03x05 - Net Gains

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[folksy whistling]

♪ ♪

[repeated splats]

- Ahh, you ready, honey?

- Hup, hup. Not yet!

Hup, hup, hup.

Okay, now I'm ready.

[tires squeal]
- Wow, honey.

I know you always you have
superstitious rituals

before a tryout,
but they seem more,

mmmm, intense than usual today.

- Can't take any chances.

It's for my FLIBBR.

- Your what?
- FLIBBR!

It stands for Football,
Lacrosse, Ice Hockey, Baseball,

Basketball, & Roller Derby!

I've won a championship
for each sport

except for
basketball.

That's why it's really
important

that I k*ll it
at tryouts today.

So I can get on the best team,
win the title

and get my missing B.

- Aw, that's great, honey.
Those are all temporary, right?

- Dad, don't take Elm!
It's unlucky!

- [yelps]
[tires screech]

- Hello new players, and welcome
to the annual Royal Woods Girls

Basketball League tryouts!

This year we have five teams
with open spots

on their
rosters:

The Abscessed Molars, sponsored
by Dr. Feinstein--

The Garlic Nets, sponsored
by Gus' Games and Grub--

The Belchin' Ballers, sponsored
by the Burpin' Burger--

[belch]

The Turkey Jerkies, sponsored
by Flip's Food and Fuel--

- Ooh!

- [screams]
- [yawns]

- And the Brie Throwers,

sponsored by Jean Juan's
French Mex Buffet...

you didn't have to bring your
trophies, guys.

[together] Oh, did we
bring our trophies?

- Daaaaang!

Best uniforms, best name,
most trophies--

that's my team!

- Let's start the draft!

The lowest-ranked team
will have first pick.

So... Flip! Who's your pick?

- Hey, zebra stripes!

Can't ya see I'm busy
makin' money over here?

- Oh, no. Please don't pick me.

- Ehh, whatever, I'll
take Lincoln's sister.

Now leave me alone!

- [gasps] No!

- [snoring]

- Hey! No napping
on the court, Maya!

Ow!

- Hi Mom... yes, I'm wearing
my mouth guard.

- Got it.
- Ugh!

- Sorry, my palms sweat
when I get nervous.

- Okay, this is bad. But I am
not giving up on ya, FLIBBR!

- All right, guys,
take a knee!

- Uh, I can't take a knee.

- Eh, fine, Paula,
you can stand.

Do you guys like being
in last place?

- [yawns] No.

- Well, then I say let's start
winning some games!

- [garbled speech]

- What?

- I said, but we're
not very good...

- You're not good now,

but once Coach Lynn gets
through with you guys,

you're gonna be lean, mean,
dunking machines.

Now let's get to work!

[all yelp]

Okay, change of plans:

as soon as you get
the ball, throw it to me.

[buzzer blares]

[blasts whistle]

[lively music]

Yes!

♪ ♪

Yes!

- So sweaty.

♪ ♪

- Yes!

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

We did it! We won a game

Ha! Doesn't it feel good?

- It would feel better if
we got to play more.

- Guys, guys, guys, you're
missing the big picture here.

- A win is a win,
no matter who's playing.

[all grumbling]

- Come on, Maya, you don't want
to spend the night here again.

[buzzer blares]

- All right, Turkey Jerkies!

Same strategy as last time!

- Okay.
- Fine.

[whistles]

- Hey, I got it!

- Amy, over here!

- [sighs] Fun while it lasted.

♪ ♪

- Yeah, yeah! That's the stuff!

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

- Paula, hit me!

♪ ♪

- Yuh!

Huh!

- Lynn, I'm wide open!

- Uh... I can do this.

[grunts]

Sorry I couldn't
pull out the win.

They figured out our strategy.

- Well, since it didn't work,

maybe we should all
get to play now.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's not go crazy.

We still want to win, right?

Just give me a moment
to think.

[phone rings]
- Hi, Mom.

- Ugh! Amy!
Turn off your dang ringer!

- Got to go.

- [gasps] Wait! That's it!

- Eh, what the heck's a ringer?

- Another really
great player.

I can't carry the whole team,
but if we snag a few,

the Turkey Jerkies can
win the championship!

- Pfff. Championship?

I'm only in this
to sell Flippees!

Win, lose, who gives a hoot?

People are still
gonna be thirsty.

- Flip, Flip, Flip.

You gotta think bigger.

Sure, you can sell some
Flippees at the games.

But what about when
the season's over?

Think how many more Flippees
you'll sell when you have

a big banner on your store
that says,

"Flip's: Home
of the Champions." Eh?

- Ohhh, you're painting,
a might pretty picture.

I'm in! But I'm not
paying for the banner.

- Eh, fine. Let's go
find some ringers.

[motor roaring]

[tires screech]
Too old.

[tires screech]
Too young.

[tires screech]
Too rough.

- Hey, Flip!
- You know that guy?

- Nope!

[engine roars]

[tires screech]
- Too sad.

[tires screech]
Too canine.

W-w-wait, pull over there!

[tires screech]

[lively music]

♪ ♪

Sweet Lou Dunbar!

Hey, you guys are amazing!

How would you like to play in
the Royal Woods Girls' League?

- We'd love to, but we can't.

We don't live in Royal Woods.
both: Huh?

- You're in Beaverton.

Royal Woods ends at
that sign over there.

[bell dings]

- Oh, does it now?

Problem solved!

[siren blips]

- Step away from
the sign, sir.

- Yeah, I'll just file this
with all my other tickets.

Welp, I'm taking you
home, junior.

Sorry we didn't
find your ringers.

- But we did find them.

We just gotta find a way
for them to play.

Maybe they and their families
could move into your garage.

- Ehhhh, I don't know, kid,

I don't really like people.

- Aw, it's only for
a little while.

And think of all
the Flippees you'll sell.

- Hmmm. Okay. I'm in.

But I'm not paying
for their hot water.

- Hey, guys,

say hello to your
new teammates,

Megan and Morgan.

- Uh, why do we need
new teammates?

- [chuckles] Oh, you'll see.

[buzzer blares]

[lively whistling]

♪ ♪

Yes! Nice hustle!

♪ ♪

Guys, I'm open!

Uh, a little teamwork, dudes?

[cheers and applause]

Here! I'm wide open, man!

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

[groans]

♪ ♪

What gives? You two were
supposed to join the team,

not be the team.

- Relax, Loud.

A win is a win,
no matter who's playing.

[reflective tone]

Everyone take a knee.

Paula, you can stand.

I owe you an apology.

I treated you all like crud.

This is supposed to be
about having fun,

but I totally blew it by
focusing on the win.

So listen, I want to make it
up to you guys.

At the next game,

everyone gets to play
an equal amount.

- Are you sure?

The next game is
the championship.

What about your FLABBER?

- It's FLIBBR,

and it's not important anymore.

Being a true champion isn't
about winning a trophy.

It's about treating your
teammates with respect.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What about all my
Flippee sales?

- Flip, Flip, Flip,

you're not looking
at the big picture.

Sure, you'll sell some Flippees
being "Home of the Champions,"

but think about how many more
you'll sell as

"Champion of the Underdogs."

Eh?

- Oooh, yeah, there are a lot
of underdogs in this area.

I'm in!

- Well, we are out.

We came to win.

- Well, fine then, your parents

can just leave a check for the
room and board in the garage.

[both scoff]

- Well, it was worth a sh*t.

[buzzer blares]

- Welcome to the Royal Woods'

Girls' Basketball
League Championship!

We've got Jean Juan's
Brie Throwers

versus Flip's Food and Fuel's
Turkey Jerkies.

Some names, don't
you think Pep?

- My name's Pep;
who am I to judge?

- There's the ref.
And the whistle.

And here's the tip-off!

Turkey Jerkies take the ball
and easily run it up the court!

The Jerkies pass it around,
back to Lynn Loud

who runs it forward.

But the Brie
Throwers are on her!

- Paula!
Lynn passes to Paula,

who nails it!

Oh! It's off the rim!

Ow! Ooh!

- That's okay,
good hustle, Paula!

- Ouch! She is going to feel
that tomorrow, huh Pep?

- I don't feel
anything anymore.

[upbeat music]

- Nice try, Amy!
You almost had it!

- Diane dribbles up court--

passes to Maya,
who takes a sh*t!

Oh, it's rolling around!

Ooh, Paula taps it in
from below!

- Aw, crutch play, Paula!

- Diane and Amy run the ball
up court.

- Amy! I'm open! I'm open!

She passes it to Lynn-- Lynn
Loud with the ball alley-oop!

[cheers and applause]

The Jerkies are really
hustling out there.

But will it be enough, Pep?
Will it be enough?

- Ooh. Don't spoil it for me.

- Lynn's got the ball--
- Maya, catch!

- Maya's got it--

- [yawns]

- Oop, getting sleepy there.

Making herself comfortable.

- Maya, wake up!
Clock's running out!

- [snorts]
- Maya wakes up!

Maya's on the move, but
the Brie Throwers are on her.

And with time running out,
the Jerkies gotta make a move!

[buzzer blares]
[all cheering]

Well, Pep, in our years
of calling games,

I don't think we've ever
seen anything like that.

- Has it only been only ?

Feels like a thousand.

- What are you celebrating for?

You just got creamed--
to .

- We don't care.
We all got to play!

- Thanks to Lynn!

[together] Lynn! Lynn!

Oof!

- Great job, team!
One free Flippee for all of ya!

[together] Yeah!

- Seriously, dude?

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take
a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪