh, mom, what's going on?

- Obviously, we're moving,
honey.

You should go pack your things.

- What? Why?

- Well, it's not like
we can stay.

You pretty much ruined
our lives here.

- Okay, guys.

Nice try.

You almost had me there
for a moment.

[truck backs up]

- Is this the La-oods
residence?

♪ ♪

- You guys, wait!

I'm sorry for the pranking!

Please, we can't move.

- It's too late
to turn back now.

- No, it isn't!

I'll call everyone

I embarrassed you guys
in front of.

I'll explain everything!

- It's not gonna make
any difference.

- So, we'll see you in the
Florida panhandle

Tuesday morning.

♪ ♪

- No!

We can't leave,
Royal Woods is our home!

I'm so sorry!

I'll never prank you again!

[together]
April Fool's!

[upbeat music]

- I really gotta hand it
to you guys.

You're really starting
to get the hang of this.

But you might want
to stop that truck.

♪ ♪

- Actually, most of those boxes
were empty.

Except for the ones filled
with your stuff.

So you might want
to stop that truck.

- No! Come back!

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪